QUICKSILVER
By Lady Grey
Darkness brought a sense of loss to Jack as he lay in the silent room, listening to the rain falling outside. He was aching, and there was no relief to be had for what ailed him. Moonlight filtered in through the windows, lining every shadow in silver, quivering silver dancing with the refracting rain.
Jack, you stupid son of a bitch.
The words came back to him so clearly, pain as sharp as that moment in the 'gate room more than a year back, when Daniel uttered them. Jack had railed at him, standing there shouting at him while tears rolled down the archaeologist's face. And felt a wall come up between them, shutting him irrevocably out.
The barrier that stood between them seemed endless, uncrossably vast, insurmountably high. Jack's soul was a cold place, and he hated the solitude instantly. He'd gotten used to the warmth cast upon him as he lived in Daniel's shadow.
All through the clean-up of the Replicators, the colonel had done his job, organizing the sweep of the base and the disposal of the millions of chips, sending them back to that dead planet where they'd found Reese. The android's body they packed away to give to the Asgard, and when it was all done, Jack had gone to seek out Daniel, to talk to him and mend the fence between them. To take down that damned wall.
But he was gone.
That told Jack plenty.
He'd finished his shift and gone home, pacing the floor, thinking about… everything. Thinking about Daniel. As night fell along with a driving rain, things began to click in Jack's consciousness, things he hadn't wanted to see, hadn't wanted to know. A lump formed in his throat, and wouldn't go away. But he began to view things clearly at last, things that changed the very fabric of the universe.
He grabbed a beer from the fridge and downed it in one long, desperate swallow. He paced some more, arguing with the empty bottle in his hand, smashing it against the wall when its silent reproach unnerved him still further. He drained another and another, damning himself if he was going to say any of those things out loud to a beer bottle, much less to another human being.
Resistance, however, was futile. Jack was far too sober when he phoned for a taxi, but aware that he was also too drunk to drive. Pacing until the cab arrived, he piled into it and gave the Mainland Street address, then sat back to wait and argue in the noisy place his head had become while the cabbie drove through the darkly shimmering streets.
He didn't bother checking his watch when he arrived, already knowing it was too late to be calling on anybody, no matter how good a friend they were. Daniel would be asleep, and when the knock came on his door, he'd be pissed. Jack didn't care. He staggered up to the door and pulled out his key – one he'd insisted on having after that near-suicide when he'd found Daniel on the balcony – and turned it in the lock without knocking.
There were security locks that should have been bolted from the inside, but weren't. Daniel had apparently been too agitated when he got home to follow routine and secure himself inside his domain. Jack's stomach twisted up inside him as he listened to the thunder rumble its disapproval outside.
Your fault, it told him with ironclad certainty. You did it to him again.
The apartment was dark and silent, as expected. Jack bolted the door and unfastened his boots, leaving them in the entryway. He slipped out of his socks and rain-spattered jacket and left them there, too. Padding into the bedroom, he stopped at the foot of the bed and waited, letting his eyes adjust to the darkness, waiting for his night vision to kick in.
"What the hell are you doing here?" Daniel demanded, his body a dark shape in the darker shadows of the bed. He hadn't been asleep, then. And he knew who his visitor was, probably from the moment the door had opened with the jingling of keys.
For a moment, Jack hesitated. The smartest thing would be just to turn around and leave without saying a word, but he couldn't do that. Daniel needed – Daniel was hurting. He needed comfort, and there was never anyone to give him that.
Till now.
Jack grasped the sides of his T-shirt and pulled it off over his head, dropping it in a heap on the floor. He shucked off his pants and left them where they bunched around his ankles, stepping out of them and heading for the bed. He flipped back the covers on the empty side of the bed and sat down.
"What do you think you're doing, Jack?" Daniel growled. "Go home. Leave me alone."
With Jack's back to his teammate, the colonel couldn't see even the planes of Daniel's face, but he knew what expression was there without looking. He could feel it radiating outward like heat, all the way to his core. "I came to talk to you," Jack rasped. "And when I'm done talkin', I'm goin' to sleep. So just shut the fuck up and listen."
Rustling covers announced the other man changing position, sitting up, by the feel of the weight shift on the mattress. Jack grabbed the covers and shoved his long legs beneath them, sitting with his eyes directed at his toes, now tenting the sheets at the end of the bed. He raised his knees and leaned on them for support.
"Haven't we said quite enough to each other today?" Daniel asked in warning, his mood obvious by the angry tone of voice.
Jack turned then, just enough to catch sight of that face, curving planes and glistening eyes reflected in dancing liquid silver moonlight. He swallowed his heart down and opened his mouth. "You're the best friend I've ever had, Daniel."
Even in near darkness, Jack could see his host wasn't prepared for that. Shock skittered across Daniel's face, lips softening and parting as the wheels in that incredible mind began to turn in a different direction. But Jack didn't want to know what Daniel was thinking. Not now.
He saw Daniel's hand on the bed between them, bracing him as he sat with shoulders drooping, impatience and anger draining quickly away, pushed aside by forgiveness. Jack folded the fingers of his left hand around Daniel's, and held it. Tightly.
"I try to be," Daniel murmured, squeezing back a little. "What's this about, Jack?"
Already the other man could sense something, the storm thundering inside Jack's soul, rumbling in concert with the one outside the apartment.
Jack studied that face, remembering. Thinking. Tearing himself to shreds inside.
"You know how I found out about your parents dying when you were a kid?" Jack asked huskily around the lump in his throat.
"On a mission. I remember. Jack—"
"Friends talk about that sort of thing," Jack interrupted. "Even after we got back from that planet, I didn't bother asking you what happened after. It took me years – and another mission – to find out about your grandfather. You went to foster care, not to family like I assumed."
Daniel shrugged. He raised his knees and leaned on them, disentangling his hand from Jack's to clasp his own wrist. "Ancient history," he defended. "It doesn't matter."
"It does," Jack shot back gravely. He sighed and hung his head, rubbing his weary eyes with the heels of his palms as images seared unmercifully through his mind. "It used to piss me off when you hugged yourself, Daniel. You looked like this wet-behind-the-ears kid, so totally out of his element… Like you were just begging to get yourself killed." He sighed again, his chest aching. Burning now. "I had an epiphany tonight in the process of getting myself drunk." He regarded his toes again. Didn't want to do this. Didn't want to go there. Had to anyway.
"Epiphany is an awfully big word for—"
"A dumb shit like me? Damn right." Jack reached over without looking and settled his left hand onto the back of Daniel's neck. "But I had one. And then I had another and another and they wouldn't stop coming. Scared the hell out of me. Made me realize a few things. That's why I'm here."
Daniel relaxed completely beneath his hand, instantly open to whatever enlightenment had happened to his CO. He turned toward the other man, facing him fully, hands in his lap. His voice was gentle, compassionate. "What is it, Jack?"
O'Neill faced him again, turning to match positions beneath the covers. He looked down at his hands in shame. "You hugged yourself because no one else ever did. You were the only source of comfort you had. You were all you had, believing you were always alone."
Even in near darkness, Jack could see/feel the tears welling up in Daniel's haunted eyes.
"That's because… for a long time, I was."
Jack dragged his gaze back up to that face. "You still believe that, Daniel. Because it's true. We – I – whenever you needed me, I left you twisting in the wind. I'm still doing it."
"Not every time," Daniel argued gently.
"No," Jack agreed. "A couple of times…"
Sitting in that storeroom doorway, holding Daniel in his arms while his body suffered through the agony of withdrawal from the sarcophagus.
Hugging him in the 'gate room after Jack thought he'd been killed on Apophis' ship.
God, not enough. Not enough compassion for his friend. Best friend he'd ever had.
"You needed me today," Jack added thickly. "And I was so busy tearing you a new asshole, I didn't fucking care."
Daniel pulled slightly away, shrinking in on himself. "I know you care, Jack. You were upset."
"And there you go making excuses for my shitty behavior to my best friend," Jack pointed out. "I shouldn't treat you like that. I should listen. And I should be there when it matters, not break your heart every chance I get."
He felt how that wrenched inside the other man, saw a tear sparkle its way down that smooth cheek.
"We don't talk, you know?" Jack said wonderingly, his whole face frowning with concentration and self-reproach. "We don't have to. It's like radar or somethin', both of us just knowin' what the other's thinking or feeling. But we should talk, Daniel. There are things we should know about each other. Important things. Things that have to be said out loud to be heard."
Daniel sniffed and wiped his face with the sheet. "Like?"
"Like growing up without anybody to lean on," Jack whispered. "Like needing somebody who'll do that for you now."
"I know you're there for me, Jack."
"But you never ask. You never touch. You still try to hold it all in." Jack drew in a ragged breath that burned all the way to his groin. "Because you don't believe you can get what you need from me. Because you still believe you're alone."
Daniel shook his head, but didn't refute that statement aloud.
Jack took his face in both hands, demanding eye contact.
And got it.
He gasped as Daniel's pain shot through him, burning a hole clean through his soul.
For an instant, he hesitated. And then he pulled the other man into his arms and held him tightly, struggling not to break, not to let go of the tears he felt, uncertain whether they were Daniel's or his own. Warm arms closed around him and Daniel buried his face against Jack's neck. An instant later Daniel was sobbing, hot tears coursing down Jack's neck and bare back and chest while he rocked his friend, stroking his hair, holding him, feeling a staggering sense of relief as the wall between them crumbled away to dust.
"It's all right," he promised softly, eyes closing to the night. Thunder growled outside and lightning flickered in the darkness as the rain drummed harder against the windows. Jack's heart beat with the same tattoo, quickening in his chest as Daniel's warmth soaked through him. Those rough hands stroked his back, touched his hair, clutched at him and held on. That beloved face lay trustingly tucked beneath his chin, tears slowing now, sobs fading into soft hiccups of exhausted emotion.
Jack carried him down to the mattress, stretching out beside him, Daniel sprawled half on top of his chest. He was heavy, well-muscled and warm, trust and relief radiating from him now. O'Neill felt the conversation streaming between them in the silence, and listened in amazement.
I love you, Jack.
I'm sorry I hurt you, Daniel.
It's all right. You're here now. You understand, and that's all that matters.
I love you, too, Danny. More than I've ever loved anybody.
I know. That's what keeps me here.
I can't lose you. But I have to do this. I have to give you this, so you'll know just how deep this goes.
Daniel pulled away and looked down at him, a question in his eyes, thick brows twitching together.
Jack reached up and slipped his fingers around Daniel's nape. Gently, slowly, he drew him down, bringing Daniel's mouth to his. Just before their lips touched, he hesitated, unsure he could go through with the tactic his mind had strategized hours earlier.
"Don't, Jack," Daniel said softly. "That's not what I want."
"I know," O'Neill whispered back. "It's not what I want, either. But we have to. Just this once. When it matters more than anything."
Jack closed his eyes and brought Daniel down into a kiss that made tears come to his eyes. He felt Daniel's muscles bunch, resisting, but he didn't pull away, just let Jack kiss him. It took some nibbling at his lips to get him to open his mouth, but when he did, Daniel's resistance vanished and he devoured Jack's mouth hungrily, hands clutching at his face, his shoulders, his waist.
And then, just as suddenly, Daniel vaulted backward and landed hard on his own pillow, shaking hands covering his face, breath seething.
"Jesus, Jack," he wheezed. "Why did you want to do that?"
"I told you," O'Neill answered softly. His insides were quivering Jell-O now, but he was more sure than ever that this was necessary between them. For Daniel. So he would know. "I don't want to do this." He reached down beneath the covers and skinned off his boxers, leaving them in the sheets somewhere, and rolled over onto the man beside him.
He could see the panic in Daniel's face. "No, Jack. I don't want you to fuck me."
Jack ignored him, blinking away the tears in his eyes. He let his right hand slide down Daniel's torso to his belly, hating himself for what he was doing, knowing Daniel wanted him to stop. He was sweating now, rivulets of it trickling down his face, chest and back. His hand touched Daniel's limp cock and stroked it firmly, caressing the flaccid flesh to life.
"Jesus!" Daniel cried, clutching the sheets with both hands. "Jack, what's the matter with you?" Hands pushed at Jack, tried to dislodge his grip, but he held on, stroking gently, lovingly.
"You have to know, Daniel," the older man whispered, leaning down close. He kissed Daniel's throat, and instantly the other man stilled.
"Know what?" There were tears in Daniel's voice. He was in shock, paralyzed with fear.
Jack moved slowly, not wanting to frighten Daniel any more than he already was. O'Neill straddled Daniel's body, terrified of what he was doing. He reached behind him and grasped Daniel's hesitant erection, placing the blunt tip against his own anus, and relaxed his muscles. Tipping his head back, he closed his eyes and let himself settle back, forcing that column of flesh inside him.
He gasped at the pain, groaning and swearing, eyes screwed tightly shut, teeth clenched. He struggled to relax, lifting himself slightly on his protesting knees, then sliding slowly back on that hard shaft until it filled him. He sat still, body shaking violently.
And then he opened his eyes and looked into that face he loved so dearly.
"Jack," Daniel whispered brokenly. He was crying, betrayal written in the quicksilver of his eyes. "Why? I'm not gay. Did you think I was? That this was what I wanted from you?"
"No. And I'm not gay, either," Jack shuddered. His voice sounded alien and harsh, cracking with emotion the colonel never showed. "But this was the only way I could tell you… show you…" He let the tears slip down his cheeks as he started to move, gently, carefully thrusting Daniel inside himself. "I can't put it into words, Daniel. This was the only thing I could think of…"
He clamped his jaws shut on a soft sob and concentrated on the sensation of that alien hardness inside him, of giving himself over to it completely.
Hot hands clutched at his belly, scrabbling at his waist to lift him off as Daniel wept, fingers slipping on sweaty skin. Daniel's palms splayed against Jack's abdomen, trembling… Fingers dug into his flesh as he slid up and down, easier now, not so much pain. Better.
No... Good. Jesus!
And then those work-roughened hands moved lower to Jack's flaccid penis, squeezing and stroking until he felt the rush of heat, blood filling that part of him and making it throb with need. He groaned, his insides aching, heart on fire, searching for what he was trying to say, but there were no words, no concept to ensnare with his mind, only that quicksilver something that had brought him to Daniel's bed.
Daniel bucked beneath Jack, crying out his name, hands clasping him, squeezing, demanding. Jack felt him pulsing with release and howled as his own body echoed that same pleasure, spurting hot semen all over Daniel's torso. Jack sat very still, his hands pressed against Daniel's quivering belly, trying to gather his wits about him.
He thought he'd feel ashamed, as he had when the idea first crept up on him, but he didn't, now that it was done. He'd said something important here, but had no idea what it was. Gingerly, he dismounted and stretched out onto his back, staring up at the black shadowy ceiling glittered with reflections of silver rain.
And then Daniel raised up on one elbow, looking down at him, studying him in the shimmering darkness. "This wasn't about sex, was it?"
Jack pulled the covers up over his waist and sighed. His ass hurt, throbbing from the penetration. But it felt good, too. Right. "No, Daniel. It wasn't. I'm not gay. I was tryin' to tell you somethin'."
"What?" Daniel reached over and laid his left hand on Jack's chest. He scooted closer, and then laid his cheek on the softly furred body.
Jack's hand went automatically to the other man's nape, gently stroking, searching, coming up empty. "I don't know. But I know it had to be this. Let me know when you figure it out, okay? I'm very much in need of your linguistic skills for this one."
He hadn't gotten a reply. Daniel's breathing slowed until Jack realized the younger man was asleep, and then he closed his eyes and let dreams come to claim him as well. In the morning he'd awakened and found Daniel in his arms, face tucked beneath Jack's chin, warming his throat with every breath. They disentangled with sleepy sighs and got ready for Latona without a word passing between them. Without embarrassment or regret.
It was going to be okay. Jack could feel it, and over the next few days he'd put the events of that rainy night out of his mind. And then they'd gone to Kelowna.
There was no explanation for what had happened in the infirmary. Jack had been standing there near Daniel's bed as Jacob tried desperately to heal him, and seen himself suddenly in the 'gate room with a perfectly normal, apparently healthy Dr. Jackson. They'd talked, and Daniel made clear what he wanted. Jack let him go, and for months he'd gone on without his friend, dead inside, going through the motions, angry at the universe and snarling at everyone who crossed his path.
Then Ba'al had gotten hold of Col. O'Neill post-Tok'ra blending, and the Ascended One had appeared. Jack had thrown his shoe through Daniel, argued with him, refused to believe he was really there. He was just a hallucination, the product of a desperate mind that needed to reestablish that connection between them. Only Daniel was gone. Dead. On a higher plane of existence. What the fuck ever.
And Jack O'Neill had looked into those shimmering silver-blue eyes that weren't really there in that tiny cell and clearly felt/saw the encrypted message behind them.
I love you, Jack.
The apparition didn't say those words. He didn't have to. That was the way it always was between them. The most important stuff never happened out loud, but in that silent vibe that passed constantly between their hearts.
Daniel had gone the glowy route because he thought he could do more good that way. Then he found out what a crappy hand he'd been dealt by the Ancients, and came back to rejoin the battle. Jack had held back, waiting for Daniel to rediscover who he was, and bit by bit he got the most important stuff back.
But the connection between them wasn't one of those things. Daniel seemed to realize there was something missing, but Jack didn't press. If they found it again, great. If not, they were still friends. They still cared about each other. That would have to be enough.
Then Daniel had come to him in private and asked about that night. He had remembered, and it confused him. He'd wanted to know if they were lovers.
"No," Jack answered off-handedly. "Not lovers... Way more than that. There was just the once, because it was necessary."
Daniel had asked why, and Jack couldn't answer. He still didn't understand it himself. The archaeologist had been shocked for a moment at the knowledge of what they'd done together. He was confused. Then accepting. Thoughtful. He'd gone away pondering the meaning of the new old memory, and said nothing more about it.
Things happened after that. Life returned to its usual rhythm, and without being truly prepared for it, Jack realized the miracle was happening again. He could sense what Daniel was thinking without even looking at him, and Jackson was shooting back snarky remarks, teasing him, getting his jokes. Still wasn't laughing at 'em, but at least the cluelessness was gone.
And then they'd found that crashed ship, and Daniel had become a lifeboat to alien minds that threatened to destroy him.
Jack had been helpless, distraught, unable to kill anything to save his friend. The enemy that needed fighting was in Daniel's mind – not a figment of it, but a download into it – and Jack couldn't conquer a thought. They'd managed to save Daniel once again, and after Drs. Fraiser and MacKenzie had given him the all-clear, he'd been approved for regular duty.
It was late in the day when Jack wandered by Daniel's office, hesitating when he saw the open door, the room in darkness except for the small desk lamp pooling illumination on the books and papers spread out around the scientist. Only Daniel's eyes were aimed at empty space across the room, his face blank. He was still lost, still floundering in the shattered depths of his soul.
Jack felt the war going on inside the other man, and had come in response to it. He stepped inside the room, walked behind the desk and grasped the back of the chair. Jack pulled on it, and Daniel automatically rose to his feet and turned, arms coming up as Jack reached for him. O'Neill felt how still the man's body was, but inside he was shaking, emotions rolling like thunder in Daniel's soul.
I'm here for you, Daniel.
I need you, Jack. God, how I need you. I can't get through this alone.
He stood there, just holding Daniel, eyes closed, waiting.
Then Daniel slid out of his grasp and left the room, disappearing down the corridor without looking back. Jack turned off the lamp and closed the door after himself, locking up before heading for the surface and home. Daniel had already signed out when he got to the transfer station halfway up, and for a moment Jack thought about going to Daniel's new bungalow to check on him.
Something told him to go home instead, and he had. Pacing, waiting, checking his watch. Worrying.
His chest clenched. He'd taken a shower and gone to bed, certain he wasn't going to get any sleep unless he heard from Daniel. Lying in the darkness, the light of a full moon streaming in his window, he'd heard the keys jangling at the front door, and let out a sigh of relief.
He waited, thinking back to that soft reproach that had brought them there so long ago.
Jack, you stupid son of a bitch.
He was that, all right. Worked hard at it. Did it well.
But the ache inside him wouldn't go away. Daniel needed him. He'd said so in his office earlier, without a word. He had no idea what Daniel would want from him now, except to be held.
He could do that. All night long. As long as Daniel needed Jack to hold him.
O'Neill saw the shadow steal into the room, scented with rain. Watched as a dark shirt was unbuttoned and neatly folded away, followed by pants and underwear. The shape that was as familiar as his own reflection went around to the empty side of the bed and got in, sliding under the covers and reclining with a heavy sigh.
"I was worried about you," Jack said aloud, knowing the message had already been conveyed.
"I have no idea what I'm doing," Daniel murmured. "I just know I have to be here. I have to do this." He turned on his side to face the other man.
"I know." Jack reached for him, eyes closing as their lips met. He kissed Daniel easily this time, tongues stroking in a velvet glide, teeth scraping gently over lips as hands stroked and fondled, caressed and massaged. Bodies pressed close, limbs tangling lazily. This time there was no protest, no shock, no reluctance at all between them. Hearts fell into a single rhythm, speeding into a wild tattoo as the dance grew faster beneath the sheets. Jack pressed Daniel down into the pillow with a moan, needing, but not knowing how to ask what Daniel needed from him this time.
Strong arms hauled him on top, and Daniel's legs lifted to embrace Jack's waist.
"Wait," Jack rasped, breaking free of the delirious kiss. He pushed up to his knees, head reeling, trying to remember…
It had hurt when he made Daniel fuck him. He didn't want that again. They needed lubrication, lotion of some kind. He rose and stumbled into the bathroom, searching in the dark for the right tube, the heavy-duty hand lotion he used in the winter when his hands chapped so badly. Flipping on the light just to check he had the right item, he shut it off again and climbed back into bed.
Daniel took the tube from him and dropped it between the pillows, pulling him back into a demanding embrace. "I need you, Jack," he whispered.
"You wanna be on top this time?" O'Neill asked breathlessly. He groped for the lotion again.
But Daniel already had it in hand. Jack heard the sound of the tube being squeezed, and the lid click shut afterward. And then Daniel's hand slid down Jack's belly until he found what he wanted, rubbing the lotion liberally all over Jack's stiffened member.
"I need you," Daniel repeated, hooking a leg over Jack's waist as they lay on their sides.
Jack understood instantly. He laid his hand on Daniel's cheek, stroking gently back into his soft hair. "Are you sure?"
Daniel nodded beneath his hand. "I need you inside me."
They rolled as one, Daniel easing onto his back, Jack settling his belly on top of Daniel's. He reached between them, touching Daniel's ass, suddenly aware how dry and scratchy his calloused fingers were. He groped for the lotion and lubed up, then cupped Daniel's balls with his slick fingers, listening for a noise of approval.
He watched in wonder as he eased one finger inside Daniel, seeing the man arch and quiver, gasping with astonishment as he discovered the pleasure Jack was giving him. Jack bent his head over Daniel's neck, tasting the sweat glistening there, gently probing until Daniel's moans begged for more. Jack slipped another finger inside, twirling and thrusting gently until the moans became cries of abandon. A third finger stretched him wider, preparing him for Jack's cock, his rhythm faster now, harder, driving Daniel toward bliss.
"Oh, God, please, Jack, now!" he cried, hands grasping at the older man's shoulders and hair.
"Easy," O'Neill whispered, taking his erection in hand as Daniel spread his legs wider and curled his hips upward. "I don't wanna hurt you."
Jack pushed, carefully sliding in just a little.
"Ow!" Daniel's eyes flew open, and he looked up at Jack's face hovering just above his. "I can't— Maybe this wasn't…"
"Just relax," Jack murmured, kissing Daniel's forehead, his eyelids, his cheeks. "Let me inside you, Daniel. I'm already there. I have been for a long time. This is home, for me. You're where I live."
Daniel clasped his face in his hands and brought him to his mouth. His body gave in to that gentle pressure, and Jack slid in deeply, slowly. Daniel arched upward with a gasp.
"Want me to stop?" Jack asked, touching his face tenderly, dropping a kiss at the corner of that sensitive mouth.
"No. God, no."
Jack looked down at him in the moonlight that leached all the color out of his features, except for those eyes. They burned azure now, hot as a summer sky. Tears trickled out the corners and across his temples, and Jack stroked them away with his thumbs. He eased back a little, and Daniel whimpered at the loss.
Thrusting as slowly as possible, Jack reveled in the satin glide of his cock in Daniel's ass. He felt… the alien sensation washed over him and left him shaken and shattered. It had taken him so long to find it, but it had been there all along, since Abydos, since the moment he recognized the unbreakable strength in the man he'd thought a useless geek, not seeing the warrior that lay beneath the glasses and books until he'd had to trust him to watch his back… and found him worthy of respect. Worthy of love.
"I lost you, Daniel," Jack cried softly, his body rocking faster as emotions rose beyond his control.
"I was always with you," Daniel sobbed. "Jack… Always. I'll never leave you. I can't."
Brown eyes locked with blue ones, both blurred with tears. "I know. We're bound together, Daniel. One."
"More than lovers," sniffed the younger man. "You were right. I feel it. I feel you. Inside me. You're inside me, Jack."
"And you're inside me. Since the beginning. I can't be without you." He took Daniel's hands from his face, pressed them into the pillows and laced his fingers through them. He thrust faster now, deeper, stroking into the man beneath him fiercely, with every ounce of strength in his body. He felt Daniel's cock stiffening, felt his orgasm start, saw Daniel's eyes close and heard him roar with ecstasy.
It was too much, too strong, too fucking good, feeling that sensation swirling, pulsing around his own shaft. Jack shouted Daniel's name as he came, squeezing those strong hands until he thought his fingers would crack under the strain. Too soon it was over, the wild joy ebbing into sweet peace as they lay panting into each other's faces, lips hungrily seeking lips as their bodies relaxed and molded together.
Jack withdrew to let Daniel straighten out a little, propping himself up on his elbows over the other man.
"Still think we're not lovers?" Daniel asked breathlessly, grinning from ear to ear.
"That's too poor a word for this," Jack explained. "What we have is like nothing I've ever heard described in any relationship, Daniel. It defies description. It defies boundaries." He sighed. "No, we're not lovers. We love each other, yeah. We love Carter and Teal'c, too, just like they love us. This…" Jack lifted Daniel's hand, still clenched in his, and kissed the rough knuckles of the other man's fingers. "This is fucking cosmic, Daniel. Meaning of life stuff."
Daniel's moment of sheer happiness, his too-rare smile, faded into wondering sobriety. "So what do we do now, Jack? I don't want to do this every night. I needed it now, just like you needed it that other time."
"Have you got it figured out yet, genius boy?"
"Yeah."
"You gonna translate my self-encrypted message for me?" Jack eased off him, stretching out on his side, facing Daniel. The moonlight lit him up until he glowed, and for a moment, Jack was terrified that he was dreaming, that Daniel was still gone and none of this had happened at all, except in his mind.
Those big pupils expanded until only a sliver of vibrant blue was left, the heat fading quickly to cool silver in the moonlight. "You gave me the one thing you couldn't give to anyone else, Jack," Daniel whispered. "No other man can touch you like that. No woman can do that to you, either. Only me. I'm the only one you let inside you, because you trust me that much. You love me enough to give up your strongest, most sacred image of yourself as a man, and just be a person, with me. For me."
That sounded right. It felt right. Jack brushed against that strange sense of peace in his heart, barely recognizing it since he'd spent so long at war with the universe and himself. But there it was, that bright spot in the center of his being that was the direct link to the man worshiping him with those amazing quicksilver eyes.
"And that goes both ways," Daniel breathed.
Jack nodded, understanding that Daniel had somehow read those internal musings in that way he had, and was confirming Jack's discovery. They were bound to each other, and now that Jack knew where to look, the connection was easy to find, easy to ride right into the noonday sun that was Daniel's shining spirit.
For a long time Jack just lay there, studying that beloved face – a man's face, as familiar to him as his own. He didn't think Daniel was particularly attractive, though he supposed he was, on some level. What drew Jack to him was on the inside. This wasn't a sexual thing at all, not really. It was simply another way to reach each other, a way that was private, theirs alone. This might not be something they did often, but whenever they needed each other, there would be no hesitation, no reluctance.
No shame.
Jack couldn't be ashamed of what he'd done in that bed with Daniel. It was beautiful. And because of what they'd shared, he knew that Daniel would heal. Jack was the balm for Daniel's wounded soul, just as Daniel was the compass rose that kept Jack on the right path. They were incomplete without each other, unable to let even death come fully between them.
Daniel's ascendance had been temporary from the beginning, Jack knew now. No matter what bright promise Oma Desala had made, no matter how enlightened the Ancients thought they were, the tie between Jack and Daniel was stronger than could be broken by anything the universe threw at them.
Lying in the shadows, Jack watched Daniel drift off to sated sleep. He snuggled closer, draping a well-muscled arm around Jack's waist. Face partly hidden in the penumbra from Jack's head on the pillow, Daniel's peaceful expression flexed into a slow, dreaming smile.
Jack let his fingers hover briefly over that dimple in Daniel's cheek, aching to touch, but not wanting to disturb the vision in the night before him. He loved that face, loved it beyond reason. A thought rose up in him, driven by memories of the drudging pace of daily life: of the whining, pouting, chattering-about-mythological-nonsense-till-the-cows-came-home archaeologist, the irritating, worrying mess that was Daniel Jackson, plaguing Jack's life with all the complications he could create, and Jack smothered a laugh at the cosmic joke the universe had played on him.
Daniel was his Achilles' heel, his greatest weakness; the thorn in his side that kept him constantly on his toes and on edge.
And he was also the only source of true peace and contentment that the old soldier would ever know.
Daniel Jackson, peaceful explorer… of the soul of Jack O'Neill.
Jack sighed against the pillow, moved a little closer, and closed his eyes to get what sleep he could before morning came and thrust them back into the universe again. Things were a little different now, but not by much... just the quicksilver flash of a couple of rainy nights out of the long span a lifetime lived in the dark, propelling him at warp speed into the brightness of high noon.
FINIS
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