By Lady Grey

The late spring air was warm, sweet with the perfume of neighborhood blooms, still and quiet – unusual for that hour of the day.  It was as if the whole city of Colorado Springs were holding its collective breath, waiting for the world to change, and now Jack knew it had.  He’d gotten the memo earlier in the day, placed directly in his hands by General Hammond himself, and he knew what was coming. 

That didn’t make it any easier to face.   

He inhaled another lungful of early evening air as he let his gaze wander for a moment to the distant trees at the perimeter of his yard.  Then he wandered back into his house, keeping his mind blank, not wanting to think about this at all.  It was enough that the military had done an abrupt about-face in policy; he didn’t want to deal with the issue until there was no other choice. 

Until he heard the words, spoken publicly to the whole world, with his own ears. 

Wandering slowly into his den, he settled himself into his brown leather recliner.  With a sigh of resignation, he picked up the remote and turned on the television.  Punching in the number for the FOX news station, he cleared his mind.  The first story was a report on a recent election in the Middle East and its possible impact on the war against terrorism.  Then the news anchor switched the broadcast to a journalist standing on the mall in front of the Washington Monument to make her report.   

This was the one he’d been anticipating. 

He read the reporter’s name across the bottom of the screen, but had no idea who Jennifer Maitland was.  Some ingénue, no doubt, who thought she’d gotten a scoop.  The military had simply carefully chosen to whom they’d leaked the information, and this new young face got to be the one to break the news to the rest of the world. 

She was young, mid- to late-twenties, with long brownish-blonde hair, smartly dressed in a navy suit, her makeup carefully applied.  In her left hand she held a microphone, and in her right a small bundle of papers stapled together in the top corner.   

“Today, the Joint Chiefs of Staff admitted a change in policy toward homosexuals in the military,” she began.  “A news conference is scheduled for tomorrow, but I have in my hand a copy of the memo declaring that, as of tomorrow, gays and lesbians will be welcomed into the ranks of our country’s service personnel, in order to meet the need brought on by the war on terror.  This new regulation also applies to all previously dishonorably discharged soldiers who were relieved of duty due to discovery of their orientation, current members of the military operating under the Clinton-era ‘don’t ask/don’t tell’ policy, and any who wished to have a military career but never joined because of their orientation.” 

Jack felt his belly tighten.  He concentrated on relaxing it.  His hands gripped the arm of the chair and the remote, and he had to remind himself to breathe.   

“This announcement,” the reporter went on, “comes on the heels of the scientific community’s recent declaration that homosexual orientation is chiefly a biological phenomenon, with only slight environmental influence responsible for natural selection of sexual partners.  The measure was presented by President Harrison to the Joint Chiefs more than two months ago, following the passing of the Human Rights Amendment to the Constitution, which gives equal protection under the law to everyone, regardless of race, gender, religion, ethnic background, or sexual orientation.  The President put forth a diligent campaign with top military personnel in order to achieve this landmark decision among the nation’s armed forces. 

“The so-called ‘don’t ask/don’t tell’ policy instituted by President Clinton in 1993 resulted in a 67 percent increase in dishonorable discharges of gay and lesbian soldiers.  Many of these soldiers have been key personnel, specializing in languages and analysis of sensitive information, and their loss has had a significant, detrimental impact on homeland security.” 

Jack’s throat constricted.  He swallowed hard, blinked and made himself let go of the remote, letting it balance on the chair arm.  He clasped his hands over his flat belly, elbows balanced on the chair, and kept listening.  There was more, he knew. 

“The Canadian military has successfully integrated gay and lesbian personnel among their ranks,” Ms. Maitland continued, “and our military will be using their methods as a pattern.  Any mistreatment of homosexual personnel will be dealt with quickly and severely, and those who refuse to accept the gay soldiers among their ranks may find themselves court-martialed. The need for able-bodied, competent soldiers has far outstripped the barriers of prejudice, striking down this bastion of discrimination and finally embracing a policy of complete equality.”   

The scene changed to show canned shots of military folk moving about on a base somewhere, a collage that moved through scenes featuring every branch of the military going through their paces, while the reporter continued with a voiceover. 

“Preparations are already under way at several hand-picked military bases across the US to process, examine and house the new and returning recruits.  The Joint Chiefs expect to have several thousand soldiers in the various branches transferring from current duty stations, new candidates applying, and former dishonorably discharged soldiers returning to active duty.  The logistics of managing such an influx will prove challenging.   

“Even more difficult will be changing the anti-gay mindset that the military has clung to for so many years, but we have been assured that the integration will be swift and as painless as possible.   

“There is also a general feeling among many in the know that accepting gays into the service may cause some long-time heterosexual officers to retire, rather than deal with this new regulation.  Some will say that could be a beneficial loss, but regardless of the turbulence that will no doubt be part of the initial inclusion, the fact remains that many of the soldiers who have been dismissed in the past were experts in their various fields, and having them back can only be a boost to the military’s talent pool.” 

Jack half listened to the rest of her report, prattling on as she was about ramification this and difficulty that.  When the announcement was over, he listened to the reporter say a few more words in support of the new regulation, then kept the television on long enough to hear the FOX anchor’s non-committal response before turning off the set. 

Immediately, he went back outside to the deck, hands stuffed into his trouser pockets.  There was no outcry from neighboring houses, no collective moan or shouts of rage.  People had heard the news and life continued.  Tomorrow the whole base would be alive with speculation about the subject.  As one of the officers who had been given a heads-up on the official policy, Jack knew he’d be required to quell any negative talk and reassure those who voiced those opinions that it was for the best.  If they couldn’t get on board with the new regs, they could always find the door back to civilian life. 

Gays and lesbians were to be treated no differently than any other soldier, which meant anyone attacking or harassing them would need to be dealt with quickly and harshly.  That was now the official policy.  There would undoubtedly be those who found subtle ways of showing their prejudice, but Jack and the other officers would be vigilant.  They’d take down names and keep incident logs for review, and penalties would be assessed.   

These were important considerations, and Jack was certain he could carry them out without hesitation.  More importantly, however, this change in policy had another, more personal meaning for him.  The reporter’s words echoed in his head as he stared blindly out at the darkening landscape.   

His whole world had changed, in the wink of an eye.  President Harrison had taken down the walls keeping homosexuals out of the military, and the words of that announcement swirled around inside Jack, tearing down other barriers he had spent a lifetime maintaining.  Tears prickled his eyes, and he blinked them away, the moisture gluing his eyelashes together.   

He was a soldier, first and foremost. That was what defined him as a man, and now… soldiers could be gay. They could be women who loved other women; men who loved other men. Men who made love to other men.   

Jack closed his eyes and leaned on the deck railing, the painted wood cool beneath his palms.  

The moment he let down his guard, the fantasies were there. 

Well-muscled chests. Flexing biceps. Stiffening cocks, rising proudly above heavy balls. 

Jack sighed and opened his eyes. There was no longer any need to keep those thoughts at bay. He could be who he was and openly admit those feelings, because Jack O’Neill was gay. He had always known it, always fought against it, and for more than 30 years he had won. 

Minnesota, summer, 1964 

Leaving Chicago for summers with his grandfather at his cabin were much-needed breaks for Jack, since he could be alone most of the time. He could prowl the Minnesota woods or go fishing without seeing another human being for hours. When he wanted company, he could walk into town and hang out at the Tastee Freez, the only place in the tiny little burg where fourteen-year-olds like Jack could meet others their age. 

That was where he’d met Tony Conti. He was a year younger than Jack and they had absolutely nothing in common, aside from a smart mouth and a quick wit. Tony had thick black hair, worn long enough for the curls to frame his face in an unruly mop. He had big brown eyes and a natural tan that made his teeth gleam when he smiled.  The dimples that cleaved his cheeks made Jack twitch in his seat. 

God, how he loved dimples. 

He and Tony rubbed each other the wrong way from the start, and both boys loved it. Conti was bookish, not an athletic bone in his body, but he was smart and attractive, and Jack loved getting into arguments with him. They disagreed about everything, and over the months they had gone from sitting across the restaurant’s dining room and trading barbs, to passionate debates over the same booth table. Tony got Jack’s blood up every time they met, and Jack had gradually gone from spending a bored afternoon hour in town, to almost all day at the Tastee Freez, just so he could be with Tony. 

It had been just a couple weeks shy of Labor Day that year when he’d invited Tony to go fishing with him. Much to his surprise, Tony had agreed. In the sun-baked quiet of the Minnesota wilds, the two boys had sat quietly for a time, and then started talking. That had been one of the most amazing conversations of Jack’s whole life, and he felt certain he’d be safe with Tony; that Tony felt something for Jack, just as he did for the younger boy. Jack still wasn’t sure what it all meant, but he easily imagined holding Tony close, whispering to him, kissing him, touching him, and that felt good. It felt right. 

Only he didn’t know how to bring it up. He’d decided to think about that as they walked back to town, and in the ensuing quiet, they had heard something. There were noises wafting toward them from deep in the woods, so they’d decided to investigate. Deep into the shadowy trees they stole, careful of where they stepped so they wouldn’t be heard approaching. 

The sounds were exciting, rhythmic groans and moans, softly breathed names, whispered declarations of love and urgent commands to action.  

“Love you, baby. So much.” 

“God, yes! Like that. Fuck, yes!” 

“Feels so good.” 

“Don’t stop loving me. Not ever. I always wanna be with you like this.” 

“Yes. Always. I’m yours, baby.” 

Peering through the leaves, he saw two young men on a blanket. Both of them were naked and they were… doing things with each other. Jack’s father had talked to him about sex and shown him some pictures, but this wasn’t a man and a woman.  What these two guys were doing, Jack hadn’t known was even possible.  

It excited him. It answered so many questions, put things into place for him. This was something he wanted to do with Tony. 

He turned to look at his young friend, hoping to find agreement in his face, but Jack was shocked by what he saw. Tony’s handsome features were screwed up in an expression of total disgust, and he turned away and stomped back toward the trail they’d just left, not bothering to be quiet any longer. 

Jack didn’t look back, just hurried after his friend, panic rearing up inside him. He watched Tony pick up his fishing gear and walk briskly back toward town, face clouded with some unpleasant emotion. Jack gathered up his stuff and hurried to catch up. 

“Fuckin’ queers!” Tony spat a moment later. “I know those guys, Jack. They’re on the high school football team. They’re supposed to be heroes, for cryin’ out loud! Best friends!” 

Swallowing hard, Jack felt his palms sweating around his fishing rod and the handle of the tackle box. “What’re you gonna do, Tone?” 

Dark eyes flashing with rage, Tony stopped walking and stared at his taller friend. “I’m gonna tell on ‘em. What’d you think I was gonna do?” 

Jack didn’t answer. He felt suddenly lost. He shrugged. “Who are they?” 

“Dave Pennig and Joey Anders,” Tony answered. He snorted in disgust. “God, they make me sick.” Tony started walking again, his head down, watching the path. 

Falling in beside him, Jack remained silent, lost in his own thoughts.  

Tony went on, “Dave was gonna join the Air Force this fall and be a big jet jockey.” He shook his head and laughed. There was a sharp, cruel edge to it. “Guess he won’t be doing that now.” 

“Why not?”  Jack’s thoughts immediately went to the model airplanes hanging all over his room at home. That was Jack’s dream, too.  

Glaring at him, Tony flashed a dark, bitter smile. “Because they don’t allow queers in the military, Jack. Jeez, what planet are you from? Don’t they have fags in Chicago?” 

Jack didn’t answer.  He kept walking, something cold and heavy settling into the pit of his stomach.  He went with Tony to the Tastee Freez, standing silently by while the other boy told all his friends what they’d seen.  When asked to corroborate by disbelievers, Jack just nodded, sick inside that he was contributing to those young men’s shame.  

Three days later, Jack’s grandfather told him the news that young Dave Pennig had accidentally killed himself while cleaning his father’s pistol. A week afterward, Joey Anders left town; just disappeared. Jack heard later that he’d left a note for his parents, telling them he would never be back to bother them again. 

In the waning days of that hot summer, Jack stopped going to the Tastee Freez. He kept busy, doing odd jobs for his grandparents and some of their neighbors, so he’d have an excuse not to hang with Tony. When the other boy finally came to see him, he begged off until Tony finally quit coming around. Jack just wasn’t comfortable with him anymore. He was ashamed, not of what they’d seen, but because he’d helped ruin two lives. He was also badly frightened, knowing how close he’d come to making a move on Tony.  When he thought of it now, Jack’s blood ran cold. 

So he’d returned to his solitary summer idylls, and today, with the first breath of autumn in the air and his vacation time about to end, Jack felt only relief as he anticipated going home again.  He’d gone out to the railroad tracks cutting through the woods, just walking and thinking. Strolling along the rails, Jack’s hands were stuffed into the pockets of his jacket, his head down, watching the shiny steel passing beneath his feet.  

For two years he continued to struggle silently with himself, watching others for behavior patterns that were considered acceptable, using humor to camouflage his mistakes in judgment. He learned that it wasn’t cool to hug other boys, to be close to them.  The things he most yearned for were frowned upon by both other teens and their parents.  He had to watch himself constantly, which pushed him away from the friendships he’d made with other boys.  

Jack couldn’t have what those young men in the woods had had, before their secret came out. That wasn’t allowed. Jack wanted to be a pilot, maybe fly jets, be a hero.  Maybe he’d even be an astronaut someday and fly to the moon. He didn’t want to be a pervert, a fag, a queer, shunned and ridiculed by everybody, so that meant he was going to have to find a way to like girls the way he did boys.  He’d watch to see how it was done and learn how to act in acceptable ways.  He was smart, and he would never, ever touch another guy like those two had in the woods.  Jack had dreams, and he meant to keep them.   He never forgot the hard lessons he’d learned during that Minnesota summer, when he’d come so close to losing his dreams. 

June, 1985
Colorado Springs, Colorado 

Standing over the baby’s crib, Jack studied his sleeping son, his heart so full it ached. He pulled the blankets up a little, tucking Charlie in, and turned to make his way through the darkened house to the bedroom he shared with Sara. She was sitting up under the covers, a book propped against her raised knees, apparently reading. 

Taking off his T-shirt as he walked, he thought back over the day. It had been a good one, just an ordinary Saturday afternoon, barbecuing in the back yard with the neighbors. They’d talked about sports – well, he and Edmund Holloway had, while their wives discussed babies and recipes and gossipy things. Jack loved those days, because they were so normal, so quiet and peaceful, and in Jack’s world, he took his peace wherever he could get it. 

Eddie was a pediatrician, and he and his wife, Anne, had a baby girl a few months younger than Charlie. Anne and Sara were best friends, practically joined at the hip since the day she and Jack had moved into the neighborhood.  

This meant that, by default, Ed and Jack spent a lot of time together, too. They’d been slow to warm up to each other, but the births of their children had changed all that. After two years of sharing each other’s lives, the men were now best friends.  

The doctor wore his long, dark blond hair in a ponytail at the office, and loose around his shoulders at home. He had a blinding smile with deep dimples, and hazel eyes that changed to dark green when he wore that color.  They stood the same height, but Ed had a heavier build, with muscles that bulged and rippled as he moved. He was fond of wearing tank tops and shorts at home, and sometimes Jack had a hard time not staring at him. He was gorgeous.  

Memories of Eddie in the back yard, sunlight glistening off his tanned skin, danced across Jack’s consciousness as he brushed his teeth. He closed his eyes and enjoyed them, so that by the time he was finished in the bathroom, he was ready for Sara.  

She smiled at the erection tenting out his shorts as he ambled over to the bed. “Is that for me?” she teased, laying her book aside as he got under the covers. 

“Doesn’t belong to anybody else,” he assured her. It was the truth, after all.  He tackled her into the pillow.  When he let her up for air, Sara reached over to turn off the bedside lamp, but Jack stayed her hand. “We always have the lights on,” she pouted. “It might be romantic to do it in the dark. C’mon, Jack. Let’s try it, just this once. Please? You might like it.” 

“I like looking at my beautiful wife,” he murmured against her neck, just below her ear. He needed the lights on, so he could concentrate on whom he was touching and not get lost in other images that invariably coursed through his mind when he was aroused. He needed to see her to defend himself against his fantasies.  

Even now, the hard-on squashed between their bodies had been inspired by someone else. He quickly tucked that truth away, but the guilt continued to eat at him. He wasn’t hard for Sara. He loved her – there was no doubt about that – but had she not dropped little hints all day about what she expected that night, he’d have been perfectly content to just roll over and go to sleep. He never initiated sex without some kind of preamble from her, and if she changed her mind and turned him down, he always felt a distinct sense of relief flooding through him.  

He was performing properly as a husband, but Sara was still being cheated. This wasn’t fair to her, and he knew it. He was going to have to find a way to stop faking his way into desire for her, and give her 100% of himself. She was the mother of his child, and he didn’t want to lose her and Charlie.  

Jack threw himself into arousing her, doing all the things he knew she liked best. Sara liked it quick and hard, since she didn’t have a lot of energy to spare on marathon sex, what with being a full time mom and homemaker.  He made every effort to please her on her terms. He brought her off with a stunning orgasm that left her limp beneath him, but he couldn’t get there with her. Minutes later, he closed his eyes and instantly, the body beneath him was familiar and muscular, grappling with him for control. 

 “Yes, Jack, fuck me,” Eddie growled between clenched teeth in Jack’s mind. 

“Feels so good, baby,” Jack panted, pretending he was fucking his gorgeous friend into the mattress.  

The groans he heard in his imagination were masculine and deep, urging him on, demanding, exciting. The fantasy pulled him screaming over the edge, left him panting into the pillow beneath his wife’s head. 

As he rolled off her and collapsed onto his own pillow, the guilt ate away at him again. This was so unfair to her. She had no idea what was going on in his head, and he hated that he was cheating her of what should be exclusively hers. 

As she snuggled up to him, he slipped his arm around her shoulders and silently promised himself that he would find a way to rid himself of the demons that lived inside him. He’d fight them back so that his love for Sara was pure, untainted with those ghosts from the past. She deserved all of him, and he vowed again that he’d find a way to give it to her.

It had taken time, but eventually he’d managed to fulfill that promise to himself. His marriage to Sara hadn’t survived Charlie’s death, but Charlie wasn’t the only reason it had failed. Killing off his inspiration had also killed a lot of things inside Jack. 

Now there was no longer any need for struggle. He could lay down his burden of secrecy at last, and be honest with himself and the rest of the world.  Oddly enough, however, there was no sweet sense of relief attached to that knowledge. The sensation that came to him, once he could put a name to it, was resignation. The more he thought about it, the more he realized he had no idea how to approach a potential male partner. He’d forgotten how to do it with women and didn’t relish starting over at his age.  The rules would probably be different, when it came to dating other men, and Jack was clueless.  

He was also terrified; couldn’t even imagine what it might be like to have an intimate relationship with another man. 

Then again, he already had one that went well beyond the realm of mere friendship. 

He thought about Daniel, and almost immediately post-mission memories of the younger man in the base showers crept in, but Jack shied away from pursuing that line of thinking.  

No, there would be no true partners for Jack O’Neill, just as he had promised himself in his youth. He’d decided he would come out, and that would be enough. He just hoped his team would understand, and accept him as he was. There were a lot of things to think about now, not the least of which were when and how to come out of the closet to Daniel, Carter and Teal’c.  

One Week Later
SGC Briefing Room 

Jack’s mouth was dry as he pushed back his chair and stood up. His eyes moved from face to face lining the sides of the briefing table, faces he knew almost as well as his own. General Hammond sat across from him at the far end, his eyes on the papers stuffed neatly into his briefing binder. They were transfer papers, and they had already been signed. Jack was leaving SG-1 for another assignment, and he had decided the best way to handle informing his team was to do it formally.  

He glanced down to his left at Carter, seated at the long side of the table, her eyes turned up to him expectantly. Teal’c sat beside her, his face impassive, as always. Daniel sat to Jack’s right, across from Carter and Teal’c, scribbling away at his own notes for God knew what. Jack was certain he’d be listening even while working on ten other things, but for this announcement, he wanted everyone’s full attention. 

“Daniel,” Jack said quietly. He touched the tabletop with his fingertips, grounding himself, preparing. 

Blue eyes turned up to his immediately. They read his expression; the pen was capped and laid down, and Daniel sat back in his chair. He eyed Jack, waiting to hear why this meeting had been called, when there were no missions on the schedule for the team. 

Jack took another breath and let it slowly out, mentally bracing himself. 

“I’m sure you’ve all heard the recent new from the Joint Chiefs,” he began carefully.  

Carter turned away, stiffening up immediately, her gaze shifting to her notepad.  

Jack’s attention held the view of Carter’s profile for a moment longer, then moved to the General’s face.  He read compassion and admiration there, and it bolstered him to continue. 

“Our nation is going through difficult times,” Jack stated. “We have need of personnel with unique skills, people who can help with the war on terror, both on and off world. We lost a lot of those experts due to discriminatory policies that are no longer in the way. We also have bigger issues with other worlds and civilizations, and this should help us to take our place among them as a species that truly believes what our forefathers wrote in our Constitution: that all are created equal before God.” 

He glanced down at the transfer papers under the general’s hand. “Toward that end, new units will be formed to handle the influx of gay soldiers, and they’ll need qualified people in command. There may not be many willing to associate themselves with these regiments, and if there aren’t enough officers to fill all the necessary spots, the administration is going to start assigning them. Presently, I’m informed that no one of the rank of colonel has come forward—“ 

“Or come out,” muttered Carter under her breath. 

Jack ignored that, and the snide tone of voice with which it was delivered. “—to command the gay troops in the Air Force.” He paused, his gaze anchoring on her face. “Until now. I’ve asked to be transferred, and General Hammond has signed the papers. I’ll be shipping out in three days, once I tie up some loose ends here. General Hammond and I have already been working through most of the details for the last few days. They’ve reopened Moore Air Force Base at Fort Devens, Mass, especially for my new unit to be formed and to work out all the kinks. No pun intended.” 

Carter gasped. Her eyes went wide, filled with shock and disbelief. “But, sir, what we’re doing here at the SGC – this is of global concern! It’s far more important than—“ 

“I understand that, Carter,” Jack assured her gently, “but this new endeavor is also crucial. Their need is great and immediate. I’m not the only colonel in the Stargate Program. I may well be the only colonel in the gay division of the Air Force.” 

“But, sir, you’re not gay!” she declared. She was gripping her pen until her knuckles turned white. Her eyes were huge, filled with fear. 

Jack straightened to his full height and squared his shoulders. He looked her right in the eye, unable to glance at the men on his team to check their reactions. It seemed somehow more important for Carter to know the truth than Teal’c or Daniel.  “Yes, Major.  I am.”  

Her mouth closed firmly, lips pressed together in a thin, angry line. She stared at him, those baby blues turning steely. She laid her pen down and put both hands into her lap, sitting up straighter and squaring her shoulders. 

He could practically see the steam coming out her ears, but military bearing won out. She was keeping her feelings to herself, except for her eyes.  

Jack didn’t stop talking until he’d said it all, his gaze taking in the face of every person around the table in turn. “I’ve spent 40 years lying to myself; hiding what I was.  When that announcement was made, I finally had to face up to my orientation, and now I have the freedom to admit it to myself, as well as to everybody else.”  He raised his eyes to Carter’s and saw that she was staring down at her notepad again, her features perfectly schooled, her stiff body speaking volumes.  “I wanted those closest to me to also know the truth, because I owe you that.”  He looked at Teal’c.  “All of you.” 

The Jaffa gave him a slight smile and an almost imperceptible bow.   “The Jaffa do not share Tau’ri prejudice against same-sex relationships, O’Neil,” he intoned.   “Most of the alien societies we have discovered are also free of this fear.  It is a singularly Tau’ri behavior that I have never understood, and it bodes well for your people that you are finally beginning to allow it as acceptable behavior.” 

A great weight lifted from Jack’s heart with that declaration.   “Thank you, T,” he said quietly. 

Then Jack turned to face Daniel at last.  

The scholar was staring at a spot on the table.  His index finger was angled across his lips, his chin almost resting on his thumb in a thoughtful posture.  His heavy brows were tugged down a little in contemplation, but he remained silent. 

“Don’t you have anything to say, Daniel?” Jack prodded gently. 

After a moment, the younger man straightened and aimed a careful smile up at him.   “I’m proud of you, Jack,” he said evenly.   “I know it took a lot of guts for you to come to this decision.”   He stood up and reached out his right hand to Jack. 

He shook it mechanically.  Daniel’s hand was warm and dry.  His grip was firm and sincere, and as Jack looked into those azure eyes, he saw whatever reservations Daniel had been feeling slide slowly away.  His smile turned genuine, dimple and all, and Jack had to get a tighter grip on his heart.  

“You’re gonna do great things,” Daniel assured him warmly, “but remember, we need you here, too.   Will you be able to come back to us?” 

Jack’s heart squeezed up inside him.  He’d come back in a heartbeat for Daniel.  He’d tear up the transfer papers if Daniel asked, but he couldn’t tell his friend that, because Daniel was straight.  It was best that Jack get settled into being recognized as a gay soldier without Daniel around.  It would be better for both of them that way. 

“I’d like that,” Jack assured him, “but it won’t be up to me.” 

“Doctor Jackson, I’m putting in a request to have Colonel O’Neill select potential members of future SG teams from his roster, once their training is completed,” General Hammond stated. “Like Teal’c, I believe this integration is long overdue, and once the military gets the logistics worked out for managing gay and lesbian soldiers in the general population of our various branches, I look forward to having the Colonel back to manage his own teams under the aegis of the SGC.  I can’t guarantee this is where the Joint Chiefs will assign him, but my request is ready to be turned in with Colonel O’Neill’s transfer papers.”   He stood up, his eyes shining as they regarded Jack.   “And I have every confidence that they will prove themselves extremely valuable to our nation.  I wish you good luck, Colonel, and Godspeed.” 

“Thank you, sir.” Jack sat down.  He looked at Carter again, and she was still sitting in that unbending, full attention posture.  She felt betrayed; that much was obvious, and she had every right to those feelings.  He had been aware of her interest in him over the years and had done nothing to discourage it.  He should have, for no other reason than the regs that forbade fraternization with the people under his command, but he hadn’t, because it had been part of his cover, part of the way he had trained himself to maintain his façade of heterosexuality.  It had been dishonest, and his announcement today had hurt her deeply, even though she refused to show it. 

Carter would probably be the epitome of professionalism when it came to working with gays, because it would be required behavior under the new regs.  If she worked with him in the future, she would undoubtedly follow his orders without question and serve in whatever capacity required, but the emotional bond they had once shared as teammates was undoubtedly damaged now, maybe beyond repair.  He knew she wouldn’t be able to decide how she felt about him until after the dust had a chance to settle.   

Jack did care for her, far more than he should have.  He cared for every member of his team in such a way that he overstepped the military boundaries.  They were far more than team – they were family, pieces of his heart… and now he had probably lost one of them, simply because he’d admitted he was gay. 

He barely heard the General dismiss everyone.  It took him a few moments to assemble his papers and tuck everything into his briefing folder, and when he finished, he realized only Daniel was still sitting with him.   He risked a glance into his friend’s face and saw sadness there. 

“You could’ve told me, Jack,” he said quietly.   “It wouldn’t have affected our friendship.” 

Shaking his head, Jack returned, “No, I couldn’t have, not until the Joint Chiefs made it okay to be gay in the military.”  He sighed and stood up, walking away with Daniel at his side.   “I never really admitted it to myself until then, Daniel.   I mean, I figured it out when I was a kid, but that wasn’t something I could be, not and go to the Academy and be a jet jockey, so I did everything I could to convince myself otherwise.   Sometimes I even believed it was true, that I was straight, and women turned me on.” 

“I bought it,” Daniel admitted.   “I’d never have believed you were gay.  I almost laughed when you said you were, because I thought you were joking.  Until I saw your face.” 

“Yeah.  I wasn’t exactly tossing out a one-liner this time.” 

“Sometimes you’re kinda hard to take seriously,” he admitted.  “I don’t always know when you’re being Jack and when you’re being the Colonel.” 

They stepped into the elevator together, closed off from the rest of the base for a moment.   Jack pushed the button for 18 and clasped his hands behind his back, staring at the floor.   “I’ve never acted on my orientation.  I refused to believe my instincts at first, when I was still a teenager, and with the military career I had planned, I knew I could never be actively gay, so I did all the right things.  I dated women.  I fell in love with Sara and made a home with her, but after Charlie died, I knew I couldn’t maintain the marriage, so I let her go.  There’ve been a few women since then, but I always knew they weren’t what I really wanted.” 

“So now you have the chance to explore all that and find the relationship you were meant to have,” Daniel offered sympathetically.  “That’s great.” 

Jack didn’t take his eyes off the floor.  “I’m pretty sure I’ll never be with another guy, Daniel.  It’s just not in the cards for me.  Too many doubts and old hang-ups to get over.”   

“But Jack—“ 

The doors opened and there were people standing outside in the corridor, waiting to board.  Jack and Daniel got off, their private conversation quelled for the moment.  

Daniel put his hand on Jack’s shoulder as they walked.  “You gonna be okay?” 

Jack eyed him, touched by the concern he saw in Daniel’s face.  He felt the warmth of that hand on his shoulder, that hand he knew as well as his own, and ached to embrace the man, to tell him everything, but he couldn’t.  Not at the base.  Maybe not ever. 

“I think so,” Jack told him.  “Could you… maybe… come by my house after work today?  I’d like to talk to you about something else before I ship out.” 

“Sure thing.  What time?” 

“When are you getting off?”  Jack regretted the phrasing instantly, and felt his face heating up. “Uh, I mean—“ 

Daniel chuckled.   “I should be done around seven.  Want me to bring dinner?  Chinese, maybe?” 

“Nah.  I’ll cook.”  This was sounding more and more like a date.   Was it?  Had Jack been reading Daniel wrong all these years?  Was that interest gleaming in those gorgeous azure eyes, or was it just Daniel getting ready to explore new territory with his teammate? 

“I’ll see you around seven-thirty, then,” Daniel told him as he stepped away.  “I’m just gonna go check on Sam.  I’ll catch up with you later.” 

Jack nodded, watching Daniel turn and head down the corridor past his office, while Jack went to his own office to finish up his paperwork.  He and Hammond still had a lot of ground to cover over the next couple of days, a lot of details to be considered before he left for his new post.  He hoped to be able to return to the SGC at some point, but if fate led him in a different direction, he’d go without complaint.  He knew it was entirely possible that he’d get shipped to Iraq with the first gay battalions for some active duty, and he knew it was also likely that, wherever they were stationed, support would be slow to assist them and backup under fire might never come.  

They would be put into the field in places where others didn’t want to go, and left to themselves to find their own way home. They would be ostracized and bereft of support, and only after they had proven their mettle in battle, their readiness to help others and demonstrated their ability to depend strictly on themselves, only then would they begin to earn a grudging respect from the rest of the military machine and carve their own place into it. 

Jack was ready for that. He ached for it, and he knew the men and women under his new command wanted it, too. Part of him would miss being in the loop with the SGC, but if things worked well, he just might be back in a couple of years. He could hope for that, anyway. 

In the meantime, he and Daniel could email each other, phone when the opportunity came up, and that would be enough. And he hoped that, if he were able to return, his best friend would still be there, alive and well, and offering his friendship.  

That was the stuff of dreams for Jack O’Neill, the closest he believed he’d ever get to gay love. 

The fire in the grill was crackling and Jack returned to the kitchen to start setting out the various items to cook. No sooner had he opened the refrigerator than the doorbell rang. He checked his watch and saw that it was barely 1800 hours, too early for Daniel to be there. 

He’d make short work of whoever it was, because he didn’t want to still be cooking when Daniel arrived. 

He pulled open the front door with a scowl, which morphed abruptly into surprise as he looked into the face he had worn when he was 17.   “Holy shit,” he breathed.

For a moment, he was speechless, stunned and staring at his visitor.  It had been over a year since he’d seen that face, and more than once he’d regretted pushing the kid out of his life.  Still, he hadn’t felt guilty enough about it to make contact again.  He just figured that, if the other Jack O’Neill wanted to see him, the clone knew where he lived.

“I think we should talk,” the boy said flatly, nodding toward the interior of the house.  “In there, or out here?” 

“Didn’t expect to ever see you again,” Jack mused, closing the door as he stepped outside onto the porch.  He shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans, turbulence instantly uncurling in his gut at the sight of his visitor.  “What’s up?” 

The clone turned to face him with a wry smile.  “You can’t pull that shit on me.”  The boy’s eyes were as old as his own, despite having no wrinkles in his face and no gray hair.  “You know damn well what’s up.” 

“Watch your mouth, Jack,” the older man snapped, his brows scrunching down in disapproval. 

“I go by Jonathan now,” said the clone, his chin tipping up in defiance, “and this is one of the few places I shouldn’t have to watch my mouth.”  

His expression grew serious.  “Look, I came to talk about that press release from the Joint Chiefs.  You know, about allowing certain people in the military?  I need to know some things here.  Like how the news has affected your life.”  His gaze was cool, threat-assessing, calculating, giving nothing away. 

Jack nodded.  He might be able to lie to anyone else on the planet, but not to this boy, who wasn’t really a boy at all.  “That’s fair, I guess.”  He glanced down at the concrete porch, considering how to say it, but then, this person already knew what he was.  What they both were.  If anyone understood, it was Jonathan O’Neill.  “I put in for a transfer to command one of the new gay units.  I’m shipping out in a couple days.” 

Jonathan wilted slightly with relief, running one hand over his face.  “So you came out?  Great. That’s good.”  He raised his eyes to Jack’s, eyes filled with admiration… and the faint glimmer of hope.  “Wow.  I’m impressed.  Didn’t think you had the balls for that, at your age.” 

“Yup.  Couple days ago to Hammond, when I put in for the transfer, and today to the rest of the team.” 

The boy’s face tensed up, looking like he’d just eaten something unpleasant.  “How’d that go?” 

“Carter was a casualty.  Everyone else was okay with it.”  Grief stirred at the mention of her name, but he swept it quickly back into the shadows of his soul.  He saw the same thing happen in his visitor’s face.  That was just… eerie.  That was what made him so uncomfortable around the kid: the feedback was intense. 

“Sorry, Jack.  I wasn’t sure…”  Jonathan shrugged, quickly composing his face into perfect military bearing, but his eyes told everything in his heart.   “I’m sorry you lost her.”  He straightened and eyed Jack, his brows dipped down, questioning.  “But you’ve still got Daniel and Teal’c in your corner, right?” 

“They both seem fine with it,” Jack told him, warmth flooding him, helping him to relax a little.   “But Daniel and I…   We’ve got some things I wanna get clear with him before I go.  He’s coming over for dinner later.”   

Jonathan cocked his head and grinned a little.  “Oh?”  That look was filled with innuendo. 

Reading the boy’s body language, Jack hurried to explain.  “It’s not that.  Daniel’s straight.  I just want him to know a few things.” 

“Okay.  I won’t ask.”  

Jack told him anyway.   “He needs to know I’ve never been with another man.  That I’ve been true to the regs.  That I was true to my wife.” 

“Except in your heart,” Jonathan corrected.   “I can still remember Tony’s smile, and Eddie’s body in the sunlight.”  He swore softly.  “That man had a helluva build, Jack.  I would’ve fucked him through a wall, if things had been different.”   

Jack crossed his arms over his chest and frowned.  “But they weren’t different then, and they’re not that different now.  Nothing’s really changing for me, except that I’m out.” 

Jonathan frowned back.  “Yeah, it is.  I’m you, remember?”   

Shaking his head, Jack grasped him lightly by the upper arm and leaned in, his voice low, heavy with emotion.  “No, you’re not me.  You used to be, but you’ve got a second chance here, Jon.  It’s a different world now; one where you don’t have to lie to yourself every day and pretend you’re something you’re not; one where young men in love don’t have to kill themselves or run away from home in shame just because they’re gay.”  He squeezed and leaned in close, jealous as hell and thrilled all at the same time, his heart wrenching for a few beats as the memories coursed through him, then easing as he stared into the boy’s eyes.  His own eyes.  “You’re free, O’Neill.  Enjoy that.” 

“So are you, old man,” the youth shot back, his voice gritty and tense.  “For the first time in your life, you can have what you want.  You can be who you were meant to be.  You can look at hot guys.  You can touch them.  You can love them.  It’ll be good for you, Jack, just like you never let yourself dream it would be.  Maybe better.” 

Jack let go of him, flinching back in denial, his words little more than a strained whisper now.  “No, I can’t.  It’s too late for me.  I’m stuck in this…”  His hands waved over his middle-aged body in frustration.  “Nobody’s gonna want this beat up piece of shit, and I don’t even remember how to date women, much less try it from scratch with a guy.” 

Jonathan’s eyes were assessing, raking him up and down.  “There’s somebody for you out there, Jack, but if you don’t wanna try, I understand.  I know you’ll be great in your new command.  And I know how lucky I am to be getting this life.”   He grinned, dimples cleaving his cheeks, his brown eyes gleaming with humor, only a slight shadow of past grief still clouding them, and that was fading quickly.  “I’m a straight-A student this time around.  My teachers think I’m a damned genius, for cryin’ out loud!  Thinking about becoming a scientist.” 

That sent Jack’s eyebrows on the rise.  “No shit?  What kind?  Rocket science?” 

“Archaeology, actually,” Jonathan replied, his head cocked.   “Guys like Daniel are way more valuable to the program than we are.  Soldiers are a dime a dozen, but imagine what we could accomplish if we had a guy with your soldiering skills and Daniel’s knowledge of history and languages.  Think of all the alien ass we could kick!” 

That made Jack grin.   Reaching out to tousle the boy’s hair, Jack found himself in a wrist lock, which he smoothly twisted out of, grabbed Jonathan’s forearm, pressed his elbow into a lock and pushed him down to one knee.  They laughed then, almost a perfect echo of each other, as Jack let him go and Jonathan swiveled gracefully to his feet.   

The sound of a dog barking nearby made both of them turn their heads toward the back yard. Jack was surprised to see a boy about Jonathan’s apparent age run into the side yard with a black and white Alaskan Husky at his heels.  He tossed a Frisbee and the dog shot out after it as they retreated out of sight into the back yard again.   

The other boy had long, dark blond hair and a pair of gold, wire-framed glasses perched on his nose.  He reminded Jack instantly of Daniel, or what he imagined Daniel might have looked like at that age.

“Hope you don’t mind,” said Jonathan.  “I asked my friend to wait in the back for us.” 

“Nah, it’s fine for him to be back there.” 

“That’s another reason I came by,” he added, nodding toward the side yard. “His name is Justin Fairchild, but we call him Zen, because… well, he’s pretty Zen about everything. Takes what comes and goes with the flow. He’s had a hard life, for somebody so young.”   

Pieces clicked in Jack’s mind, and he turned to make eye contact with his clone, his insides clenching. If Jonathan had been involved in a gay relationship previous to the press release, Jack was sure he’d have heard about it. He relaxed with a sigh. “Your boyfriend?” 

“Just a friend, for the moment,” Jonathan assured him gravely.  “We live in the same foster home, but it’s no secret he’s gay.  I wasn’t gonna do anything or let it go anywhere, because I know what it might have cost you, but then that announcement came out…”  He shook his head, his expression going wistful.  He looked to Jack for permission, his eyes pleading, hopeful.  “Is it okay, Jack?” 

Something warm and sweet clutched at Jack’s heart.  This younger, smaller version of Jack O’Neill had been living the same lie he had, in order to protect his older self.  Jonathan would have denied what might have been the love of his life, to keep from casting any suspicion on the original.  Jack admired him for that.  He wasn’t sure he’d have done the same, if he’d been given the same second chance at life. 

He smiled, some of the tension he always felt around the boy dissipating.  “It’s okay, Jonathan.  Follow your heart.   At least one of us will get a chance at a happy ending.” 

The clone beamed, his whole face lighting up.  “I so owe you for this, old man.  Wanna meet him?” 

“Did you tell him who I was?” 

“Uncle Jack, my namesake,” Jonathan answered coolly.  “I explained you were gone on missions so much you couldn’t adopt me.  I don’t think he understood, but he knows I’m okay with it.” 

They headed off the porch together.  “So you two haven’t… you know?” 

“No, and we won’t till he’s of age,” Jonathan assured him, with a disapproving glance.  “I kinda have a problem with that.  He’s sixteen, still a kid to me...  well, you know, the inside me.” 

“Well, you won’t exactly be robbing the cradle, you know.  You’re actually younger than he is.  You’ve had all of one birthday.” 

“The logistics of all that make my brain hurt, Jack.  I so don’t wanna think about it, okay?” Jonathan put his hand to his head and led the way across the driveway and around the side of the house. 

“Whose dog?” asked Jack, watching the animal run happy circles, ears erect and tongue hanging out. He saw that the dog had one blue eye and one brown. 

“Mine,” Jonathan told him as he waved to his friend.  “His name’s Thor.  You wouldn’t believe all the hoops I had to jump through at the foster home, just to get him.  I can’t wait till I turn 18. Again.”   

Jack patted the clone’s shoulder and gave him a squeeze.  “I’m proud of you,” he said quietly, looking out at the other boy running toward them, a big smile on his face.  “Thanks for keeping our secret.” 

“You’d have done the same for me, Jack,” said the youth.  

“I dunno, Jon.  We’re two different people.  I can’t say I’m that noble.” 

“Yeah, y’are, Jack.  Who would know better than me?” 

Jack settled his arm around the boy’s shoulder and waved to his friend as he ran toward them, the dog leading the way. 

 Jack had dinner finished when Daniel arrived.  The table was set with the regular dishes, though Jack had been tempted to use the good stuff.  This probably wasn’t a date, however, so he had to treat it like it was any other dinner with his friend.  He had to have no expectations here, in order not to be disappointed. 

Daniel had brought two bottles of wine – one red and one white – and fell into his usual routine of helping get the dinner on the table.  He seemed a little nervous, at a loss for words, rather than keeping up his usual chatter about work.  Jack watched him covertly, noticing how Daniel moved around him without touching him, dodging out of the way at the last moment to avoid accidental contact in the small confines of Jack’s kitchen.  His hope waning, Jack concentrated on the small tasks instead.

They finally sat down to the table together, baked potatoes stuffed to overflowing, steaks exactly right, and just enough salad on the side to balance everything out.  Jack cut off a few bites of steak, but before he could get started, Daniel finally spoke up, getting the real conversation started.

“Why’d you say you’d never be in a relationship with another man, Jack?”

Laying down his knife, Jack impaled a piece of meat on the tines of his fork and stared at it.

 “I figured that would be easy to understand,” he said slowly.  “I don’t generally let people get really close to me.  I’m certainly not gonna be dating any of my men, and my work doesn’t generally leave a whole lot of time to develop anything solid and real.”

“You could still date outside the military,” Daniel suggested helpfully.  “Have some fun.  Get your feet wet, so to speak.”

Jack had to smile at how delicate Daniel was being, choosing his words so carefully.  “I don’t usually do casual sex, Daniel,” he returned.  “Not unless there’s some kind of drugs or alien influence involved, anyway.  As far as gay sex is concerned, I have… trust issues.  I’m not gonna take it up the ass from just anybody, and I’m not in a big hurry to be the one on top, either.  There’s something… intimate about contemplating sex with another man that makes me want it to be more than just a one night stand.”

Daniel actually blushed.  “Um, Jack, I—I didn’t mean to pry.  I just—“

“It’s okay,” Jack assured him.  “You’re curious.  I get that.  And you probably never pictured me as anything but straight.” He hesitated.  “Surprise,” he added quietly, and gave his friend a tiny little smile.

“I’ll admit, I was taken aback by your announcement.  I started thinking about things, seeing you in a whole new way.”

“A good way, I hope.”  Jack dropped his gaze down to his plate.  “I’d like for us to still be friends.”

“Oh, of course!  That was never in question,” Daniel blurted.  “I’m not prejudiced against gay men or lesbian women.  Some of my best friends in college were gay.”

Jack pushed the meat around on his plate.  “Did they hit on you?”

“A little, but I wasn’t interested, so they left me alone after that.”  Daniel took a big quaff of wine.   “It just bothers me to hear you sound so fatalistic.  You don’t have to resign yourself to celibacy, like some kind of monk.  You should experience life as a gay man.  Date.  Have sex.  Safe sex, of course, but you should try it.  It concerns me that you’ve already cut out the possibility of ever finding love.

“It’s okay to go slowly.  Get to know someone a little; have sex when the time feels right.  You don’t have to rush things, but you don’t have to cut yourself off from everything, either.  Besides, there are other things besides penetrative sex that you can enjoy.  Work up to that, you know?”

“I’m not interested, Daniel,” Jack reiterated.  “If it happens, it happens, but I’m pretty used to self denial, and like I said, I have trust issues.  It can’t be just anyone.  It has to be someone I really care about.  Someone I know well.  Someone I trust.”

“What about Teal’c?”

Jack’s gaze flew up to meet Daniel’s earnest gaze.  He was trying to be helpful, and that pulled at Jack’s heart.  He cleared his throat.  “Uh, we’ve seen him in the showers, Daniel.  I doubt very much I’d be able to take all that.  Besides, Teal’c isn’t gay.”

“So?  He seemed pretty open to the idea.  Maybe he’d let you do him.”  Daniel picked up his wineglass and drained it, his face beet red when he set the glass down.  “And I can’t believe I just said that out loud.”

Jack chuckled.  “I think it’s safest not to ask the big guy.  He might not take too kindly to me suggesting he bend over so I can find out what it’s like to fuck a guy.”

Daniel’s eyes widened.  He reached for the wine bottle. 

“How about you?” Jack asked lightly.  “You wanna volunteer to be my first lay?”

The younger man couldn’t pour and drink the wine fast enough.  “Shit,” he said when he came up for air.  “Um, no, thanks.”

“Calm down, Daniel.  I was joking,” Jack teased lightly.  “I know you’re straight.”

Daniel’s reaction had told him everything.  The tiny glimmer of hope he’d nourished died quietly, and he forced himself to shove the first bite of steak into his mouth.  He couldn’t taste it at all, and concentrated instead on getting it chewed and swallowed.  It caught in his throat and went down in a huge, painful lump.

“You should at least try,” Daniel urged again, after downing a little food himself.  “I hate to think of you sentencing yourself to a life alone, without even trying to find someone to love.”

Jack shrugged listlessly.  “Been alone for almost ten years.  I’m used to it.”

Blue eyes regarded him fiercely.  “Not alone,” Daniel corrected.  “You’ve had us to care about you.”

A flash of Carter’s face at the briefing table flicked into his mind.  “Yeah, well, I think there’s one less in our dysfunctional little family after today.”

“Sam will come around, Jack.  Just give her some time.  Is it okay if I share some of what we’ve talked about in private with her?  I think it might help, especially if Sam knows you’ve never acted on your orientation.  I think that’d be important to her.”

“Sure.  I’ll be gone in a couple of days.  It doesn’t really matter, I guess.”

“You sound so defeated.” 

“Just being a realist.  I was prepared for all of you to turn your backs on me.” 

Daniel’s hand reached out and covered Jack’s.   

Jack looked at that warm, calloused hand covering his own for a moment, then raised his gaze to meet his friend’s. 

“You won’t lose me,” Daniel promised fervently.  “We’ve gone through too much to let anything come between us.” 

Jack’s heart pitched over in his chest, slamming hard against his ribs.  It felt bruised, torn loose from its place inside him.  How that promise hurt him, and Daniel would never know the extent of that sweet, hopeless pain. 

If Jack O’Neill were ever going to fall for another man, it would be this one.  He’d teetered on the brink of being in love with Daniel for years, and had always managed to hold back just enough to keep from plunging headlong into romantic, sexual fantasies.  Daniel was everything Jack wanted in a companion: smart, sensitive, caring.  He was also innocently sexy, and so gorgeous he made Jack’s eyes hurt to look at him for more than a few seconds at a time. 

Over the years, Jack had gotten good at building walls to keep people out, and from the beginning, he’d underestimated Daniel’s ability to get past them.  Whenever he thought he’d been successful at pushing the geek back, he’d turn around and find Daniel standing in the middle of his soul.  Daniel was part of him, and he supposed, after the adventures they’d shared – to hell and heaven and back again – that he was part of Daniel, too. 

Jack swallowed his heart down and patted Daniel’s hand affectionately.  “Thanks, big guy.  Right about now, I need all the friends I can get.” 

“I’ll always be here for you,” Daniel told him fervently.  “Always.” 

“I know.” Jack mustered a smile for him.  “You stayed with me even when you were dead.” 

Daniel blinked at him.  “I did?” 

Briefly, he retold the events in Ba’al’s prison, when Daniel had come to him to try to help him ascend.  When he finished, he noticed that Daniel’s complexion had lightened several shades. 

“Did you remember something?” he asked tentatively. 

“Not a memory, exactly.  Just a sensation.  I was afraid for you.” 

“I was afraid for me, too.” Jack pushed his plate back and laid his fork down in it.  “I came awfully damn close to spilling the beans.” He stared at his mostly uneaten dinner.  “Teal’c thinks you put the idea into his head to tip off the other System Lords to the location of Ba’al’s secret hideout.  I think he might be right.  It’s the sneaky sort of thing you’d do, to stay out of trouble with the glowy folk and still get the job done.” 

“I’m not sneaky,” Daniel argued vacantly, frowning and still trying to piece what Jack had described together in his mind.  “Am I?” 

Jack grinned.  “General Hammond calls it ‘thinking outside the box’ and says you excel at it.  You’re good at coming up with off-the-wall solutions, and you don’t always clue the rest of us in until we’re knee deep in Jaffa.”  He chuckled.  “So yeah, you’re a sneaky sumbitch when you know in advance you’re gonna be shot down, and that you’re right.  On the other hand, you’re just as good at pulling our bacon out of the frying pan when we need you most, so I suppose it balances out.” 

“I’m just getting things done,” said Daniel defensively.  “I know how the military machine works, and how to get around it when there are more important issues at stake than weapons and naquadah.” 

They continued discussing Daniel’s proclivity for stubborn insistence on having his way until they were both shouting and jabbing fingers at one another, rising from the table and carrying their argument and beverages into the living room.   

They talked over each other, neither one listening to what the other was saying, hands gesticulating wildly, until the exact same words spilled out of them in unison.  “You never listen!” 

For a moment, they just stared at each other.  Then the anger vaporized and grim reality settled into their minds.  They spoke again, in perfect synchronization, with exactly the same emotional inflection.  “I’m gonna miss you.” 

And then they hugged each other, just standing there together for a long time. 

At last, Daniel pulled away, his eyes filled with grief.  “Don’t let ‘em ship you off to Iraq,” he said quietly.  “You tell ‘em we need you here.” 

Jack swallowed hard.  “That’s not for me to say, Daniel.  They give the orders; we follow them.  That’s how it’s always worked in my world, and if they send me overseas, my troops and I will make our country proud.  That much I can promise you.” 

Daniel nodded.  “That much I already knew.”  He sighed and looked down at his feet, then around at the room, his gaze roaming over the now-bare mantel, taking in the absence of most of Jack’s personal items, which had been packed away and now waited in the garage to be taken to storage.  “What will you do with the house?” 

“I should have everything in storage before I ship out,” Jack answered, looking around fondly at the room.  “I’ve called a real estate agent who’s going to lease it out for me, until I have some feel for what’s gonna happen with my unit.  Once we finish training, if they ship us out somewhere else, I’ll put it on the market.  I should know something in three or four months.”  He looked at Daniel’s smile, at the grief etched into his face, and wished there were some way for him to come, too.   

“You wanna move in and look after the place for me?” he asked quietly.  “That bungalow of yours is too small for a guy with as much junk as you have.” 

“Antiques,” Daniel corrected, lifting one finger into the air to emphasize his point.  “Artifacts.  Not junk.”  He shook his head.  “I don’t think I could live here with you gone, Jack.  It’s gonna be hard enough, not seeing you at the base every day.” 

Jack gave him a sad smile.  “I’ll be a phone call or an email away.  For a few months, anyway.” 

Nodding, Daniel swallowed and turned away, walking toward the door with Jack in his wake.  “And sometimes I’ll be worlds away and wish I could talk to you.” 

“So write me real letters,” Jack suggested, patting his friend on the shoulder, “and I’ll do the same.” 

Daniel hesitated at the front door, obviously wanting to stay, but certain he should go.  “Need any help packing up?” 

“Nah, I got it covered.” 

They shook hands, hugged again, and Daniel promised to see him off when he boarded the plane at Peterson for his new assignment.  After that, Daniel left and Jack was alone.  Of all those he’d loved in his lifetime, Daniel Jackson was the one he would most regret leaving behind.  If there were any possible way to get himself a post at the SGC for his new unit, if God smiled on them and gave them the opportunity to return, then he’d be back in the Springs one day.   

That, however, was not up to him… but he was prepared to do whatever was necessary to make it happen.  Even if it meant going back to Iraq. 

16 Months Later
Somewhere in Afghanistan 

It was cold in the mountains, but Jack was used to it now.  He hated everything about the place-- the food, the weather, hearing the Afghani’s language spoken around him, but his troops were all the consolation he needed for the discomforts and inconvenience of being in a foreign land in combat readiness.  Holed up as they were in this village, so tiny it didn’t appear on any map, they’d been left to themselves for a good three weeks and were settling into a routine.

Jack knew that wasn’t a good thing.  It made their movements predictable, and while most of the activity in the war on terrorism was taking place in Iraq, Jack wasn’t sorry to be where he was.  The gay division under his command had been shipped there together and was spread out all over the country in small units that provided search and rescue capabilities for all the international troops stationed in the area.  His team had linguists in every unit, and they’d quickly become favorites of the non-American military because there was little trouble in communicating with these Americans.

Their own troops, however, tended to give them a wide berth. 

These rustic Afghanis had been open and accepting of them, too, but Jack was experienced enough with Middle Eastern people to know they were not always what they seemed.  He mistrusted everyone except his own people, and he decided it was time they broke the routine and moved to someplace else, even if it were out in the middle of nowhere.  Predictability made them easier targets, and he hadn’t lost a soldier yet – nor did he intend to, if it could be avoided.

Checking the load on his pistol, he slipped it back into its holster, strapped it down to his thigh and stepped out of his tent into the afternoon sunshine.  He pulled his sunglasses from his jacket pocket and put them on, glancing around the camp to scope out the scene.  His command unit was set up just on the edge of the village, and they’d commandeered a vacant adobe house – all two rooms of it -- to serve as his office and headquarters, complete with a privy out back.

For a moment, he just watched the comings and goings of his people and the natives among them.  He could sense their enemies out there, smiling at the American soldiers, bobbing their heads and making offers of local goods while secretly plotting against them.  He picked out the movements he knew by heart, the regular stream of people heading for the mess tent for their coffee and breakfast, and, rather than join them, he started off toward the barn where some of their supplies were being stored. 

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a sudden movement and turned his head to locate the source.  A little girl crouched behind a stack of used Jeep tires, peeking out around them at him.  In her hands she clutched a scrap of cloth that he barely recognized. 

Two weeks earlier, he’d taken charge of a box of Beanie Babies that his 2IC, Major Tom Campisi, had ordered at his request.  Jack had handed the tiny stuffed animals out to those soldiers who regularly came in contact with the villagers, requesting that they pass them out judiciously to little children who seemed afraid of the American soldiers, as goodwill gifts. 

This particular little girl had been in the camp hospital after her uncle had brought her in with a fever.  Jack had personally stayed with her until she understood that the Americans were helping her to get well, and the next day Jack had ordered the toys.  He’d given her the first one himself: a little brown dog with floppy ears that reminded him of a dog he’d had as a boy.  The child was still a little shy around the other soldiers, but not with Jack.

He squatted down and smiled at her.  “Hello, Shahla.”

Glancing about for other soldiers, the child saw that no one else was around and stole out from behind the tires, running up to him and stopping just before she touched him.  She looked at the floppy dog in her grip, now dirtier brown from having been played with often.  Her eyes were huge and dark, and she looked very serious for a moment. 

His grin widened in delight, and she broke into a gap-toothed smile, giggling back at him. 

“Shahla!  There you are.”  A young Afghani man in long robes came out from beside the command hut, glancing nervously about him.  At his side was Lieutenant Joshua Fox, one of Jack’s primary translators.  Fox’s features were carefully schooled to maintain bearing, but his gray eyes were dancing as they approached.

He and Fox had struck up a warm friendship during their mission to Afghanistan, but it had gone no farther than that.  They had talked about home, friends, and family, but Jack refused to let an attraction take hold.  This man was off limits to him, as were all the others under his command, and he would let nothing interfere with his leadership role.

Jack reached out and picked up the child, seating her on his left arm while he braced it with his right.  Shahla put an arm around his shoulders and waved to her uncle as Jack strolled to meet them.

“Good morning, sir,” said Fox formally, his voice quiet as they arrived.  “We sent the little girl to find you, to give us an excuse to look for her.”  He glanced around the compound, as if making sure no one else was in earshot.  “Shadi told me something that I thought you should hear in person.”

“Something good, I hope,” Jack returned casually.  He could feel his insides tightening up, anticipating something that might not be so good.  Not for his people, anyway.

“Our presence here is having a positive effect on the villagers,” Fox told him.  “Shadi, here, has seen things he dared not dream, by watching us, and we’ve opened his eyes.”

”Let me guess,” said Jack.  “He’s gay, and he’s got the hots for one of our guys.”

“That’s part of it,” Fox agreed, nodding his head.  “You know gay men don’t fare well here, sir.  Penalties in this country are still pretty harsh where sex outside of accepted custom is concerned.”

This was something Jack knew from previous visits to the Middle East.  He’d seen some of those punishments carried out with his own eyes, against women who’d had the courage to love someone not chosen by their fathers or in an adulterous affair, as well as anyone who risked loving others of their own gender.  Gay folks lived deeply in the closet in that part of the world, risking their very lives when they chose to come out, or were discovered by accident.

“We can’t ship him to the States, Fox,” Jack told him flatly.

The young officer grinned.  “We can, if he gives us information of the right kind.  We could send him anywhere in the world he wanted to go.”

Jack cocked his head, his interest growing.  “What are we talkin’ about here, Lieutenant?”

“Think bigger than the ace of spades,” Fox told him, glancing around them again.  “Bigger than the whole deck, sir.”

The reference to the US military’s specially made decks of playing cards depicting the top people in the Iraqi Baath Party’s hierarchy made Jack’s mind go straight to the ace of spades – Saddam Hussein himself.  “Bigger than Saddam?” he queried, studying the young man’s face.

Fox was a country boy from Kansas, blonde and freckled, with intelligent gray eyes and a friendly smile.  He was solemn and by the book, taking his military career very seriously.  He was also kind-hearted to a fault, and on the naïve side, in Jack’s opinion.  For him to make that statement could either be youthful enthusiasm or dead-on fact.  Jack wasn’t sure which, but Fox’s excitement was becoming obvious.

Jack turned to Shadi.  The young man was as slender and pretty as his niece, his dark eyes full of fear and hunger.  Fairer than most of his people, his beard was straight and soft-looking.  He was very somber as he stared back at the American commander.

Switching to the Arabic he seldom spoke but understood quite well, Jack asked him, <“What do you have to tell me?”>

Shadi reached for his niece, and Jack handed her over to him carefully.  <“You will protect my family?”> asked the Afghani man.  He glanced at the little girl and hugged her close.  <“I must know they will be safe.”>

<“If what you offer is worth our protection, then, yes,”> Jack replied slowly.

Shadi grinned at him then, and for just an instant, Jack was smitten.  The young man was utterly beautiful when he smiled.  <“The one you seek.  I know where you will find him,”> he said confidently.

<“We seek many,”> Jack told him warily.

The young man whispered a name.

Jack stared at him, his mouth going dry.  His heart started pounding in his chest.  “Where?” he asked, his voice barely loud enough to hear.  <”Where?”> he asked again in Arabic, and listened intently to every word of Shadi’s answer.   When he’d finished talking, Jack’s first instinct was to shake his hand, but he didn’t.  This man, if his information were accurate, had just put himself on an exclusive hit list, and if Jack appeared to be doing anything other than giving back a lost child, anyone watching might realize what they’d been doing and act before his people could prevent it.

He turned his attention to the young officer.  “Fox, I want you to accompany Shadi back to his home, but don’t be obvious about it.  Walk with him part of the way, explain to him what’s going on, and then drop back a little, keeping him in sight.  Make sure you look like you’re on other business.  Shadow Shadi while he gathers his family in one place, and when he’s done with that, I’ll have enough troops stationed around the house to protect them.  We can’t make it look like they’re under guard until this intel is confirmed.  I’ll be checking that out myself.  Understood?”

“Why not just put him and his family under guard now?” asked Fox, his blond brows drawn down in confusion.

“Because if he’s right, and the target’s already been moved, he might be able to find us the next location,” Jack told him, thinking ahead, “only if he’s obviously under guard, the others’ll know he squealed.  Without the goods, we can’t really protect him.  If we score, he’ll have it made for the rest of his life, but not until then.  Got it?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Keep your radio on, and I’ll keep you apprised of any changes.  I’ll rell Major Campisi where you’re headed and have him get the support ready.”  Jack reached out and patted the little girl’s head, giving her a genuine smile.  “Bye, Shahla,” he said gently.

She waved at him as her uncle turned away, Lieutenant Fox at his side. 

Jack scanned the compound for Campisi, spotted him in the doorway of the command post, and walked briskly toward him, already planning the attack.  What he wanted was stowed away in the women’s quarters in a town not far away, where they often traded for supplies.  In a few hours, if all went well, he’d have earned his way back to Stargate Command, along with the respect and gratitude of an entire nation. 

Dutifully reporting the intel to headquarters after setting things in motion to protect Shadi and his family, Jack convinced his superiors that there wasn’t time to delay and move other troops in for the capture.  Jack’s men were the closest, and they were trained for just such missions.  They had to act right then, or possibly lose the chance forever.  It took some of the best negotiating he’d ever done, but he finally got the go-ahead, since it would have taken days to move in other specialty units for the extraction, and Jack and his unit could have it handled in hours.

This one, he argued, was too big to risk letting get away, regardless of the politics involved.  The gay troops would have to do this, or those in power would risk losing the biggest prize of all in America’s war on terror.  In the end, prudence won out, and though the Generals in command of the Afghani front were unhappy about who would receive the glory if the mission were accomplished, they wanted this terrorist badly enough not to really care who brought him into custody.

Other units would be quietly pulling up stakes and heading their way in support, but Jack’s hand-picked best quietly loaded up their gear and pretended to head off to the neighboring town for a regular supply run; this time, however, they weren’t planning on shopping in the market downtown.  The commodity they wanted was hidden in a private residence, one they had passed by many times, and Jack was already planning how best to go about the raid to capture Osama BinLaden, the mastermind behind 9/11.

 
Three Weeks Later
Bagram AFB, Afghanistan

Jack unzipped the suitcase on his bunk, wincing at the movement.  Every time the pain reminded him of his wound, he smiled, remembering how he’d gotten it.  BinLaden himself had shot him, high in the meat of his left shoulder, but they’d caught the bastard.  Jack had taken him down personally after being wounded, and once his men had the terrorist handcuffed and on his feet, they had taken great pleasure in videotaping the arrest, since the terrorist had been dressed in women’s clothing to mask his appearance.

The capture had made international news, as they had known it would.  By the time Jack’s unit had that quadrant of the city secured, they had been taking shots from loyal Jihad soldiers. They’d been prepared for that, and after a single day of holding their position, the rest of the nearest UN troops had arrived to drive off their attackers and celebrate the capture of the world’s most wanted man.

Only too happy to hand off his prisoner to his CO, Jack had gone to the nearest field hospital for treatment.  After a couple of days’ stay, during which he fielded calls from the President and each of the Joint Chiefs, Jack had been returned to his unit in the Afghani back country, his arm in a sling for a few days.  A couple of weeks after that, back on active duty and out of the sling, he’d been visited by two generals.  They had come to interview him and offer him and his men any assignment they wanted.  All he’d had to do was name it.   

That choice had been made without hesitation, and now that he was fully recovered, he was going home.  The unit had returned to Bagram two days ago, and Jack had been surprised by the warm welcome they’d gotten from their previously frosty comrades-in-arms.  Now they were all packing up again, getting ready to board a plane for Germany, where they’d rest and see the sights for another day or so, then fly back to Colorado Springs by way of New York City, where they’d be given special honors at the site of the Twin Towers memorial, which was still being built.

He was eager to go home, to see all his old friends, especially Daniel.

As if on cue, his cell phone rang.  The Caller ID made him smile.  Apparently, Daniel had heard the news already, though Jack had hoped to surprise his friend by just showing up on his doorstep once he was back in the Springs.  He sat down on the bed beside his suitcase.  “Hey, Daniel.  How’s tricks?” 

“Fine, fine,” Daniel’s voice answered in his ear.  “You ready to ship out yet?” 

“Nah, still packing.  I’ve got a little time yet.” Jack checked his watch, reassuring himself that his statement was true.  “What’s up?” 

Daniel cleared his throat.  “Well, I wanted to call and tell you how much I’m looking forward to having you back here.  You could’ve come home for your first leave, you know, instead of taking it in Germany.  I mean I know you needed to be close to your troops, but I’ve missed you.  We all have.” 

Apparently, Daniel still didn’t know Jack had been wounded during the capture, and he was in no hurry to enlighten his friend.  At this point, it would only cause needless anxiety.  After a pause, Jack asked quietly, “Carter, too?” 

There was a brief silence that spoke volumes.  “She’s still working through all this, Jack.” 

“I’ve been gone eighteen months,” he returned flatly.  “You and Teal’c have kept in touch, but I haven’t heard a word from her.  I think she’s made her position pretty clear.”  He sighed and leaned back on the regulation cot that had been his bed for the better part of a year.  “I’m okay with that, really.  I knew going in that there’d be problems.  I just hoped you three wouldn’t be casualties.  I guess two out of three’s not bad.” 

“I still think she’ll come around,” Daniel told him.  “Having you here will help that.  Once she starts seeing you again at the base, I’ll bet she falls right back into our usual repartee.”  He cleared his throat and fell silent for a moment, his hesitance telegraphing clearly through the phone.  “So have you found a boyfriend yet?”   

Jack cleared his throat.  Loneliness had been a constant companion during his latest tour of duty.   Not only had his men been isolated from and ostracized by other troops in the field, but Jack had also kept his distance from them socially.  He’d been available to them and looked after them properly, but when not being the Colonel, he’d kept strictly to himself.  That was how he’d wanted it; how he’d decided it was going to be from the beginning.  “I thought I made it clear the day I came out that wasn’t on the agenda.” 

A little chuckle sounded in his ear, sending a shiver of delight all through him.  He loved it when Daniel laughed, and those low, sly ones like that just did things to him.  Delicious things. 

“Well, I had to ask,” Daniel teased.  “Have you given any thought to where you’ll be staying, since you sold your house here in the Springs last summer?” 

Jack shrugged against the blankets, then realized Daniel couldn’t see the gesture through the phone.  “Figured I’d move into the base lockdown quarters for a couple weeks while I go looking for new digs.  I’m not too thrilled about apartments, but that might do till I have time to go house-hunting, I suppose.” 

“Or you could move in with me,” suggested Daniel brightly.   

“In that cracker-box bungalow?  You’ve gotta be kidding.  I’d have to go outside to change my mind.” 

“I’m not there anymore,” Daniel told him with a note of pride in his voice.  “That was temporary.  I decided it was time I had a house built just the way I wanted it, so I sketched out a plan, took it to an architect to engineer and design, and moved in last month.  I’ve got a guest suite with your name on it, if you’re interested.” 

“You built a house and didn’t tell me?” That irritated Jack a little.  House building was a guy thing, something he’d have thought Daniel would share all the details with him, ask his advice, share how the project was coming along.  It hurt a little that Daniel had taken such an important step and left Jack out of it completely. 

“I wanted it to be a surprise,” Daniel told him, a hint of mystery in his voice.  “You’ll know why when you see it, and I figured I could bore you to death with all the construction stories when you got here.  I didn’t wanna waste our precious few calls a year talking about my house, you know?  Can’t wait for you to see it!” 

Jack considered for a moment, his moment of pouting fading fast.  “You’re sure I won’t be… in the way?” 

“You opened your home to me when I didn’t have one, Jack.  I want to do the same for you.  Stay as long as you want.  Mi casa es su casa.” 

“You’ve really thought about this?”
 

Daniel chuckled into the phone again.  “I had your rooms designed especially for you -- wait’ll you see them!  So, yeah, I’m sure.” 

“No shit?”  That was a surprise.  Jack’s taste in decorating was average at best, where Daniel’s was highbrow and eclectic.  He’d even made that drab little gray bungalow look like a mini-museum. 

“No shit, Jack,” Daniel assured him, a smile in his voice.  “I’d love to have you here.  Take as long as you need to get settled and find a place of your own, even if it takes a year or two.  I want you to find the right place for you, not just any place that’ll do, okay?” 

Jack was certain this was one of the nicest human beings in the universe; most certainly the best friend he’d ever had.  With warmth filling him up and a smile tweaking up the corners of his mouth, he replied, “Well, then, give me directions, and I’ll come up as soon as I’ve got my men settled.  Might be a few days before I get there, though.  There are debriefings and ceremonies up the wazoo waiting for us when we get home.  I’ll call once were headed for the Springs, so you’ll know when we’re coming in, okay?”   

“How ‘bout if I pick you up at the airport?  You can call me when you get off the plane.” 

“I’ll be getting my unit organized at Peterson as soon as we collect our baggage.  They’ve been preparing our quarters and such for a couple of weeks now, but processing everyone’s gonna take some time, so I don’t know when I’ll be done.  I’ll get a car from the motor pool and drive in, okay?” 

“Suit yourself.  I guess I’m just eager to see you.  Got a pen and paper, or would you rather download the driving directions from the Internet?” 

“You know me and computers, Daniel.”  Jack rose and located those items, then wrote down the address and directions to Daniel’s new house from Peterson.  “Be there as soon as I can,” he promised.  “Thanks, buddy.” 

“Hey, nothing’s too good for the guy who caught—“ 

“It wasn’t just me,” Jack cut in with a wry grin.  “It was all of us.  My people got lucky.”  He chuckled softly, remembering Lieutenant Fox’s celebration with their Afghani friend.  It might have been little more than flirtation and kissing, but he’d seen enough to know sparks were flying between those two.  “In more ways than one.” 

“It earned you the posting of your choice,” Daniel added with a note of pride warming his voice.   “Congratulations, Jack.  And thanks.  Can’t wait till you’re irritating the hell outta me again.” 

“Aht!  Aht!”  Jack held up a finger to interrupt, eyebrows lifting.  The reaction was automatic, and even though Daniel couldn’t see him through the phone, he’d probably have a pretty clear mental image of it.   “That’s your job with me.  Nobody else does it quite like you do.  Not that I’ve missed you, or anything.  It’s actually been… kind of… peaceful here, without you around.”  He was smiling into the phone, certain Daniel recognized a tease when he heard one. 

There was that smutty, naughty chuckle again.  “Riiiiiiight,” Daniel drawled.  “See you soon, Jack.” 

“Yeah.  Depending on weather and how much cooperation we get, once we’re back home.” 

“How’s it been?”  Daniel’s voice was serious now, really wanting to know. 

Jack sighed.  “We deal.”  He smiled a little to himself.  “It’s been better, though, since we did what nobody else could do.” 

For a moment, there was silence.  Rather than being awkward, it was filled with warmth, blossoming inside Jack with a sense of peace.  Then Daniel said softly, “Proud of you, Jack.  Hurry home.”   

“I’ll do that,” he returned.  “See ya.” 

A soft click in his ear told him Daniel had hung up without saying good-bye.  He thought about that, and not once in all the years he’d known the other man had he heard Daniel tell say that word to him.  They’d always simply parted and gone about their lives, and Jack wondered if Daniel ever said goodbye to anyone.  He hadn’t had a chance to do that with his parents or his wife.  He hadn’t even said it to Jack when he was dying of radiation poisoning, when it would have been most appropriate. 

Maybe that was Daniel’s personal superstition, his way of heightening his chances of seeing those he loved again. 

Jack shook his head, aware that he was spending way too much time thinking about Daniel.  Truthfully, he’d missed his old friend.  He wasn’t sure how long he’d be crowding Daniel’s space, but Daniel’s offer had been generous and genuine, and Jack would appreciate a place to crash for a week or two, while he looked for a new home of his own.  He might never have the love he wanted, but he had friends who would fill up the empty spaces in his life just fine. 

Hurrying through packing up his gear, he headed out to meet the bus with the rest of his men, and in a few short hours was on the ground in Germany.  In a few more days they returned to newly re-commissioned Moore AFB at Fort Devens, Massachusetts, where the majority of his men went on to new assignments while his handpicked unit boarded another plane bound for the Big Apple, and a welcome home from a grateful nation.

Three Days Later
Peterson Air Force Base, Colorado Springs

It took much longer than it should have for transportation to meet them, and processing the new soldiers into the base systems dragged on as well.  Jack suspected the delays were driven by prejudice against the gay soldiers, but they were accustomed to that and waited patiently until quarters had been assigned.  He personally escorted his men to their new homes, and when the last group had been squared away, he called Daniel to confirm his friend was home, then headed for the motor pool to sign out a car at 2200 hours. 

Jack stowed his gear in the trunk, dug out the directions Daniel had given him, and headed out to Daniel’s new, upscale neighborhood off 115 South. 

The streets were lined with elegant, showy houses set back from the curb, most with ornate gates designed to keep people out.  As he turned onto Lion’s Gate Road, Jack’s eye was drawn to a house on the hilltop overlooking Cheyenne Mountain.  It was lit up against the darkness, huge cathedral windows glowing with a warm amber light.  If Daniel had built a house in this neighborhood, he must be doing damn well with his finances. 

Jack pulled up to the private driveway at the foot of the hill, where a tall, wrought iron gate barred the way.  The entrance was flanked by two stone walls, one of which was imbedded with a brass plaque that read, Chevron House, 2027 Lion’s Gate Road.  On either side of the driveway, two life-sized stone lions reclined on the ground in regal repose.  They reminded Jack of the lions in front of the New York Public library, famous landmarks of the city where Daniel Jackson had grown up after his parents’ tragic deaths.

For a moment, Jack sat stunned in the borrowed car, gazing up at that house on the crest of the hill.  Was this Daniel’s place, or was his new house something more modest, hidden around the backside of the hill?  That house up top looked like a goddamned Presidential library, but after he’d checked the address again, he knew he’d come to the right driveway, at least.  He was starting to feel like he’d just been dropped into a Hollywood movie, anxious now to see if that really was Daniel’s place up there. 

Jack rolled down his window, entered the entry code for the gate that Daniel had given him, then pushed the button on the intercom box and announced himself.  A hum of machinery sounded, and the gate began to withdraw, pulling back behind the stone wall that bordered the property.  He pulled through the opening and into the driveway, rounded a corner and went up a series of switchbacks, finally emerging on the backside of the hill.  That amazing house on the crest perched on the edge of the cliff facing the road, overlooking the city, was the only house on the property.  It had to be Daniel’s new digs.   

“Well, I’ll be damned,” Jack breathed, putting the car in park and killing the engine in the circular front drive.  Knowing what he did about local real estate, it had to be one expensive house.  It was mostly V-shaped, the point backed up to the edge of the cliff, falling away to the switchbacks below. The structure’s two wings embraced a formal drive leading to a two-car garage on the south end of the house.  Wide, curved stone steps led up to a double front door.  Flanking the door were two huge Egyptian style columns, the capitals at the top made to look like painted lotus blossoms.  The exterior was done in buff-colored limestone, featuring lots of big windows, all tinted gold in the darkened rooms, glowing warm amber in those that were lit.  It was an elegant cross between ancient Egyptian and neo-modern design.

Daniel was waiting on the steps, dressed in his usual baggy jeans and a plaid shirt, barefoot, a huge smile plastered on his face. 

“I’m here,” Jack announced as he got out of the car, “but I’m not sure I’m in the right place.  What was the price tag on this castle, for cryin’ out loud?” 

“Too much,” Daniel called in answer. 

He went around to the back of the car, unlocking the trunk quickly as Daniel hurried over to meet him.  He pulled out his bags and set them on the pavement, then shut the trunk lid just as Daniel reached the car. 

Jack was prepared for a handshake, but he was enveloped in a huge bear hug with Daniel chuckling in his ear. “Jack fuckin’ O’Neill!  God, how I’ve missed you!” Daniel growled, hugging him harder.  He let go and pulled back to look Jack in the eye.  “The mountain just isn’t the same without you.  Maybe now things will get back to normal.”

“As normal as it gets, here, anyway,” Jack agreed.  “Hey, yourself, Daniel.  It’s good to be home again.”

Daniel reached down to pick up two of the bags and started up the steps.  “C’mon, I wanna show you the place.  Hope you like it.” 

Jack’s gaze wandered up to the top of the tall columns, taking note of the balcony above the front steps.  That might make a great stargazing deck, if Daniel were amenable to the idea.  He promised himself to ask about that later and grabbed the rest of his gear, following Daniel inside.  “I can already tell it’s gonna be somethin’ out of one of those World’s Coolest Home shows on HGTV.” 

Chuckling, Daniel pushed the front door open and ushered Jack inside. 

The foyer was clean and spartan, with blank tan textured walls and floors that looked like polished sienna marble.  Jack glanced around and shook his head.  “I’m still not sure I’m in the right place.  This is quite a bit different from the apartment and the bungalow.  Big.  Especially considering how little you’re actually home.” 

“Yeah, well, I won’t always be in the field, you know, and whenever that day comes, I’ll have a place that’s comfortable, and just what I wanted.  More or less.”  Daniel directed his gaze to the gleaming brown surface beneath his feet.  “The floors look like marble, don’t they?  They’re really stained concrete, which were much less expensive than the stone I wanted, but I’m happy with it.  I had to cut a few corners here and there, and the downstairs floors were part of that.  Looks good, though, doesn’t it?  This way to your rooms.”  

Without waiting for an answer, he turned to the right and headed through an arched doorway into an elegantly appointed sitting room, decorated with European antiques, arranged on a Persian rug.  Against one wall, a wide wooden spiral staircase twisted upward to the second floor, and Jack realized that round stairwell was the interior of the lotus column to the right of the door that he’d seen at the front entrance. 

“This is a guest reception room, for when official types come to talk,” Daniel explained, gesturing to encompass the room and the direction they were headed.  “Through here is your sitting area.  Sort of a small living room, just for you.”  He glanced over his shoulder at Jack and grinned.  “I tried to decorate this wing in the spirit of your old house.  It’s not exactly the same because the rooms are shaped differently, but hopefully you’ll like it.”

“Wow.  You went to a lot of trouble for me, Danny.  You didn’t have to go that far.”

“My pleasure, Jack.  I wanted you to feel at home whenever you were here.” 

Jack stepped into the big, open room after his host, taking note of the large windows, looking out on the front drive and gardens.  The carpet was the same beige as that in his old living room, and at the far end was a field stone fireplace.  Even the furniture was similar, which meant Jack would be leaving his stuff in storage until he found a place of his own.  This was all new; his had been starting to show some wear.   

Jack followed Daniel through a door at the back of the room, and for a moment, he stood breathless, his gaze fixed on the view.  The room faced northwest, the long side wall all but covered with floor-to-ceiling windows.  The drapes were drawn open, exposing the dramatic view of Colorado Springs, glittering with lights in the darkness. 

Daniel hit the light switch, and Jack grinned as he caught sight of the fish pictures framed on the walls.  He set his bags down on the floor, put his hands on his hips, his cheeks tight with a huge smile.  Daniel had gone to a lot of trouble to decorate this space just for him, and it warmed him to his toes. 

“Well?” his host asked.  “Do you like it?” 

Jack looked at him, seeing that Daniel had also set his bags down.  Jack sidled closer and clapped Daniel’s shoulder enthusiastically.  “You did good, big guy,” he assured his friend.  “Feels like home already.” 

“Great!  Come see the rest of the house, and you can unpack later.  You’re not too tired, are you?  Because I really want you to see all of it.  You’ve got tomorrow off, don’t you?” 

“Yeah, show me.  You’ve got a right to be proud of this place, from what I’ve seen so far.”  Stuffing his hands into his trouser pockets, Jack rocked back on his heels and cocked his head.   “Where’d you get the money for all this, Daniel?  The real estate alone must’ve cost a fortune, and I know you didn’t make enough over the last ten years—“ 

“My grandfather,” Daniel interrupted, his face shuttering closed.  “He died a few months after you left for Afghanistan.  Came back here when he knew it was his time.  I didn’t tell you about it ‘cause I knew you couldn’t have done anything, and you wouldn’t have been able to get away for the funeral anyway, since he wasn’t your family, and you were on active duty overseas.  Thought I’d wait to tell you when you got home.”  He shrugged.  “I thought it’d be easier this way, for both of us.”

”I’m sorry,” Jack told him honestly.  He would have liked to hug Daniel then, but he had that ‘don’t touch me’ vibe going.  Daniel was accustomed to bearing his pain alone, and Jack knew that.  He’d bring up the subject later, when they were both in a position to talk about it.  This wasn’t a really good time and he knew it, so he left the subject alone. 

A moment later, Daniel cleared his throat and pushed past his grief.  “Anyway, his estate came to me after he passed away, and General Hammond helped me get the red tape all sorted out.  I never knew how much Nick was worth in taxable dollars, because none of that ever mattered to me, but the publishing rights to his books alone were worth a fortune.  Add to that all his artifacts and collections, his bank account, investments, and properties all over the world…”  Daniel shrugged.  His gaze dropped to the floor.  “I’d rather have him back than all this.  Our time together was too short, and there was so much pain between us.  I think we could’ve gotten past that, if…” 

“It was important to him to know he wasn’t nuts, Daniel,” Jack stated, hoping to comfort his friend.  “You helped with that.” 

Daniel gave him a polite smile, his grief still burning quietly in his eyes.  “I know.  It’s okay.  I just miss him.”  He took in a deep breath and sighed it out, and his smile turned genuine.  “Missed you, too.  It’s great to have you back.” 

“Good to be back.  So show me your fancy new digs.  You really went all out on this place, didn’t you?”  He followed his friend back into the sitting room, taking a left about halfway down the long wall, toward the northernmost corner of the house.  Daniel pushed open the double doors and stepped around to the wall into the darkened room to find the light switch. 

When they came on, Jack was astonished.   

Daniel rarely watched television, except for the History Channel and other educational programs.  He’d watched more TV while visiting Jack than he ever did at home, but here in the house he had built for himself, he had set this room off as a stunningly beautiful home theater, featuring all the latest high-tech gadgets Jack had been lusting after, including the biggest HD plasma screen TV Jack had ever seen in a showroom. 

“Holy shit,” Jack breathed.  He took two steps into the room, taking note of the pair of matched brown leather recliners serving as the front row of seats, with a table between them for snacks, and the two sofas in the elevated back row.  The realization hit him full force, making his mouth dry up and his eyes go wide.  The theater was in the guest wing of the house – the section Daniel had built for Jack. 

He turned around, utterly speechless, and gave Daniel a fierce, back-slapping hug.  Then he left the room, clearing his throat and trying to make his voice work again.  He couldn’t have spoken just then if his life depended on it. 

“It’s okay,” Daniel told him, patting his shoulder, his eyes twinkling with private pleasure.  “I could tell you liked it.” 

Jack just nodded, struggling to tamp down the emotional overload welling up inside him.  No one had ever done anything like that for him, and he was moved by the depth of Daniel’s affection for him.  He cleared his throat again and said, “I know where I’m gonna be most of the time.  But let’s see the rest of this palace.” 

Daniel just chuckled and led him back into the sitting room, through another door on the same wall as the entrance to his quarters through the guest reception area.  They stepped into what appeared to be a spacious but mostly empty office, with floor-to-ceiling wooden bookcases on the wall flanking the door they’d just entered.  To the right, lit with track lights, was a single wall left bare.  A map of the earth had been sculpted in relief from plaster and then hand painted, airbrushed in brilliant greens and blues and drab browns, breathtaking in its detail. 

“Don’t hang any pictures on that wall, okay?” Daniel teased, jerking his thumb toward the mural.  His hands settled on his hips, his face filled with pride and affection.  “This is your study, Jack.  Your office, to use however you like.” 

Jack just stared at the room, details blurring with fatigue from all his recent travel, but part of him was aware that this was an incredible room, just like all the others he’d seen so far.  He stopped with Daniel beside another fireplace, where three columns supported arched plasterwork on the walls.  Daniel touched a switch on the wall beside one of the columns, and the smooth wall apparently set behind the column slid back into the wall outside the columns, leaving the arched doorways open, revealing steps down into another room. 

Mouth hanging open, Jack wandered into the huge living area, head tilting back to try to take in all of it.  The room was diamond shaped and the two back walls were all glass, floor to ceiling, angling toward the cliff and facing Cheyenne Mountain.  The second floor was open to this great room, and Jack could see that the wide, elegantly curved staircase against the far wall went up to an enormous library.  This was the room he had seen from the foot of the hill, the one in the back of the house, overlooking the city. 

His gaze kept going upward, to the steeply pitched ceiling coming to a gracefully high pitch over the tall cathedral windows.   

“Wow,” he whispered. 

“That’s the reaction I was going for with this space,” Daniel told him.  “We’ll see the south wing next, but take a moment.  Look around.” 

Jack did just that.  His gaze traveled down the two huge stone columns joining both floors to the ceiling, set on either side of the great room and framing the stepped entrance to the foyer.  The floor was more of the stained concrete, most of it in earth tones, with some sort of pattern that Jack couldn’t quite make out in the room’s center.  He strolled past a gleaming black grand piano and a rough, pale yellow limestone fireplace, taking note of the team photos on the mantel – all of them of the original SG-1, with Jack in the middle.  The picture at the center was a very old photo of himself and Charlie after a fishing expedition; one he’d given to Daniel the first Christmas after Daniel’s return to mortal form.  Jack brushed it with his fingertips, pleased that it had been given the place of honor among the other photos.   

He wandered toward the windows, gazing way up at the vaulted ceiling, and then out at the city.  The view was breathtaking, and Jack had to make himself look away.  He slipped his hands back into his trouser pockets and glanced back at Daniel, who was smiling at him, dimples and all, his eyes dancing with joy. 

“What?” asked Jack with an answering grin of his own.   

“It’s just so good to have you back,” Daniel told him brightly.  “C’mon.  Let’s see the rest of the downstairs.” He led the way into the south wing, where he had built an exercise room complete with chromed free-weights, a Nautilus machine, treadmill, and stair-stepper.  There were also yoga mats, Pilates balls and more of the magnificent view of the city.  The interior wall was made of glass blocks, and there was a stereo built into the wall adjoining the living room. 

“I’ll bet Teal’c loves this room,” Jack observed. 

“It’s one of his favorites,” Daniel admitted with pride, eyebrows lifting in emphasis.  “He’s pretty fond of the theater, too.” 

From there they toured Daniel’s gourmet kitchen, stocked with all the best utensils and more spices than Jack knew existed.  That space was separated from the dining room by a row of silk Japanese maple trees in huge Egyptian-style pots, placed just far enough apart to partially obscure the view into the kitchen, without barring the way for people carrying dishes back and forth.  Tucked into a back corner was the mudroom, also walled in glass blocks, where the laundry facilities were hidden away, as well as the door into the two-car garage. 

When he peeked into the garage and snapped on the overhead lights, Jack noted that Daniel still had his battered old red Jeep, but the other parking space was empty.  In the back of the garage was an old Indian motorcycle, parts of it lying on the floor around it.  Racks of gleaming tools hung on pegboards on the back wall, and there was also a freestanding tool cabinet that any Indy mechanic would have given his left arm to own; this had to be the space Daniel had designed specifically for Carter.  Jack was pleased to see that he had thought of all of them in creating the design for his personal space; he had made this place for those who were his family, so they would also be at home here. 

“Very nice,” Jack told him approvingly.  “Now the upstairs?” 

“This way.” Daniel led the way as they headed back through the utility room and dining room to a circular wall beside the foyer; no doubt the interior of the other lotus column at the front entrance.  Daniel pressed a panel of hieroglyphs on the curved limestone wall.  It lit up, and a moment later a portion of the wall moved sideways, revealing a small, round room.  “Elevator,” Daniel explained to Jack’s questioning look.  “For when we’re too banged up to manage the stairs.” He grinned and stepped inside, with Jack on his heels. 

“You thought of everything, didn’t you?”  Jack was calculating in his head how much that round elevator must have cost.  “And price was obviously no object.” 

“Nick Ballard made a lot of important discoveries in the field of archaeology,” Daniel told him proudly, “and he apparently came from a wealthy family.  I never knew about any of that.” 

“How much?” Jack wasn’t trying to be insensitive; he was just curious. 

 “You don’t wanna know.”  Daniel frowned, his gaze dropping self-consciously to the floor.  “Hell, I didn’t wanna know.” 

“That much, huh?” 

“Yeah.  I gave a lot of it away as grants and scholarships, in Nick’s name.” 

“He’d have liked that, I think.”  Jack was keenly aware that Daniel was more uncomfortable talking about the money than about his grandfather.  He was proud of Nick.  He just didn’t know how to be a rich man.  Daniel wasn’t a materialistic person, except where it came to books. 

Jack smiled to himself as he glanced at the sitting room as the elevator door opened.  Daniel was getting a nice start, though.  All this grandeur suited him, somehow.  What Jack had seen of the house so far – the antiques and paintings, the old doodads hanging on the walls and the graceful design of the rooms– made the place seem more like a museum than someone’s home.  Ordinary houses never seemed quite right for Daniel.  This place, though, suited him because it wasn’t ordinary.  It was exceptional, just like Daniel was himself. 

They took a quick tour of the sitting room that joined both wings on the upper floor, checking out the two extra guest bedrooms and adjoining baths, obviously decorated for Carter and Teal’c.  Then they went into Daniel’s huge bedroom, which included a coffee bar not far from the bed, and a small library and desk where he could work himself into a stupor every night.  The master bath was also enormous, as bathrooms went, with a waterfall shower big enough for a whole family to use at once.  It also featured a huge, deep, old-fashioned claw-footed tub set in front of the windows, which were paneled with “smart” glass that would go opaque at the touch of a button, for privacy, or be clear to allow a view while he soaked.   

“Now for the best parts,” Daniel told him, leading the way back to the sitting room.  He stood before three arches, just like the ones in Jack’s study, and at the touch of a button, the panels between the columns slid away, revealing the library Jack had glimpsed from the downstairs great room.  They stepped through into the enormous extension of the lower floor, embracing the opening to the living area like huge arms.  The walls were lined with books, and each of the nearly triangular shaped “wings” also featured floor-to-ceiling stacks of books.  There were artifacts set in just the right places on the shelves and on small tables and pedestals as accents, giving the room the feel of one of the restricted rooms in the New York Public Library, where the rarest books were kept. 

Jack didn’t have to ask the price tag on that library.  He already knew the one Daniel had at the base was worth a small fortune.  Books were his one indulgence, the only real luxury he had always allowed himself, until he’d designed this new house.  He must have had a blast filling this one up.   

“This way,” Daniel told him, nodding to the left.  They went to the shelves in the far corner, and Jack leaned on the railing, looking down into the living room.  The mottled colors of the floor design that he hadn’t been able to figure out while standing on it were suddenly clear from this height, and he realized that the pattern was a very subtle painting of an Egyptian scarab beetle with a pair of stylized bird wings extending on either side of it, kind of like the artwork on Journey album covers.  Painted on the back of the beetle was an inverted Roman V, and on the bug’s head was a small circle, completing the stargate glyph for Earth. 

Shaking his head, Jack looked at Daniel and grinned.  “Nice painting,” he observed, nodding toward the downstairs floor.  “Did you get clearance for that?” 

Daniel laughed a little.  “Those who know will know, and those who don’t, won’t,” he said cryptically.  “C’mon.  This is my pride and joy.”  He walked up to the bookcase next to the last one in the corner and said, “B’sholla khedeb.” 

There was a soft metallic click, and the bookcase moved slightly. 

Jack straightened, interested.  He watched Daniel take hold of the shelf and pull it toward him.  It pivoted soundlessly, revealing a metal wall behind it with one of those palm scanners like they used for the iris control of the stargate. 

“You’ll notice there’s no carpet in the library,” Daniel told him, pointing at the slate flooring.  “Opening the safe door would rub tracks in a carpet, giving away its position.  It’s free swinging, so it also doesn’t scrape the floor or ceiling.  Right now, it’s only programmed for myself and General Hammond, but we’ll be adding you to the access list, as soon as we can get the tech guy out here to do it.” 

“What was that thing you said to open it?” 

“The lock is voice programmed, and verifies ID with a palm-print scan,” explained Daniel.  “That’s my code key, Abydonian for ‘the treasure is truth’.  Think about what you might want yours to be.” 

“That’s easy,” Jack shot back.  “Open sesame!” 

Daniel just grinned and shook his head.  “I owe General Hammond twenty bucks now, Jack.  Thanks.” 

“You guys bet on me?” 

“I thought it would be something from pop culture, along the lines of, ‘Hail, Dorothy,’ or ‘Mmmmm, donuts.’  Instead, you went with a totally unexpected folklore reference.“   

“I’m nothing if not versatile,” Jack returned playfully. 

With a low chuckle, Daniel put his palm on the scanner, and the wall opened with the hiss of breaking a vacuum seal.  “The room is climate controlled, zero humidity, to protect the more delicate items in the collection I inherited from Nick.  It’s also great for the sinuses.”  Daniel led the way into the room, and stood aside to gesture toward the clear acrylic shelves lined with black and burgundy velvet to protect the surfaces of the rare books and artifacts stored in the huge safe room.   

“And if I bring something home to work on that needs to be protected,” Daniel added, “this is where I put it for the night.” 

Jack knew without asking that almost every object in that room was worth a small fortune.  The look on Daniel’s face told him plenty – these were things he had inherited from his grandfather, personal things that had sentimental value.  Daniel was highly respectful of the antiquities he owned and handled on a daily basis, and many of those were expensive and rare in their own right, but this room had been built to keep safe the things Daniel didn’t want to be lost, things that had touched his heart. 

Wandering up to a small clay jar, Jack read the neatly printed card that sat beside it. 

From the collection of Dr. Nicholas Ballard, clay urn, Thebes, 2200 BC. 

Pretty much everything in the room had belonged at one time to Daniel’s parents or grandfather, except for two items.  One was the scrapbook many of the staff at the SGC had made for Daniel as a Christmas gift the first year he returned from being ascended, and the other was a Sphynx-like figure molded from what appeared to be lead, reclining on its belly in the shape of the Egyptian monument, but rather than a too-small human head, it had the head of an unfamiliar animal.  Stylized marks covered the sides and flanks of the beast, but what held Jack’s gaze was the symbol carved into a pendant hanging from the creature’s neck.  The pendant was circular, and bore the Earth glyph from the stargate.  Between its paws sat a small circle with nine chevrons incised into it – a miniature stargate. 

Sitting beside it, Jack read the display card. 

From the collection of Dr. Daniel Jackson, Giza Plateau, 1987.  Substance unknown.   

Jack pointed at it.  “I’ve never seen this before,” he said to his friend.  “It wasn’t with your stuff when you… you know.” He didn’t want to say that word that made him so uncomfortable.  Dead and ascended were pretty much the same thing in his book.  He just pointed skyward.   

Daniel’s pride in the statue was obvious.  He wandered over while he talked, staring lovingly at it.  “It’s the single most valuable thing I ever found,” he told Jack.  “I left it at the Oriental Institute for a long time, locked away in their vault to keep it safe, but I never forgot it was there.  I just didn’t have a place to keep it where I thought it’d be safe.”  He glanced around the room, and then finally at Jack.  “Until now.  Do you know what I think this is?”  His fingers lovingly stroked the back of the statue’s neck, as if he were petting it. 

Intuition leaped into Jack’s mind as he studied it.  “The original Sphynx?” 

His friend beamed at him.  “I’m impressed.  And yes, I believe this was a model for the original design.  I think it may have been built by the Ancients more than 10,000 years ago, showing the original location of the ‘gate.” 

“Did you have it carbon-dated?” 

Daniel shook his head.  “Wouldn’t prove anything,” he said sadly.  “With materials like this, it’d be pointless.  It’s made of naquadah, Jack.  We didn’t know that at the time, back when I discovered it; just that it was an unidentified material.  And even if it had been made of common metals, we couldn’t tell anything about when it was carved or molded into this form.  It’s always been an enigma, but one I knew was important.  You know what else?” 

“The inscriptions are in Ancient?” 

With a laugh, Daniel nodded his head.  “Right again.  I couldn’t translate them before, but I can now, and already have.  It’s a key; to what, we don’t know yet, but it could be important.  We have to keep looking for the lock.” 

“Knowing you, it probably is important, and if anybody can figure it out, it’ll be the one and only Doctor Daniel Jackson.”  Jack patted him on the shoulder. 

Warmth filled his friend’s face, and joy shone in his eyes.  “C’mon.  There’s one more thing I wanna show you, and then you can settle in and get some rest undisturbed.”  He led the way out of the safe room and locked it up, hiding it again behind the bookshelf.   

He took Jack back to the sitting room, stopping by a door situated between the circular staircase and the elevator at the front of the building.  “Go on out,” Daniel told him.  “Have a look around.  I’ve got some work to do, so I’ll leave you alone for a while.  Make yourself at home.  Unpack, raid the fridge, if you want, and I’ll see you later, okay?”   

Jack nodded, intuition already kicking in.  A wave of emotion pulled him under, choked him up, and he just nodded.  When Daniel extended his hand, Jack shook it firmly. 

“Welcome home,” Daniel told him, beaming.   

Swallowing hard, Jack thanked him and watched as he turned away and headed back into the library.  When Daniel was out of sight, Jack opened the door and stepped out on the second-story deck he’d admired from the front entrance.  The first thing he saw was the telescope – a much nicer one than he had tucked away in storage with his furniture – sitting beside a comfortable, padded patio chair and a small glass-and-wrought iron table.  Those items had been placed in the center of the balcony, just for him.  Tucked away in a corner beside the door were a pair of chaise lounges, with little tables next to them for holding drinks and snacks.  There were unlit candles for atmosphere and a small, weather-proof electric lamp on one table, presumably to aid with reading. 

Apparently, Daniel had plans to occasionally join Jack for stargazing, and that made Jack smile all over again.  The amount of thought, work, and money Daniel had put into creating a place where Jack would feel at home was simply amazing.  Having Daniel for a friend left Jack owing a heavy karmic debt he felt sure he’d be paying on for a very long time.  They didn’t come any better than Doctor Jackson. 

He sat down in the chair and uncapped the lenses on the telescope, telling himself he’d just have a peek before going back downstairs to unpack. 

Three Weeks Later
P3X-719

Daniel scrubbed at the piece of pottery with a soft-bristled toothbrush, carefully removing the dirt that obscured the incised writing on its aged surface.  It was hot, a merciless double sun beating down on him.  Sweat poured off his forehead and partially blinded him as it dripped into his eyes, shadowed beneath his boonie hat.  Colonel Jim Reynolds, the new CO for SG-1, stood in the distance with Teal’c and kept watch. 

Jackson sat back on his heels, pushed his hat back and pulled his scarf from a vest pocket.  Wrapping it over the top of his head, he tied it at his nape to absorb the sweat and put his hat back on top of the bandana to shade his eyes.  He fetched his canteen and took a long swallow of water, glancing over at his nearest teammate. 

Sam was busy with soil and mineral samples, cataloguing them and preparing them for transport back to the base.   

“Hey, Sam, how about coming over for dinner Friday night?  We’re due a little downtime, and I thought we could—“ 

She didn’t even look up from her work.  “Sorry, Daniel, but I’m busy.  Got a research project I’ll be working on with Doctor Lee.”  

“You can’t take a couple of hours out for dinner with your teammates?” he prodded gently.  “Jim and Teal’c will be there.” 

This time, she gave him a wary look.  “Maybe some other time, Daniel,” she told him, an edge of warning in her voice.   

He summoned up his courage, aiming to get this confrontation done.  “You haven’t been over to my house since Jack came back, Sam.  I miss you, and I’m sure Jack would enjoy seeing you again.” 

“I have nothing to say to him,” she shot back coldly. 

Daniel sighed and screwed the cap back onto his canteen.  “Jack is exactly the same man he was before you knew he was gay.  He hasn’t changed.  You did, as soon as you knew the truth.” 

“He lied to us,” she snapped, glaring at him now.  “He can’t be trusted.” 

“You trusted him for seven years,” Daniel reminded her quietly.  “You respected him, knowing he was one of the best officers the Air Force had.  He’s still the same man, Sam, and he cares about you.” 

“He’s a queer, Daniel,” she growled.  “He hid that from all of us.” 

“He couldn’t even admit it to himself,” Daniel returned emphatically.  “How in hell can you have expected him to come out to us?  And anyway, he’s never been with another guy.  I told you that already.  Why won’t you accept him for who he is?  As soon as he admitted it to himself, as soon as ‘don’t ask/don’t tell’ ended, he told us.  He treated us with honor and respect.  We should do the same with him.” 

“I guess I’m just not as liberal as you are,” Sam admitted harshly.  “I can’t forgive and forget.  I’ll work with him if I have to, but I don’t have to like it, and I don’t intend to spend my free time hanging out with people like that.”   

She got up, dusted off her BDU pants and stalked off just as Reynolds strolled up. 

“Jeez, what pissed her off, Dan?” he asked quietly, watching his 2IC disappear into the distance. 

Daniel sighed.  “I was trying to be the peacemaker again.”  He shook his head and set his canteen aside.  “Still no success.” 

Jim eyed his linguist.  “Her and Jack?”   

Daniel nodded, turning his gaze back to the pottery shard. 

“Don’t you understand why this is so hard for Carter?” asked Jim softly.  “She had a thing for him, buddy.  She’d never have done what it took to be free to take him out for a test drive, but the interest was there; a blind man could’ve seen it.  And then when she found out it was all one-sided…”  He shrugged.  “Gal’s got a big ego, Dan.  Jack put a pretty significant dent in it.” 

“He didn’t do it on purpose,” Daniel said defensively.  “He didn’t want to hurt her, but he had to be honest, once he realized he was gay.”  He looked up at his commanding officer.  “You okay with all this?” 

Reynolds pursed his lips thoughtfully.  “My youngest brother lives in Boston and is legally married to another guy.  Our folks took it pretty hard at first, but they’re okay with it now.”  He shrugged.  “It’s funny how opinions change on the subject, when you find out someone you love is gay.”  He chuckled.  “Yeah, I’m okay with it, Doc.  Jack’s still the same ol’ Jack, in my book.” 

Daniel smiled up at him, his relieved grin turning to a look of horror as he saw an enormous alien creature rising up behind the ridge of stone on which Jim Reynolds stood.  Daniel didn’t even have time to move or yell a warning before it struck.   

The Colonel never even knew what killed him.   

Jack stared out the window at the black silhouette of the mountain in the distance.  Daniel was away on a mission, so he had the house to himself.  It was late, and he ought to be in bed getting some sleep, but he was restless, a familiar feeling of need gnawing insistently at his guts.  Now that he was back in the Springs it rarely left him alone, and coupled with the isolation he felt from nearly everyone, it was getting harder to resist.  He was fighting a constant struggle with depression; returning to the place that had been his home for so long had helped, but not enough.   

He swirled the whiskey around in the tumbler in his hand, looking down into the golden liquid.  For close to a year he’d been battling this urge, and now he made the decision to finally satisfy his curiosity.  He drained the glass, carried it into the kitchen and put it in the dishwasher. 

Ambling into the bedroom, he rifled through his closet until he found the cardboard box.  It hadn’t even been opened; still sealed with shipping tape.  He’d ordered it a few months after relocating to Moore AFB and then put it away when it arrived, embarrassed that he’d been so weak and desperate as to even consider this.  Now it was eating at him again, and added to the loneliness and despair that were his constant companions, he simply couldn’t fight it any longer. 

Without even really looking at it, he took it out of the box and carried the object into the bathroom.  He soaped it up and scrubbed it thoroughly under a stream of hot water, dried it off and returned to his bedroom, where he tossed it onto the bed.  He got undressed, neatly laying his clothes aside on a chair.  When he was naked, he peeled back the covers and got under them, then retrieved the thing he had so carelessly tossed aside, taking his first good look at it. 

The ad text on the internet web page had declared it to be sculpted to realistic detail.  Aside from the fact that it was made of semi-hard rubber, it did look amazingly true to form.  The helmeted head had a tiny slit indented in the top; veins traveled down the long shaft and even the balls had the right texture to them, though they weren’t soft like real ones.  All that was missing was hair, body heat and a human smell, rather than the odor of latex.   

Jack had never seen another man’s erect penis up close, and he fondled and explored it with interest, running his fingertips all over the surface.  He used his imagination, trying to picture the device attached to a warm body and waving in his face.  He closed his eyes and brought it closer, stroking it against his cheek, his eyelids, his lips. 

His heartbeat thrummed faster in his chest.  Heat rushed to his belly, and he felt his cock filling.  It would be so good, to be this close to him, to feel his rough hands stroking through Jack’s hair.  He kissed the side of the dildo’s shaft, a groan of pleasure slipping out of him.  He ignored the artificial taste, letting his imagination fill in the right flavor, musky and male, slightly salty, and so hot against his lips. 

A dam burst inside him. He couldn’t lie still, needing to move, to feel that cock filling him. He reached for the nightstand, jerking open the drawer and scrambling around in it for the lube he’d put there.  The tube was brand new, specially formulated for use with latex toys, and with trembling fingers, he squeezed a little of it out, coating the head completely.  Instinct told him that wouldn’t be enough, and he gripped the tube harder.  When he had the dildo covered, he rolled onto his side, his legs tangling in the covers, and savagely kicked the blankets out of the way. 

With slick fingers, he aimed the tool and pushed, but it wouldn’t go in.  He tried again, pushing harder, but his hand just slid along the lubricated shaft without making any progress.  Pulling the dildo in front of him, he held it with his left hand and used the fingers of his right to probe the tight ring of muscle, forcing his way inside himself. 

Slowly, he began to twirl his finger around, exploring his depths as he had so often in the past.  He pushed deeper, as deeply as he could go, moaning at the familiar feeling of fullness.  Wanting more, he gently added another finger, and another, stretching himself wide.  He pumped languidly, aching at the wonderful heat, the sweet pain of penetration. This was what turned him on, what had always pushed him over the top when he’d been with women, but now, he was going to be fucked by a dick, big and hard and male. 

He opened his eyes and gazed at the tool still clutched in his left hand, his breathing shallow and fast, imagining his lover lying beside him.  In his mind, the beautiful man climbed over him, stroking him all over, spooning up behind him.  Jack moved the dildo to his right hand and pressed it against himself again, picturing his lover’s hips pushing slowly, gently, lovingly as he entered him. The sensation was so strange, so shocking; he held his body still while he pushed, trying to wrap his mind around the experience. 

Jack’s breath caught as the head slipped inside.  It hurt, but rather than pull away from the pain, he found himself pushing back against it.  The dildo slipped deeper.  Jack could hardly breathe, keening softly, heart pounding in his chest.  It was everything he had never allowed himself to dream it could be, complete with the softly whispered words of love and desire echoing in his imagination.   

He shoved the dildo all the way inside, working it back and forth gently, slowly; the fake balls mashing up against his ass.  His whole body shook, his own need rising, expanding until it consumed him.  He needed more, needed to feel his lover come, needed his own release, some touch of a loving hand on his body, heated lips around his own cock.  He heard himself crying out, moaning and gasping, crazed with pleasure and need.  His left hand caught his cock and pulled at it while he fucked himself hard with the dildo, pushing himself over the edge with a wild yell as he shot come all over his hand and the sheets. 

The whole thing felt as if it had taken him about a minute and a half, but he didn’t care.  

For several moments, he didn’t move, just lying still with his arms limp and drained.  When he could summon enough energy to stir, his fingertips prowled the shape of the device implanted between his softly furred cheeks.  He loved this, and was stunned at how utterly complete he felt.  This was so much more than he’d ever felt with a woman, so right and fulfilling.  All he needed was the reality of a warm body snuggled up against his backside, a heavy, muscular arm draped over his waist, a deep, husky voice whispering to him about love and forever, against the nape of his neck. 

God, it was so good!  It wrecked him, tears squeezing out from beneath tightly closed eyelids.  As his breathing and heartbeat slowed to normal, he drifted slowly off to sleep, dreaming of his fantasy lover, soaring into bliss such as he had never believed possible. 

Powerful, strong hands, molding his body, making it pliable and loose.  Soft lips, chin roughened by stubble, stroking across his throat, kissing downward.  Hot, silken tongue, laving his collarbones and dipping into the hollow between them.  Hard, swollen cock thrusting against his belly, now pumping between his thighs.  Turning, aching for more, being filled, stretched and pleasured until he moaned, begging for more, harder, faster. 

“Jack.” 

That deep, sweet, familiar voice, feather light against his ears.  Warm breath against his skin, making his body sing with need.  A glimpse over his shoulder of bright blue eyes, burning with passion. 

“Jack.” 

He knew that voice, welcomed the thick cock filling him up.  His heart expanded with joy until it was unbearable, his lover’s name on the tip of his tongue.  He moaned, clenching his muscles around that glorious dick inside him. 

“Da—“ 

“Jack?  Are you okay?” 

Instantly, Jack was awake.  Covers were tangled all around his body.  The room was dark, save for a shaft of moonlight coming in through a small crack between the heavy curtains.  A dim light in the sitting room illuminated a figure standing at the threshold of his bedroom, and he recognized the shape as Daniel Jackson. 

Jack’s guts clenched in panic.  His heart slammed against his ribs, hands fisting up in the covers and pulling them up over himself. 

He still had the dildo plugged into his ass, his cock was rock hard again, and Daniel was standing in the doorway, looking at him. 

Had Daniel seen that thing sticking out of him?  Had the blankets covered him up enough to hide it?  Oh, God, if Daniel knew what he’d been doing, Jack would die of shame right there on the spot. 

“I’m fine,” he squeaked.  He couldn’t turn over onto his back with the dildo in him, and propped up on one elbow, acutely aware of the fullness in his guts.  “Just… ah…  Just dreaming, I guess.”  He suddenly realized Daniel wasn’t supposed to be home yet.  “I thought you weren’t due back for three more days?” 

“Mission was cut short,” Daniel replied listlessly.  He hesitated.  “Um… are you alone in there?” 

A wave of relief swept through Jack.  That told him that Daniel couldn’t see him in the bed; the room was too dark and shadowy.  He gave a half-smothered little laugh of relief and said, “Yeah, I’m all by my lonesome in here.  You okay?” 

“Fine,” came the standard reply.  “Just checking on you.  G’night.” 

Jack watched as the silhouette turned around slowly and limped off across the sitting room. 

Daniel was hurt, and probably exhausted.  There had been trouble; he might need to talk about it.  As soon as Jack was sure his friend was gone, he reached back and pulled the toy free, threw back the covers, and hurried to the bathroom with it.  He washed it off and stuck it back in the box, shoving it into the back of the closet again.  He took a quick shower to rinse away the dried come and lube, and dressed hurriedly in a T-shirt and sweats.   

He found Daniel on the sofa in the living room, and Jack’s heart clenched in his chest.  There were scratches and bruises all over his face.  He was wearing a patch over one eye, and gauze and tape were sticking out from underneath it.  His right arm was in a sling and one foot was wrapped in bandages. 

“You want some Tylenol or something?” Jack asked gently.  He thought about sitting down beside Daniel, but his ass was still tender and he didn’t want to wince in front of his friend, because Daniel would be sure to notice.  “Can I get you anything?” 

Daniel shook his head.  He didn’t speak.  His gaze stayed on the floor. 

 “What happened?”  Jack took a deep breath as intuition hit him like a punch in the gut.  “Did everyone make it?” 

After a pause, Daniel shook his head again.  Tears welled up in his exposed eye and spilled over his cheek. 

Jack sat down next to him, ignoring his own discomfort, and pulled Daniel into his arms.   

“Is Carter okay?” he asked tentatively.  “Teal’c?”  

After each name, Daniel nodded his head, struggling to hold back his sobs, and finally letting them free. 

That left only one possibility.  Reynolds hadn’t made it. 

Jack wanted to ask for details, but at that moment, Daniel wouldn’t have been able to answer him.  Jack held him, rocking him gently, letting him cry out his grief and relishing the feel of him in his arms.  He felt guilty for the pleasure it gave him, but part of him hung onto that fiercely, because he needed the closeness.   

The urge to kiss Daniel was strong and sudden, as was the need to tell him that it would be all right.  He wanted to protect him, to stand between Daniel and anything that might hurt him, and in that moment, in that cocoon of raw emotion that encompassed them, he remembered the face of the man he had been dreaming about moments earlier, and finally knew the identity of the lover he had kept so well hidden from himself.   

It was Daniel, his friend and teammate for so many years.  He was in love with his best friend, and realized that he had been for a very long time. 

The epiphany cut his heart to ribbons, for this was the one man with whom he could never share a sexual relationship, and Jack knew that no one else would ever mean as much to him as Daniel did.  He had kept his heart in reserve for good reason – because he’d lost it long ago, and it wasn’t his to give any longer. 

He held back his own tears, putting his own new pain aside to offer Daniel his strength and compassion when it was needed most.  Daniel was the important one, and he concentrated on comforting his friend – the man he loved – the best way he knew how.

“We weren’t paying attention,” Daniel sobbed.  “I was arguing with Sam, and she left.  Jim came up to check on us, and this... this thing—“  His voice broke.

Jack held him tighter, cradling him against his chest, hands stroking Daniel’s hair.

“This thing came up out of nowhere,” Daniel wailed.  “It killed Jim.  I couldn’t do anything.  I was too slow.”

Grief burned in Jack’s heart.  “You did what you could,” he said confidently.  “You killed it, didn’t you?”

Daniel’s head nodded against his shirt.  “I was too late.”

“Anybody else hurt?”  Jack’s stomach lurched, wondering how much damage the team had suffered. 

“Sam and Teal’c are okay,” whispered Daniel, “but Jim. Oh God, Jack.  It tore him apart!”

Jack could imagine the horror that Daniel had seen.  He understood this kind of trauma, and knew it would take some time and counseling for Daniel to get through it, but he would make it.  Right now, it was important for Daniel to rest and heal.

“You’re home now,” Jack murmured, stroking him fondly.  “Did Doc Brightman give you something to help you sleep?”

Daniel sniffed a little, wiped his face on his sleeve and sat up, his shoulders slumped, head down in defeat.  “I don’t wanna sleep.”

“Maybe not, but it’s what you need right now.”  Jack held out his hand.

Obediently, Daniel pulled the packet of pills from his shirt pocket and put them into Jack’s palm.

“C’mon, Danny.”  Jack stood up and pulled his friend to his feet.  He put his arm around Daniel’s shoulders and walked him up the stairs.  While Daniel got undressed, Jack fetched a glass of water, opened the pill packet into his hand and returned to Daniel’s bedside.

“Want me to stay with you?” he asked quietly.

Daniel took off his glasses and set them on the nightstand, took the medication obediently and handed Jack the glass.

“I’ll be okay, Jack.  You get some rest.”  Daniel sighed forlornly.  “Sorry I woke you.  I just.”  He shrugged and bowed his head.

Jack lifted the covers and tucked Daniel in.  “It’s okay.  That’s what friends are for.”  He snapped off the lamp and waited for his eyes to adjust to the darkness, watching over the man he loved as he settled down to sleep.  “I’ll be close by, if you need me,” he whispered.

“Thanks, Jack.”

He returned to his own room and changed the sheets.  For a long time, he stood at the window, looking out at the city, thinking.  That half-remembered dream merged with his earlier fantasy until he could feel Daniel’s hands on him, Daniel’s breath hot against the back of his neck, Daniel’s cock filling him up. 

Jack went to his closet, took the box with the dildo in it and secreted it in the bottom of the kitchen trash.  He didn’t want that thing anymore.  He knew what it felt like now, and that was enough. He’d just have to get through the rest of his life without satisfaction, because the one person he wanted was unavailable, and no one else would do.

He climbed into his bed alone and let his tears free in the silence, mourning the loss of Jim Reynolds, his old friend, as well as the death of his dreams. 

Three Days Later

Daniel smiled at people and tended bar in his kitchen, making sure the food trays stayed replenished during the Irish wake for Colonel Reynolds.  Keeping busy was a good thing, preventing him from thinking about the disastrous mission he, Sam and Teal’c had survived.  In moments of silence, he kept remembering Jim’s surprised face as the alien creature killed him, the sight of it still haunting his attempts to sleep.  He needed to stay active, to occupy his mind, to keep it from going back to that terrible place where he’d lost his CO and friend. 

Jack hovered nearby, glancing at him now and then, a bottle of beer in his hand.  Daniel was grateful that, whenever there were moments when the activity would lull, Jack would suddenly appear to ask him questions, get him started again, help him keep going.   Jack acted as host, keeping the attendees circulating and talking, remembering Jim Reynolds fondly, sharing their grief, celebrating his life.  Jack was good at that, and it left Daniel free to concentrate on the mundane physical tasks that kept his mind away from the emotional issues. 

Hours passed, and Daniel was exhausted.  The patch was gone now, but his eye still felt gritty and uncomfortable and was terribly bloodshot. Most of the bruises and scratches were healing. His injured leg ached, but he resisted taking any of the pain meds that Doctor Brightman had given him.  That would just make him sleepy, and he didn’t want to sleep.  Not for a long time.  Not until the other pain went away. 

Feeling a presence at his elbow as he took another tray of bacon-wrapped scallops from the broiler, Daniel turned to glance up into Teal’c’s impassive face.  There was sympathy and caring in the Jaffa’s dark eyes.  Daniel reached up and turned off the oven, and Teal’c followed him over to the island bar, where he set the hot tray down on a trivet.   

“The guests are all leaving, DanielJackson,” he stated quietly.  “There is no need for additional refreshments.” 

Daniel looked up, astonished to find only a handful of people at the far end of the dining room, wandering slowly toward the foyer.  Jack was in their midst, thanking them for coming.  Looking at the various bowls, platters and trays set out on the bar, Daniel heaved a heavy sigh.  “I guess I overdid it, huh?” 

“You had a need to act,” Teal’c observed wisely.  He put his hand on Daniel’s shoulder.  “It was not your fault, my friend.” 

Turning a pained, sad smile up to the Jaffa, Daniel nodded.  “I know, Teal’c, and thank you.  There was nothing any of us could have done that we didn’t do.  We brought Jim home, and that’s something.”  He swallowed hard, adding,  “Most of him, anyway.”   Remembering, he closed his eyes against the tears that threatened.  “God, I’m so sorry.” 

Teal’c squeezed his shoulder in sympathy.  “As are we all, DanielJackson.  ColonelReynolds will be missed.”  He pulled back.  “But the war will go on.  There will be more losses before we succeed, but we cannot lose hope.  We must continue to fight.” 

Daniel felt himself settling into his grief, the sharp edges finally losing their hold on his heart.  It felt a little like relief, and he knew that the worst was over now.  He’d be able to rest a little, but it would be some time before their loss released its hold on him completely. 

Lifting his gaze, he eyed Jack, shaking hands with General Hammond near the foyer entrance.  He knew Jack was hurting, too, because Reynolds had been a long-time friend, but somehow Jack always managed to stand up and shrug off whatever life dealt him.  The only time Jack had ever failed at that was when he’d lost Charlie, and even then, he’d given the appearance of dealing with his grief, though it had been tearing him apart inside.  On the Abydos mission, Daniel had slowly become aware of Jack’s death wish and helped him rediscover reasons to live, reasons that had helped him survive his grief and return home.  Jack had been alone since then, and lonely.  Daniel knew he just covered it well. 

“He needs someone to love, Teal’c,” Daniel murmured.  “Why won’t he allow himself that?” 

“O’Neill does not trust easily,” the Jaffa returned quietly.  He cocked his head thoughtfully.  “Do you not also need to be loved, DanielJackson?” 

“Trust comes with knowledge,” said Daniel, “but this isn’t about me.  Jack needs to date, to find a good man and get to know him.  He’s got to put some effort into it, or he’ll never…”  Shrugging, he realized that he and Teal’c had discussed this many times over the last year and a half.  This wasn’t something either one of them could fix.  Only Jack himself could change his own situation.  “There’s no point to coming out, if he’s not going to follow his instincts and BE gay.  I want to help him, Teal’c, but I don’t know how.”   

After a long moment of silence, Daniel dragged his gaze from Jack to his tall friend.  “What?” 

“I believe you do know how to help him, DanielJackson,” Teal’c rumbled.  “In fact, I believe you are the only one who can.” 

Daniel’s mouth shrank up to a small ‘o’ as his eyes widened.  “I.”  He cleared his throat.  “Um.”  He raised one finger in the air, intending to make a point, but all logic fled in the face of the veiled suggestion the Jaffa had just made.  “But.”  He scratched at a spot on his cheek with that same finger, his mind now running in circles.  This wasn’t the first time this idea had come up in the last eighteen months, but this time the whirlwind arguments seemed to settle into the quiet acceptance of inevitability.  He sighed out the last protest.  “Yeah.  I know.  You’re right, Teal’c.  One of us should help him, and I think he’d be more comfortable with me.” 

“If you cannot…” Teal’c let the offer hang. 

“I’ll let you know.” Daniel nodded, looking up at his friend.  “Anything for Jack, right?” 

Teal’c nodded in agreement.  “Agreed.”  He gave Daniel a slight bow.  “It was an excellent gathering, my friend.” 

“Thank you, Teal’c.  Good night.”  He recognized the Jaffa’s preparation to return to the base, subtle gestures that had become ingrained over the decade they’d known each other.  He watched as the big man went over to Jack to bid him adieu. 

Turning back to the leftovers, Daniel started to wrap up the food that would keep and throw out what wouldn’t.  As he worked, he began to turn over the problem of Jack’s reluctance to adapt to his true nature, and how he might go about helping his friend tear down the tower walls he’d built around himself.  He’d have to be careful, and he’d have to be smart.  He’d need an answer to every objection, because Jack would be objecting plenty, but Teal’c was right; there was only one person who could get under Jack O’Neill’s radar and sneak up on him unawares.   

If Jack were ever going to know what it felt like to hold another man in his arms, he was going to have to start with someone he already trusted, someone he knew well – someone who already owned a piece of his heart. 

And no one was closer to Jack than he was.  No one.  That left only one choice, and Daniel accepted the mission with open eyes and fierce determination.  He would make sure Jack found someone to love, no matter what it took.  Jack had gotten under Daniel’s skin long ago, way more than any of his oldest friends; way more than anyone else ever had.  No one meant as much to Daniel, and he didn’t intend to let Jack be lonely and unfulfilled.   

Jack just needed a push in the right direction, and Daniel was just the one to give it to him. 

Three Weeks Later

Daniel guided the Jeep into a parking space and turned off the ignition, chattering away about nothing in particular, hoping to keep his passenger distracted until they were inside the nightclub. 

“Take me home, ” Jack interrupted, scowling at the sign above the door. 

“We just got here, ” Daniel protested with a frown.  “C’mon, let me buy you a drink or two.” 

Jack didn’t unbuckle his seatbelt.  “I do not need to go into a gay bar looking for a date,” he announced with a glare.  “Take me the fuck home.” 

Loosing an exasperated sigh, Daniel turned in his seat and faced his friend fully.  “Just humor me, please?  I’m gathering intel, here.” 

“On what, pray tell?” Jack demanded irritably.  His eyes were narrowed and dangerous, clearly revealing his opinion of Daniel’s subterfuge. 

“On what kind of men you like?” he asked hopefully.   

“Doesn’t matter what kind of men I like,” Jack shot back.  “I’m not going to be sleepin’ with any, so just drop this whole stupid idea and quit buggin’ me about my lack of a sex life.” 

“What are you afraid of?” Daniel asked gently.  “All you have to lose is loneliness.  You have so much to gain, and you won’t even try to find someone.  I don’t understand why you’re acting like this.” 

Jack’s eyes glittered darkly.  “I don’t see you with a woman on your arm, Daniel, and you don’t see me sittin’ here trying to fix you up.” 

“That’s different,” Daniel returned.  “I’ve had the experience of being with women, of being thoroughly loved by one.  You haven’t had that experience with your partner of choice yet.  You should at least know what it’s like, before you cancel it out of your life completely.” 

“It’s not a requirement,” Jack snapped.  “I’m a full-fledged adult, and I can wallow in my ignorance all I want.” 

Daniel sat back in his seat, defeated before he even began.  Jack was being unreasonably stubborn about all this.  Maybe Daniel had been wrong about trying to spring the evening out as a surprise on his friend.  He probably should have at least discussed it with Jack beforehand, but catching him by surprise had seemed like a good idea at the time. 

“Okay, I promise not to try to fix you up,” Daniel agreed at last, “but we haven’t been out together in a while.  Can’t we just go in for a couple of drinks, talk a little, and then go home?” 

“Who’s driving?” 

“Flip a coin for it?” 

Jack got out, fished a coin from his pocket and tossed it on the parking lot after calling ‘heads.’ 

Daniel kept the tease on his mind to himself and squatted down to retrieve the coin.  “Tails.  You’re drinking.” He scooped the coin up and handed it back to his friend, then followed him into the bar. 

The music was just loud enough to provide an audible background without interfering with conversation.  They took their seats at the bar, and Daniel was quick to point out that this establishment had their own microbrewery in the back.  When Jack didn’t make any attempt to settle in, Daniel ordered a beer for Jack, and a virgin Margarita for himself.    

Daniel sat on his stool and faced the interior of the club.  The lights were low; the atmosphere high class and elegant.  The men populating the place were well dressed in a variety of fashions, from cowboy chic to business suits; obviously a well-heeled clientele. 

He noted that most were in good physical condition, and reasonably attractive.  Most of the patrons were late 20’s to early 40’s, with darn few as old as Jack, but Daniel was sure his friend could have his pick, if the glances turned their way were any indication.  He studied Jack, trying to figure out what men looked for in other men. 

“You’re getting a lot of notice,” Daniel offered, trying to get Jack to participate. 

“They’re lookin’ at you, Daniel,” Jack muttered, his back to the room.   

“How would you know?  You can’t even see them.” Daniel accepted his drink, licked the rim of the glass for a taste of salt, then swallowed a sip.  “Good Margarita.”  He pulled a few bills from his wallet and handed them to the bartender. 

The young man gave him a bright smile as he took the money.  “Thanks, honey.  You let me know if I can get anything for you, okay?”  He winked. 

“Yeah, thanks.”  Daniel smiled politely as he put his wallet back into his pocket. 

The bartender sauntered off to prepare someone else’s drink.   

“Flirt,” Jack accused, sipping his beer. 

“Huh?”  

“You gave him the dimples, Daniel,” Jack explained.  “He called you ‘honey.’  The poor boy is smitten now.” 

“Oh, come on, Jack.  He is not.”  The thought of inadvertently coming on to the young man shook Daniel up a little.  “I wasn’t flirting.  I was just paying for our drinks.” 

“You’re in a gay bar with what everyone here thinks is your date, and these guys probably think you’re one of them.  You’re hot, and every guy in the place is sizing you up, trying to figure out how to approach you without pissing off your hardass boyfriend.  Including the bartender.”  He took a sip of the beer.  “Good beer, too, but I’m not gonna compliment the hired help on it.” 

“Jack, you’re not my date.” 

“You and I know that, but nobody else in here does.”  Jack turned to meet his flustered gaze.  “You wanna take a stroll out on the dance floor and prove me wrong?  Heads will turn, I guarantee.” 

“Um, no, thanks.”  Embarrassed, Daniel faced the bar, staring self-consciously down into his salted glass.  He pondered their circumstances, then shot Jack a sly glance.  “Why don’t you take that stroll instead?  I’ll bet you get some appreciative glances.  You’re a good looking guy, you know.” 

Jack frowned at him, his eyes dark and stormy beneath his brows.  “How would you know?” 

“I have eyes,” Daniel explained casually.  “I may not be wired the same as you, but I understand the basic concept of human attractiveness, and recognize when others meet that criteria.  Your features are well balanced, and you’re in excellent physical condition; therefore, attractive.  Maybe even handsome.  I’m not quite sure about that, because I don’t have the same frame of reference as you.”   

Jack grunted at that appraisal.  His attention had wandered back to his beer mug halfway through the dissertation.  “I’m old, Daniel,” Jack argued flatly.  “Nobody wants a cranky old fart like me.” 

“I would, if I were gay.”  He meant that to be reassuring, encouraging to his friend. 

The mug stopped halfway to Jack’s lips for a moment, then continued on its way.  There seemed to be even more tension in Jack’s expression when he set the glass down again.  He didn’t make eye contact.  “Yeah, well, you’re not gay, so it doesn’t matter.  I’m not putting myself out there, and that’s that.  We’ve been over this, Daniel.” 

The bartender returned when he’d finished serving his other customers.  He tilted his head, flashed another smile, and asked, “Anything else I can get you?”  He leaned one elbow on the bar and dropped his voice seductively.  “Coffee?  Tea?  How ‘bout me, Beautiful?” 

Daniel’s mouth went dry as he stared up into interested blue eyes.  “Um, no, thanks.  This’ll be enough for the moment.”  He cleared his throat.  “And while I appreciate the attention, I’m not gay.  Just so you know.  My buddy, here, is, though.” 

A glance at Jack’s face showed Daniel that his friend was horrified by that exchange.

The young man took a brief, appraising glance at Jack, then shifted his eyes back to Daniel.  “Well, it’s a pity you’re straight,” he announced.  “You’re the hottest guy to come in this place in a month of Sundays.  I hope the ladies in your life know how lucky they are.”  He winked at Daniel again and moved off to refill Jack’s glass. 

“Toldja,” Jack muttered.  “With you sitting next to me, I might as well be invisible.” 

“You could come by yourself sometime,” Daniel offered helpfully. 

The look Jack gave him left scorch marks. 

“Come on, I’m not that good looking,” Daniel waved his hands around.  “I’m just kind of average.  I have no idea what that bartender was seeing, but it wasn’t me.” 

“You have no idea what you look like to other people, Daniel,” said Jack.  “Your self image is skewed.  You’ve spent your whole life paying so little attention to the package you carry your brain around in, you can’t see yourself clearly.” 

Daniel just stared at him, watching Jack drain the rest of the beer from his glass and give the bartender a nod for a refill.  “So… you think I’m hot, too?” 

Those brown eyes could’ve burned a hole through him.  “Didn’t you hear me when I said it earlier?  We need to have Brightman check your ears next time we’re in the infirmary.” 

For a moment, Daniel’s mind quit working.  Jack thought he was attractive?  That was a surprise.  And it made him damn curious. 

He leaned closer, shoulder-to-shoulder with his friend, speaking conspiratorially while the bartender pulled another beer from the nearby tap.  “So tell me about your dream guy,” he prodded with a smile.  “I really wanna know, Jack.” 

The older man sighed as the mug appeared in front of him, and looked down into the foamy head as the bartender moved away.  “I’ve spent most of my life not dreaming, keeping myself from thinking about it.  I’m not sure I really know.”  He sighed.  “I’m not sure I want to know.” 

“Then how will you recognize him, if he walks into your life?  C’mon.  Think about it.”  He nudged Jack’s shoulder a little with his own.  “ What do you want in a lover?”  

Jack stared into his beer.  He took a long drink, set the mug down, stared at it some more, then drained the glass.  “Pay for my beer and take me home,” he told Daniel, rising off his barstool. 

”Not until you promise to tell me,” Daniel teased.   

For the first time, Jack looked around the room, his chin dipped down, eyes intense.  Daniel knew that expression; he was threat-assessing, not looking for love.  And with that attitude, he wasn’t going to find it in this bar or anywhere else. 

Daniel peeled off some bills and settled up with the bartender, then walked Jack out to the Jeep.  “Still thinking?” he asked. 

Jack leaned his butt against the side of the vehicle while Daniel unlocked his door.  He stared pensively down at his boots.  “Well, the shallow side of me demands that he be hot.” 

“As in pretty, or ruggedly handsome?” asked Daniel. 

Those dark eyes rolled up to meet his with a gleam of irritation. 

“Sorry.  Didn’t mean to interrupt; I just wanted clarification.  There are all kinds of hot, you know.” 

Jack’s frown eased.  He stepped aside as Daniel opened his door for him.  “Somewhere in between,” he admitted.  “Attractive-guy hot.  Not too pretty, not too butch.  Someone who’d pass for straight.  No limp wrists or lisps.  A regular-guy guy.” 

Hurrying around the front bumper, Daniel bounced into the driver’s seat and shut the door.  He started the engine, waiting for Jack to continue at his own pace. 

“He’d be about my size, maybe a little huskier.  More muscular.  I like that.  But not as muscle-bound as Teal’c.  That would just be scary.” 

“Okay.  What else?” 

“He has to be gentle, even though he’s a big guy.  Sincere, honest, loyal.”  Jack frowned.  “Good conversationalist, because I have a tendency to talk in bed.”  He hesitated, glancing out the window.  “Afterward, I mean.” 

“After sex,” Daniel clarified.  “What else?  Coloring?  Education?  Religious persuasion?  Political party?” 

Jack’s eyes rolled toward him.  “None of that matters, but if you must know, I’d prefer he be pretty much opposite of me on most counts.  Smart.  Spiritual, but not necessarily religious.  Left-wing, but able to see my point of view.  I want spirited.  I want sparks to fly when we talk to each other.  Opposing viewpoints can make for stimulating conversations that can lead to other stimulating things.” 

Daniel shot him a big grin.  “Strong sex drive?  Would that be a qualification?” 

Jack’s expression went wistful.  “I’d love it if he couldn’t keep his hands off me,” he admitted quietly, “but I’m also getting older and stuff may not always work like it used to, so he’d have to be compassionate enough… and care about me enough… to be okay with that.” 

“If he loved you,” Daniel assured him soberly, “then the sex would just be icing on the cake.  And as long as you get to have the cake, the icing just makes it sweeter.  Plus, there’s always Viagra.”   

A long moment of silence stretched between them.  Daniel could feel Jack’s need, the ache of loneliness radiating outward from him, filling up the cab of the Jeep.  He started to reach out, touch Jack on the shoulder to offer him some kind of comfort, but then Jack started to speak. 

“He’s a kind, thoughtful man, someone who’d want to take care of me, as much as he’d want me looking after him,” he said, his voice low, wistful, laced with sweet pain.  “Animals and kids love him.  Hell, everybody loves him, wants to be his friend, but he picked me, for reasons I’ll never understand.  He believes in me, Daniel.  And he loves me so much that we’re part of each other.  Till death.” 

Daniel glanced at Jack, spooked by the anguish in his haunted voice.  Jack’s hands were fisted up on his thighs.  His head was bowed and his eyes closed, and Daniel couldn’t help feeling that Jack had just thrown his heart wide open.   

“He’s out there,” Daniel promised, reaching over to lay his hand on Jack’s forearm and give it a squeeze.  “We’ll find him for you.” 

Jack just shook his head slowly, deliberately, the lines of tension around his mouth deepening.  His hands relaxed as he lifted his head, staring out the windshield at the night.  A muscle twitched in his jaw.  “Yeah, he’s out there,” Jack agreed, his voice edged with bitterness, “but I’m fuckin’ invisible.” 

“Don’t say that!” Daniel shot back.  “You’re not.  You’re a strong, attractive man with a great deal to offer.  You’ve just shut yourself up inside this armor you don’t let people penetrate.  Give yourself a chance, Jack.  He could’ve been in that bar tonight.” 

With a shake of his head and a bitter smile, Jack told him, “Yeah, he probably was.  And he looked right through me.”  He looked Daniel in the eye.  “Give it a rest, big guy.  I’m not going huntin’ for my soulmate, and he’s not out lookin’ for me.  We’ll just pass each other like ships in the night, never knowing how close we came to forever.” 

He turned back to the window, and Daniel let him brood in silence the rest of the way home. 

Daniel wanted so badly to find the lover his friend needed, but until Jack was willing to entertain the possibility, he knew any efforts toward that end would be futile.  For some reason, Jack had shut himself off from the hope of realizing the potential of his orientation, and until Daniel found out why, the knowledge he’d gained that night was useless.  Jack had sentenced himself to celibacy because he couldn’t trust another man enough to go to bed with him. 

That was not an acceptable resolution, in Daniel Jackson’s mind.  He had a plan of action, but it was just a starting point.  Jack needed a circle of gay friends, men he could be comfortable with, who weren’t under his command, if the initiation Daniel had planned were to lead to anything fruitful.  But since he wasn’t going to go out and make any new friends, maybe the best way was for Daniel to bring some home to meet him. 

Which meant that Daniel was going to have to get out more and widen his own circle of friends.   

The idea had possibilities, but there was still Jack’s unpredictable temper to consider.   

He’d give it some thought before putting any additional plans into play. 

At least he’d gotten Jack to dream a little, and that had to be a good thing.  Daniel hoped it would turn into something more concrete, because he wanted to see Jack happy.  If Jack were happy, Daniel knew he would be, too. 

Two Weeks Later

“Come on, Jack,” Daniel urged, smoothing down the lapels of his suit.  “We’re gonna be late.”  He took one final look in the mirror on the foyer wall, resettling his glasses on his nose.   

“I hate weddings,” Jack growled from behind him. 

Daniel glanced at him and smiled.  He cut a striking figure in his Class A’s, and Daniel thought any man in his right mind would want to look that good at Jack’s age.  He hoped he looked as sharp when he was 54. 

“It’s a gay wedding,” Daniel reminded him, jingling his keys in his trouser pocket.  “First one with military approval, so it’s breaking new ground, Jack.  You should be proud one of the grooms is in your unit.” 

“I am.”  Jack looked down his nose at him, “and I’m sure you’re just beside yourself with joy that the other groom is one of your guys.” 

“Actually, I am,” Daniel admitted, opening the garage door and stepping out into the dark, cool room.  “I like Eric and Bill both.  They’re nice people, and they’re good together.”  He raised the garage door, then programmed the alarm system and got into the passenger seat of Jack’s new truck.   

Jack took the cap he’d tucked under his left arm and tossed it onto the dashboard as he got behind the wheel, then slipped his key into the ignition and started the vehicle up.  “I still hate weddings,” he told Daniel.  “Barely made it through mine and Sara’s.”   

That made Daniel smile.  “Tell me about it.” 

“I was still wet behind the ears,” he began, guiding the truck down the driveway, away from the house.  “Both of us were just kids, really.  Shit scared, thinking that whole ‘rest of my life’ stuff, you know?” 

“No, but go ahead.”  Daniel hadn’t even been aware that he was being married, when Sha’re had been sent in to him.  It was already a done deal, well after the fact, when he realized that he was a husband.  There hadn’t been any opportunity to get cold feet, only realization and acceptance of the fact that he was a married man. 

“I was a brand new second lieutenant, just graduated from the Academy,” Jack went on, turning the steering wheel back and forth in smooth circles, navigating the switchbacks down the hill with perfect ease.  “My buddies at the time knew how close I was to backing out, so they thought they’d make the most of it.  Sara and I were kneeling at the altar, getting the priest’s blessing, and we heard this titter going on behind us.  Little chuckles all over the place.  Looked back, couldn’t see anything, so we just ignored it the best we could.  The laughs didn’t go away, and I damn near got up and left.  I got so sick, freaking out about whether my pants had split or something, after we were pronounced, I passed clean out at the altar.” 

Daniel stifled the chuckle the mental image brought with it and pretended to clear his throat, knowing that Jack was uncomfortable enough talking about his moment of weakness, and if Daniel laughed, he’d never hear the rest of the story.  He couldn’t help smiling, though.  “Go on,” he urged quietly, putting on as serious a face as he could manage. 

“Wasn’t till I saw the wedding pictures that we found out what everyone was laughing about.  See, my buddies had shined my shoes for me just before the ceremony.  I didn’t think to check ‘em.  Who’d think to do that?  So there I was, kneeling before God, our families and friends, and my buddies had taken strips of white tape and put ‘H-E’ on the bottom of my left shoe and ‘L-P,’ with an exclamation point, on the bottom of my right, so that when I went down on my knees, the audience would know just what I was thinking.” 

Closing his eyes and gritting his teeth didn’t help.  The laugh exploded from Daniel’s nose first, then fell out of his open mouth.  He laughed so hard he had to hug himself, tears running down his face.  “Oh, I’m sorry, Jack, but that’s one of those priceless Kodak moments,” he panted when he managed to get control of himself.  “God, I’d pay to see that photo!” 

Jack was sitting very stiffly in his seat, the truck idling at the end of the driveway, looking straight ahead while the gate retracted.  His head turned slowly, and he glared down his nose at Daniel.  “If anyone else ever hears about this, you’re dead, Jackson,” he said frostily, “and if that picture should mysteriously turn up at the base…” 

Daniel drew an ‘X’ on his chest with his index finger.  “I swear, I won’t tell anybody, but, my God, how funny!” 

“Not from where I was kneeling.” Jack turned onto Lion’s Gate Road, driving in silence for a few moments while Daniel composed himself and caught his breath.  “I knew I wasn’t supposed to be there,” he said quietly.  “I knew it was wrong; that I was promising Sara something I couldn’t give.” He sighed.  “You know, I finally came out to her before I left for training at Moore, because I didn’t want her to see me on the news.  And you know what?  She said she already knew.” 

Sobering as he listened, Daniel looked at his friend and saw the grief and regret flickering in Jack’s eyes.  He was absolutely certain Jack still loved his ex-wife in some deep, meaningful fashion, and Daniel knew that Jack leaving her had been the right thing for both of them.  If Jack could only find the right man, Daniel thought, maybe he wouldn’t have such a difficult time with making the commitment the second time around.  All he needed was to find the real love of his life. 

They rode in silence the rest of the way to the church, each of them sitting on separate sides of the sanctuary with their respective groups.  After only a few minutes, a guitarist seated at one side of the altar began to play, signaling the start of the ceremony. 

Daniel watched the two men walk down the aisle, hand in hand.  Captain Bill Pierce was dressed in his Air Force Class A’s, while Doctor Eric Boone wore a dark blue pinstripe suit. 

As he sat in the pew and listened to them recite carefully worded vows in their shaky voices, Daniel felt a sense of rightness fill him.  These two men were lucky to have found each other, and their love shone brightly in their faces.  A cheer went up from the congregation when they kissed, and Daniel found himself on his feet, clapping and celebrating with everyone else.   

He couldn’t stop grinning while he sat waiting for the crowd to disperse.  The grooms had specifically requested having a photo made with Daniel and Jack, since they understood the future historical significance of their bosses, and once the rest of the audience was gone, he went up with Jack and posed with the grooms.   

At the reception, shortly after stepping in the door, one of the older women from R&D snagged Daniel to gush about the wedding and talk his ear off for a few minutes.  It took all the skills he’d learned from Jack to extricate himself from the situation, and what saved him was seeing another familiar face and being hailed by his old college friend, Doctor Nikolai Sikorsky. 

Niko was a recent addition to the SGC’s academic staff, recommended by Daniel personally.  Despite his Russian name, Niko was a Mississippi native, an American-born son of Communist ballet dancers who had defected back in the ‘70’s, and Daniel had learned to speak the Muscovite dialect during several digs he and Niko had been on together during their college years.  They weren’t close, not like Daniel was with Jack and Teal’c, but they were good friends nonetheless.   

Daniel smiled as Nikolai came toward him, grateful when Barbara Shore finally slipped away to leave the old chums to chat. 

“Nice wedding, wasn’t it?” asked Daniel.  He was aware of all the eyes following his companion. 

Sikorsky was as tall as Jack; lithe, blond, with gorgeous lapis-colored eyes and Slavic features. He was the kind of man who turned heads everywhere he went – men’s and women’s.  He could have just about anyone he wanted, and very probably did.   

With a shrug, Niko replied,  “I guess, if you’re into that kinda thang.  You’ll never catch me at the altar, though.  I don’t care how hot the guy is; I prefer explorin’ my options.”  He winked at Daniel and grinned. 

“Still tempting the Fates, I see,” Daniel returned easily.  “Better be careful, Nikolai.  They might hear you and send Cupid after you.” 

“Aw, hell, Dan’l.  The cherub quit tryin’ years ago.  I fall into and outta love way too easy.”  He shrugged.  “I only want what I can’t have.  Once I get it, the thrill is gone.”  Already his calculating eyes were scanning the room, looking for his next conquest.   

As Daniel watched, he saw his friend’s gaze stop wandering and hold on one spot.  His humor faded, and he swallowed visibly.  There was a brief glimpse of desire mixed with hopelessness before he schooled his features and pasted on a plastic smile to face Daniel again. 

Only Daniel had seen the man who had caught his eye.  Daniel told him quietly,  “That’s Jack O’Neill; my old CO, back in the early days of the program.  He likes sports, particularly hockey, and loves opera.  Has a degree in aeronautical engineering and a Master’s in English, speaks Spanish, Italian, Arabic and Ancient, but he’s a little rocky on that one.  He’s a very smart man but prefers to play the dumb soldier to throw people off, and he’s loyal to a fault.  Never been with another man and has sworn never to take the step, but he’s a good guy, Nikolai.  The best.  He’s closer than a brother to me, so if you’re interested, you’d better make sure of your intentions before you go after him.  He’s not to play with.  Capiche?” 

Niko turned his hungry gaze across the room, back to the tall, silver-haired man, so impressive in his Air Force uniform.  “I know who he is, Dan’l,” he explained quietly.  “Found out about him the first time I laid eyes him.  Also found out he’s unavailable, which is a damn shame.”  He shook his head sadly.  “A damn shame.  Fine man like that…” He sighed and shook his head. 

“That’s exactly what he is,” Daniel agreed.  “Maybe the finest man I’ve ever known.  I think I mean that differently than what you do, though.”  Daniel frowned slightly at his friend.  “Is Jack hot?  I mean, for a guy?  He thinks he’s not, and I don’t have the right frame of reference.” 

A startled chuckle slipped out of the other man as he continued to gaze at O’Neill.  “Are you kidding?  God, Dan’l!   Look at him.  Those eyes alone could set a man on fire.  Tall, a great body, and his mouth just begs to be kissed.  Bet he’s beautiful when he smiles.” 

“I wouldn’t know.”  Daniel peered at Jack, trying to see his friend through Nikolai’s eyes. 

“I’m a sucker for a great smile, you know.”  Nikolai turned to him and grinned.  “Like yours.” 

Daniel nodded.  “Yeah, well, we had this discussion decades ago, Niko.  Nothing’s changed for me.  Still straight.”  He grinned a little.  “Sorry.”  

“Y’are what y’are, moi koshek,” Nikolai teased, grinning.  “Does Jack smile around you a lot?”   

“He likes to tease me, yes,” answered Daniel quietly, “and I’m not ‘your kitten’ or anyone else’s, thanks.”  He hesitated.  “Are you interested, Nikolai?  Really interested?  Because he’s a keeper.  Doesn’t like weddings, though, so you’d be safe there.” 

That blinding smile faded as Niko’s gaze turned back to the man across the room.  He just stood there, staring.  Then without a word, he left Daniel’s side and wended his way through the crowd to where Jack stood by the wall, surveying the room. 

Daniel watched the expression on Jack’s face change as he caught sight of the man coming toward him.  His eyes widened, glowing with some kind of inner fire.  He stood straighter and squared his shoulders, giving Nikolai a shy, boyish smile as he arrived to stand a little to one side, so he wouldn’t block Jack’s view of the room. 

“Oh, my God,” Daniel whispered, realizing that Sikorsky was exactly as Jack had described his dream guy on their ill-fated trip to the gay bar: obviously gorgeous, even to Daniel; just the right height and build, nothing obviously gay about him.  He flirted with Jack, too.  Smiled at him and posed to show off his body, without being too obvious about it.  He touched Jack on the sleeve, joking with him and making him smile. 

Daniel’s hopes came up.  Doctor Nikolai Sikorsky’s personality fit Jack’s requirements, too.  Daniel watched in happy fascination as the two men talked to and grinned at each other, Jack’s hungry gaze never leaving Niko’s face.   

Then the scientist must have made a mistake.  He leaned in to whisper in Jack’s ear, possibly something perfectly innocent, possibly an invitation to get out of there and go someplace more private.  Jack dodged him instantly, his face shuttering closed.  The interest went out of his eyes, and he literally backed away. 

The disappointment in Nikolai’s face was obvious, and the more he tried to apologize, the farther away Jack edged.  Nikolai took a half step toward him, hand out to touch, and Jack bolted.  He didn’t run – no military man of that rank would, especially while in uniform – but he hurried out of the reception hall at a brisk, determined walk, never looking back. 

Niko stayed where he was, defeated before he began.  After a moment, he was talking to another attractive man, giving up on his conquest of Jack without really trying.  Daniel frowned as he made his way to the nearest exit, looking for Jack.  He found his friend trying to bum a cigarette off another officer who had gone outside for a smoke. 

Daniel hurried up to them, took the unlit cigarette out of Jack’s hand, ignoring the quiet little “hey!” of protest, and gave it back to the lieutenant.  “Thanks, but he doesn’t need that,” Daniel told the young man.

He took Jack by the elbow and towed him back toward the reception hall.  “Let’s say our goodbyes to the grooms and get out of here, okay?” 

“Yeah.”  Jack’s reply was raspy, almost under his breath, his expression as turbulent as a storm cloud.   

Five minutes later they were back in the truck, headed for home.   

Jack looked positively grim, and that muscle in his jaw was working again.   

Keeping his mouth shut, Daniel rode along in silence, trying to think how best to get started once they got back to the house.  Nothing came to mind, and he wandered from the garage into the dining room in Jack’s wake.  He stopped to straighten a picture on the wall, still pondering, and realized after a moment that he didn’t hear Jack moving around. 

Instinct led him into the living room, where he found his friend keeping watch on the brilliant sunset over Cheyenne Mountain.  That made a beautiful picture – the military man standing so straight and tall before the big windows, which were half filled with a multi-colored sky streaked with purples, pink and gold, glowing above dark, silhouetted earth.  Daniel thought about that description, and realized it fit Jack as well.  The scene through the glass was a perfect metaphor for the man standing before them.  His colorful personality was all most people ever saw, distracting them from the shadowy, immovable foundation of his soul; a place where he kept his secrets deeply hidden, where few were given access.   

“The rainbow warrior,” he whispered to himself.  That was what the press had dubbed the gay soldiers, and everyone knew about the legendary treasure that lay at the foot of the rainbow.  Jack was solid gold; that was for sure. 

Daniel strode across the polished floor, determination and certainty bringing him a sense of peace.  “You spend a lot of time here,” he observed, coming to stand by Jack’s side. 

“It’s a nice view,” said Jack distractedly.  He finally tossed the cap he’d been holding onto the sofa and turned to look at his friend.  His smile was fragile, his eyes clearly revealing the ache in his soul.  “It was a nice wedding; not too girly.  I think they’ll be happy together.” 

Daniel nodded his agreement.  He took a deep breath, his decision finally made, no more reservations or second guesses.  “I saw you talking to Nikolai,” he said gently.  “He seemed interested in you.” 

Jack turned his gaze back to the windows, but not before Daniel had seen the walls come up behind his eyes.  “He was.” 

“He was flirting his brains out.  You turned him down?”   

“I did.” 

“Why?  He might’ve been exactly what you wanted.  He fit the description you gave me.” 

Jack shook his head.  He swallowed hard.  “He wasn’t what I wanted.” 

“How do you know?  You didn’t give him much of a chance.  And don’t tell me it’s because his name is Russian.  He was born and raised in Mississippi, a good ol’ Southern boy.” 

“It wasn’t that.  I didn’t just lightly decide to give him the brush off.”  He sighed.  “Don’t push me, Daniel.  Please.” 

This was the moment, and Daniel knew it.  He weighed his friendship with Jack, and the decision was easy.  Jack owned considerable acreage in his soul.  He would do anything for this man. 

Anything. 

And Jack needed him.  He was trapped in a prison of his own making, and couldn’t get out. Someone else would have to open the door for him, and lead him out of it. 

“C’mere,” said Daniel gently, opening his arms to Jack. 

Without question, Jack hugged him back, just standing there before the big windows, holding him, his face pressed into Daniel’s neck. 

“You need to experience life as a gay man, Jack,” he murmured against his friend’s shoulder.  “Otherwise, there’s no point to recognizing the truth of your orientation.  If trust is the issue, then maybe you need to be with someone you already trust, until you get your bearings.  And I’m… I’m willing to do that for you.  We can work it out here, at home, between us.  I can show you what you’re missing.  Let me do that for you.”  Carefully, he eased out of Jack’s embrace, making eye contact.  “Okay?” 

“What?”  Jack pulled away from him and shook his head.  “You gotta be kidding.  That is SO not a good idea, Daniel,” he said breathlessly.  “I’m twenty years older than you.  What the hell do you think you can teach me, especially about being a gay man, when you’re straight as an arrow?” There was a tiny gleam of panic in Jack’s eyes.  “Besides, if you’re talkin’ about what I think you’re talkin’ about, it’d wreck our friendship.  I don’t wanna lose that.”   

“You won’t,” Daniel promised.  “I’ve thought about this a lot, and I know I can do this with you.  I also know you need it.  As to the life experience, you may be older, but I’m no blushing schoolboy, and we can learn about what it is to be gay together.  I’ve already done some of the research, so let’s give it a try.  Please?” 

He stepped back, took off his suit jacket, and tossed it on the sofa.  His tie followed, then his shirt.  He maintained eye contact with Jack while he undressed, his heartbeat speeding up as his clothes and shoes came off, heedless of the fact that he was standing before the cathedral windows in nothing but his shorts. 

For a moment, he waited for Jack to move.  When he didn’t, Daniel reached for the buttons on his Class A jacket. 

Jack’s hands caught Daniel’s wrists.  His breathing was shallow and fast, his eyes dilated with fear  -- or maybe desire.  “This is wrong,” he growled, his voice thick with emotion.  He let go and moved back a couple of steps.  “I can’t do this, Daniel.  I can’t.  Just leave it.”  His hand slashed through the air to emphasize his order.   

He stalked away, and after a few moments, Daniel heard the solid thwack of his bedroom door closing, not quite slammed, but shut with authority. 

Gathering up his clothes, Daniel sighed and put his pants back on, slipped into his shirt and pulled it closed without buttoning it.  He took the rest of his duds and draped them across his left arm, picked up Jack’s cap and strolled toward the guest suite. 

He’d blown it, frightened Jack away.  Maybe Jack was right, and it wasn’t such a good idea for them to have sex, but then, if Daniel didn’t help him with that, he was certain Jack would be alone for the rest of his life.  He’d just have to keep trying and maybe be subtler; get Jack used to touching him and seeing him half dressed.  He’d work on that and see how it went.  He wasn’t giving up on Jack’s future. 

Arriving at Jack’s bedroom door, Daniel glanced at the items in his arms and knocked on the door.  There was no answer.  “Jack, I’ve brought your cap,” he called. 

The door opened, and Jack stood there in the darkened room, his face mostly shadow.  He had already doffed his jacket and held it in his hand. 

“I’m sorry,” Daniel said quickly, handing over the hat.  “I didn’t want to hurt you, you know.  I was just trying to help.” 

Jack’s head bobbed in a nod as he took his cap.  “Yeah.  I know.”  His voice was a pained whisper. 

“The offer’s still open,” Daniel told him quietly, “but I won’t push, okay?”  He shrugged.  “I just wanna see you with someone who makes you happy.” 

Jack sighed, his gaze directed at the floor.  “I’ve already got friends for that.”  He quietly closed the door.   

“I’m gonna make some dinner, if you wanna join me,” Daniel called through the door.  Maybe he just needed to let Jack cool down and think about it for a while.  He went up to his room, put away his suit, and changed into a pair of drawstring pajama bottoms and a U-shirt, then padded down to the kitchen to see what was to be had for their evening meal.   

He decided on sandwiches, and as he was starting to build them, he found himself with the squeeze bottle of mustard in his hand.  He stared at it, and when his ears detected the slap of Jack’s rubber-soled slippers entering the kitchen, he pointed the bottle at himself and gave it a good squeeze.   

A stream of bright yellow shot out and landed in the middle of his shirt.   

“Crap,” he said quietly, knowing that Jack would hear him.  He set the bottle down, peeled off his shirt, careful not to get any of the mustard on his glasses, and draped the garment over the sink before going back to preparing the first sandwich.  Once he had that made, he moved over to the sink and began to scrub the condiment away under a stream of cold water. 

He heard a barstool skid backward, and glanced around to see Jack take a seat.  He had changed out of his Class A’s and into the usual tee and sweats he wore to bed, with a shabby pair of bedroom slippers on his feet.  He still smelled of the cologne he always put on for formal occasions, and Daniel took an appreciative sniff of the air. 

“Oh, hey, I wasn’t sure you were in the mood for food,” he said brightly.  He squeezed out the water and set the wet shirt in a bundle on the counter.  “Just had a little accident with the mustard, there.  It was clogged.  Guess it’s not anymore.  Want a sandwich?” 

“Sure.  I’ll make it.”  Jack started to get off the stool.

Daniel whirled around and held up a hand.  “No, no, that’s okay, you just sit there, and I’ll make it.  I know how you like yours, anyway, and we can talk.” 

“About?” Jack’s eyebrows lifted.  He looked a little bit suspicious, until his gaze dropped from Daniel’s eyes to his chest.  He swallowed visibly. 

Score one for the straight man, Daniel told himself.  “Whatever.  The weather, work, TV.  Just conversation, you know?”  He went back and forth between the kitchen counter and the island bar where Jack sat, moving the sandwich makings over so he and Jack could face each other.  That position would also allow Jack an eyeful of his naked chest.  Daniel hoped it would inspire him.   

So Daniel made a second sandwich, just the way Jack always made his own, while pretending not to notice Jack staring at his body.  When he finished, he got Jack a beer and took the milk out of the fridge.  Taking a swig from the carton, he swallowed it down to give Jack a nice, leisurely view of his back.  There was just enough left in the carton for a glass to go with his dinner, and a little left over for cereal in the morning.   

He decided to skip the glass, and turned around to move his plate and the carton to the island, taking a seat beside Jack. 

Daniel bumped Jack’s shoulder with his own on purpose as he mounted the stool.  “Oh, sorry,” he said as he settled.   

“Stop it,” Jack growled in warning. 

“Huh?  Stop what?” 

“You’re trying to seduce me,” Jack stated calmly. 

With a slight grin, Daniel turned his head to glance at his friend.  “Is it working?” 

“Yes.  So stop it.” 

Turning on his stool, he ignored his sandwich and swiveled around to face the older man.  “The thing with the mustard.  Was that over the top?” 

“A little.  Got your shirt off, though.  Well played, if a little obvious.”  Jack cleared his throat.  “Nice view.  You should know, though, you suck at subtlety, and you can’t lie worth a shit.  You should never play poker.  Keep that in mind.” 

He picked up his sandwich and started eating.  Daniel followed suit, chatting about all sorts of inane things while keeping an eye on Jack, who was keeping an eye on him.  Or rather, on his chest and shoulders.  It felt odd for Jack to be ogling him so openly, but there was something exciting about it, too, since that was exactly what he was trying to accomplish.   

Daniel finished eating first and got up to cap the milk jug and put it back in the fridge.  He put away the condiments he’d left on the bar, re-wrapped the sandwich meat and stowed it in the meat keeper, then twisted up the bread wrapper and tucked the loose end underneath the loaf while sliding it into the pantry.  When he turned back to face Jack at the island, he wasn’t on the other side of it anymore. 

He was a couple of feet behind Daniel, having slipped off the stool and moved in stealthy silence to sneak up behind his younger friend.   

For a moment, Daniel froze, looking into those unreadable dark eyes.  Jack just stared at him, his gaze boring a hole right through Daniel’s brain.  Then his gaze dropped to Daniel’s chest, and he could feel Jack wavering, wanting to go along with Daniel’s crazy scheme, but still fighting the battle with himself.   

“It’s okay,” Daniel promised, his voice soft in the otherwise silent room.  “Touch me.  I want you to.”  He took Jack’s hands and guided one to his face, the other to his chest.  He placed the palm over his pounding heart and held it there for a moment.  “Does it feel good, touching me like this?” he asked, his voice a mere whisper.  “Can you feel how fast my heart is beating?” 

Jack’s pupils zoomed, turning his dark eyes almost black with desire.  His voice was a soft, almost breathless groan.  “Daniel, I…” 

“You need to know,” Daniel assured him.  “We’ll start slowly, take it easy.  Okay?  Just this for right now.  It’s okay.” 

Daniel felt Jack’s fingers stroke against his skin, smoothing slowly over pectorals, shoulder, bicep.  It felt nice, being caressed.  He’d missed that, and he found he wasn’t repelled by it at all.  This was Jack, after all.  Jack had touched him for years, and Daniel had grown to love it; to need it.  

Jack pulled him into an embrace, his hands exploring Daniel’s back, shoulders, arms, and hair.   

“I don’t know,” Jack sighed against his neck.  “This is completely crazy.  You’re straight.”  He hesitated, then pulled away to look into Daniel’s eyes.  “Aren’t you?” 

“Yes, Jack, I am,” he admitted quietly.  “I’m not attracted to men in the least, but that’s not what matters here.  You’re the best friend I’ve ever had, and you’re worth a walk on the wild side.  Besides, I don’t have the hang-ups about my sexuality that a lot of men do.  I’m not threatened by gay men.”  He stroked his hand up Jack’s back and smiled.  “Obviously.”  

With a sigh, Jack slipped out of his embrace and stepped away, head down in thought.  “I know you’re pretty stable in your orientation, Daniel, but this is stuff that’s hard-wired in.  Just how far are you planning to go with this wacky idea of yours?” 

“As far as you need to,” Daniel told him honestly, slipping his hands into the pockets of his pajama pants.  “Even if it means going all the way.” 

Wide-open brown eyes stared back at him.  Jack swallowed visibly.  “You’d fuck me if I wanted it?” 

Daniel nodded.  “I would.”  He noted Jack made no mention of trying it the other way, which gave him a profound sense of relief, because he wasn’t at all sure he could get very far with that.  Maybe he could endure it once, but no more than that.  As to the other scenario… 

“What if you couldn’t get it up?” 

“I haven’t had sex with another person in years, Jack.  Believe me, I’d find a way,” Daniel assured him.  “Will you try it with me?  Just see how it feels?  Just see if being with me will help you feel more comfortable with who you are?”

”What if it doesn’t make a difference?  What if, when you decide you’ve done enough, I’m still not good with going out hunting for Mister Right?” 

Daniel shrugged.  “We talk about that when we get there.  C’mon, Jack.  Give it a try, at least.  We’ll go out a little.  We’ll cuddle so you can get used to having permission to touch another man, and when you’re okay with that, we’ll go to the next step.” 

Jack swallowed again, and this time, Daniel both saw and heard it.  Finally, he nodded.  “Okay,” Jack murmured, “but I gotta tell you, I’m having a lot of doubts here.  I’m afraid it’ll come between us, wreck our friendship.  I don’t want that.” 

“No, it won’t.  I won’t let it.”  Daniel shook his head, his heart burning with certainty and belief.  “We’ll do this together, and when you’re ready to find love, we’ll look back on this and laugh at how crazy we both were.  Let me help you, Jack.  Let me walk with you a little way on your journey, until you’re ready to go on alone.  You won’t be leaving me behind, I promise.  I’ll still be there with you.  I’ll still be your friend.  Always.” 

“You’re not gay,” Jack whispered, leaning closer.  “I am.  This isn’t right.” 

“I don’t believe in making black and white judgments like that.  Everyone is made up of a whole lot of shades of gray.  There’s leeway in nearly everything.  You’ve been with women, which is pretty much against your orientation.  Now it’s my turn to see things from a new point of view.” 

“This will change us.  We’ll never be the same afterward.” 

Daniel smiled.  “I’m counting on that, actually.” 

“For both of us, or just for me?” Jack’s eyes were sad, hopeless, defeated before they began. 

“For both of us,” repeated Daniel.  “I’ll know you a lot better, and vice versa.  I think that’ll be a good thing.” 

“We’ll see,” Jack said vaguely.  “I won’t stop you, if that’s what you think is best, but I’m still thinking this is a bad idea.”  He sighed.  “So how do you wanna do this?” 

“We date. Go out to movies, dancing, whatever. You pick the places.  When we’re at home, we’ll cuddle on the couch when we watch TV, instead of sitting in the recliners.  We’ll do all the things other couples do at home, until you let me know you’re ready to take the next step.” 

“Which is?” 

“Going to bed together.” 

“Fuck,” Jack whispered, his insides whirling like they were in a blender. 

Daniel grinned and nodded.  “That’s the general idea.  When you’re ready.  We’ll move as fast or as slow as you’re comfortable with, okay?” 

Jack nodded, then turned, head down again, and walked away, leaving Daniel to finish cleaning up the kitchen. 

In short order he had everything tidy and padded upstairs to his bedroom.  For a little while he paced the floor, thinking about the offer he’d made, imagining himself and Jack wrestling naked in the sheets of his bed.  The images were pleasantly arousing, not revolting at all, and he smiled as he headed for the bathroom to stretch the limits of his imagination. 

Maybe if he had a little practice before he and Jack did the deed, he might be able to teach himself to learn to be aroused by the sight of a man with a hard-on… as long as that man was Jack O’Neill.   

Ten Days Later 

Jack was just closing the lid on the washing machine when Daniel entered the mud room from the garage.  Jack had heard him pull the Jeep into his parking space, coming home from a late day at the base.  He turned the dial to start the laundry and looked up at his friend. 

“Hey,” said Daniel. 

“Hey,” Jack returned flatly.  He looked away, putting the bottle of laundry detergent back into the cabinet.  “Did you eat at the base?  I can heat up leftovers, if you want.” 

“No, that’s all right.  I had dinner a couple of hours ago.  Maybe a snack later.”  Daniel eased past him, and Jack followed him across the dining room, not watching him as Daniel stepped into the living room, heading for the stairs and his rooms on the upper floor.   

Jack padded barefoot into the theater, resuming his seat in the recliner to watch the news.  In a few minutes, Daniel joined him, walking past Jack’s chair to the sofa in the next row, a glass of iced tea in his hand.   

He cleared his throat and set his drink down.  “You gonna join me back here, Jack?” 

Obediently, Jack rose from his chair and retreated to the couch, taking his seat right beside Daniel.  Night after night, they had done this.  It had felt awkward at first, but Jack was starting to crave it.  Daniel immediately put his arm around Jack’s shoulders and pulled him close. 

By the time the late-night movie started, he had his head on Daniel’s chest, reclining between Daniel’s legs, Jack’s arms wrapped around him.  Daniel’s left arm was draped across his back, fingers moving in restless circles.  It felt good. 

Too good.  So many times, Jack felt the urge to steal a kiss, to explore Daniel’s body with his hands or his mouth.  His heart would start beating faster as fantasies started to play through his head, and it would take all his strength to fight off his desires.  He kept telling himself that he wasn’t ready, but he knew better.  Jack was ready with every fiber of his being, but he was shit scared of going through with Daniel’s plan. 

He peeled himself off Daniel and sat up.  “Forgot the laundry,” he murmured.  “Gotta go put the stuff in the dryer.” 

Daniel’s eyes glowed electric blue in the dim illumination from the TV.  His voice was deep, husky, sexy as he said, “Hurry back.”  He sounded so dirty and hot, and his pose with legs spread wide in invitation did things to Jack, sent chills down his arms and legs, and made his dick twitch.   

Years of practice made him quell that response instantly.  “Uh,” he said, though it was more of a grunt than anything.  Unable to make his brain work, he ambled off to the mud room, transferred the wet clothes from the washer into the dryer, threw in a dryer sheet and started the cycle.  He leaned against the dryer, feeling the vibration and heat against his ass, and let his imagination go for a moment, seeing Daniel in that same pose, without a stitch on, his dick hard and ready. 

Heat shot straight to Jack’s groin, and he swore.  Maybe he could suck Daniel off.  That would be a start, at least.  Maybe that would be enough for Daniel; show him that Jack could do it. 

Jack struggled to make his dick deflate and walked back to the theater room.  Daniel half-reclined on the couch, only now his shirt was unbuttoned, revealing a tempting view of his bare chest.  He looked up when Jack returned and smiled.  

“Missed you,” he said huskily.  “What took so long?” 

“Oh—“  Jack’s voice broke, sounding reedy and thin and panic-stricken.  He cleared his throat.  “We’re out of dryer sheets.” 

So much for domestic bliss. 

Daniel patted the cushion between his legs, inviting Jack to resume his place.  He sat up a little as Jack turned around and prepared to sit down.  He found himself wrapped in Daniel’s arms, mouth dry, heart beating so hard it felt like his ribs might shatter. 

He leaned back against Daniel, closing his eyes and trying to just maintain his hold on sanity. 

Then Daniel’s hands started to move, caressing his belly and chest.  Fingertips settled over Jack’s nipples, which had hardened into excited little nubs, and Jack gasped as Daniel’s fingers tugged at them through his T-shirt. 

“Jesus fuck, Daniel!” he groaned, writhing beneath Daniel’s touch.  “What the hell—“ 

“Like that?” asked Daniel, his voice a purr in Jack’s ear.  One hand slid slowly down his belly, all the way to his crotch.  Daniel gripped him gently, stroking up and down Jack’s traitorous dick, filling out the right leg of his jeans. He couldn’t move and stayed where he was; confused, terrified, and fiercely aroused. 

“Isn’t this how your lover would touch you?” Daniel murmured against his nape.  He nibbled the bare skin there, and Jack shuddered, involuntarily pushing himself back against Daniel, closer to him.  A fantasy from moments ago flashed through Jack’s consciousness at light speed, barely able to catch more than an instant of it.   

Daniel taking him from behind, up against the washing machine while it rocked through the spin cycle. 

Hands restlessly prowling his body kept Jack off-balance, unable to think.  Daniel was caressing his crotch, feeling him up, exploring the length of the hard-on straining against his pants. 

Jack sat still, his face hot enough to fry an egg, his breath ragged and uneven.   

Daniel was touching his dick.  He was making noises, sounds that meant pleasure.  And there was that filthy little chuckle that just made Jack even harder and made gooseflesh rise on his neck and arms.  Somewhere behind him, pressed against the small of his back, Jack felt Daniel’s dick, hot and hard and ready.  Jack held onto him, his hands over Daniel’s, encouraging him. 

“You like this, don’t you.”  That wasn’t a question, but a statement of the obvious.  Daniel’s teeth nibbled along the crest of Jack’s shoulder.  “Are you ready yet?  We could do whatever you want.  Just say the word.”   

It was getting more and more difficult to say no to Daniel, to push him away and ask him to stop.  Since the night of the wedding, Daniel had been slowly conditioning him to being touched, and Jack found that he was starving for it.  Refusing or backing away took all of Jack’s strength of will, and each time he came closer to capitulation.   

He wanted Daniel.  He was in love with Daniel, but he could never let his friend know that.  Jack had no defense against this man or his well-meaning “help.”  Oh, Jack would have been happy to just drop his pants, and let Daniel do whatever he wanted, but resisting was for Daniel’s sake, not his own. 

Jack really didn’t want Daniel to follow through with his plan.  He was terrified that, if they went to bed together, at some point he’d blurt out the truth, and Daniel would run away, stunned, and never speak to him again.  Jack didn’t want his pity or his hatred.  What he wanted was Daniel’s love, and at the moment, he had it, if only in his imagination.   

All it would take was one little slip.  Just one tiny confession, spoken in the heat of passion, and all would be lost.  He shook his head, his body trembling with need.  “No, Daniel.  I can’t.  Not yet.” 

Those wonderful, questing hands moved away, and he heard Daniel sigh. 

“Do you want this to stop?”  There was an edge of resignation to Daniel’s voice now. 

Jack wilted a little with relief, sat up and turned enough to look Daniel in the eye.  “I don’t know what I want,” he admitted honestly.  “It’s kind of obvious what it does to me when you touch me.“ He watched Daniel’s gaze dip to his crotch and then scroll lazily back up to his eyes.   

“But?” Daniel prodded gently.  He looked bereft, hopeless.   

Aiming his eyes at Daniel’s knees, Jack saw in his peripheral vision that Daniel’s interest had withered abruptly.  That completely deflated Jack’s erection, and he sighed.  “But it’s not real, Daniel.  You don’t really want me, and I don’t think it’ll work, no matter how good your intentions are.  You’re straight.  It makes a difference.” 

“Come to bed with me,” Daniel suggested softly, his fingertips exploring Jack’s earlobe.  “We’ll get past that.”   

Shaking his head, Jack moved away.  “I just can’t,” he admitted.  “Give me time, okay?” 

For a moment, Daniel stared at him, sadness in his eyes.  “Whenever you’re ready,” he murmured, his hand resting on Jack’s shoulder.  “I’m not giving up, not until you tell me to stop.  If you really don’t want me to be close to you, just say the word.  It isn’t bothering me, though.  I just wanted you to know that.”   

A tiny, crooked little smile tugged up one corner of his mouth, and there was wonder in his blue eyes.  “Funny thing is, I’ve been enjoying this.  Having someone to come home to, making small talk, all the touching.  It’s nice.  Makes me feel like I’m… really coming home.”  He gazed at Jack’s face an instant longer.  “I’m gonna go to bed.  G’night, Jack.”  He scooted off the couch and left for his room. 

But not before Jack had seen the need in his eyes, and the helpless frustration.  Jack wasn’t sure what that meant.  Maybe this was something that Daniel needed, too, if what he’d said was any indicator.  Daniel needed someone, and for now, Jack was filling that space. 

Since Daniel was so intent on matchmaking for him, maybe he ought to entertain the idea of following suit with Daniel. 

If anyone deserved happiness and love, it was his younger friend.  And if he had to lose the love of his life to someone else, at least he could make sure she was someone spectacular, someone who deserved Daniel.  Only Jack couldn’t think of a single woman that he knew who qualified for the privilege.  He sighed and hung his head, leaning back against the sofa.  It looked as if they were pretty well stuck with each other, which was a cosmic joke on both of them. 

Maybe Daniel did find some sort of satisfaction in having him underfoot.  Maybe it really was comforting for him to touch someone and be close.  Maybe Daniel’s hare-brained scheme really would help Jack get over his deeply embedded fears. 

And just maybe, if Jack were very careful, he could have the man of his dreams for a little while, and pretend that the man he loved with every part of his being also felt the same way about him.   

Two Weeks Later 

Daniel watched Jack watching him.  Every time he’d looked up from his book, he’d caught Jack eyeing him, rather than the big screen TV and the noisy hockey game rushing across it.  He risked a glance at Jack’s crotch and saw the outline of his dick, half-hard, down one leg of his sweat pants. 

Turning his gaze back to the pages of his book, he stared at it without seeing a word.   

For weeks now he had been working on seducing Jack.  At every opportunity when they’d been at home, he’d made an effort to touch Jack, casual touches like innocent strokes up his arms, caressing his face, smoothing a hand down his chest.  At first, Jack had flinched away, but eventually he’d allowed it.  He’d gone to boldly feeling him up, inviting him to bed, and now Jack was leaning into those caresses, eyes closing, breath catching.   

Tonight when Daniel had brought him a beer after dinner, he’d draped himself over the back of Jack’s recliner and rubbed his palm up and down Jack’s chest, asking him about his day.  He’d set the bottle down on the table between their chairs and then squatted down beside Jack, letting his fingers stroke idly across Jack’s thigh as he listened to talk of some training disaster that had resulted in one airman needing stitches and a night in the infirmary. 

He’d gradually moved his caresses toward Jack’s crotch, feeling his dick wake up and take notice through his sweats. Daniel had seen the fire in Jack’s eyes, heard his breathing go quick and shallow, but Jack hadn’t made a move.  Daniel had taken the hint that Jack wasn’t ready yet and moved to the other chair.

Daniel was prepared to wait as long as Jack needed, even if it took years.  They’d said all either of them could say about the situation, and now it was up to Jack.  Whenever he gave the signal, Daniel would know Jack had finally faced his fears and was ready to move past them.  Until then, Daniel was content to take things slow and easy.  

When Jack had turned his attention to the television, Daniel had taken his seat and began to read, doing a little research for one of the other academics, to help with a translation problem at the base.  While holding the book with his left hand, Daniel had stroked his fingertips up and down Jack’s arm, dangling over the side of his recliner.  He’d played with Jack’s fingers, pulling his hand away just long enough to turn the page before stroking Jack again.  Gradually he became aware of Jack shifting in his chair and stole a glance.  Jack had looked away, but not before Daniel had caught him staring.  Several times. 

Then he’d noticed that Jack’s erection wasn’t going away, and took that as a good sign that Jack might be ready for the next step.  Only he wasn’t going to be the one to take the lead here, and Daniel knew it.  Jack would just sit there and watch the game, then say good-night and head for his room, most likely to take care of his boner by himself.   

This was what Daniel had been preparing himself for, and it was now or never.  As the last buzzer sounded in the game and the final score flashed at the bottom of the TV screen, Daniel closed his book.  Setting it on the table, he reached for the remote and turned the set off.  Light from Jack’s living area spilled through the open theater doors, giving them illumination enough for Daniel to rise from his chair, offer Jack his hand and pull him to his feet.   

Daniel gazed into his shadowy face, fully aware of Jack’s arousal and fear.  He slipped his arms around Jack’s waist and held him, his chin on Jack’s shoulder. 

Jack held his arms up and away, not returning the embrace, but Daniel could feel his heartbeat pounding against his chest.   

“It’s okay,” Daniel whispered, turning his head so that his lips were right by Jack’s ear.   

A gasp slipped out of Jack, and Daniel felt him shudder. 

“Put your arms around me,” instructed Daniel quietly.  “Hold me.” 

Those long limbs descended gently as falling snow, settling around his shoulders.   

Daniel pressed closer, groin to groin, until he could feel Jack’s hard-on against his thigh.  “Please, Jack.  Let’s go upstairs,” Daniel whispered.  He reached up and grasped Jack’s earlobe with his teeth, just enough to earn another gasp and shiver from his friend.  “I’m ready to go exploring, and I can tell you are, too.” 

He stepped away, one hand sliding down Jack’s arm until he could lace his fingers with Jack’s, and then led him upstairs to the master bedroom. 

Jack stood still while Daniel turned down the bed, just watching him arrange the covers.  Taking a box of condoms and a bottle of lube from the nightstand, Daniel made sure Jack saw the items, knowing that would illustrate to him that Daniel had, indeed, been thinking about doing this for long enough to have prepared in advance. 

Both of them were already dressed for bed in T-shirts and sweatpants.  Daniel lay down on the bed and waited for Jack to meet him on the pillows.  Daniel took Jack’s right hand in his and placed Jack’s palm against his cheek.  He held Jack’s hand in place, rubbing against it, meeting his gaze and smiling at him a little, aware of the deer-in-the-headlights look in Jack’s eyes.   

Daniel was nervous, but he felt very sure that this was exactly the right thing to do.  He might botch things, but as much as they cared about each other, Daniel was certain they’d be able to laugh about it one day.  He’d done his homework, studied up on what to do, but he felt oddly virginal with Jack.  His heart was hammering, afraid he’d mess this up for Jack, when that was the last thing he wanted to do.   

He glanced downward as he moved Jack’s hand down his body, across his belly, turning his hand around so that his fingers pointed downward as he neared his crotch.  He could see Jack’s cock stiffening faster now inside his sweatpants, rising in little jerks that mirrored his pounding pulse. 

That was a good sign.  He was obviously turned on, but he still wasn’t moving on his own, just letting Daniel move him around, obviously terrified.   

This feels so good to me,” Daniel commented, hoping to encourage Jack, but he was equally surprised to find his words were true.  He closed his eyes as he pushed Jack’s hand down against his crotch, and gasped when Jack’s fingertips touched his still sleeping cock through his clothes.  “Does it feel good to you?” 

Jack groaned in answer.  His eyes rolled closed briefly, and then reopened to make eye contact.  His lips were parted, breath coming shallow and harsh.   

Daniel pushed Jack’s hand lower, and felt his fingers close around his flaccid shaft.  It responded with a rush of heat and pressure, his belly and thighs tingling in response.  It had been a very long time since anyone had touched him there, and he found he wanted to get off very much… even if it were with another man.  It would still be sexual release, and it would be good for both of them. 

Snuggling closer, Daniel closed the gap between them.  His thighs were touching Jack’s, his hand comfortably wedged between them.  He could feel Jack’s full dick against his thigh, and the heat of it surprised him for an instant.   

“We can do this,” Daniel promised seductively.  He let go of Jack’s hands and reached for him, pulling him into an embrace.  He spoke against Jack’s neck while he nuzzled his ear.  “I’ll do anything you want, try anything you want to.”  He closed his eyes and an image flashed into his consciousness, of the two of them in a clinch, grappling with each other, tongues battling in a desperate kiss.   

The thought of that sent a shaft of pain lancing through his heart, made him want to pull away, roll back and put some distance between them.  There was something about kissing Jack that made all this somehow more than just sex, something more intimate and personal.  He didn’t think he could do that, and hoped Jack wouldn’t try it with him.   

He needed to get Jack naked and touching him, or he might lose his resolve, and that could be a disaster for both of them. 

Daniel grasped the hem of Jack’s T-shirt and pulled it upward.  “Come on,” he urged softly.  “Take this off.”  He let go when Jack sat up to remove his shirt and did the same, hurriedly pushing off his sweatpants and dropping them off the bed.  He stretched out on the clean white cotton sheets in what he hoped was a sexy pose and waited for Jack to finish undressing. 

Pulling the covers up a little, Daniel was pleased that his dick had gotten with the program and hadn’t wilted with that alarming vision.  If lying there with a hard-on wasn’t an invitation to have sex, Daniel didn’t know what else he might do to convince his reluctant friend to join in and have some fun. 

Jack yanked the covers up to his waist as soon as he was naked and flopped back onto the pillow, meeting Daniel’s gaze.  “I’m scared, Danny,” he whispered thickly. 

“Touch me,” Daniel repeated.  “Anywhere you want.  I want you to.” 

Jack’s fingers crossed the space between them and stroked gently across his pectoral.  He explored Daniel’s chest gingerly, hesitantly, and Daniel watched as the fear slowly died out of Jack’s eyes, replaced by a look of wonder that made him absolutely radiant.  He watched as Jack’s fascination grew, until he leaned over and brushed his lips against Daniel’s nipple, his eyes closing in delight. 

Jack kissed him there.  His tongue slipped out and licked the hard little nub, and then his lips closed over the aureole and Daniel groaned as the sensation went straight to his dick.  He rolled backward and Jack came with him, half lying across him now.  Jack was propped up on his left elbow, and his right hand was busy squeezing Daniel’s bicep, greedy fingers stroking up and down his arm. 

Daniel smiled and flexed beneath Jack’s grip. 

“Jesus,” Jack moaned around a mouthful of nipple.  He squeezed harder, pressing his body against Daniel’s.  He undulated like a snake, rubbing himself along the younger man’s length. 

“God, that’s good,” Daniel gasped, throwing his head back.  He slipped his fingers around Jack’s nape, pulling him closer, encouraging him to suck harder.  He tightened the muscle under Jack’s mouth, and suddenly Jack was nibbling all over his chest, working his way downward.  Daniel flexed and relaxed his muscles as Jack’s lips wandered across them, and he discovered that was an incredibly erotic sensation.  He felt powerful, sexy; sure of himself in a way he hadn’t been with women. 

Jack’s right hand moved down from his arm to his hip, his thigh, and finally to his cock.  Curious fingers explored his balls, the firmness of his shaft, the shape of the helmeted head.  Daniel lay helpless beneath the tender assault, letting Jack move him around, spread his legs and lie between them.  He lifted his head and watched in fascination as Jack knelt between his ankles, bent over him, looking and touching, exploring what lay before him.   

It was beautiful, seeing Jack experiencing at last what he’d wanted all his life, and forbidden himself to ever have.  Daniel was moved when Jack bent down to his cock and stroked the head across his lips, over his cheeks, all over his face.  He pressed his nose into the crease between balls and thigh and inhaled deeply, and Daniel felt him shudder with pleasure.  Watching Jack was incredibly erotic.  It turned Daniel on. 

Jack opened his mouth to take him inside, and Daniel reached out, touched his shoulder, and said, “Wait.”  He rolled his upper body enough to reach the condom box and started to open it. 

“No,” Jack whispered, reaching out to touch his chest.   

Daniel stopped fiddling with the box and made eye contact.   

“We’re both clean,” Jack told him, his voice tight.  “They make sure of that at the base.  And I want…”  His head lowered, his face coloring.  When he spoke again, it was in a pained whisper that clearly revealed his sense of shame.  “I want to drink your come.  I want to taste you.  Please?”   

The box was tossed aside on the bed, still within reach for later use, but not for the moment.   

It tore Daniel up inside to see how difficult a time Jack was having with coming to terms with his orientation; that guilty look on his face, the shamed blush in his cheeks, the lowered eyes and anguished tone of voice.   

“Jack, there’s nothing wrong with what we’re doing,” Daniel said gently.  Curling up, he leaned back on one elbow and reached out to touch Jack’s cheek with his right hand.  “There’s nothing to feel guilty about here.  I’m happy to be here with you.  What you’ve been doing with me feels amazing.  I like it, and I don’t want you to stop.  If you want me to come in your mouth, I’ll do it.  Don’t be ashamed for wanting this.  It’s part of who you are.”   

Without making eye contact, Jack nodded and bent back down to Daniel’s cock.  He took his time, renewing his acquaintance after the brief interruption, and when he was ready, he took Daniel into his mouth.  The sensation took Daniel’s breath away, making him collapse onto the pillows and close his eyes, losing himself in the bliss of an uncertain but very enthusiastic blowjob.   

Jack’s hands explored him while his lips and tongue made magic with his dick and balls.  Daniel writhed in concert with the waves of sensation, deliciously erotic, heightened by the incredibly sexy noises Jack was making.  That he was into what he was doing was obvious.  Daniel managed to raise his head and glance down between his legs at his friend and saw that Jack was pumping his own erection while he sucked Daniel’s cock, and just at that moment, jets of pearly white semen shot out, splashing against Daniel’s thighs, his balls and belly. 

The sight drove Daniel over the edge, and his hips came off the bed as he drove himself deep into Jack’s mouth, his hands fisting up in the sheets, his teeth clenched around the rhythmic grunts forced out by his orgasm.  He crashed back to the bed as it began to wane, boneless and utterly spent.  Jack continued his oral assault, gently drawing his shrinking shaft deeply into his mouth, his eyes closed in bliss. 

Daniel lifted one foot and stroked it over Jack’s side, caressing him gently until he let go and moved up onto the bed, stretching out beside Daniel.  He propped up on one elbow and gazed down into his friend’s eyes.   

“That was great,” Daniel told him honestly.  “Very hot.  Did you like it?” 

The look in those whiskey-brown depths changed instantly from satisfaction to guilt.  Jack flopped onto his back on the pillow beside Daniel’s, his face aimed at the ceiling.  “Just like I thought it would be,” he admitted. 

“So, was it good, or would you prefer to try something else next time?” 

Jack closed his eyes and sighed.  “I could suck you off all day, every day, and never get tired of it,” he admitted frankly.  “So, anytime you want a blowjob, just let me know.” 

Daniel grinned.  “I’ll be taking you up on that,” he promised.  “C’mere.”   

“Okay.”  But Jack didn’t move. 

Rolling over, Daniel situated himself right up against his friend, threw one leg and one arm across him rested his cheek against Jack’s shoulder.  “You okay?”   

“I’m just a little weirded out,” Jack admitted, an edge of tension in his voice. 

“I’m not.  I kinda like this.” 

“Are you sleepy?” 

He was.  Sex did that to him, but it had also been a long evening, and he was tired.  He sat up, grabbed the covers from the foot of the bed and pulled them up over them both.  “Didn’t you say you liked to talk after sex?” 

Jack didn’t answer.  Daniel lifted his head and saw by the light of the bedside lamp that Jack’s eyes were closed.  His breathing was deep and even.  He gave every appearance of being sound asleep.  Smiling a little to himself, he settled his head back on the pillow, snuggled in close, and hurried to join him. 

 The lamp was still lit when Daniel opened his eyes again.  He checked the bedside clock and the big, blurry red numbers announced that it was just after 1 AM.  Jack had his back to him and had thrown the covers off.  It was warm in the room, and a light sheen of sweat made his skin glisten. 

Daniel studied him.  He knew that body so well, every curve of muscle and bone, every scar, but tonight he’d seen Jack as he had never been before – aroused and enchanted by Daniel’s body, but ashamed of his desire for another man.  He couldn’t imagine what Jack was going through, working to change the programming of a lifetime to answer an instinctive, in-born need. 

Jack was homosexual.  There had been stereotypical hints, of course – his love of opera, his pop culture expertise, his vainglorious attitude about how he looked – but Daniel had never associated that with his orientation.  This new-found knowledge didn’t change how Daniel felt about him; if anything, it made him feel closer to his friend. 

If Daniel were honest with himself, he’d truly enjoyed having sex with Jack and was happily looking forward to more.  Thinking about it gave him another hard-on, and he wondered if Jack would be averse to being awakened for a second round.  Daniel’s gaze wandered down Jack’s lean form and stopped at his buttocks. 

Hadn’t Jack mentioned wanting to try that? 

The idea made Daniel so hard his cock hurt.  He scooted up closer to Jack, pressing himself against Jack’s backside.  Propping up on his right elbow, he leaned down, brushed his lips against Jack’s shoulder, and slipped his arm over his waist. 

Jack stirred slightly, his hips pressing backward, eyes still closed.  “Fuck me,” he whispered.  His hand closed over Daniel’s hand on his belly, and his eyes opened slightly.  He turned his head, looking right at Daniel, eyes wary but blazing with tightly leashed desire.  “You wanna?” 

Daniel nodded.  He reached over Jack for the bottle of lube on the nightstand, then searched around in the covers for the box of condoms.  Jack sat up, moved the pillows around on the bed, shoving Daniel’s far to one side, bunching his up and tucking it beneath his belly as he lay face down in the middle of the bed.  His buttocks were lifted in the air, knees spread, making himself ready for Daniel. 

Taking the lube with him, Daniel knelt between Jack’s legs.  He set the bottle down and ran his hands over Jack’s back and buttocks, deftly stroking the heavy balls dangling against the pillow.  It felt alien, but he thought it would be the right thing to do.  Jack moaned softly with approval, and Daniel followed his hands with his lips, teeth, and tongue, nibbling, licking and kissing, warming Jack up, getting him excited all over again.   

He reached for the lube and flipped the cap open, getting ready to slick himself up. 

“Fingers first,” Jack panted.  “Loosen me up a little.” 

“Okay.” Daniel drizzled a little of the thin, slippery liquid onto his fingertips, stroking them over the cleft as he nipped one butt cheek.  That got an appreciative moan, and he found himself impatient to be pushing inside that tempting little hole.  He touched it, his fingertip swirling around the outside, teasing, stroking, coaxing Jack to open for him.  The skin glistened with lubricant, and with a little pressure, Daniel watched in fascination as his finger slid right inside.   

It was sexy as hell, and he heard himself groan in unison with Jack.  He pushed deeper, twirling his finger in a slow circle until his digit was fully imbedded in Jack’s willing ass.  His dick strained, his balls aching with need.  His heart was pounding so hard it shook his whole body, and it took every ounce of his control to hang on and make himself take his time.  He added another finger, then another, waiting until Jack begged each time for more.  He drizzled more of the lubricant on and added a fourth finger, his mouth dry and breath catching in his throat as his own need pushed him toward union. 

He was trying so hard to be gentle and patient, but when Jack urged Daniel to fuck him with a note of desperation in his breathless voice, Daniel couldn’t wait any longer.  He hurriedly slipped on a condom, then doused his cock with the lube, gripped it with a shimmering hand, and drove it into Jack’s hungry ass.  He froze at Jack’s shout, thinking he’d hurt him, but then Jack rammed himself backward, slamming Daniel all the way into him.   

Daniel watched, stunned, as Jack fucked himself on Daniel’s dick, the muscles in his back and hips bunching and straining as he worked to move faster, harder, deeper.  It was intoxicating.  Daniel had never witnessed such abandon, such raw passion, and the sight and sound of Jack’s pleasure fuelled a fire within him that utterly destroyed his control.  He held onto Jack’s lean hips and pounded himself furiously into Jack’s ass, but it wasn’t enough. 

Roughly, he reached under Jack and yanked his hips higher in the air, allowing him room to reach beneath him, groping for his dick.  He squeezed it, pulling on it, matching his own thrusts stroke for stroke.  Jack arched his back, bringing his hips up higher, and with Daniel’s next drive, Jack screamed, high-pitched and loud. 

“Jack!  Did I hurt you?  I’m sorry!” Daniel blurted, frozen in fear. 

A breathless, filthy chuckle muffled by the bed sheets wafted up to him.  “Didn’t hurt, Daniel,” Jack promised.  “So good I couldn’t stand it.”  He panted a couple of breaths.  “Do it again, and don’t stop till you come.” 

“What did I do?” Daniel tried to remember exactly what move he’d been making, but it had been startled out of his consciousness. 

“Just fuck me,” Jack ordered.  “We’ll figure it out.” 

Shaken, Daniel withdrew slowly and slid back in with great care, feeling his way along.   

“Oh!  That’s it,” Jack called enthusiastically.  “Go for it, big guy.  Make me scream again.” 

With every stroke, Jack was shouting now.  Daniel could feel Jack’s body clench around his cock when he hit the right spot, and very quickly his uncertainty vanished in the face of Jack’s pleasure.  That sense of power filled him again, driving his thrusts harder, deeper, slamming their bodies together to the sound of Jack’s astonished, delighted cries, pleas for more that turned into passionate curses as he reached his limit and came in Daniel’s hand.   

The sensation was maddeningly wonderful, throbbing all around Daniel’s cock, stealing his breath, his thoughts, his control.  He was nothing but motion, sensation, separated from any sense of self.  Every breath sounded Jack’s name, a mantra drawing him closer, driving him deeper.  He needed more, needed to be closer, so he leaned over Jack’s back, his hands stroking through Jack’s chest hair, his teeth scraping Jack’s skin as he struggled to hold on just a little longer, pumping into him with a mindless rhythm. 

One of Jack’s hands closed over his, holding it tightly against his pounding heart. 

As Daniel kissed a ridge of muscle in Jack’s back, flexed against his face, he felt his balls tighten, his orgasm striking through him like a bolt of lightning, pulsing as he came in Jack’s ass.   

He relaxed against Jack’s backside, suddenly exhausted, his face sliding against Jack’s sweaty back.  He started to move, to pull out, but Jack stopped him. 

“Stay there,” he murmured quietly, reaching around to lay his hand on Daniel’s side briefly.  “I like how this feels.” 

Daniel smiled.  “Yeah, I could tell.”  He pulled one hand out from beneath their stacked bodies and patted Jack’s back with it.  “So you enjoyed ‘taking it up the ass’?  Isn’t that how you put it?” 

“Yup.  Did.  Think I’m definitely gay, big guy.” 

Daniel’s laugh was low, raspy, breathless. 

Jack turned his head slightly on the pillow, trying to catch a glimpse of Daniel. “You’re okay back there?  I mean, this had to be a pretty big deal for a straight guy.” 

“I’m good,” Daniel assured him happily.  “No problem.”   

He licked Jack’s back, which drew a pleased moan from his partner.  He tightened his embrace, pressing against Jack’s ribs.  He was still grinning, and realized that this was a moment of pure happiness; he hadn’t had many of those in his lifetime, so he captured it all in his memory.  He took in the scent of Jack’s body and the heavy, musky odor of sex and semen, the deep shadows cast by the dim light of the bedside lamp, the slick feel of the thin layer of sweat between their bodies, and how cool his backside was as the air in the room dried the moisture off.   

He could feel Jack’s heart beating through his shrinking cock, and reminded himself how much he cared for his friend; more than he’d ever cared about any other man.  This wasn’t love, he assured himself; not like men and women felt for each other, but Daniel recognized that it was every bit as deep and soul-filling as what he’d felt for Shau’ri; maybe even deeper, on some levels.  

It just wasn’t’ the kind of love Jack was looking for and needed.  Daniel could do this with him, but he wasn’t gay.  This intimacy was fulfilling, but it wasn’t the kind of love that made lifetime commitments.  It would only be temporary, but he would savor it for as long as it lasted, and when Jack felt brave enough to seek love on his own, Daniel vowed he would stand back and be happy for him.  Jack was a good judge of character, so Daniel had no doubt the man he would choose as his lover would be a good guy, someone who would treat him right.   

But just in case, Daniel promised himself to have a talk with Mister Right, to assure him that, if he ever intentionally hurt Jack, he’d have to answer to Daniel Jackson. 

Daniel kissed him again, nibbling his way up Jack’s back to his nape, and Jack shivered deliciously, his hands gripping the covers. 

“God, Daniel,” he gasped.  “What you do to me…” 

Jack tensed, and Daniel’s cock finally slipped out of him.  A disappointed little grunt followed, and Daniel chuckled as he retrieved the used condom and tossed it into the bedside waste bin.  He wriggled against Jack’s back with a satisfied sigh.  “I’ll admit I was a little lost in a few places, but once I got my bearings—“ 

“You did good,” Jack told him.   

Daniel rolled off him, and Jack pulled his pillow out from underneath him so he could stretch out.  He reached out and put his hand on Jack’s side as the other man turned to face him.  “Are you sore?” he asked tentatively. 

Jack’s smile was brilliant, joyful.  “Yeah.  May not be able to sit down tomorrow, but I don’t mind a bit.”  His expression grew serious, thoughtful.  “We shouldn’t have done this, Daniel.  I know you say you’ll be okay with it, but it changes things between us.  Things that… maybe they shouldn’t be changed.” 

Moving his hand from Jack’s side to his cheek, Daniel stroked his face and hair idly, and sighed.  “I feel closer to you now than I ever have, Jack,” he admitted freely.  “I think it might be a good change.  Let’s give it some time, okay?  I have a lot of things I want to show you.” 

After a moment, Jack lifted his head and came toward Daniel, obviously intent on a kiss. 

Daniel moved back on his pillow and laid his fingers across Jack’s lips.  “Don’t,” he said gently.  “I think you should save your kisses for the man of your dreams.  Let his be your first.” 

For a few seconds, Jack didn’t move, staring at Daniel with shock and disbelief in his eyes.  Then he was out of the bed, scooping up his clothes and striding out of the bedroom. 

Daniel knew instantly that he’d pushed the wrong button and hurried after Jack, buck naked and not caring at all that they were walking through the living room, past the tall cathedral windows, into Jack’s wing of the house.   

He barely made it to the bedroom before Jack slammed the door. 

As Daniel pushed it open, Jack instantly confronted him.  “You’ll fuck me, but you won’t kiss me?” Jack railed, his eyes hot with pain and bottled rage.  “I knew this was a bad idea.  Of all the people—  You were the one –  You’re absolutely the last person I should’ve been fucking, on this or any other planet.  Now get the fuck out of my bedroom!” 

“No, not until you hear me out,” Daniel shot back.  He crossed his arms over his chest, his chin jutted out stubbornly.  “If I hadn’t taken you there, you would’ve gone the rest of your life without ever truly experiencing what it is to be gay, wouldn’t you?” 

Jack just glared at him.  He stormed over to his bed, dropped his T-shirt on it, wrestled his sweatpants into submission and yanked them on. 

“We both know that’s true,” Daniel added insistently.  “Now you know for sure.  You’ve experienced the pleasures of gay sex, and you know you like it.  You’ll want it.  You’ll be driven to act on your urges at some point, and the next time you meet a guy who turns you on, it’ll be harder to brush him off.  I want to make you comfortable with who you are, so at some point, it’ll be so natural to you, you won’t even consider turning the next guy down.  You’ll be asking him out, getting to know him, letting a real relationship develop until you find yourself head over heels in love with him.  And when you take him to bed, you’ll be ready to love him for the rest of your lives.  That’s what I want for you, Jack.”

Daniel sat down on the edge of Jack’s bed.  Self-consciously, he pulled the covers over his lap, staring down at the floor.  “I just thought there should be something that you save for the man you really want.”  He sighed, and when he spoke again, his voice was softer.  His throat constricted, unexpected emotion gripping him.  “I took your virginity tonight, you know?  Don’t think that doesn’t mean a whole helluva lot to me, because it does.” 

He looked over at Jack, begging him to understand how difficult this had been for him, too.  “I know how hard it was for you to let me seduce you, and I was deeply aware that every touch, everything we did together, was a first for you.”  He heard the hitch in his voice, but couldn’t straighten it out.  “Hell, it was for me, too.  I’ve never been with another man before, but I enjoyed it.  I’m humbled that you trusted me enough to let me touch you like that.  It’s important.”    

He took a deep breath, feeling his eyes burning with the need for tears, but he fought them back.  “I care about you, Jack.  I wouldn’t have done this for anyone else.” 

Jack paced the room while he’d been talking, staring at the floor.  His long, angry strides gradually shortened, slowed, and finally stopped as the honest emotion behind Daniel’s words sank in and calmed him.  After a moment’s silence, Jack came over to the bed, sat down beside him and hugged him fiercely. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispered against Daniel’s neck.  One hand cradled the back of Daniel’s head, the other splayed against his naked back.  “But I still think this was a bad idea.  I know you’ve got my best interests at heart, but it’s wrong for us to do this.  You’re not gay.  If you were, things would be different, but you’re not, and that makes this… unnatural for you.  It’s gonna muck things up between us, and when it does, you won’t be able to look at me anymore.” 

Daniel pushed back from the embrace and took Jack’s face in both hands.  “No, it won’t.  I promise.  I won’t let it.” 

There was such sadness in Jack’s eyes.  Daniel wanted to kiss him then, kiss all that away, but he held back.  He needed to keep some kind of distance between them, because in spite of what they’d just done, that would be too much, too intimate.   

“You’re not going to lose me, Jack.”  He reached for him, pulled him back into his embrace.   When he felt Jack relax moments later, he suggested they get some sleep and see how things stood in the morning.   

With a nod of agreement, Jack headed for his bed and turned it down.  Daniel followed him and got in on the other side.  “What time’s your alarm set?” 

“Oh-six-hundred.  Aren’t you gonna sleep in your bed?” 

“Nah.  Need to change the sheets.  We made kind of a mess.”  Daniel settled in, snuggling in close.  “I know we’ve shared a tent in the field for years, but you’ll like sleeping with someone again.  I don’t know how different it’ll be with a man instead of a woman, but I’ll bet you enjoy it.” He smiled.  “G’night, Jack.” 

“G’night, Daniel.”  

Jack turned off the lamp and put his arm around Daniel’s waist.   

“This is different,” he whispered a little while later, “in all the best possible ways.” 

Daniel felt a kiss pressed against his hair, and moments later, slipped off to sleep.   

The Next Evening 

Daniel strolled into the theater, drawn by the sound of explosions.  He found Jack sprawled in front of the TV, a half-empty bag of Smart Food in his lap and a Guinness in his grip.  He looked drowsy, and Daniel checked his watch.  It was after 10 PM, and Jack would be heading for bed soon – probably his own. 

All day, Daniel had been thinking about how best to indoctrinate Jack into the differences of a male/male relationship.  He thought about all the sweet things that Shau’ri had done for him, little expressions of affection that had meant so much.  Part of that had been frequent kisses, but he wasn’t doing that with Jack.  What he needed were “guy” things that would make Jack smile and fill him with warmth, things that would illustrate the difference between having a man for a lover and sharing his life with a woman. 

Wandering up to the empty seat in the front row, he settled in and reached across the padded arm of the chair.  Jack’s left hand dangled off the arm of his recliner, and Daniel laced their fingers together.  “Hey,” he called when Jack turned his head toward him, glancing first at their clasped hands.  “You look tired.  Did you have dinner?” 

“Chinese,” Jack answered automatically.  He blinked, obviously trying to wake up a little, his gaze going back and forth between their hands and Daniel’s face.  “There’s still some in the fridge, if you want it.” 

“Nah, I ate in the commissary hours ago.  Sorry I was so late.  We have a mission briefing tomorrow.”  Daniel gave his hand another squeeze, rubbing his thumb along the back of Jack’s hand.  “Wanna go to bed?”  He rose, let go of Jack’s hand and squatted down between his roommate’s feet, sliding his hands over Jack’s jeans-clad thighs. 

Desire flared up in Jack’s eyes, and the response in his crotch was immediate.  “Look, Daniel, I appreciate what you’re trying to do here, but—“ 

“I really enjoyed last night,” Daniel said, cutting off Jack’s coming protest.  “And it’s been a long time for both of us, going without any kind of release.  Hell, I haven’t been laid since before I was dead, till last night.  I’m thinking we’re both due.  Don’t you want to be with me, Jack?” 

Daniel heard him swallow.  In response, Daniel dropped to his knees, pressing forward against the chair, gazing up into Jack’s dark eyes.  Daniel smoothed his hand over Jack’s crotch, massaging the growing erection there, and was rewarded with a half-smothered groan.  Jack started to writhe in the chair. 

“C’mon, Jack.  Let’s go to bed.  We can even talk first, if you want.”  Daniel turned off the TV, setting the remote back down on the table between the chairs. 

Jack started to protest again, and Daniel squeezed his dick.  “I thought what we did last night was really hot,” he admitted.  “I wanna do it again.  Don’t you?” 

“You know I can’t say no to you,” Jack answered huskily.  “Bastard.”  His tone was teasing, playful, his face softened with pleasure, eyes heavy-lidded with desire. 

Daniel stood up and hauled Jack out of the chair by tugging gently on his hand.  He let Jack lead the way, watching his ass move as he walked, feeling his own arousal start, inspired by the view and his memories of the previous night.  Holding that rough, calloused hand sent warmth all through Daniel. 

He moved up by Jack’s side, releasing his hand and cupping Jack’s left buttock fondly.  “All I’ve thought about today was fucking you, Jack,” he murmured.   

“Holy shit,” Jack wheezed.  He looked at Daniel with panic-stricken eyes.  “Who are you, and what have you done with my geek?” 

Daniel chuckled, low and dirty in his throat.  He pushed Jack up against the nearest wall and rubbed himself against the other man.  “Wanna fuck you,” Daniel growled, nuzzling Jack’s throat and cheek.  “Wanna make you scream again.” 

“Uhhhhnnnn,” Jack groaned.  He reached for Daniel’s hips and pulled him close.  His eyes closed and his head fell back against the wall with a solid thunk. 

“Bed,” Daniel ordered, grazing his teeth over Jack’s exposed throat.  “And I want you naked when you get there.” 

A mewling little whimper slipped out of Jack, and he slid down the wall slightly when Daniel stepped back from him and waited for him to follow.  When Jack didn’t move, Daniel slipped his fingers into the waistband of Jack’s pants and hauled him away from the supporting wall.  “Bed,” he said again, his voice husky with desire.  “Naked.  Now.” 

He propelled Jack toward his room, following him inside.  “Got any lube?” he inquired, peeling off his chocolate brown sweater.  He dropped it on the floor, took off his glasses, folded them up, and unfastened the snap on his jeans as he walked toward the nightstand.   

Jack was standing beside the bed, his feet and torso bare, clad only in his jeans.  With a guilty glance behind himself, he pulled open the nightstand drawer and pulled out a small bottle of Astroglide.  “It’s not what you think,” Jack told him as he turned around and sat down on the bed, staring forlornly down at the floor.  “I had it for a reason.  Not to use with another guy, but… with a… thing.” 

Daniel frowned, not sure what he was talking about.  “What kind of a… thing?”  He laid his glasses on the nightstand and looked at Jack, his head down, face almost hidden from Daniel’s view. 

Whatever he said was so faint Daniel couldn’t understand him.  “Huh?  I didn’t catch that.”  He did notice, however, that Jack’s interest had flagged.  In fact, it was gone completely. 

“I wanted to know what it was like,” Jack admitted in a mortified whisper.  His face was red to the roots of his silver hair.  “And afterwards, I.”  He swallowed hard.  “I threw it away.”  He shifted nervously on the bed, hands now clasped in his lap.  “A dildo.  I thought it was the only way I’d ever know.” 

Jack’s anguish lanced through Daniel’s heart.  His friend carried so much guilt, so much shame and uncertainty, just for being who he was, and that hurt Daniel deeply.  “There’s nothing wrong with curiosity,” he assured his friend, sitting down beside him.  He put his arm around Jack’s back, hugging him close, and with his left hand he stroked his palm along Jack’s thigh, back and forth, back and forth.  “You could’ve kept it, Jack.  I’m okay with stuff like that.  They’ve been used for centuries—“ 

“No history lessons, please,” Jack cut in, a trace of irritation in his voice.  “It just felt… wrong, afterward.  I can’t explain it, Daniel.  It wasn’t right.  It was just sex.  No love in it anywhere, and that’s what I.”  He sighed, and fell back against the bed, covering his blushing face with his hands.   

“That’s what you need,” Daniel finished for him.  “That’s what you want, and it’s out there for you somewhere.  He’s out there, Jack.  Waiting for you to find him.”  Daniel stood up and shucked off his pants, toed off his socks and sat back down on the bed.  He laid half across Jack’s reclining body, looking down into his cooling face, his left hand skimming slowly down Jack’s belly toward his exposed crotch.  “And until you find your dream guy, you’ve got me.  My friendship.  I care about you, Jack.  I want you to be happy.” 

He slipped his fingers into Jack’s pants, exploring the now-soft flesh of his penis.   

“C’mon,” whispered Daniel.  “Let’s get naked and get under the covers, and we’ll just hold each other for a while, okay?”   

Jack sat up slowly as Daniel moved away.  He rose and finished undressing, and by the time he finished, Daniel had turned down the bed and slid between the sheets.  He’d moved back to the side of the bed that Jack didn’t use, waiting for his friend to settle. 

Lying on his back, Jack stared up at the ceiling, fingers laced together under his head. 

Daniel studied what he could see of him.  This was so familiar; pieces of so many nights they’d slept together on other worlds, enclosed in a single tent, separated by their sleeping bags.  Wiry hair sprouted from beneath Jack’s armpits, and his muscles declared that his bed partner was decidedly male.  He even smelled masculine; his after-shave scented with woods and spices.  There was no mistaking that this was no soft woman, and yet Daniel still felt the warmth of arousal while he looked at his friend.   

“You’re a good-looking man, Jack,” he rumbled.  Daniel peeled back the covers a little, revealing the mat of curly silver hair spreading across his chest and trailing down his belly.  “I’ll bet a lot of guys think you’re hot.  I’ve even seen some of them looking.  I’m a lucky man to have you here with me.”   

Jack turned his head to make eye contact.  “You comin’ on to me?” 

With a grin, he answered, “Why, yes, I do believe I am.  You mind?”  He slid his hand down Jack’s belly and copped a feel.  “Well, look what I found.  I do believe you’re quite all right with the idea, too,” he teased.   

Groaning and closing his eyes, Jack undulated beneath his questing fingers.  “Jeez, Daniel.”  He gasped sharply as Daniel’s fingers encircled his reviving cock.   

Daniel leaned down and nibbled at Jack’s collarbones.  He kissed and licked all over Jack’s neck and shoulders while squeezing and stroking his dick to readiness.  Pressing himself against Jack’s hip, he thrust gently against the dry skin, pushing away the slightly unsettled feeling brought on by the knowledge that he was with another man.   

This was Jack, and that made it all right. 

Jack’s arms settled over him, his hands tenderly stroking Daniel’s hair and back.  That felt good, and reminded Daniel that the caring between them was mutual.  He admitted to himself that he really was enjoying this, because Jack was an attractive man whom Daniel cared for deeply, and Jack’s responses to his touch were exciting.  Daniel felt a guilty thrill that he could turn Jack on so thoroughly.  It was a powerful feeling. 

He rolled on top of Jack, reaching for the bottle of Astroglide, and when he started to move away, Jack clutched at his hips, holding him in place. 

“Stay here,” he whispered.  “This is nice.” 

Daniel set the bottle back down and propped himself up on his elbows.  He gazed down into Jack’s face, inches away, close enough to feel the warmth of his breath against his lips and chin.  There was such wonder in those liquid brown depths; it took Daniel’s breath away. 

“You like having me on top of you?” Daniel asked gently.  “I’m not too heavy?” 

“Feels nice,” Jack repeated.  His right hand moved away from Daniel’s hip to his cheek.  “God, Daniel.  You’re so…” 

“Horny?” he teased, wriggling against him, pushing his erection into Jack’s belly.   

“Handsome,” Jack blurted softly.  “You still don’t see that, do you?  How you look to other people.” 

Daniel sobered.  “That’s not something I ever really think about, no.  Women don’t usually look at me and see a guy they’d be interested in dating, much less going for anything more.”   

Jack shook his head against the pillow.  “I think they do see you, Daniel.  You just don’t catch them staring, but they see.  They also know you’re unattainable.  You give off these ‘don’t touch me’ vibes.” 

“I know.”  Daniel frowned.   “It’s an old habit.  I spent so much time pushing people away when I was a kid, I forgot how to let them close.” 

“You let me in,” Jack went on quietly, his fingertips exploring the curve of Daniel’s jaw, his lips and chin, his reverent gaze following his fingers as the moved over Daniel’s face.  “Why is that, Daniel?  As much of a pain in the ass as I’ve been, and you still like me – I don’t get that.” 

Cradling the side of Jack’s face in his palm, Daniel connected with Jack’s eyes.  “Abydos,” he answered softly.  “Thor’s Hammer.  Nem.  The Cor-Ai.  Kelowna.  There are a lot of reasons I trust you.  We’ve had a lot of years to learn to look over our differences, and I think, deep down where it matters most, we’re pretty much alike.” 

Half of Jack’s mouth hitched up in a grin, and his eyes twinkled.  “Well, we’ve both got boners right now,” he observed. 

“Mmm-hmmm.”  Daniel reached for the bottle of lube and lifted himself off Jack just enough to squirt a generous amount of the slippery liquid between them. 

Jack gasped.  “Oooo, that’s cold!” 

“It’ll warm up,” promised Daniel.  He set the bottle back down and settled over Jack, rubbing himself back and forth to spread the lubricant.  He wallowed on Jack, surprised and delighted with the feel of Jack’s hard-on rubbing against his own erection and poking into his belly.  It was exciting.  Arousing.  Forbidden. 

He felt very naughty, and loved it.  He grinned down at Jack.  “Belly fuck?” 

Jack just nodded, his hands catching Daniel’s waist, holding onto him, pulling him closer.  He wasn’t smiling now.  His eyes glittered with desire, and his breathing was short and shallow. 

Daniel was amazed at how turned on he got when Jack looked at him that way.  He felt those big, masculine hands smoothing over his buttocks, squeezing and massaging, then moving up his back, mapping out the large plates of muscle on either side of his spine, dipping possessively into the small of his back.  Daniel bent down and kissed the side of Jack’s neck, earning a soft groan of approval.  He nipped the soft skin there, and Jack’s fingers dug into his back. 

Need began to nudge him for attention, and he started to thrust against Jack’s belly.  Long, slow strokes rubbed his cock alongside Jack’s.  It felt strange.  It wasn’t the slick, wet, surrounding heat of a woman’s body.  It seemed somehow even more sexual, more powerful than making love to a woman.  His arousal grew quickly, heating him up inside, filling him with a strength he’d never felt before.  It pushed him to the edge, and he fought to maintain some sort of control, but realized he was slipping fast, sliding headlong toward ecstasy. 

His delicate nibbles around Jack’s neck and shoulders became hungry bites.  His hands clawed at Jack’s hips and thighs, bringing his legs up to embrace Daniel’s waist.  Jack arched beneath him, thrusting in a complementary rhythm, groaning and sighing and calling Daniel’s name until he begged Daniel to come with him.   

Fastening his mouth to Jack’s neck, Daniel sucked hard, trying to anchor himself against Jack’s passion, but there was no use fighting it.  Their bodies straining, limbs clutching and clinging, they came in the slick, sweaty void between them, collapsing in a panting heap when the intense pleasure began to fade. 

Daniel lifted his head wearily and eyed his friend in the lamplight, taking note of the dark red suction bruise on the side of Jack’s glistening, sweaty neck.  He glanced at Jack’s smiling face, wondering what the hell he was so smug about. 

“You gave me a hickey, didn’tcha?” 

Daniel cleared his throat.  “I didn’t mean to,” he said to the pillow beside Jack’s head.  “I guess I got a little carried away.” 

“No shit,” Jack agreed enthusiastically, “but don’t worry.  I won’t tell anyone you marked me.  They’ll all just assume I’m seeing someone, and I’m not tellin’ who.  Nobody will know but us.” 

For a moment, Daniel was quiet, just looking at the evidence of his passion.  It was arousing.  He’d never done that before, not with any of his past lovers, because he knew they hurt.  It damaged the person being marked, and he’d always treated the women in his life with the utmost care and respect, never letting his passion rule him so profoundly that he lost control like that.   

But Jack wasn’t a woman.  He was a big, strong man, bigger than Daniel was himself, though he outweighed Jack by a few pounds of sheer muscle.  Seeing that mark on Jack’s neck – a brand of ownership that he had placed there – brought with it a sense of possessiveness that shocked Daniel to the core.  He was fucking Jack O’Neill, sexually dominating him, and that knowledge set him on fire. 

He thought about kissing Jack on the mouth and wiping that insufferably pleased look right off his face.  If he could get his dick up again, he knew he’d be fucking Jack into the mattress next time, making him scream and come all over both of them.  He wanted that, ached for it.  He needed it.   

And that scared him.   

Daniel disentangled himself from Jack, stretched out beside him and tucked his face into the crook of Jack’s neck.  He clasped Jack’s hand and held it over his heart, amazed that they’d managed to get the lubricant all over both their torsos.  He could smell their semen and it turned his stomach a little, but he couldn’t let Jack know that.  The sex was way too good; he was enjoying it far too much, and that made Daniel a little sick.  

He wasn’t gay. 

He just wasn’t, and he had to make sure Jack knew that, so he didn’t expect this sort of thing to continue. 

“One of these days,” Daniel said quietly, “you’re gonna meet a really hot guy, maybe someone like Nikolai.  You’ll talk and get to know each other.  You’ll hold hands, like we did tonight, and you’ll fall in love.  You’ll have all this and so much more.  It’ll be beautiful.  I want that for you.” 

“I know you do, and I’m touched that you dream that for me,” Jack murmured.  “It means a lot, but I can’t dream those things for myself.  I just can’t.” 

Daniel didn’t argue with him.  He’d find a way to make Jack face his fears and conquer his shame of being a gay soldier, for he was certain that was at the heart of Jack’s resistance to accept the possibility of love with another man in his life.  When he did that, he’d happily commend Jack’s heart into the care of another man, one who would care for him as deeply as Daniel did himself.    

Three Months Later
PX4-010 

It was night, and it was cold, and Jack didn’t like the feel of the forest around them.  The trees were bizarrely shaped, and the first contact team had declared that they could uproot themselves and walk, albeit slowly.  The gay SAR team had been called in to find SG-11’s missing archaeologist, and after three days of searching, Jack and his unit had found the man relatively unharmed, held prisoner by some of the sentient alien creatures that populated that strange, unnerving world.   

A harmless demonstration of their firepower had effected Doctor Nikolai Sikorsky’s release, and now the SAR team was on its way back to the stargate with him and the rest of SG-11.  Sentries had been posted to watch for pursuit, but Jack really didn’t think anyone was coming after them.  The aliens had been genuinely afraid and apparently glad to be rid of them.  As long as the SG people were in retreat, he felt pretty certain there wouldn’t be any attempt to stop them from going home, but it was always better to be cautious. 

Jack cast a glance at the ugly, twisted trees and felt his insides quiver with revulsion.  Better to think of something else and let his team do its job.  It was time for him to be getting a little shut-eye anyway.  Dumping out the biodegradable contents of his half-eaten MRE, he stowed the pouch in a Ziploc bag and tucked it into his backpack for disposal once they returned to base. 

He gave a nod to his 2IC, passing command to Major Campisi for a few hours.  Just before he ducked into his tent, Jack noted that the rest of his team was also stationed at the perimeters of the camp, keeping watch on the eerie woods.   

The rest of the SAR team had already gone to their tents, except for their team medic, who was finishing up a field dressing on some of Doctor Sikorsky’s injuries.  Niko had deep lacerations on one arm, and they’d already starting to get infected when they’d found him, so the medic had given them a vigorous debridement, medicated them with an antibiotic salve, and had just now finished bandaging him up. 

Jack watched Sikorsky as he stood and rolled down the sleeve of his BDU jacket. 

The man was drop-dead gorgeous, and whenever he was around, Jack found it hard to take his eyes off him.  Jack remembered him from the wedding a few months earlier, when he’d been surprised to learn he was one of the new hires in Daniel’s department.  Sikorsky had just finished training and been assigned to SG-11 when Jack met him during the reception.  Since then, Jack had worked with him a couple of times on rescue missions, whenever the SAR folks had needed the assistance of one of the linguists, and Daniel hadn’t been available. 

Nikolai had also been a frequent dinner guest of Daniel’s, along with a handful of the other gay academics at the SGC.  Jack wasn’t completely clueless.  He’d known what that had been about, and he’d politely stayed out of Daniel’s machinations as much as possible.  It had been difficult to stay away when this guy was in the house, though, because he was such a knockout, and so affable.  Jack had liked him instantly, but had continued to shy away when Nikolai wanted to get personal. 

Sikorsky was a little shorter than Jack, a little beefier, but he had such gentle manners that few people really noticed what a big man he was.  All they saw were lapis-colored eyes, a blinding smile, and a thick mane of straight blond hair with just enough curl at the ends to frame his perfect face.  Wherever he went, people’s eyes followed, but in the field his troops were professionals and kept their attention on their duties, all but ignoring the pretty boy.   

“Sikorsky,” Jack called when the medic was finished with him, “you’re with me.”  He nodded toward his tent, and with a smile, the civilian followed him inside the low-pitched temporary dwelling.   

Jack sat down to unlace his boots, setting them off to one side, within easy reach of his sleeping bag, while Sikorsky knelt down to prepare his own bed.  Jack took off his BDU jacket and black ball cap, but nothing else, and lay down. He folded the bag over himself, not bothering to zip it up, listening to his tent-mate undressing for a night’s rest. 

“We could zip our bags together and share some body heat,” Sikorsky suggested playfully, stripping off his pants and kneeling down with the grace of a dancer, hesitating before covering himself up in his own sleeping bag. He waggled his eyebrows at Jack and grinned shamelessly. 

“We could, but we’re not,” Jack told him flatly, keeping it all business.  He glanced over at the flirty expression on the man’s face as he zipped himself up in his own bag.  “How’s the arm?”   

Nikolai sighed.  “It’s fine.  Just a few scratches.  That balm or whatever the hell it was your medic was putting on me hurt like hell, but it’s better now.”  He turned his head to make eye contact.  “Say, Jack, d’you mind tellin’ me why Daniel keeps trying to throw us together, when you so obviously don’t wanna gimme the time o’ day?” 

Jack enjoyed the sound of Nikolai’s deep Southern accent.  His voice rippled like velvet over his nerve endings, giving him goose bumps every time the man spoke.  Physically, everything about him was attractive, but Jack already knew he had a reputation for sleeping with any big dick with an interest.  One-night stands were not Jack’s thing, no matter how hot and tempting the package. 

“Nothing personal, but that’s none of your business,” Jack told him, “so don’t go there, all right?” 

“It never is personal with you,” Nikolai sighed back.  “I’ve been tryin’ to hook up with you since I first laid eyes on you, and you keep brushin’ me off.  I even asked around about you, and you know what the guys say?  That you’re untouchable.  I don’t get that.” 

“It’s not yours to get,” said Jack, closing his eyes.  “Catch some rest while you can, Sikorsky.  It’s still a long trek back to the gate.” 

Nikolai fell silent, and Jack switched off his flashlight, plunging the tent into darkness.  He turned over, putting his back to the man to get some privacy.   

All he could think about, once his eyes were closed, was Daniel.  Images streamed through his mind, threatening to arouse him.  The last few months had been the hottest time of Jack’s life; a constant diet of touching, sharing and togetherness that filled him with a twisted kind of peace derived from the knowledge that this was exactly what he’d wanted and needed all his life, and torturing him with the fact that he would never truly have it.  Daniel seduced him regularly, making him feel as if he were the sexiest, most desirable man alive.  Their time together was, for lack of a better word, romantic. 

Daniel was simply amazing.  He’d taken to sex with Jack like a duck to water, and the passion he’d revealed to Jack had blown him away.  They’d fucked in nearly every room of that huge house, and sometimes Daniel had gotten so hot he’d taken Jack up against the nearest wall.  Daniel was also marking him on a regular basis now, always above the waist where others would see, and Jack could tell that doing it turned him on.  Daniel had been being surprisingly alpha with him, and it’d been damned good, truly the stuff of dreams.  But every time Daniel fucked him, he’d immediately destroy the afterglow with a reminder that Jack could have all that with someone else, if he’d just go out looking for it. 

Loving Daniel like that had become agony.  Every orgasm was followed by an enormous sense of dread, knowing what Daniel was going to say, and when he did, the moment those well-intentioned words left his mouth, Jack’s heart would turn to stone, the walls would come up, and he would struggle to keep the pain of that sweet rejection to himself. 

It wasn’t just the suggestions that he go looking for someone else, either.  Daniel had never gone down on him, wouldn’t even kiss Jack’s body below the waist, except for his ass, or above the chin, for that matter.  Jack figured he understood why, of course.  Daniel was undoubtedly holding onto his heterosexuality and avoiding doing the things that might cross too deeply into gay territory.  Jack doubted Daniel was even aware of what he wasn’t doing, but Jack noticed.  He never asked Daniel for anything or made any suggestions; he simply took whatever Daniel was willing to give him and didn’t complain.  They just didn’t talk about it. 

Jack knew he needed to stop their sexual relationship.  He had to find a way to end the unintentional torture, before it drove him nuts.  He didn’t want to argue with Daniel about it; didn’t want to tell him that the sweet pressure he was applying wouldn’t change his mind about dating or sleeping with other men.  After all, Daniel had accomplished what he’d intended -- Jack was well broken in.  He DID love it, and he DID want more. 

There was only one thing that would deter Daniel from his course of action, and Jack knew it. 

With a sigh, he turned over onto his back again.  “Nik?” he called softly into the darkness.  “You still awake?” 

“Yes, Jack.  It’s damn hard to lie down next to you and actually sleep.  Without at least one orgasm first, anyway.”  His delivery was dry and slightly irritated. 

“Listen, I’ve been thinking maybe you’re right.  Maybe we should try dating,” Jack said slowly.  “Nothing fast or fancy.  I’m kinda old-fashioned about that sort of thing.  So if you’re still interested…” 

He could hear the smile on the other man’s face when he spoke.  “Really?  No shit?  What changed your mind?”  

“Daniel.  He’s been nagging at me for months to get started.  I’m thinking taking the plunge is gonna be the only thing to get him off my back.” 

Nikolai chuckled.  “Oh, baby!  I’d love to have Daniel on my back!  I’ve been lustin’ after him for fifteen years.” 

Jack snorted.  “Yeah, well, he’s not interested in either one of us, so I guess we’re stuck with each other.” 

There was rustling and unzipping in the dark tent, and Jack already knew what that meant. 

“Stay put, Sikorsky,” he ordered firmly.  “No fooling around in the field.  That’s my rule.  We keep it at home, not off world.” 

Silence.   

Jack heard the zipper in action again, followed by a defeated sigh from the archaeo-linguist. 

“So what am I supposed to do with this boner?” he asked, his voice husky with invitation. 

“Try reciting the military alphabet.  Backwards.  Always works for me.” Jack turned over again, a plan forming in his mind.  Maybe it wasn’t a good plan or a smart one, but it was the best he could come up with at the moment.  If he were lucky, it might even work. 

The one thing he didn’t want was to lose Daniel’s friendship; that meant more to him than anything else.  He could live the rest of his life in complete celibacy, because he’d had the love of his lifetime in his arms and in his bed.  He could stand beside Daniel and never touch him again, because that was what Daniel wanted – to be relieved of the burden of sleeping with another man.  He was doing this out of kindness and charity, and Jack didn’t want to be a pity fuck any longer. 

Being with another man was the only thing that would convince Daniel that his plan had worked, so that was what Jack was going to give him.  Sikorsky would be a mere pawn in this scheme, but he wasn’t the type to fall in love.  He just wanted a piece of Jack’s ass, or for Jack to have a piece of his.  Either way, once Daniel believed he was free of his obligation, Jack would break it off with Nikolai, and he and Daniel could get back to being just friends. 

He didn’t even have to really go to bed with anyone.  All he needed was for Daniel to think he had, to see Jack with someone and let Daniel draw his own conclusions.  Once Daniel was satisfied that his plan had worked, he’d back off.   

Then Jack would spend the rest of his life with love at arm’s length, always just out of reach.  That was best for both of them.  It was what Daniel wanted, and making Daniel happy was the important thing.  Jack closed his eyes, committed now to this course of action that would free them both from bondage. 

Four Days Later 

Daniel barely heard the sound of voices floating up from downstairs.  He was concentrating on studying a text in Phoenician, making notes as he went.  He let his attention stray long enough to confirm that one of the voices belonged to Jack before shrugging off the fact that Jack was now home from wherever he’d been all day.  Jack had been vague about where he was going when he left that Saturday morning, but Daniel had a lot of work to do and not much time to do it.  He had stayed home and gotten started on that, and only now did he realize he hadn’t had anything to eat. 

He glanced at his watch.  It was early evening, and the sun would be going down soon.  Closing the book, his pen marking his place, he set it aside on the arm of the chair and rose.   

Rather than disturb Jack with his guest or guests downstairs, Daniel headed for the circular stairs, cut through the foyer into the dining room, and busied himself in the kitchen making a quick sandwich.  When that was done, he added some potato chips to the side of the plate, poured himself a tall glass of iced tea, and put away the bread and lunch meat.  Taking the plate in one hand and beverage in the other, he returned to the library the way he had come.   

Setting his dinner down on the table beside his chair, he contemplated taking a little break and seeing who it was Jack had brought home with him.  Strolling over to the balcony railing, he looked down into the living room.  At first, he didn’t see anyone, but the sound of a soft groan drew his gaze to the sofa facing the fireplace.   

Movement caught his eye.  His ears perked up, and Daniel was certain he heard soft moans and sighs.  He squinted, trying to see in the fading light downstairs, and the action he’d noticed, mostly hidden by the back of the sofa, became more obvious.  He could see Jack’s familiar hands, stroking downward across a broad back covered by a white shirt.  Jack’s face was lifted and turned away and a blond head was busy with his neck.  Jack’s jeans-clad knees were bent and raised into view behind the sofa back.  The other man’s unshod, stockinged feet were lifted into the air as he lay on his belly against an almost-reclining Jack O’Neill.  The sounds were now wet murmurs of pleasure as the other man moved down Jack’s chest. 

Jack was down there.  With another man.  A man who was kissing him. 

Daniel could see it all. 

His fingers tightened on the balcony railing until they turned white, his teeth clenched so hard his jaws hurt.  He stared; couldn’t even blink.  Heat rose up inside him, urging him to action.  He wanted to go down there and pull that man off Jack. 

“C’mon, darlin’,” urged a breathless, familiar voice between kisses.  “Let me make you feel good.  Wanna make you come.  Let’s take this behind closed doors.” 

“No.  Stop.”  Jack’s voice was soft, barely more than a whisper, and Daniel’s ears strained to hear it.  “Nik, don’t.” 

Hatred filled Daniel at the sound of that name.  Nikolai Sikorsky sat up, breathless, his golden hair mussed by roving hands.  Jack’s hands.   

“What?  Jack, I thought you wanted this.”  He looked down.  “Your dick sure does.” He grinned, flashing that megawatt smile.  “C’mon, Jack.  Dan’l could walk in on us any minute.  Let’s go to your room.  You’re so hot, moi mileya.” 

He came at Jack again, aiming for his lips, and found himself on his back on the floor.

“Sorry,” Jack apologized instantly.  “I have a thing about Russians.”  He helped Nikolai up, and immediately the blond was pushing him back against the seat cushions, straddling his lap.  “Wanna see you naked, Jack,” he purred, pushing Jack’s shirt open.  “Wanna ride your big, beautiful dick, Hot Stuff.  You’re a Top, aren’t you, big guy?”

Jack groaned, a sound of unabashed need.  Nikolai rode Jack’s crotch like a rodeo bull rider, grinding his ass against Jack’s dick.  Daniel saw Jack’s body arch up toward him, heard him grunt with need.

“Damn it, I said no!” Jack reiterated, tossing his would-be lover onto the floor again.  “What part of that did you not understand, Sikorsky?” 

Daniel strolled along the banister, blatantly eavesdropping, struggling to control the rage he was feeling.  He watched as Jack sat up on the sofa, turning to put his feet on the floor as he nervously ran his hands through his hair and started re-buttoning his shirt. 

Nikolai had been lying on top of Jack.  Between his legs.  Rubbing on him, making him hard.  Offering Jack his ass.  Whorls of color swirled around the edges of Daniel’s vision.  His lips pressed firmly together.  His breathing was quick and shallow, and his whole body was quivering with fury.   

“I don’t – I can’t do this, Nik.  I thought I could, but I can’t.  I just can’t.  I’m sorry.” Jack sighed.  “Maybe you should go.” 

Sikorsky stood up beside the couch, looking down at his date, hands on his hips.  “I just got here.  You’ve spent all day leading me on, gettin’ me all worked up, and now you wanna just cut me off?  You never struck me as a cock tease, O’Neill.” 

Slowly, Jack lifted his head, making eye contact for a second before returning his gaze to the floor.  “Wasn’t tryin’ to be.  This was wrong for us to try.  Wrong for me, anyway.”  He leaned over and put his head in his hands.  “Please.  Don’t make this harder than it has to be.”  

For a moment, Nikolai just stared at him.  When he sensed this wasn’t going any further, he stepped into his discarded shoes and strolled toward the front door.  “Let me know if you change your mind, Jack.  I might not be waitin’ by the phone, but I’ll get here as quick as I can.” 

Jack mumbled something Daniel couldn’t hear, but he didn’t wait for anything more.  He headed for the circular stairs by the front door, arriving at the foyer just after Sikorsky had gone outside.  Following him, Daniel pulled the door quietly closed and caught the man by the elbow as he was pulling his car keys out of his pocket.  His shirt was still unbuttoned, his hair mussed, his half-hard dick still showing down the leg of his jeans. 

Nikolai smiled at him, apparently surprised to see him there.  “Oh, hi, Dan’l.” 

Daniel moved in on him, standing almost nose-to-nose.  Speaking through lightly clenched teeth, gazing right into his startled eyes, Daniel told him, “If you ever touch Jack O’Neill again, I’ll beat you to a bloody pulp.  Capiche, Sikorsky?” 

Recoiling, obviously shocked by Daniel’s venom, he stammered, “Wh-what?  What’d I do?  We were just makin’ out, Daniel.  He wanted me to.  He fucking started it!  He invited me here.”  His blue eyes narrowed.  “And you’ve been singin’ his praises to me, havin’ me over to dinner, assignin’ me to SAR missions under his command wherever you could, takin’ every opportunity to push Jack and me together.  You wanted this.  Practically engineered it yourself, an’ now you’re bitchin’ at me for touchin’ him?  What’s up with that?”   

“None of that matters,” Daniel ground out.  “He doesn’t want you touching him.  Doesn’t want you fucking him, and neither do I.”  He poked the other man in the chest with one finger, his chin thrust out, body tense and ready for a fight.  “Ya got it?”  He wanted Sikorsky to take a swing at him so he’d have an excuse to pound him into the dirt.  Daniel had learned a lot about hand-to-hand combat over the last ten years at the SGC; way more than Sikorsky knew, and Daniel was itching for battle. 

Sikorsky glared at him, a frown tugging his perfect brown eyebrows downward. “Poshol na moi huey,” he spat angrily.  

“You go jump on a dick, Niko,” Daniel retorted, translating and throwing the phrase right back at him in English.  “Any dick but Jack’s.  Or mine.” 

The blond wilted a little, some of the anger seeping out of him, leaving only disappointment in its wake.  “Yeah, I got it, boss-man.  I thought things’d be different with Jack.  Thought he might be somebody I could settle down with.” He smiled bitterly, easing back from Daniel, putting some space between them.  “Wouldn’t you know the one man I really believed I could hang my heart on doesn’t want me?”  He shook his head, looking down at his keys in his hand.  He sorted through them for the one to his Land Rover before giving Daniel another calculating stare. 

The other man’s heartfelt lament got through to Daniel, making him realize that Sikorsky’s interest in Jack had been genuine, deeper than he had expected.  It was like a cold dash of water in his face, cooling his rage instantly.  “I’m sorry, Niko,” he told the man honestly.   “I shouldn’t have tried to play matchmaker.  It’s just that, from what Jack told me, you were just what he was looking for, aside from being… well, promiscuous.  He’s not exactly okay with that, but I figured if anybody could get him out on the dating scene, it’d be you.”  He shrugged.  “I should’ve kept my nose out of it.” 

“May I ask what Jack told you?” Nikolai asked quietly, still studying his boss.  “I mean, about what he wanted in a lover.” 

Daniel repeated it verbatim.  He watched Sikorsky’s expression change from intent to surprised, with a huge, irrepressible grin.  He shook his head and chuckled as Daniel finished the list.  “Well, I’ll be damned,” he murmured.  He clasped Daniel’s face in both hands and said, “Daniel, Daniel.  What am I gonna do with you?  Dushka, he wasn’t describing me.”  He patted Daniel’s cheeks and chortled, “Don’t you get it?   He was describing you!”  

He leaned in and kissed Daniel on the mouth, quick and soft, and then glanced over his shoulder toward the front door.  Daniel followed his gaze and saw Jack standing there with his hands stuffed into his trouser pockets, watching them and looking none too pleased.  Daniel pushed Nikolai away and stepped backward.  He stared his long-time friend in the eye and growled, “I told you in college I wasn’t like that.  Kiss me again, and I’ll knock your ass into next week.”  He eyed Jack again, then looked back at Nikolai.  “And leave Jack alone.  He’s made his position clear.  Just be friendly; nothing else.” 

“Sure thing, Dan’l,” Sikorsky told him, unlocking his vehicle.  “This city’s crawling with hot men in uniform, an’ I’m enjoyin’ making my way through every single one of ‘em.”  He winked at Jack as he opened the car door.  “All but the one I most wanted.  Too bad he’s not available.  Somebody else got to him first.”  He grinned at Daniel, got into the Rover, and drove away.   

Embarrassed and certain he was blushing, Daniel hugged himself and plodded up the front walk to the steps where Jack stood, waiting for him. 

“Hey, Jack,” he said, unable to find anything better to say.   

“You let him kiss you,” Jack accused. 

Daniel frowned and shook his head.  “Nah, he just surprised me.  I wasn’t expecting it. Told him if he did it again, I’d sic Teal’c on him.” 

Jack turned and walked into the house, with Daniel right behind him.  “Were you getting the lowdown on our date?” 

“Not exactly.” Daniel wasn’t too eager to tell Jack what he’d been discussing with his colleague.  What Nikolai had said confused him.  How could Jack have been describing Daniel to his face?  Why wouldn’t he have just said— 

Daniel stopped walking.  His head came up.  Everything made perfect sense, now that Niko had rubbed his nose in it.  Of course Jack wouldn’t tell Daniel that he wanted him, because Daniel wasn’t gay! 

Everything fell neatly into place, and Daniel’s stomach turned over.   

Jack turned around just then and must have seen that all was not well with Daniel Jackson.  “You okay?” he asked, reaching out for him. 

Instinctively, Daniel avoided his grasp.  “I just feel a little sick,” he answered brusquely.  “Must have been that sandwich I ate.  I’ll be fine.”  He waved away Jack’s hands and sidestepped, heading at a brisk walk for the living room stairs.  “I’m just gonna… I’ve got more research to do, and then I’m gonna go to bed.  I’m not feeling so good.” 

“Can I get you anything?” Jack called from the foyer behind him. 

“No, Jack, really.  I’ll be fine.” He put a hand to his stomach, where it felt like a flock of pigeons had been startled into flight.  Retreating to the quiet of the library, Daniel ignored the uneaten sandwich, still sitting on the plate where he’d left it, and began to pace, his mind awhirl with all that had just happened. 

He couldn’t think clearly.  He sat down to mindlessly eat the sandwich, but the first bite stuck in his throat, and he couldn’t bear to eat the rest.  He sneaked downstairs to dispose of it quietly, making sure Jack was nowhere around before dropping it into the trashcan and covering it with a paper towel.  Then he went back upstairs to his bathroom, turning on the hot water for a long soak in the tub, hoping that would relax him enough to go to sleep.   

Only he couldn’t relax.  He kept thinking about Jack, about all they’d done together, and how Daniel had felt during and afterward.  The initial reluctance to have sex with Jack had dissipated quickly, replaced by a hunger that had startled Daniel at first, but he hadn’t paid much attention to it, brushing that aside, telling himself that he was doing this for Jack. 

That hadn’t been completely true, though.  He’d also been doing it for himself.  He liked fucking Jack.  Found himself thinking about it more and more frequently.  Fantasized about it, thinking up different things they could do together.  Touching Jack was wonderfully comforting, and sitting with him in the theater room, watching TV together and holding hands had been incredibly sweet.  He’d begun to enjoy it, and loved coming up behind Jack in the kitchen and just hugging him.  Best of all was waking up with him in the morning, untangling himself from those long arms and legs and seeing Jack’s face on the pillow next to his as he awakened. 

Thinking back over those memories, Daniel began to realize what he’d been feeling during those moments, and it shook him up.  He’d been happy; content as he had so rarely felt in his lifetime.  Sex with Jack was filled with that same joy, and a sense of rightness that had blown away his initial resistance to the idea of being intimate with another man.   

Daniel looked out the window at the lights of the city shining against the darkness.  He couldn’t possibly be in love with Jack O’Neill.  Could he?  Because if he were, that would mean everything he believed about his orientation had been a lie.  Wouldn’t it? 

He dropped his hands into the bath water and lifted some to his face, splashing the hot liquid over his skin.  It felt good, and the heat made his eyes droop.  He was tired, so very tired, and just wanted to sleep.  Wearily, he climbed out of the tub and grabbed a towel, dried himself off and wandered naked into the bedroom to fetch his pajamas.   

Just after stepping into them, Daniel heard soft footsteps on the polished wood floor, and turned to see Jack approaching the bed.  Without a word, he turned down the covers and got in on the side opposite where Daniel slept, turning his back to the empty side of the bed. 

Daniel headed back toward the bathroom to finish getting ready for bed, then hesitated at the doorway.  “I thought you’d be sleeping in your room tonight.” 

“Not if you’re sick,” Jack answered flatly.  “I can’t hear you from downstairs, and if you need me, I’ll be right here.  When you’re feeling better, I’ll start sleeping in my room again.” He turned slightly, gazing at Daniel over his shoulder.  “Unless you want me to move out completely.” 

“No, Jack, I don’t want you to move out.” The thought of Jack and Nikolai making out grated against his consciousness.  He turned away, his stomach roiling again, and went into the bathroom to brush his teeth.  When he was finished, he headed for the bed, turning out lights as he went, only the bedside lamp still lit.  Setting his glasses on the nightstand, he glanced over at the man in his bed. 

He understood that things were different between them now.  Jack had finally taken his advice and brought someone home.  He’d been on a date, probably out all day with Niko, working up to bringing him home for sex…  only Jack hadn’t been able to go through with it.   

Daniel slipped beneath the covers and turned out the lamp on the nightstand, plunging the room into darkness.  After a few moments, his eyes adjusted and he could see a little moonlight coming in through the sheers covering his bedroom windows.  He could feel Jack behind him, and knew that his friend – his lover – was still awake.  He was painfully aware that Jack hadn’t touched him, obviously keeping his distance because he’d brought Nikolai home, and because he thought Daniel was sick.  Jack was trying to take Daniel’s advice and start dating, but he didn’t know if that were because Jack agreed and was ready to start his search for a mate, or if Nikolai’s bold statement were correct.   

He’d need to talk to Jack about it at some point, but the time for that wasn’t tonight.  Daniel was tired.  His emotions were on a roller coaster ride, and he couldn’t think through what was happening to him.  He needed time to sort everything out; that was all. 

Closing his eyes, he tried to sleep, to shut his mind off and just get some rest.  He turned over, unable to get comfortable.  He couldn’t even lie still, his body complaining and adjusting, looking for some position that would allow him to settle, but he couldn’t find it.   

After several minutes, Jack scooted backward in the bed.  Without a word between them, Daniel got one arm around his waist and they spooned up together, Jack’s back pressed up against Daniel’s chest, warming him through and through.  He relaxed, his face leaning against Jack’s nape.  Daniel closed his eyes again, and in moments, found his way to sleep, with Jack in his arms.   

Two Days Later

Daniel stood in the control booth, his heart torn in two.  He wanted so much to just run down into the embarkation room and grab Jack, pour his heart out to him right then and there, but it was too late now.  Jack’s mind was already elsewhere, involved in the rescue mission. 

Jack’s eyes swept over his team, checking them for readiness, then turned up to the booth to find General Hammond and give him the thumbs up.  The general gave the order to dial the gate, and as soon as he turned away, Jack’s gaze moved to Daniel’s face, regret and pain in those warm brown eyes.

As Jack put his back to the window, facing the ramp, Daniel started to panic, knowing his friend might well return on a stretcher, or not at all.  He bent down and grabbed the microphone, pushing the button to allow him to speak into the ‘gate room.  “Jack!” he called. 

Instantly, Jack’s helmeted head turned to look up at him with expectant eyes. 

“Come back to us,” Daniel blurted.  “Bring ‘em home safe.” 

That wasn’t what he’d wanted to say.  He watched as Jack gave him a tiny smile and a thumbs-up sign, before he turned away again.  Daniel couldn’t form the words with his mouth, couldn’t grasp the slippery thought well enough to hang onto it, and then Jack was gone through the wormhole, into yet another battle to save the lives of others. 

Daniel left the control room with his insides churning, knowing he’d blown an important opportunity, one that might have been his last to tell Jack how he felt.  Gaze on the painted stripes on the corridor floor, he headed back to his office, but as he entered the elevator he met the eyes of another of Jack’s gay soldiers, probably on his way home for the day, judging by his civilian clothes.   

“Doctor Jackson,” the airman greeted him quietly.   

As he nodded at the man, Daniel couldn’t stop staring at the pin the other man wore on the collar of his jacket.  Realization struck him like a lightning bolt, ideas forming at light speed in his consciousness.  By the time the airman reached his destination, Daniel had returned to his office.  He sat down in his chair, connected to the Internet, and began to search for rainbow pins like the airman had been wearing.  He made his purchase and ordered the shipment express, hoping they’d arrive in time, and went to present his thoughts to General Hammond.   

After he’d signed out for the day, he stopped by one of the gay-friendly stores in town, where he bought all the rainbow flags, pins and bracelets he could find.  He did his best to make it through a lonely evening in an empty house, worrying about Jack.  Morning finally came after a restless night with little sleep, and he returned to the base early, handing out the items to the men guarding the gate.

A surprised look flitted across their faces.  “Thanks, Doctor Jackson, but I’m not gay,” said the officer who checked his ID. 

“Me, either,” he told the man, looking up at him earnestly from behind the wheel of his car, “but I have friends in the military who are.  They’ve put their lives on the line plenty of times for me, for all of us, and by wearing their symbol I’m showing my support for them.  Think about that.  You know what they did in Afghanistan and Iraq.  Maybe one of them saved someone you love.  This is a great way to thank them for being there, and to show your support off duty.” 

Shortly after mid-morning, the supply officer came to his office with a cart, stacked high with several boxes.  He thanked her and started to cut through all the wrapping on the cartons.  When that was done, he took the cart and headed for the infirmary, leaving pins with each of the wounded recently brought back from the other side of the ‘gate by the gay SAR unit.  Then he went to the commissary and handed out some more.  He went up to the control room, into the officers’ lounge, to the academic staff’s offices and by the general’s office to inform him that the items they had discussed were being delivered.  He handed them out in the corridors to whatever personnel he saw, until he had only two left.  After a brief visit to Teal’c’s quarters to leave a pin there for him, he took the empty cart back to the supply station and returned to the 18^th floor.   

Passing by his own office, he continued down the corridor to Sam’s lab.  He found her sitting on a tall stool at her workbench, safety goggles over her eyes, prying into the parts of an alien machine. 

A week earlier, SG-1 had been caught in a territorial dispute off world, and during the conflict, Sam had been injured and separated from her team.  Teal’c had radioed in the request for SAR support, and Jack and his team had been the ones to bring her home.  Getting to her in the midst of that civil war hadn’t been an easy task; Jack and his men had risked their lives to get her back safely, and everyone knew it.   

At his knock, she glanced up and gave him a smile.  “Hey, Daniel.  What’s up?”  

She turned her gaze back to the machine and deftly removed a small metal shield.  A light inside flashed on, and she backed up a little, grabbing for one of her measuring devices.  “Well, it’s not radiation, so that’s good.  Let me just…” She went after the insides with a pair of long handled forceps, and the light went off.  “There, that’s better.”   

She put the tool aside and pushed back from the bench, reaching for a pair of crutches propped up beside her.  “Hey, this is a good time to take a break.  Wanna go with me to get some coffee?” 

“Maybe in a minute,” he told her.  “I wanted to talk to you about something first.” 

“Sure thing.  Shoot.”  She balanced on the crutches, keeping her injured foot off the ground. 

Daniel glanced down at it.  “How’s your foot today?” 

“Good.  I should be able to bear weight on it in another week.”  She hobbled toward him a few steps to demonstrate. 

He met her eyes then.  “I’ve got something for you.”  He held out the pin to her, watching her eye it in distaste. 

“I don’t want that thing,” she snapped, her pleasant mood suddenly gone.  She crutched her way back to her stool.   

“They saved your life,” he reminded her gently.  “Jack saved your life, just like he’s done hundreds of times.  He’s always been gay, Sam.  He couldn’t admit it to himself or to anyone else for a long time, but he hasn’t really changed as a person.  He’s still basically the same man we both know and love, and we owe him the honor of allying ourselves with him.” 

“I’m not a lesbian, and I’m not wearing that damned pin,” she growled, turning hot, angry eyes up to meet his.   

Daniel’s lips pressed together in disapproval.  He reached up with his other hand and fingered the pin on his own lapel, drawing her eyes to it.  “I know we’re not supposed to have personal insignia on our base fatigues or uniforms, Sam, but I thought, just this once, maybe we might let these men know they’re valued, so I talked to General Hammond about it.  He’s sent out a memo that allows the pins to be worn today only, by those who choose to do so, in honor of our gay comrades-in-arms, to welcome them home.” 

She stared at him, her expression hard and unforgiving. 

“Western society was built on the ideas of the ancient Greeks, the first to bring civilization out of tribal chaos, the first to order thought into hard sciences… and they were an inherently bisexual society that glorified male love.  They recognized the human animal has shades of gender, varying from strictly heterosexual to strictly homosexual, with the majority of humanity falling into the bisexual middle.” 

He set the pin onto her workbench beside the machine.  “Jack isn’t unnatural; he’s perfectly normal.  And he’s the same man he always was, deserving of our respect and support.  I intend to wear these colors with pride, because he and the other Rainbow Warriors are out there, putting their lives on the line to save others, because that’s the job they’ve chosen to do.” 

Sam was staring at the pin now, uncertainty flickering in her expression. 

“Jack could’ve retired a long time ago, Sam.  He stays for us, for all of us, and we owe him a helluva lot more than wearing a stupid pin on our civvies or fatigues.  I know his deception hurt you, and I’m sorry for that, but try stepping into his shoes for a while.  He deceived himself for most of his life, denied his natural instincts, because he knew he couldn’t have what he wanted and still be who he was: a soldier.  That’s all he’s ever wanted to be, and if he’d been true to himself, he’d have been denied that until now.  When you think about all Jack O’Neill has contributed through the stargate program… Our whole world owes him, Sam.  More than we can ever repay in our lifetimes.” 

He turned on his heel and left to return to his office.  The translation he’d been neglecting for the last few hours was still there, waiting for him, and with a sigh he sat down and started working on it in earnest.  Four hours later, his back started to ache from too much sitting, so he stood up and decided a trip to the bathroom and a pot of coffee were in order, and stepped around the desk to head toward the door. 

A slight thumping sound caught his attention and made him pause.  Sam rounded the corner, stumping in on her crutches.  She came at him full speed, her eyes full of tears, and crashed into him at the last second, her arms going around his waist and the crutches dropping away. 

“I’m sorry, Daniel,” she sniffed against his jacket.  “I’ve been thinking and thinking about it, and I can’t forget what you said.  As usual, you’re right—“ 

 “It’s okay, Sam.”  His arms went around her, and he held her close.  “I know you’ve had your own reasons for how you reacted.  You two have a complicated history.” 

Sam hiccupped softly.  “When I saw him on that planet… saw him coming for me, I was so relieved.  I knew they’d sent the best we have to rescue me, and I was gonna be okay.  I couldn’t wait for him to get to me.  I hugged him then, but when he came to see me afterward in the infirmary, I wouldn’t even look him in the eye.  Didn’t even thank him for saving my life.  And he did, Daniel.  He has so many times.” 

Daniel tightened his embrace around her.  “They get that a lot,” he murmured against her hair.  “They’re used to being judged and unappreciated.” 

Straightening in his arms, Sam wiped at her cheeks.  She lifted her chin and looked into his face with a steely, watery gaze.  “That stops here and now,” she told him defiantly.   

Reaching into the pocket of her fatigue jacket, she withdrew the rainbow-striped pin, took it out of the wrapper, and attached it to the lapel of her fatigue jacket.   

When she finished, she smiled up at him through her tears.  “Thank you.  You have such a way of helping people see things differently.  You’re an amazing man, and I’m so proud to call you my friend.”  Her fingertips stroked the enameled pin.  “The Colonel, too.  And I’m planning to invite him out to dinner when he gets back.  Maybe I can try to make amends.” 

He patted her arm, his heart twisting up inside him.  “If he gets back,” he reminded her solemnly, “but it’ll still matter for all the others to see the rest of us wear their colors.  They’re good people, you know.  In a lot of ways, some of the best we have, I believe.” 

She nodded.  “Yeah.  I got the memo about Rainbow Day.  It was a good idea.” 

“Hammond thought so, too,” he told her with a smile.   

Claxons sounded on every floor, announcing an unauthorized incoming wormhole.  Daniel started off at a run for the elevator, then turned to look at Sam, whom he knew would be coming to follow him.  He retrieved her crutches and handed them to her, waiting for her to come along with him.   

“Go.  I’ll catch up,” she promised, shooing him off after she positioned her crutches beneath her arms. 

He dashed off and hurried down to the 27^th floor, racing into the control room just as the first soldiers were stumbling out onto the ramp.  Blasts of light from staff weapons shot from the event horizon into the room, impacting against the wall, and as the fire increased, the last of the SGC SAR soldiers stumbled through.   

Face darkened with soot and sweat, Jack O’Neill glanced up at the control booth and shouted, “Close the iris!” 

The trinium blades swirled into place and locked, and the weary soldiers slumped against the railing and the ramp, exhausted and panting – but all eight of the SAR team and the four members of SG-9 were back home; if not in one piece, all still alive. 

Medical staff rushed in and carted off the wounded, and the SAR team dragged themselves to their feet, raising their eyes to their commander in the control room. 

Daniel saw the astonishment in their faces as they saw the rainbow insignia on General Hammond’s collar, and on all the control booth staff.  They glanced around at the Marines on duty in the ‘gate room, and saw insignia there.  He watched Jack raise questioning eyes to him, and take note of the pin on Daniel’s blue base fatigues. 

Jack smiled then, his face radiant, his eyes filled with gratitude.  His gaze shifted to the general, and he drew himself up ramrod straight.  “SGC SAR, reporting in, sir.  All personnel present and accounted for.” 

“I’ll expect a debriefing in one hour, Colonel,” Hammond intoned.  “Welcome home to you and your team.” 

Jack nodded.  “Yes, sir.  Thank you, sir.” 

Daniel was first to move, heading down the stairs toward the ‘gate room, meeting Jack as he shepherded his men toward the infirmary for their post-mission check.  Daniel checked him over with his eyes, noting a bloody stain on Jack’s BDU jacket.  He made eye contact then.  “You okay?” 

“Just some scratches,” Jack told him.  “Nothing to worry about.”  His gaze fell to Daniel’s collar, and he reached out to stroke his fingertips across the enameled surface of the lapel pin.  “Was this your idea?” 

“I thought it was a fitting tribute,” Daniel told him.  “A show of support, for all the Rainbow Warriors have done for the rest of us.  It’s the least we can do.” 

“That’s nice, but not necessary.” Jack’s expression was guarded, uncertain.  “Might make folks think you’re gay, if you wear that.” 

An ache started in Daniel’s chest.  “If enough straight people show their support of gays, then maybe eventually it won’t matter.” 

He wanted so much to tell Jack how he felt, but he couldn’t.  Not yet.  There were other issues between them, things that would have to be laid out plainly before Daniel could lay his heart bare to the other man.

“It’s a nice gesture, Daniel.  Thank you.”  Jack turned away, following his men toward the elevator.  “Gotta go to the infirmary now.  I’ll see you later tonight.” 

“Call my office when you’re done, and I’ll drive you home.” 

“I can drive just fine,” Jack told him.  “It’s just scratches.” 

Daniel glanced down at the bloodstain.  It looked larger now.  He didn’t panic, but his anxiety levels rose sharply at the sight, and he ended up going with Jack all the way to the examination room.  He returned to work, waiting for a call from the infirmary to let him know Jack had been discharged and debriefed.

Hours later, Daniel escorted him to the surface, with Jack now dressed in clean civvies.  “Let me drive you,” Daniel suggested.  What he really wanted was to talk with Jack on their way home.  They’d ridden in separately due to their different schedules, and Daniel was desperate to be alone with him. 

“I’ll meet you there,” Jack told him.  “Chill out, Daniel.  I’m fine.” 

Without an invitation, Daniel followed Jack to his truck and got in the passenger side.  Jack eyed him with a slight frown.  “We can ride in together in the morning,” he explained.  “I just… I need this, Jack.  Don’t make me go home in the Jeep.  Please?” 

Jack just looked away and started the engine.  They started the drive home in silence, as Daniel struggled to figure out how to get things started.  His mind kept going back to Jack and Nikolai on the couch, and the jealousy he’d felt for his colleague for touching Jack. 

“How’s Nikolai?” Daniel asked cautiously. 

“You saw him come out of the wormhole with us,” Jack shot back easily. 

“Um, I didn’t really notice,” Daniel confessed.  “I was watching for you.” 

“Well, he’s fine.  Took a hit in the shoulder, but he’ll recover.” 

“What about your injury?” Daniel glanced down at where the bloody spot had been.   

“Got some stitches and a few days off.  I’ll be okay.  Stop worrying, okay?”  His voice was gentle, calm, and it put Daniel slightly more at ease. 

Daniel just stared at his friend.  Jack was sitting right there, driving himself home.  He was not sitting beside Sikorsky’s bedside in the infirmary, the way Jack always did with those whom he loved, which could only mean that what had happened between him and Sikorsky had been about lust and attraction, not about love. 

He smiled, relief filling him with its gentle, relaxing warmth.  “That’s good,” he said softly.  “I’m glad he’s okay.  I’m glad you got everyone home.” 

Jack just gave him a tense little nod of acknowledgment.  They traveled in silence the rest of the way home, while Daniel rehearsed in his mind how he should go about making his announcement to Jack.  Nothing felt right; just grabbing him as soon as they got inside the door might be awkward in light of Jack’s injury.  He couldn’t take Jack by the hand and walk him to the door, because the entrance they used most often was the garage entry into the mud room, which was just a few steps from the door; and words simply couldn’t cover adequately all the things he wanted to tell Jack. 

He had no idea how to do this.  He hadn’t been good at it with women, and he seemed to be even less skilled with this particular man, when it came to emotional issues.  Rather than make a complete fool of himself, he decided to relax and wait for an opening to present itself, and he’d make the most of it. 

As the garage door was closing behind them, they got out of the truck and went into the house.  Daniel followed Jack through the mud room, across the dining room, into the foyer, and on into the wing that was Jack’s residence.  He watched Jack’s pace, the way he held himself, and knew his friend was in pain. 

“Can I get you anything?” he asked, trailing Jack through the sitting room and into Jack’s bedroom.   

“Nope.  Think I’m just gonna turn in.  I’m tired.  Did you want something?  ‘Cause I’m not up for sex tonight.”  He opened the dresser and tossed a T-shirt and sweat pants on the bed, then sat down on it to take off his shoes.    

Daniel didn’t leave.  He stood near the bed with his hands shoved into his trouser pockets.  Glancing around the room, he wondered how they would commingle Jack’s things with his… or even if that were a possibility.  When he turned back to look at his friend, Jack was reaching for the blankets, turning down his bed. 

“Um, I know the stairs might be kinda tough at the moment, but wouldn’t you rather sleep up there with me?” he asked. 

“Don’t wanna fuck,” Jack returned with a weary sigh.  “Just wanna sleep.” 

He hesitated.  “Then may I sleep here with you tonight?”  He swallowed hard.  “I think I need that.”

Jack was looking at him now, his eyes burning like coals.  He appeared a little angry.  “I told you, I’m not interested—“

“I don’t want us to fuck,” Daniel assured him.  “I just want to be with you.  To be wherever you are.” 

The irritation in Jack’s expression faded, replaced by weary resignation.  “Suit yourself.”  He peeled back the covers and unbuttoned his shirt, wincing as he slipped it off his shoulders.   

Half of Jack’s chest was covered with bruises and a large bandage covered his lower right side.  Gauze wrapped around his waist to hold the dressing in place.   

Daniel sucked in a breath between his teeth.  “Jeez, Jack, I thought you said it was just scratches?”  He came close and reached out to touch him, then drew his hands back at the last moment.  He didn’t know how much the injuries hurt, but he suspected Jack was in a fair amount of pain.   

When Jack didn’t respond, reaching to unzip his khaki trousers, Daniel sat down on the foot of the bed, staring at his feet rather than at his friend.  He heard Jack stand up and shuck off his pants and let them drop to his ankles.  Jack sat back down and pulled his feet out, leaving the garments on the floor.   

Daniel turned his head just enough to glance at Jack’s lower body, and saw that there were more bruises and scratches on his lower belly and hip.  He had to grit his teeth to keep from touching, while the need to do so boiled up inside him.  He just wanted to hold Jack, to comfort him somehow, to let him know how upset Daniel was that he’d been hurt. 

“We got into it pretty good with some Jaffa,” Jack told him.  “There was a knife fight.  I won.  A couple of Jaffa dumped a statue on me.  My guys took care of things and got me out from under the damn thing.  I’m fine, Daniel.  It wasn’t even close to life-threatening, and nothing’s broken.” 

Daniel’s stomach clenched at that abbreviated retelling.  This had never happened to him before, but his reaction didn’t bother him like he thought it should have.  He knew what it meant, how different things were now.  Mouth dry, hands trembling in his lap, he waited for Jack to finish dressing in his T-shirt and sweatpants and reach for the covers.  He gave Daniel a quizzical look, waiting for him to move so he could fully turn down the bed and get in it. 

“Please sit down with me, Jack,” Daniel whispered, staring down at his hands in his lap.  He tried to swallow as Jack obeyed without protest.  He didn’t say a word, just sat and patiently waited for Daniel to take point in the conversation. 

“I’m not gay,” Daniel began, knowing those were the wrong words to lead off with, but they were also the only ones that fit.  He played with his fingers idly, as he so often did when he had nothing to do with his hands.  “I’ve never been attracted to men.  Whenever I thought about sex and love, it was always with a woman in mind.” 

He heard Jack’s impatient sigh, and hurried on to finish.  “But there’s this one guy I’ve recently discovered is way, way more important to me than I thought he was.  His smile can turn a bad day into a good one.  His arms have held me together when I shattered.  And touching him has been some of the most fulfilling moments of my whole life.  I don’t know how it happened, but it has.  The only problem is, I don’t know how he feels about me.  If I’m not what he wants, I don’t want to lose his friendship, so I’d… I’d like some advice from someone who knows a little more about this sort of thing than I do.” 

After a long silence, Daniel turned his head slightly and glanced at Jack’s lap.  Jack’s hands were pressed into the bed on either side of his thighs, and after another breath, he began to speak, his voice a low, rumbled whisper.  “There was this guy I met along time ago.  Arrogant little prick.  Hot as a damn firecracker, and he didn’t even know it.  First time I saw him, I wanted to punch his lights out.  I thought I hated him, but I didn’t.  Took me a while and a lot of time thinking about it to realize I wanted him, and that’s why I wanted to hit him at first.  Because that would be physical contact.  I’d be close to him if we were fighting, maybe wrestle him to the ground.  I could touch him, get my hands on him.” 

His fingers clenched in the blankets.  “I got over that combativeness pretty fast.  Had to, because we were working together.  I was responsible for him, but he ended up saving my life.  He did that a lot.” 

Jack’s hands release the blankets and skimmed around his belly, as if protecting himself from something.   

“I almost hated him for that,” Jack went on quietly, “but way down deep, I knew I couldn’t hate him.  I respected him.  Maybe even liked him a little.  Over the years I learned to care about him a lot, like he was part of my family, but always keeping him at arm’s length, because I couldn’t afford to let him get close.  Not until the military changed its policy, and I could finally admit to myself the truth about what I am.  What I’ve always been.”  He shot a shy, hesitant glance at Daniel, then looked back at his knees.  He plucked listlessly at the gray cloth of his sweatpants. 

Reaching out, Daniel laid his hand over Jack’s, gently gripping them, offering what comfort he could.  He knew this was hard, could feel how much it cost Jack to open up to him like this.  He remembered Niko’s observation, and all the pieces fell into place.  He glanced up at Jack, a wry smile playing about the corners of his mouth. 

“And when you told us that day that you didn’t think you’d ever be with anyone, it wasn’t because you had trust issues, was it, Jack?” 

“Yes and no.  It wasn’t exactly a lie.”  Jack stole another brief look at him, boyish and slightly embarrassed.  He put his hands on his thighs, and Daniel took one in his grip, lightly lacing their fingers together and giving him a squeeze. 

“You didn’t trust other men getting that close to you, because your heart was already taken, wasn’t it?”  The unfolding joy in Daniel’s heart filled him and dampened his eyelashes.  He felt a smile tugging at his lips, dancing in the corners, waiting to be released.  He almost couldn’t believe his good fortune and how easily the pieces of their puzzle were snapping together, at long, long last. 

“Yes.” 

Then something else occurred to Daniel, hitting him in the heart like a sledgehammer.  “Oh, God.  What I did to you!  How it must have hurt you, for me to take you to bed and do all the things you wanted to do with me, knowing it was just sex, and not the love you wanted.  I wouldn’t even let you kiss me.  My God, Jack.  I’m so sorry.”   

Jack shrugged, finally meeting Daniel’s eyes and holding his gaze.  “I thought it was as close as I’d ever get to the brass ring.  Don’t be sorry, Daniel.  I’m not.”  He smiled then, crooked and wounded, but joyful.  “I had the dream.  I could’ve lived the rest of my life with just what you gave me.  It was enough.”  He squeezed Daniel’s hand and the smile disappeared.  “But I couldn’t let you keep doing it.  You wanted me to take action, and I knew that was the only way to make you stop--”   

His voice caught, and he looked down at their clasped hands.  “You were trying to help me, I know,” Jack admitted, the fingers of his free hand idly caressing Daniel’s knuckles, tracing patterns on the back of his hand.  “But every time we made l--  uh, every time we f-fucked...  you kept telling me how great it would be when I found someone, gently pushing me away.   You wanted me to see other men, so I figured I’d let you off the hook, so you wouldn’t have to hold me by the hand anymore.  I knew you didn’t really want me, Daniel.  I had to let you go, in order to keep you with me.  You know, as a friend.” 

Daniel studied Jack’s face now, misery etched into every familiar line.  “Maybe it’s a good thing you brought Nikolai home.  It was kind of a wake-up call for me, I guess, ‘cause when I saw him kissing you, I swear to God, I wanted to beat the shit out of him.  I followed him out to his car and told him to stay the hell away from you, or I’d hurt him.” 

Jack lifted his head, looking him in the eye for the first time since they’d entered his bedroom.  “You did?” 

“You bet.  I was jealous as hell,” Daniel admitted.  “He’s the one who told me what was really going on.  He’s the one who figured out what was really happening to me.  That’s when I had to admit it to myself – you know, how I really felt, and I finally started to realize the truth.”  He shook his head in wonder. 

Grief rose in those beautiful brown eyes, and Jack looked away.  “But you said it yourself.  You’re not gay.  Whatever you’re feeling for me, that’ll pass.  You’re probably just being a little territorial, is all.” 

“It’s way more than that, Jack.  I’ve been thinking about little else now for days, trying to figure out what the hell all this means.  When I saw you leaving on this last mission, I got it.  Big fucking clue bus ran me over a couple of times.  I’m bisexual.” 

“So what are you waiting for?” Jack asked him solemnly.  He lifted aching, hopeless eyes to Daniel’s, too afraid to believe what he was hearing. 

“I’m waiting for you to kiss me,” Daniel whispered shakily.  He was painfully aware that this was a turning point in both their lives.  There would be no going back after this.  “You were supposed to save this for the man you fell in love with, remember?  I know you and Nikolai already…  I missed out on being your first everything, but I want you to kiss me,” he whispered, eyes prickling with tears, “because I’ve fallen in love with you.”   

Jack’s pupils reacted, filling his eyes with hungry black.  “Really?  You sure?” 

Daniel reached out one hand and stroked Jack’s cheek with trembling fingers.  “Pretty weird for a former straight guy, huh?”

Longing and need flickered like flames in Jack’s eyes.  “No,” he said softly, his voice rough with emotion.  “That’s not weird at all, Daniel.  But you’re wrong about Nik and me.  I wouldn’t let him kiss me on the mouth, because in my heart, that was for you to do.  Nobody else.  That’s why I stopped him, why I couldn’t go through with doing anything with him.  I would have waited for you forever, if I’d believed there was any possibility, but I didn’t.  I couldn’t hope.  I just took what you gave me, and let that be enough.  It was enough.” 

Daniel shook his head.  “No, Jack.  There’s so much more.”  Daniel reached out with his other hand and held Jack’s face, holding him steady, and then Daniel leaned in.  Eyes closing on the way, he brushed their lips together. 

Hot, sweet pain lanced through Daniel’s heart.  Jack opened to him, so Daniel pressed closer.  He slipped his tongue into Jack’s mouth, and the pleasure of it made him groan.  Need sparked into roaring flame, and he found himself pushing Jack backward, crawling down his throat as he poured himself desperately into that kiss. 

He heard Jack grunt into his mouth, and scrambled off him, remembering too late that Jack was wounded.  “I hurt you,” he blurted.  “I’m sorry.  I forgot you were injured.”  

Jack just lay back against the bed where Daniel had pushed him, his head turned to maintain eye contact.  A wicked little grin danced across his lips.  “Y’know, I’m kinda hungry, after all.  Maybe we should have some… uh… dinner.” 

“I’ll cook,” Daniel volunteered, a bright smile bursting across his face, “but I think I’d like an appetizer first, if that’s okay with you.” 

He got off the bed and went down on his knees before Jack, nudging his legs apart.  Eager hands caught at the elasticized waistband of Jack’s sweats as the older man sat up, grinning broadly now.   

“Whoa, hold on, there!” he said, pushing Daniel’s hands away, but he had already managed to pull Jack’s pants down around his hips.  “What do you think you’re doing?” 

“Giving you a blow job, if you’re up to it,” he returned happily. 

“Daniel, you’ve never had a dick in your mouth before,” Jack reminded him.  “You don’t know how.”   

“Neither did you, the first time you went down on me,” Daniel returned teasingly.  “I’ll bet I can figure it out.  I’m a pretty smart guy, you know.” 

“You’re still an arrogant little prick,” Jack chuckled with a crooked grin.  “Makes me crazy when you do stuff like that.”  He leaned back on his hands and let Daniel pull his pants the rest of the way off, spreading his legs for his lover.  He sobered as he watched Daniel take hold of his rising cock, his smile vanishing, heart shining in his brilliant azure eyes.   

Daniel felt his own dick swell and knew this was one of the best things that had ever happened to him.  He was happy, deliriously so, and knew without a flicker of doubt that he was deeply and truly loved by this man, his best friend… his lover.  He looked down at the hot, silky flesh in his hands, and saw that it was beautiful.   

Jack wanted him.  Jack loved him.  Was in love with him.  Few things in Daniel’s life had ever felt so utterly right.  

“It’ll be okay, Danny,” Jack whispered, stroking his hair with one hand.  “I’ve waited all my life for you, and now I know you were supposed to be the one to be with me like this.” 

Daniel licked away the drop of pre-come; surprised by the unfamiliar taste.  He kissed all over the rigid shaft, the flat belly and hard-muscled thighs.  He snuffled in the thatch of silvery pubic hair and licked the soft, loose skin of Jack’s balls.  He explored every nook and cranny, tasting, nibbling, kissing everything he saw or touched.  The more he licked, the stronger the craving grew until he tentatively slipped Jack’s cock into his mouth and gave it a nervous suck.  He didn’t have a clue if he was doing anything right until— 

“Fuck!” Jack gasped.  “Oh, fuck.  Danny.  Danny…”  

Both of Jack’s hands were in his hair now, restlessly exploring his neck and shoulders.  Daniel could feel his hands trembling, heard his breathing quicken and knew Jack was close.  That excited Daniel, and he relaxed his throat and swallowed still more, pushing Jack’s length into his mouth until his nose buried up in curly pubic hair.  He couldn’t breathe like that, so he pulled away, sucking hard as he backed off.   

Looking up, Daniel saw that Jack was now leaning on only one hand for support, the other gently gripping Daniel’s hair.  Jack lifted his hips off the bed, trying an experimental thrust into Daniel’s mouth, but a grimace of pain announced he wasn’t up to that just yet.  Jack’s eyes watched him hungrily, and Daniel stared straight back at him as his lips slid down Jack’s erection again. 

“Oh, baby,” Jack whispered reverently, his hand lost in Daniel’s hair at the back of his head.  Jack’s eyes filled and spilled over, fat tears rolling down his lean cheeks, but he didn’t look away.  “Love you,” he croaked, his voice breaking with emotion.  “For so long.  God, Danny.  I love you.”   

Daniel whimpered, his own emotions welling up inside him.  He wanted to say those words back to Jack, but couldn’t let go.  He sucked harder, gagged a little when he got a little too much and backed off slightly, swirling his tongue all over that long, thick shaft, and closed his eyes as Jack started to chant, his head tipped back in ecstasy. 

“Ah ah ah ah ah oh!” 

Liquid heat exploded into Daniel’s mouth.  He choked slightly, freaking out just a little before he got a grip and forced himself to swallow every drop, waiting until the last pulse has ebbed and Jack’s hard-on began to soften before downing the last of his come.  Daniel licked and sucked a little longer, running his tongue along the sensitive spot just beneath the head, pleased when Jack twitched and gave a little gasp of pleasure.   

“You can stop now,” Jack panted.  “I think I’m done.” 

Releasing his lip-lock, Daniel smiled and said, “Maybe I’m not.” He nibbled around Jack’s belly and thighs, taking care to avoid the wounded and bruised places, until he felt satisfied.  Jack had fallen back against the mattress, and Daniel crawled up over him, poised on all fours, gazing down into his face. 

The tear tracks were just drying, leaving a shiny trail where they’d fallen.  Those had been tears of joy, Daniel knew, and Jack hadn’t wiped them away.  Daniel kissed them, grazing his lips across Jack’s before he pulled away to look into his lover’s eyes again. 

“I could give you a hand job,” Jack whispered, his fingers stroking lovingly across Daniel’s cheek, but that’s about all I can manage right now.” 

Daniel shook his head.  “I got what I needed.”  He smiled again.  “You called me ‘baby.’ ” 

For a moment, Jack looked a little afraid.  “Is that okay?” 

His grin widened.  “Nobody’s every called me that before.  I don’t know.”   

“I’ll try to watch it in the future, then, but I might get carried away sometimes when we’re fucking, and let it slip.” 

“I didn’t say I didn’t like it.”  Daniel nuzzled his lover’s cheek, “and we’ll be making love, not fucking.”  He felt Jack’s smile and settled down at his side.   

“Would you be okay with me calling you that, when we’re here at home?”  Jack was positively radiant.   

Daniel had never seen him look so happy.  “What do you think?”   

“Just answer the question, genius.” 

“I’ll be your baby, if you’ll be mine,” Daniel told him gently.  He captured Jack’s mouth with a slow, tender kiss, his fingers exploring that familiar face, the close-cropped silver hair, the strong shoulders and chest.  They drew apart and just gazed into each other’s eyes for a moment. Then Jack’s stomach rumbled. 

“Hungry?”   

“I could eat.” Jack sighed, his arm draped over Daniel’s ribs.  “I like the sound of that, Danny.” 

“I want you to move in with me,” Daniel told him.  “As soon as you’re able.  Put your stuff wherever you want it.” 

“Huh?” Jack frowned, trying to understand.  “I already did that, months ago.” 

“I mean, I want you to move into my room.”  Daniel hesitated, then corrected, “Our room.  I want you with me, always.” 

“We haven’t even dated, and you want me to move into your bed?  How do we know this is even gonna work?” 

Daniel laughed a little.  “Well, if we haven’t killed each other by now, it MUST be love!” he declared.  Sitting up, he glanced down at Jack’s battered body and sobered.  His fingers traced lightly over the bandages.  “We don’t have any guarantees there’s even gonna be a tomorrow, considering what we do for a living, so we shouldn’t waste another minute.  We have something extraordinary, Jack, and we’ve already been working everything out while I was fooling myself into thinking I was educating you.” 

“You weren’t fooling yourself,” Jack assured him.  “Everything you did for me was a conscious act of love, though you didn’t realize it at the time.  That makes it even more special.” 

“I thought I was pretending, but I wasn’t.  You’ve changed my whole world, Jack.  Now I want you to share it with me.” 

Jack’s stomach growled.  “After dinner, okay?” he teased.  “Help me up.  I’m broken.” 

Daniel stood up and took Jack’s hands, gingerly providing resistance for Jack to pull himself upright with a grimace.  Once they were both on their feet, Daniel carefully put his arms around his lover and held him close.  “I love you, Jack O’Neill.”  He brushed another light kiss on Jack’s lips and pulled away, catching his hand and leading him off toward the bedroom doorway. 

“Uh, shouldn’t I put some clothes on?” asked Jack, stopping a few feet from the bed, “or do you prefer me like this?” 

“If you weren’t purple and green and bandaged in places, naked would be very nice,” Daniel admitted, “but you probably ought to cover all that up, so I don’t keep kicking myself for not being with you.” 

“You’re not on my team,” Jack reminded him.  “Which is a good thing, because I don’t think I could work with you now.” 

Daniel nodded.  “I don’t know, Jack.  Have you ever heard of the Sacred Band of Thebes?” 

Jack shook his head.  He picked up his clothes and dressed slowly.  “What is it?” 

“They were an army of lovers,” Daniel told him quietly.  “Plato hypothesized that such an army would be undefeatable.  He said men might love country and family, but in the face of overwhelming danger, even the bravest might turn and run, hoping for their forgiveness.  But if the one you loved most in the world were standing by your side on the battlefield, you’d have such strength, you’d stand and fight to your dying breath, rather than be seen as a coward in the eyes of your beloved.   

“A Theban general put that idea to the test and every battle they fought, the Sacred Band remained undefeated, sometimes against incredible odds, until Alexander the Great met them on the plain of Chaeronea.  The only survivors of the Sacred Band were those too badly wounded to continue fighting.  Most of the army of lovers died to a man on the battlefield, and when Philip of Macedon saw where they’d fallen and recognized their regalia, he fell to his knees and wept.  That battle was a turning point in Greek history, for it marked the beginning of the fall of the Greek Empire, represented by the death of the most glorious army the Greeks had ever known – an army of gay men.” 

He eyed Jack.  “I think we always fought well together.  I believe we still could.” 

Jack stood very still while Daniel gave his impromptu lecture.  When he finished, Jack just stared at him.  After a few moments, Jack spoke, his voice deep and rough with emotion.  “So, you think you want to ask for a transfer to the SAR team?”  Jack shook his head.  “You’re needed on SG-1, babe.  That’s where you belong.” 

Daniel nodded.  “So do you, and I’m going to talk to General Hammond about it tomorrow.” 

“Don’t do that,” Jack returned quietly.  “I belong with the SAR team.  Besides, if Hammond knew we were a couple, he’d split us up anyway.  Just leave it alone, okay?” 

Daniel felt himself blushing.  “I still think we could do more on the same team.  Like we used to before you left.” 

Jack strolled toward him, slipped his arm around Daniel’s waist, and led him out of the bedroom, into the sitting room beyond.  “I know,” Jack assured him, “but we’re still making a difference, and sometimes we do go on missions together.  It’s best that you’re not under my direct command.  Unless we’re naked, of course.”

They didn’t speak as they walked together through the arched doorways into the foyer, through the dining room and into the kitchen.  Jack sat at the bar while Daniel rummaged through the pantry for plates and glasses, and they talked about mundane things while Daniel puttered in the kitchen, stealing little kisses across the bar.   

He felt Jack’s eyes on him, watching his every move, aware that their whole world had just changed.  Jack seemed to be waiting for something, so Daniel straightened up, closed the refrigerator, and set the package of sliced roast beef and other goodies on the bar.  He leaned over and kissed those silent lips tenderly, deeply, then drew back and said, “Spill it, Jack.  You want to say something, but you’re not sure how I’ll react.  Right?” 

Jack nodded, his eyes never leaving Daniel’s face.  “I guess I just want you to be really sure about this.”  His finger traced the air back and forth between them.  “Us.”

“I’ve been thinking about it for a while now,” Daniel assured him.  “I’m sure.  Why?  What are you afraid of?”  He turned away, fetching the bread and a couple of plates from the pantry.  He set those on the bar and took a knife from the silverware drawer, then started building their sandwiches, intentionally not looking at Jack to allow him time to gather his thoughts and space to speak his heart without any extra pressure.   

“Because I think you may have in your mind that things won’t be much different between us,” Jack explained, “and I know they will.  See, all this playing around we’ve been doing has been one-sided.  You don’t know what it’ll be like to let me love you back.”   

Daniel glanced briefly up at him.  “I know.  That’s partly what the blowjob was about, too, Jack.  Because I wasn’t really loving you before, either.  All you ever got from me was fucked.  No kisses; no real loving when we were intimate.  Everything was all surface, no substance, so you don’t really know what it’s like for me to love you, either.” 

A crooked smile tweaked up one corner of Jack’s mouth, shy pleasure at that idea.  “Yeah.  I got that.  So it’s gonna be different for both of us,” he stated.  He cocked his head and gave Daniel a mysterious smile.  “Are you sure you can handle the unbridled passion of Jack O’Neill?  It’s pretty intimidating, Doctor Jackson.  You might not survive it intact.”

Daniel’s butt clenched involuntarily.  “I took your virginity.  Looks like you’re gonna get mine.  Just…  I’ll need to work up to that, okay?  I’ve still got some adjustments to make.”  He tapped his temple with one finger for emphasis. 

Jack’s eyebrows shot up his forehead.  “Really?  Jeez, Daniel, I wasn’t talking about that.”

Brows furrowing, Daniel asked, “Then what were you talking about?”

For a moment, Jack didn’t move.  Then he got off the stool, came around the end of the bar and eased Daniel away from the counter.  He slipped one arm around Daniel’s waist, cradled the back of his head in one hand, and gazed into Daniel’s eyes with a look of such adoration that it took Daniel’s breath away.  Then Jack kissed him within an inch of his life, expressing such sensuality and skill, Daniel didn’t even know where he was anymore. 

When Jack finally pulled away from him, Daniel’s knees were jelly.  Jack had somehow backed him up and braced him against the refrigerator, and it took a moment for that fact to register. 

“Oh, my,” Daniel breathed.  His dick was standing at attention, and he was unable to form a coherent thought for a moment.  

Jack’s hand slipped down between them, deftly unfastened Daniel’s belt and trousers, and slipped inside his pants.  Daniel gasped as Jack’s hand started working him, his attention riveted to those glittering brown eyes staring hungrily back at him.  Daniel whimpered, clutching at Jack’s back, fingers twisting up in his T-shirt.

“You’ve always taken the lead, baby,” Jack breathed against his mouth.  “Now that goes both ways.  Sometimes I’ll be the one to start things.  I’m an alpha male, in case you hadn’t noticed.  I like being dominant, and I haven’t been with you, because I couldn’t be.  Not then.” 

His tongue snaked out and licked at Daniel’s lower lip.  He closed his teeth over the wet spot, just holding Daniel in place while his fingers stroked Daniel’s rigid cock, easing him out of his pants.  Then he kissed Daniel with such bruising intensity that their teeth clashed together.  His body shoved Daniel hard up against the fridge, his hand insistent, demanding.  Jack was devouring him, crushing him, working his foreskin against the head of his dick with a hot, calloused thumb.  Daniel felt himself slipping, giving in, releasing control.  He came hard, groaning down Jack’s throat, utterly helpless against Jack’s passion, completely overwhelmed by it.   

When he could breathe again, when he could open his eyes, he found himself seated on Jack’s thigh, his back pressed against the refrigerator with Jack’s leg rammed between his own.  Daniel couldn’t see anything past Jack’s face hovering so close to his.  Jack’s hand slipped away from his nape and reverently touched his cheek.

“You okay, Danny?”

“No,” he panted, struggling to catch his breath.  “Yes.”  A grin quirked up the corners of his mouth. “Maybe.  Wow, Jack.  You should come with a warning label.”

Jack glanced down at Daniel’s wilting dick, then raised his hand to his face.  Making eye contact with Daniel, dark eyes sparkling with mischief, Jack licked Daniel’s semen off his fingers.  “You’re the one who just came,” he observed, his voice a low, filthy purr.  He kept licking, his smile widening between swallowing and the thrusting and curling swipes of his tongue.

“Oh, fuck,” Daniel whispered.  “I’m in over my head now.”  He struggled to stand up under his own power, limp and sweaty and completely blown away.  “I am so going down…” He reached for Jack’s sweat pants, but a wet hand swooped in and caught him by the wrist. 

“You already took care of me earlier, and I’m dying of starvation here.  Wounded man, too.  Serving his country, and all that.”

“Drama queen,” Daniel teased, leaning in to give him a quick peck on the lips.  He tucked his dick into his pants and zipped them up as Jack stepped away to return to his seat.  Daniel glanced at the wet stain on his clothes and sighed.  He’d be changing before bed anyway, so he ended up taking off his come-stained pants and leaving them in a heap on the kitchen floor.  He felt a little drafty wearing just his shirt and shorts, but he could deal with it long enough to eat dinner.

Daniel noticed Jack’s grimace as he resumed his seat on the stool.  “Need some pain meds?  I’m sure Doctor Brightman gave you some.”

Jack nodded.  “Didn’t feel a thing while I was jerking you off, but damned if I don’t now.  There’s a bottle in the pants I left on my bedroom floor.”

“Why don’t you get settled in the theater, and I’ll bring you dinner and meds,” Daniel suggested.  “We can sleep in your room tonight, so you don’t have to do the stairs.”

“Sounds like a plan.”  Jack rose from the stool and padded off toward the north wing.

Daniel changed into a pair of blue plaid pajama pants and an undershirt while he was upstairs.  Returning to the kitchen, he finished making their sandwiches and put them on a tray with two glasses of iced tea, stopping by Jack’s bedroom long enough to collect the pill bottle.  He watched while Jack took the medication, then sat down with him to eat their dinner in companionable silence, watching the news together. 

Daniel held Jack’s hand when they were finished, waiting until his lover’s eyelids began to droop before urging him out of the chair and putting him to bed.  Tomorrow he’d move Jack upstairs, into the bed they would be sharing for the rest of their lives, if Daniel had anything to say about it.  Once he had Jack tucked in, he stood beside the bed, watching Jack sleep, remembering their lovemaking in the kitchen.

Things would be different now, he realized.  Some part of him had always known Jack was a deeply passionate man.  He knew he’d gotten only a small glimpse of it that evening, and there was much more to come.  He thought about their relationship, and Jack’s claim of being an alpha male, dominant among his peers, and Daniel knew that was inherently true. 

It wasn’t, however, completely true of how he related to Daniel.  Most of the time, Daniel was content to follow Jack’s lead, giving the appearance of being submissive to him; however, when Daniel disagreed, he and Jack butted heads, or Daniel simply did what he believed was right, usurping Jack’s power as team leader and forcing Jack to follow along behind him. 

They were equals, shifting the power from one to the other, depending on what the situation required.  Daniel could see that becoming part of the pattern of their intimate relationship, too.  If this house were to be Jack’s as well as Daniel’s, there would be big changes coming.  Jack loved to be fucked, and Daniel loved fucking him.  If the reverse weren’t true, then they’d have to figure things out as they went along.  If the sample Daniel had just gotten were any indication of what lay in store for them, Daniel thought being Jack O’Neill’s lover might just be the best thing that ever happened to him.

Jack’s lover. 

That sounded so odd, he thought, grinning as he shook his head at himself.  He trudged upstairs, washed up and brushed his teeth, and then got into bed beside his best friend and lover.  For a long time he lay in the darkness, thinking about things and watching Jack sleep.  Few people were as fortunate to find love like this; love that they hoped would last beyond death, and now Daniel had done it twice in his lifetime.

He closed his eyes and thought about Sha’uri, summoning up a mental image of her to ask her what she thought about all this.  He was surprised at her answer, laughingly telling him that she preferred his being with his friend to having to share him with another woman in the afterlife.  Daniel inwardly laughed at himself, wondering where the hell that had come from.

He turned to scoot up close to Jack and spoon him so he could fall asleep.  It occurred to him that, on the nights Jack had been absent for some off-world rescue mission, Daniel had found it nearly impossible to sleep, and now he knew why.  This was where Jack belonged, and Daniel felt certain that Jack had the same problem with sleeping alone. 

They needed each other to be whole.  It was as simple as that.

One Month Later
P7X-941

Daniel awakened slowly, turning over at the sound of soft snores.  He glanced at Colonel Dixon in the neighboring bunk and, satisfied that his new CO was in no danger of rousing, Daniel eased out of his borrowed bed.  He pulled on his boots and BDU jacket and left the guest room he and Dixon had shared for the past week, stopping by the toilet facilities before heading outside for a little fresh air.

It was a peaceful place, where life was an odd combination of primitive and advanced.  The aliens who lived there had determined centuries earlier that a rugged lifestyle was beneficial to good health, and so they lived spartan lives, with few technological conveniences.  Theirs was an exquisitely balanced society, and Daniel had enjoyed his stay with the people who called themselves Antinoans. 

They were descended from a mix of cultures – Spanish, Greek and Egyptian – taken by the Goa’uld by ha’tak from the city of Antinoopolis on the banks of the Nile.  Their language was an eclectic mix of the three, which Daniel had found challenging, but after a week’s constant exposure, he was picking it up well enough to communicate adequately for the purpose of treaty negotiation.

Most dwellings, like the guest dormitory in which SG-1 was staying, were simple adobe huts with thatched roofs.  The aliens’ clothing was also plain – lightweight tunics over clingy breeches, with more elaborate capes and cloaks to keep out the cold.  The Antinoans’ major concession to technology was an armband that everyone wore, containing citizen identification, medical status, and financial data. 

There were no cars or other transportation devices.  People walked wherever they went, and domesticated animals provided hauling power for big loads.  Emergency conveyance was done with matter transporters similar to the ring devices, located at key points throughout the cities, but only for use in dire circumstances.

On the whole, they were an interesting people, particularly because their political and spiritual hierarchies were exclusively dominated by homosexuals.  Most of the alien societies the SGC teams had encountered during their travels shared a similar acceptance of homosexuality, and like pre-Judeo/Christian societies on Earth, gay men often held positions of power and served as spiritual leaders of their various peoples.  The Antinoans had flourished for centuries under the benevolent rule of intelligent, erudite leaders who were chiefly gay men, similar to the ancient Greeks who had created and defined Western civilization on Earth. 

Daniel and the other SGC academics had reported this tendency in numerous studies of the various cultures they’d visited off world, and coupled with recent scientific data that supported the hypothesis that sexual orientation was hard-wired into the brain before birth, he believed this had been a large part of the reason the President and Joint Chiefs had adopted the orientation-inclusive policy regarding gay and lesbian soldiers, as well as the even more recent passage of laws allowing homosexual marriage in the US.  If Earth expected to take its place as a leader among worlds, then it would necessarily need to accept those other world leaders as equals and demonstrate that by how their ilk were treated among our own. 

The resulting changes in American society over the last two years had been tempestuous, but startlingly positive. 

Pondering all that as he strode along the flagstone path that served as a city street, Daniel arrived at the home where Jack and a few of his men were staying as honored guests.  His lover had been bunking in with their guides, Hadrian and Kheftum, along with a couple of other members of his team.  General Hammond had sent the SAR members along after the first day’s report, as a demonstration to the Antinoan leaders that gay men were a valued part of Earth society.  Jack and his men might not have been able to understand more than a few words of this strange new tongue, but body language and similar thinking communicated easily, and the aliens had accepted them immediately. 

It was just after dawn and the neighborhood was still hushed and relatively still.  Daniel had been unable to sleep in his quarters with Colonel Dixon.  He missed Jack, and had come hunting him, hoping to burrow into his arms for a few moments before everyone rose for the day.  Jack had thought it best that he and Daniel not share quarters off world, stating that he believed it might interfere with his alertness should anything go wrong, and Daniel had acquiesced without argument.  Part of him relished the break from the closeness he’d lately shared with Jack, giving him a little space to think.  Only Daniel had found he hadn’t really been able to rest without Jack beside him.

He walked with his arms wrapped around himself, more for the agitation going on inside him than as a reaction to the morning chill.  His thoughts about Antinoan society cycled back around to his own personal situation, which tugged his head down, watching where he stepped instead of what lay ahead, lost in his thoughts.

He didn’t understand any of this.  He loved Jack and knew to the roots of his soul that they belonged together, but whenever Jack initiated sex or even came to him to kiss and cuddle, Daniel instinctively backed away.  If he started it, he was okay with it, and that didn’t make any sense to him, either.

What made everything much worse was that he had caught himself flirting with women lately.  Jack never saw it and didn’t know it was happening, but Daniel was ashamed of it, cutting it off as soon as he realized he was doing it.  The only reason he could think of for both behaviors was heterosexual programming – he was afraid of being labeled a gay man and was desperately clinging to straight behavior, which was ludicrous, since he was willingly involved in a gay relationship.

Daniel was fairly certain he wasn’t gay; Jack was the only man toward whom he’d ever felt any sort of sexual attraction. Daniel’s sexual energy and fantasies had always been centered around women, until now.  He didn’t know how to reconcile what he was with what he was doing, and he didn’t know how to get around this irrational fear that seemed to be pushing them apart.

A pair of familiar boots appeared in his line of sight, and Daniel raised his head in surprise, lifting his troubled eyes up to meet Jack’s. 

Apparently, he hadn’t been sleeping too well, either, and was fully dressed and up before dawn, just as Daniel was himself. 

“Morning,” he said quietly. 

“Mornin’.”  Jack’s reply was hesitant, subdued.

Tension had been rising between them for the last few days, and Daniel knew he was the cause of it.  He’d found himself pulling back when Jack came to kiss him, making excuses to stay up late and work when Jack announced it was time for bed.  They still hadn’t done “the deed” with Daniel on the receiving end, and he seemed to be drifting farther and farther from being ready for it.  He hadn’t been able to talk to Jack about it, either, and so far Jack hadn’t pressed him on the subject, just let him evade the issue, waiting patiently for things to change.

“Did you sleep?” Jack asked him quietly.

Daniel shook his head, certain there were probably dark circles under his eyes, plainly announcing his inability to rest without Jack beside him.  “Jack, I—“ He shook his head.  “I’m sorry.  I don’t know what’s wrong with me.  I’m trying to work out why I keep pushing you away.  I really am.  I just can’t get my mind in the right place with us.” 

“I know.” Jack’s voice was gentle.  He made sure to keep his hands to himself, when it was so obvious he wanted to touch Daniel.  “Don’t worry about it.  We’ll work it out.”  He offered a fragile smile, but the longing in his eyes was unmistakable.  “The boys are makin’ breakfast.  You hungry?” 

Daniel shrugged.  Head down, he followed Jack into the courtyard and through the front door of the guides’ home.  ‘The boys,’ as Jack called them, were a couple of men in their 70s, but both still fit and spry.  Hadrian had been an athlete and coach in several of their Olympic-style sporting events; Kheftum was a history teacher who still taught occasionally at their premiere university.  They’d shared a home for nearly 30 years and seemed quite happy together.

However, when Jack and Daniel were let into the house that morning, it appeared they’d caught their hosts in the midst of a slight disagreement.  Hadrian seemed adamantly against whatever they’d been discussing; Kheftum was quietly pleading his case and apparently won the argument.  Hadrian turned away from their guests and returned to cooking while Kheftum set the table.

<“Should we go?”> asked Daniel discreetly, bending close to Kheftum’s ear, speaking slowly in the difficult alien tongue.  <“We did not intend to interrupt a private moment.”>

<“No, no,”> Kheftum assured him.  <“We were simply discussing whether we should take you to the great library today or wait until you were ready to return home.  Hadrian is a little… reluctant to go there, but it does not matter.  All will be well.  We shall go today.”> He smiled and gestured them into chairs at the table.  <”Please, sit.  Eat.  All will be well.”>

Hadrian served up a nourishing breakfast of what looked like scrambled eggs, some kind of thinly sliced meat, a bowl of fruit and a thick, spiced tea that smelled faintly of apples.  Daniel noticed that Jack kept his gaze on his plate or joked with Kheftum in English, knowing the old man wouldn’t get the punch lines.  Kheftum flirted openly with Jack, winking and nudging him, making him smile.   

After the meal, Daniel pitched in to help Hadrian wash the dishes, and they exchanged knowing glances over the suds, shaking their heads at the pair’s antics.

When the morning chores were done, the foursome hit the street together, not waiting for the rest of the SAR team or SG-1 to join them.  They walked deep into the heart of the city to an enormous building, visible from everywhere due to its height.  A spiral ramp made its way around the exterior all the way to a beacon at the pinnacle.  Great arched windows and doorways marked off the various floors, each getting smaller, rising toward the spire at the top.  Jack had dubbed it the Tower of Babel upon first glimpse of the structure, reaching way up into the sky. 

The base of the building was fully a city block in circumference.  Rising close to 50 stories high, no other building in the city was as grand or as tall, and when they entered it, Daniel realized that this was the seat of Antinoan knowledge.  There were books, printed on paper and bound in leather, wood and other alien materials, but there were also computers and other electronic devices that Daniel knew would make Sam salivate.  Deciding that he had to bring her there, he requested of Hadrian that someone be sent to fetch her and the rest of the team, as soon as they were up and dressed.

<“They will be brought here,”> Hadrian assured him.  <“Other guides will escort your people as soon as they—“> He stopped talking.  His expression closed, and he straightened to his full height.

Daniel glanced in the direction Hadrian was looking.  A handsome man in a deep blue robe with a lighter blue cloak over it had just come into the room.  He was about Jack’s age, with long silver hair pulled back into a ponytail at his nape.  He held a book in one hand, his head bent over it, barely noticing which way he was going as he read. 

<“Who is that?”> Daniel asked him, more interested in his guide’s reaction than in the person in question. 

Hadrian didn’t answer.  He just stared at the man, his expression in turn wistful, and then agonized.  Grief etching deep lines into his face, he turned away and left the library, head high, shoulders squared, propping himself up with as much pride as he could manage.

Kheftum sidled up to Daniel, his voice quiet, with an edge of pain.  <”That is Darius,”> he explained.  <”One of our great scholars, now in charge of the library.  He was once Hadrian’s pupil, then his companion.  He was Hadrian’s one great love.”>

Daniel eyed the old man in disbelief.  <”I thought that was you.  The two of you seem so happy together.”>

Nodding, Kheftum agreed.  <”We are happy, yes.  We have always been so, but Darius…”> He shook his head.  <”He and Hadrian had something very special.  They share a single soul, even now, so many years after they walked away from each other.  The pain of Darius’ choice is timeless, always fresh and raw.  All it takes to awaken is for one to see the other.”>

Turning to look at the other man, he saw that Darius had caught sight of Hadrian leaving the library’s foyer.  Regret, shifting into grief, filled the man’s handsome face.  He hung his head and closed his book.  He sighed and looked longingly at the empty doorway, then turned and found Kheftum with his eyes.  He offered a sad smile and a nod, then turned and walked away, his shoulders drooping, head down in defeat.

<”What happened to them?”> Daniel asked.  <”If they loved each other so much, what made them separate?”> 

Kheftum shook his head, the lines in his elderly face deepening with pain.  <”Darius was a lover of women.  He wanted children, and Hadrian could not give him that.”> He shook his head sadly.  <”As fortune would have it, Darius married a woman who could not give them to him, either, and though he loves her dearly, she could never be what Hadrian was to him, but his choice was made.”>

He sighed and offered Daniel a smile filled with decades of anguish.  <”And I could never be what Darius was to Hadrian, though I have tried.  I would have given anything, even my life, to be that to him, but I could not.  His heart was already taken when I found him.  He settled for me, and has loved me passionately, but I must always live with the knowledge that I am his second choice.  I know if Darius were to lay down his fertum pride and open his arms once more to Hadrian, I fear I would be forgotten from his life in an instant.”> 

<”Fertum?”> asked Daniel.

<”That is what we call those who bond to the opposite sex; those who breed.”> 

Heterosexuals, Daniel translated to himself.  He stared at the floor, remembering the faces of the men and the lifetime of pain all three of them carried.  He raised his eyes to Jack’s.  Jack hadn’t understood a word of the conversation, but read the situation plainly enough to see their grief.  He had his shields up, keeping aloof from it all, but he couldn’t shut Daniel out.  Daniel lived inside his shields, and the distance Daniel had recently put between them was revealed in the liquid depths of Jack’s eyes. 

He was at risk of losing Jack, and he knew it, just as Darius had lost Hadrian so long ago.  Each of them had found others to love, to share their lives and their beds, but their hearts were forever taken, just as his and Jack’s were.

On the spot, Daniel resolved not to make the same mistake Darius had.  Nothing was more important to Daniel than Jack’s happiness.  No matter what it cost him, no matter what sacrifices it took, Jack was worth it.  That certainty filled Daniel up, washing away any lingering doubts about what it was to be a man.  He was still the same man he’d been before he first made love to Jack.  Nothing in him had diminished; in fact, he recognized at last that he was stronger now than he’d ever been, strengthened by Jack’s love for him.  He was whole, for the first time in his life, because he now realized that Jack was the other half of his soul.

What did it matter if Jack overwhelmed him in the bedroom?  His partner was sexy as hell, and it didn’t feminize Daniel to surrender his body to Jack.  Daniel wasn’t a woman; couldn’t be one, and Jack didn’t love him like one.  He loved Daniel like a man; treated him like a man and reveled in his masculinity.  Daniel’s muscles and sexual aggressiveness turned Jack on wildly.  Daniel got off on that, too, and for the first time, it really registered to Daniel that their relationship could not be couched in heterosexual terms.  He wasn’t “the woman” in the relationship if he submitted to Jack anymore than Jack filled that role when Daniel was the dominant partner.  They were equals, men cut from the same cloth where it mattered most.

They loved each other for who they were, soul to soul.  If that made him “gay,” then so be it. 

He smiled at Kheftum.  <”Thank you, teacher,”> he said quietly.  <”You have taught me the greatest lesson of all.”>

Kheftum frowned at him and scratched his head.  <”I did?”> he asked in confusion. 

With a nod, Daniel took a step toward Jack, pulled him into his arms, and kissed the startled man full on the mouth.

Jack recoiled, glancing around, taken aback by Daniel’s public display of affection.  “What the hell?” he asked, his glance going to the library’s main door.  He nodded, drawing Daniel’s attention there.  “Have you lost your mind?  We’re in the field, for cryin’ out loud.” 

Daniel’s timing could not have been more perfect for this revelation, since Sam and Teal’c stood just inside the arched doorway.  Teal’c never missed a stride as he continued toward them, but Sam stood stock still, her eyes wide and her mouth hanging open in shock.  She and Teal’c weren’t aware that Daniel had been Jack’s lover now for several months.  No one knew.  Everyone assumed Daniel Jackson was still straight, when the truth was more that he’d always been bisexual, and it had taken falling for another man to make him realize that truth about himself.

Daniel knew he’d be having a serious talk with Sam soon, and she might or might not be okay with learning that he and Jack were lovers, but it was time Daniel had his own coming out, announcing to everyone that he and Jack were a committed couple.  That thought brought another issue sharply into focus, and without giving it another thought, he dropped to one knee and took Jack’s hands in his.

“Will you marry me, Jack?” he asked sincerely, looking up into those startled, gorgeous brown eyes.  “I want you with me for the rest of our lives.  I want people to know you’re mine, and I’m yours, and I want us to wear rings to announce that to everyone.  Is that okay with you?  Wanna get hitched and make me an honest man?”  Hope filled the smile he aimed up at his lover, joy and peace warming him through and through. 

Jack backed up a couple of steps, looking like a startled rabbit about to take off for the hills.  “Daniel, what did the boys put in your breakfast?  You’re freakin’ me out, here.”

Daniel got up and followed Jack, slipping his arms around his waist.  “I mean it, Jack.  Let’s get married.  I’ve never asked anybody before, and it’ll crush me if you say no.  You know you want to be my husband.”  He leaned in close and whispered where only Jack could hear him.  “And I’ve decided not to give up my virginity till our wedding night, so if you ever want your dick up my sweet ass, that’s the only way you’re gonna get it.”  He pulled back and flashed a wicked grin, dimples and all, knowing Jack couldn’t resist that.  “Please?” 

Jack was holding him by the shoulders, staring at him like he’d lost is mind.  “Dammit, Daniel,” he murmured.  “What the hell am I gonna do with you?”

“Marry me,” he answered brightly.  “Yes or no?”

O’Neill let go of him and backed up a step.  “You know how I feel about weddings,” he growled, frowning.

“Yeah, well, you’ve never had one with your soul mate, either,” Daniel argued gently, “and we both know that’s what we are.  Let’s make it public and permanent.  You be my husband, and I’ll be yours.  Aren’t I worth a few butterflies in your stomach and a little tape on your shoes?”

“You’re worth anything,” Jack assured him instantly.  He gazed into those blue eyes, oblivious to the rest of SG-1 finally making it across the wide foyer to join them.  He swallowed hard and then said solemnly, “Okay.  I’ll do it, Daniel.  You want me – you got me.  I gotta admit, though, you shocked the hell outta me with this.”

“Hey, I surprised me, too,” said Daniel with a nervous laugh.

“What’s going on?” Sam demanded, frowning between both of them.

“I just proposed to Jack,” Daniel announced happily.  He turned to face her, sobering.  “And he accepted.  I hope you’ll be happy for us, Sam.”

A tempest of emotions clouded her face.  Anger, hurt and jealousy warred in her eyes, and without a word, she walked off toward the entrance.  She kept her back to them as she stood near the front doors, looking out into the city.

Daniel started to go after her, but Jack held him back.

“Give her some time, Danny,” he murmured, his fingers stroking fondly over Daniel’s nape.

Teal’c gave them a rare smile and a slight bow.  “I wish you long lives filled with joy,” he told them.

“I’d better explain to our hosts what just happened,” said Daniel.  He turned to Kheftum and briefly related the situation, and watched the older man’s face soften into an understanding smile.  He congratulated them both.

After a few more minutes of discussion, Teal’c went to talk with Carter and the rest of the group began exploring the library, with Kheftum describing the various sections as they toured the huge building.  They adjourned for lunch and rejoined Hadrian and the rest of the teams at a small outdoor café, where they dined on simple roasted meats, fresh fruits, and lightly steamed vegetables.  The old men seemed subdued during the rest of the day, and when they prepared to return to their various quarters, Daniel waited until they were alone and gave Jack another brief, sweet parting kiss. 

Carter kept her distance from Daniel during the rest of the mission, and he began to wonder if he’d lost her friendship in the same way she had withdrawn from Jack after his coming out.  Things had gotten better between them lately; she had been visiting them at their house, oblivious to their intimacy.  Now that it was out in the open, and Daniel had admitted they were a couple, she had separated herself from them again.

Daniel thought he understood that.  She had wanted Jack for herself, and once she realized she’d never have that, it had taken her a long time to come to terms with it.  Now reality had been thrust sharply back into focus; she had lost him a second time – to one of her best friends.  Daniel wasn’t sure she could forgive him for that, but he’d wait and see.  Trying to talk to her about it in the field was not a good idea.

They stayed for two more days before returning home, bringing with them a signed treaty of alliance and some wonderful new gadgets and medicines.  For once, Daniel hurried through his report and the debriefing with General Hammond, anxious to get home with Jack.  There was a lot to do to prepare for a wedding, not the least of which was to choose the date.

More than anything else, however, he wanted Jack in his bed for a few hours of hot sex, followed by a full night’s sleep, and he felt pretty certain Jack would want the same.

Two Nights Later

Jack was busy licking all the come off Daniel’s chest and belly, and he lay still beneath that hot, hungry tongue.  A million things were whirling through Daniel’s mind, all of them centered on the man prowling between his legs.  They had a future together.  He wanted to grow old with Jack, but there was no promise of that in the jobs they did.  So many sweet things lay ahead for them to discover about each other, not the least of which was the impending loss of Daniel’s virginity.

“What’s it like?” he murmured aloud.

“Hmmm?” Jack lifted his head from Daniel’s navel, tongue still probing the depths of that little hole.  He slurped noisily and licked his lips.  “What’s what like?” 

Daniel looked down at him, into his happy face, his beautiful brown eyes positively dancing with joy.  Daniel couldn’t help smiling, too.  “What does it feel like when I’m inside you?”

Jack slithered up his body like a snake, settled on top of him, and propped up on his elbows.  The look in his eyes was sinfully sexy, smoldering with simmering passion.  “Feels a little weird at first,” he admitted, his voice a low rumble.  “Of course, I’m talking starting with the fingers.  Kinda like getting your annual exam.”

“Oh,” said Daniel unhappily. 

“It’s different when you’re not in a surgical gown and grabbing your ankles.”  Jack grinned and rubbed his nose against Daniel’s.  “When you’re looking into the face of the man you love, and it’s his finger, and you can see in his eyes how hot he thinks it is to be doing that to you, everything changes.  It feels good.  Sexy.  Maybe a little like forbidden fruit or something.”

This was starting to sound a little better.  Daniel nuzzled Jack back, almost kissing him, but holding back, wanting to hear what his lover had to say.  Jack’s breath felt warm against his lips, and smelled like Daniel’s