The Garden Series

Part IV: THE SNOWFIRE ROSE

By Lady Grey

21 May

The Next Day

Jack unlocked the door to his Washington, DC hotel room and stepped inside. Instantly he was aware that he was not alone, something about the feel of the room not quite right. A shadow in the bathroom looked out of place; that was it.

He stepped back out into the hall and called into the room, “Show yourself.”

A man in a light blue polo shirt, navy blazer and dark slacks moved slowly into view from the bathroom.  He was a little younger than Jack, not so much silver in his hair, with a bulldog-square jaw and intense gray eyes.  “Long time, Wolfman.”  He glanced up at Jack’s short buzz cut. “I see you’re looking the part more these days, old man.” He chuckled. “But you’re still on your toes. That’s good. I expected you would be.”

Jack grinned and came into the room, opening his arms wide, and hugged his old friend, clapping him on the back.  “Sorenson, you asshole! How ya been?” He closed and locked the door. “What’s it been, ten years? Twelve?”

“Nine and a half,” Sorenson corrected. “Heard you were into some top secret shit before you retired. Pushing papers now for some program that’s not really there.” He followed Jack into the living area and took a seat on the sofa. “I swept the room already, if you’re thinking that direction. Which I know you are.”

With a shrug, Jack stowed his suitcase in the closet. “Still can’t talk about it. That’s not why I asked you here, anyway, Chad. I wanted to call in a favor.”

“Anything for you, Jack. You know that.” Sorenson’s smile faded and his eyes grew guarded. “Big or small favor?”

“Small one for the moment,” Jack answered, his insides tensing up. He knew he shouldn’t be doing this. He wasn’t exactly breaking his promise to Daniel. Just sort of. “Maybe a bigger one later. Depends.” 

He reached into the pocket of his black leather coat and pulled out a single sheet of paper, folded into quarters. “Need you to do some backtracking. Records I’m interested in will be at NYU the semester before this guy started at the U of Chicago.  I want the name of his roommate at NYU, and I wanna know where that guy is now.” 

“And when I find him?”

Jack shrugged again. “I wanna know who he is, if he’s still alive.  What his life is like. What he has to lose. Then I’ll decide.”

Chad Sorenson took the paper, unfolded it and scanned the first page printout of Daniel’s personnel record from the SGC, with Daniel’s social security number and academic history. Sorenson nodded. “You could pick up the phone and have the answers to all of that in a couple of hours, Jack.”  He rolled his cool, knowing gray gaze up to his old friend, questioning without saying a word.

“No, I can’t. I promised I wouldn’t. But you can, and I need to know what fate delivered to this guy’s doorstep. I need to know where he landed, if he’s still out there.” Jack had been through dozens of fantasies, all of which ended with him delivering justice in the name of Daniel Jackson to that faceless man, preferably with Jack’s own bare hands, but he knew he would never have that satisfaction.  He had promised that to Daniel, and he would keep his word.  In this case, vengeance wasn’t something he could extract personally.

But Jack had friends like Chad Sorenson who would be more than happy to do it for him. And if Chad couldn’t take the risk himself, he and Jack knew scores of others who would.  There was satisfaction to be had, if the man were still alive and had anything worth losing.  And if not, then Jack’s conscience would be spotless, but he would also have the satisfaction of knowing more of the details.  Maybe karma had already gotten to the nameless, faceless man.

Or maybe karma had an instrument in mind, by the name of Jack O’Neill.

He just had to know for sure. For both Daniel and himself.

Chad stood up and tucked the paper into an inner pocket of his blazer. “How long you gonna be in town, Wolfman?” 

“Five days. Flying out on the 26^th.”

“Then maybe we can squeeze in a lunch date in a day or two. I’ll call you.”

“Yeah. We can reminisce about all that stuff we did together that didn’t happen and that we can’t talk about.” He grinned. Sorenson had been his right-hand man during all of the last work he did in Special Ops. They’d been close, and Sorenson would have died for him in a heartbeat. That went both ways, and there weren’t many people on the planet Jack felt that way about.

“Anytime, buddy.” Chad gathered him into his arms for a brief, hard hug, and slapped his back soundly. “See ya in a couple days.”

“Thanks, Chad.” Jack let his old friend out and locked up after him, his mind turning back to the mission years back that had gone so horribly wrong, when Jack had disobeyed direct orders to leave Sorenson behind and get his team to safety. He’d gone back alone, risking his life and his career, to save his friend and teammate while the rest of his company followed orders and covered for him. That wasn’t the sort of thing people ever forgot, and Jack knew he could count on Sorenson for anything, just as Chad knew Jack was there for him, and always would be.

Jack unpacked, his thoughts moving on to more recent relationships. He headed downstairs to the hotel restaurant for dinner, wishing he could call Daniel just to wish him a good night. Things were still too raw between them, too fresh, so he didn’t feel he could do that.

He settled at a table, made his choice from the menu, then remembered he hadn’t turned his cell phone back on since getting off the airplane an hour earlier. He pulled it out of his pocket and turned it on, then started to put it back into his pocket when it rang.

“O’Neill,” he answered curtly.

“How was your flight?”

“Daniel!” Jack broke into a smile all over. He tried to calm himself down, but the grin wouldn’t go away. “It was long and boring, but we made it. I was just sitting down to dinner. How are you doing?”

After a pause and an audible breath exhaled into the mouthpiece of the phone, Daniel answered solemnly, “Saw Doctor Stevenson today.”

Silence fell between them, and Jack’s smile vanished instantly, his thoughts darkening, filled with the pain they both shared. “How’d that go?”

“About like you’d expect.”

Jack picked at a speck of lint on his tablecloth, wishing he could be there to put his arms around Daniel. His voice got deeper and softer. “You okay?”

“I will be. Thanks for asking.”  Pause.  “I was worried about you last night.  I mean, I think we understand each other a lot better now, but neither one of us is in a very good place at the moment.”  Another pause.  “Anyway, I was thinking about starting a support group.”

Jack gave a startled little laugh at the idea, and shut it off right away, one hand nervously rubbing at the back of his neck. “Well, if there’s more than two in it, I’ll have to pass.”

Daniel chuckled softly into the phone. “Yeah, just us, Jack. I think we need each other right now, you know?”

He thought about that. “I think we always have, Daniel.”  I think we always will, he thought to himself, too afraid to voice it out loud.  He missed Daniel so much right then it actually hurt.

“How about if I pick you up at the airport when you get back?”

“You don’t have a car.”

“Remember the motor pool?”

A soft smile curved his lips. “Okay, then.  Great.  I’d like that.”

“We could pick up dinner on the way back to your house.”

Jack almost agreed without thinking, then realized what the inside of his house looked like. That wasn’t something he wanted Daniel to see. He’d only been in the living room and foyer when he’d come over the previous night, but if he made himself at home and went into the back rooms, Jack would have a lot of explaining to do.  He needed to put things back the way they were before he let Daniel in again.

“Let’s take it slow, Daniel. Just friends, here. Besides, I need to fix the place up a little. I don’t want you seeing it the way it is.”

“I saw it last night, Jack. And besides, I wasn’t asking you on a date.” Daniel’s tone of voice was obviously slightly cross. “I just thought you might be hungry after a long flight and want to get something to eat on the way home so you wouldn’t have to cook.”

“I know.  I appreciate that, I really do.  But maybe we can just stop by Steak ‘n’ Shake on the way or something. I’ll call you later with flight times and stuff. And thanks for the offer.”

“You’re welcome. Hurry home.”

A pang of homesickness grabbed Jack’s gut. “Bye, Daniel. Take care. Call if you need me.”

“I will. Night, Jack.”

As he listened for the line to disconnect, he thought about calling him back just to talk about stupid stuff, just so he could hear Daniel’s voice in his ear for a while longer.  Jack missed him like crazy, anxious to just go home, but there was business to take care of, and this was part of his job now.

Slipping the phone into his pocket, he checked out the dining room one more time, locating potential threats and keeping watch on them till his food came. He ate as fast as possible, paid the check with his credit card and hurried back to his room.

After a hot shower he slithered between the cool sheets in his hotel bed, turned on the television and settled down to rest, dropping off to sleep to the sound of slap shots and a cheering crowd, images of Daniel Jackson romping naked through his dreams, almost like old times.

~~**~~

**22 May**

The Next Day

Daniel stood on the sidewalk in front of Jack’s house not long after sunrise the next morning, Jack’s rolled up garden plans in his left hand, cane in his right.  He studied the gray-haired woman at his side, her face lined and sun-bronzed, her green eyes shrewdly taking in the cleanly swept flower beds filled with rocks and the paved side yard.  He’d liked her from the moment he’d spoken with her on the phone, and hoped she was as adept at landscaping miracles as he thought she sounded.

“Think you can do it in three and a half days?” he asked quietly.

“The hardest part will be clearing away the rocks and the liner underneath,” said Anna Jensen. “That’s gonna take a big crew and quite a bit of time.”  She paused while her eyes swept over the bleak scene in front of them.  “Boy, he really went after the place with a vengeance, didn’t he?”

“Like the devil himself was after him,” Daniel agreed, his heart aching as he stared at the piles of river stones, remembering the carefully trained evergreens that had once thrived there.

“Let’s have a look at the plans again,” she told him, her voice grim.

Daniel handed them over. She unrolled them and studied the diagram for a few minutes in the brightening light. Her keen eyes glanced from the paper to the yard and back several times.  She turned and walked around the side of the house onto the field of paving stones, her eyes still moving from the plan in her hands to the property and back.

“My God, whoever drew this up is a genius,” she breathed. “Given what I know about plants, soil conditions and weather -- which is a lot, I might add – this has to be the most organically stable plan I’ve ever seen. It’s balanced for color and season, and elements are even grouped so that plants more vulnerable to certain types of pests are right next to those the little buggers find offensive. An old farmer’s trick is to plant marigolds with your tomatoes to keep ‘em bug free, and by God, that kind of thought is all over this. Who drew it up? I don’t see a landscape architect’s stamp anywhere.”

Daniel had just gotten quite an education in the field of horticulture by way of the woman’s admiring remarks. He smiled proudly. “The man who lives here, Jack O’Neill.”

“He got a degree in this?” Ms. Jensen started rolling the plan back up and slid the rubber band down on it to keep it tight.

“Not that I know of, but it’s possible. He’s a retired Air Force colonel, and they have to earn a degree in something before they can get that far in the service.” Daniel made himself a mental note to ask Jack about that later. 

“Well, tell him if he wants work doing more of this kind of thing,” she waved the roll at Daniel, “I can bring him plenty of business.”

“I’ll do that.” Daniel couldn’t help smiling. That could be excellent therapy for Jack, if he were interested. “So, what do you think? Can you have it finished by the time his plane lands on the 26^th?”

Jensen looked out at the yard and cocked her head. She studied her wristwatch and pursed her lips thoughtfully, obviously calculating in her head. Then she lifted one eyebrow as she made eye contact. “I’ll have to hire extra laborers and trucks to move the rocks, but if we can get that cleared in 24 hours, I think we can get it done.” She hesitated. “And that’s also provided I can locate all the plants not available locally and have them shipped overnight. Which means it’s going to cost you.”

“How much?”

She gave Daniel a ballpark figure. He nodded and smiled. “More than worth the price,” he told her.

Nodding toward the rear yard, he added, “Come with me. I need to show you a couple of areas that’ll need special attention.” He led the way over to the waterfall Jack had built the previous summer, now only a dry, ugly pile of rocks at the base of the trees. Beside it, the stones that Jack had specially carved as the bed for the centerpiece flower were now laid out flat in the dirt, all the space in the center area filled in with flagstones. Weeds were starting to sprout around them.

He described how Jack had them set up originally, then walked with her back into the trees. He stood in the small clearing, pointing around them with his cane, telling her what he had in mind and asking her advice on whether or not his ideas would work. They discussed the matter, shook hands, and she gave him a business card for an interior designer who specialized in patios and pool houses.

Daniel stood in the trees, imagining the enclosure Jack had talked about so many times when they were together, his heart in his throat. This he would do for Jack, because Jack so desperately needed it. Daniel had been cruel and selfish, albeit unwittingly, and Jack had given his all.  It was time for him to do the same and even though it terrified him, Daniel was committed to the idea, humbled by the depth of Jack’s love and eager to open his soul to the man and hold back nothing, ever again.

This place would be perfect for that, once Daniel got through with it.

Jack’s confession had brought more than forgiveness to Daniel’s heart. Understanding what had motivated Jack’s betrayal of the man he loved had all but erased the affair from Daniel’s mind. It was nothing more than a bad dream now, and he felt a driving need to patch things up with his lover.  Daniel knew Jack well enough to understand it would take a lot of work on both their parts to get back together.  Jack would be particularly stubborn about forgiving himself for what he’d done, but Daniel also knew he’d eventually find a way past the walls Jack had put up between them, if he were patient and persistent.

And no one was more stubborn than Daniel Jackson. He’d made a career out of persuading Jack to follow his lead. It wouldn’t be easy, but the results would be more than worth the time and effort it would take to benevolently bulldoze past Jack’s resistance to absolution. Rebuilding the garden was the first step in that journey.

With a big smile on his face, Daniel wandered slowly toward the front of the house, stopping by the deck to write out a check for the landscape contractor. Anna Jensen leaned against her truck in the driveway, cell phone pressed to her ear. Already additional trucks and laborers were arriving, and he watched in wonder as the men hopped down off their rides, got their instructions from their boss, and started gathering up the stones from the front beds, loading them up in the back of a huge flatbed truck. 

Daniel smiled, handed over the check and waved goodbye to the woman, got into his borrowed car and headed for the base for a day of fruitful work at the SGC, confident that his surprise gift to Jack was in capable hands.

~~**~~

**23 May**

Two Days Later

The noon sunshine was bright, even with sunglasses. Jack glanced around the crowded, upscale Georgetown café patio, sipping his iced tea and watching the door.  Eventually his patience was rewarded, and Chad Sorenson appeared, scanning the crowd and then making his way to the corner table where Jack waited for him.

Jack greeted him with a smile and nod as Sorenson took his seat. “I already ordered you a Dr. Pepper, no ice,” he said casually, pointing to the glass in front of his friend.  “Just like you like it.”

The glass of cold beverage was sweating in the warm sun. Chad picked it up and took a big drink, setting it down with a slight, tense smile. “Got what you wanted, Jack.” He opened the leather binder he’d brought with him, pulled out a manila envelope, and handed it over.

Without preamble, Jack opened the clasp and pulled out a copy of a college transcript, complete with a photocopy of an old driver’s license photo. He took off his sunglasses to look at the information.  He didn’t want any kind of a barrier between him and what he was so anxious to see.

James Turner Waterford, he read. So now he had a name for the fucker.  Quickly scanning the transcript, he saw that Waterford had made good grades and had graduated NYU with a political science degree, minoring in business. 

Jack moved the transcript to the back and found a photocopy of a recent news article featuring Waterford’s rise in the New Jersey state hierarchy to the office of governor.  The article even had a photo of the man as he appeared now, expensively dressed and personable, smiling and accepting the accolades of his admiring public.

“So, now what?” asked Sorenson casually. “Does he need to be taken care of?”  He took another drink of his Dr. Pepper and leaned forward on his elbows, his eyes on Jack’s face.

Jack shook his head. “No.  Believe me, I wish it could be that easy.”  He knew Daniel wouldn’t want Waterford killed, though that thought had briefly crossed Jack’s mind more than once, in many of his self-indulgent fantasies. 

While Chad watched him closely, he considered his options, thinking about how damaging the secret he carried about this politician could be to the man’s career.  Only problem was, by exposing what Waterford had done to Daniel, he’d also be exposing Daniel as a victim.  He certainly didn’t want to do that.

“I want his skeletons,” said Jack quietly. “Don’t look at Daniel Jackson or anything concerning the time period he and Waterford were roommates, but anything after that will do.  Specifically, be looking for things like attractive young interns at the governor’s mansion, especially good-looking boys who work for him. Check his other college roommates, too, and see if they had any… unusual circumstances during private moments with just the two of them in their room.”

Sorenson’s eyes widened, just a little. “Waterford’s married, Jack. Has been since a year after college. Supposed to be a match made in heaven. You telling me he’s a closet perv?”

Jack pressed his lips together, thinking, contemplating. He knew Chad, trusted him with his life and had done so on many occasions. He lifted his eyes to Chad’s, knowing Chad would read his expression and the intensity in it as honest hatred. “I’m telling you he’s a rapist, buddy. Very deliberate, very sly about it, so some of his victims might not even realize it happened. If he did it once and got away with it, I’m thinking he may have done it again. If he has, I wanna know. Every name, no matter how far back, except for the one I gave you.”

Horror washed over Chad’s face and he dropped his gaze to the table, obviously disturbed. “Jeez, Jack,” he whispered. “You friends with this Daniel Jackson fella you don’t want me looking into? Is that what this is about?”

“Secrets between friends,” Jack said with a nod, pinning his old teammate with a steely look that he knew communicated volumes.  “Secrets we don’t betray. Promises we don’t break. I can’t touch Waterford. I can’t have his blood on my hands. But if justice needs to be done…”

Sorenson nodded, his expression grave. “Then it will be.  All quiet and legal-like. And right in the public eye, where it’ll do him the most damage.  Sound good?”

Jack nodded. “Just make sure it’s cold justice, not revenge.  Daniel doesn’t want revenge. I do, but this isn’t for me.”

Chad nodded. “I get that.” He sat back in his chair and accepted the envelope and its contents that Jack handed back to him. “I’m not sure I ever said thank you for what you did for me, Jack,” he said quietly.

The memory of that secret rescue grazed Jack’s consciousness.  He’d killed three enemy men to free Chad, one of them right in front of his teammate.  Death had been delivered quickly, efficiently, expertly, and the two of them had stolen away in the dark of night in a foreign land to the safety of their own camp.  Chad had never said the words to Jack, but they’d been there in his eyes.  Neither of them had ever told all the details of what had happened that night.  Some mission details weren’t meant for their commanding officers to know.

Those things would always remain just between the two of them. As far as their superiors knew, Chad had escaped unaided, and no one but the two of them knew the whole truth.

Dropping his gaze to the envelope in the other man’s hands, Jack gave him a very slight nod. “Yeah, Chad. You did. You’re alive, and that’s all the thanks I need.”

Haunted gray eyes looked back at Jack from across the table. Sorenson shook his head and tapped the envelope before slipping it back into the binder. “This one’s for free, Wolfman. Just because it needs to be done. I still owe you.”

Jack reached out and patted Chad’s sleeve. “Secrets between friends, buddy,” he said softly, then lifted his glass of iced tea to clink it against his friend’s in a silent toast. 

They each took a drink, turned their attention to the menus, and after placing their orders, began to talk about family and friends.  Then they traded old war stories, anything they could talk about publicly.  Those were safe subjects that made them laugh and remember why they had enjoyed working together in the first place.

Later, when they parted ways, Jack put Governor James Turner Waterford out of his mind, knowing already that the mission would be accomplished without prejudice, and that cold, impersonal justice would be done.  Chad had no personal stake in the matter, and that alone would keep Jack clean. He’d enjoyed his meal with his old friend and for now he could forget about that bastard who had hurt Daniel so long ago.

~~**~~

**26 May**

Three Days Later

Daniel stood on the deck behind Jack’s house, scanning the view of the blooming garden, the hand-made stream and falls restored to their former beauty and flowing with clean, pure water. He nodded with approval and handed another personal check for the balance of his bill to the landscape contractor.  “Everything looks perfect,” he assured her.  He turned to look at her and smile into her eyes.  “You’ve performed a miracle, Anna. Thank you. I know he’ll be happy with it.”

“You’re welcome, Doctor Jackson,” she answered with a satisfied sigh, her gaze turning back to the brightly blooming yard. “And don’t forget to ask your friend if he’s interested in doing this same kind of thing on a contract basis. My clients could use his kind of talent.”  

“I won’t forget.” He set a small pot down on the deck railing and reached to shake her hand, then walked her around the side of the house.  He watched her drive away and then went back to the garden, strolling out toward the woods.  The seams between sod sections were barely visible, but he knew in a matter of days the roots would be joining to the rich earth beneath and becoming a permanent, living carpet once more.

He followed the remaining flagstone path through the flowers and into the woods, leaning on his cane as he made his way back into the trees. At the back of the property, he studied the place where the tent would be erected, remembering the design sketches he’d seen and approved. The people he’d had working for him really knew what they were doing and had been worth every penny he’d paid.  Several items had just arrived.  The tent was being stitched together, along with the netting that would cover the top and keep the mosquitoes away.  It would take several days for the sewing to be completed, and he’d paid handsomely for the rush job.

Once the tent was finished, it would be delivered and placed while he and Jack were away on official business, courting a few new academics for the SGC.  They’d be making that trip in four days, and Daniel was certain he could keep Jack distracted and away from this part of his property for that long. The trees that would serve as the four corner posts of the cloth building were marked with fluorescent pink twine and everything inside the space had been cleared and leveled. Stepping inside, he lowered himself as carefully as he could to the bare ground and looked around, imagining how it would look when finished. Daniel knew tents, having lived in them for much of his life, and this one would be fit for a sheik. 

Jack had had such grand plans for this place, he knew. He had wanted it as a place where he and Daniel could go to make love outdoors, under the sun. Daniel turned his gaze skyward, looking up through the canopy of leaves overhead, and letting his mind wander.

He could still feel Jack’s mouth on his neck the last time they were together, before their world fell apart, rolling with him on the bed, his hands driving Daniel wild with need. Jack had been so hungry, so demanding, needing Daniel to fuck him harder while his hands twisted up in the sheets. They’d done it again in the shower afterward, and it had been just as desperate and draining the second time. Then the fateful morning Jack had left for DC, they’d made love again, only that time it had been slowly, tenderly, barely able to stop staring into each other’s eyes as their bodies undulated together.

It had been as if Jack were saying goodbye, which as it turned out, he had been. Jack had known there was a chance that Daniel would eventually find out about his affair, and of course, he had. That last night and every night they’d been together after Jack had started seeing his girlfriend had been especially intense, and only afterward, after Daniel knew the truth, had he understood why Jack had been so driven and so sad.

Tears filled Daniel’s eyes, and he closed them against the view. He missed Jack. Not seeing him, now that he understood Jack’s pain, felt as if someone had cut out his heart.

He looked down at the carpet of bare earth beneath his hands. He could have replaced the garden without touching this space, but part of him had realized that it was necessary to complete the design. Only now that he sat in the partially prepared enclosure, he realized he could never show it to Jack as long as they were still estranged. It suddenly occurred to him that maybe it would be better if he just cancelled the order, until Jack had found someone else who could help him plan it the way they wanted.

That thought sent a shaft of pain right through him, and he knew instantly what it was.

Jealousy.

Daniel didn’t want anyone else sharing this place with Jack. He didn’t want Jack sharing his bed with anyone else, either. Jack belonged to him, and he belonged to Jack.

His shoulders sagged as the realization hit him fully. That was why he’d added this to the plan, because part of him knew it would convey a message of its own to Jack. Daniel swallowed hard, his mind spinning away with the ramifications of his subconscious gesture, shocking himself for a moment before understanding set in and changed everything.

He loved Jack. He was in love with Jack. Jack had hurt him terribly with his betrayal, but that was when Daniel didn’t understand the motivations behind it.  Now that he did, he felt ashamed for the part he’d played in circumstances, and was horrified at the pain he had caused Jack, both inadvertently and intentionally.  Atonement was necessary, and as he envisioned the elegant interior of the romantic hideaway, he knew only one thing would say what he needed to the man he still desperately loved. He needed to give his body to Jack, all of it, without reservation or lingering fear, in perfect trust, and with a love that had become richer for all their problems in the past.

Jack would be stubborn about everything, he knew. Neither of them were ready for this. It would take time and professional help for them to recover some semblance of emotional stability, and Daniel knew they would never truly get back what they once had.  It would be different, once they managed to patch up their relationship and limp onward, but Daniel hoped it would be better, deeper somehow, and permanent.

He glanced down at his damaged knee and rubbed at it, wiping away his tears with his other hand. He might not be the man he once was, but he was still functioning and contributing to SGC.  He was still a man, strong and healthy, if no longer fast on his feet.  He had to be more careful now, more aware of the potential for falling, and he would equally be more aware of his relationship with Jack. It wasn’t something he could take for granted, any more than he could just get up and walk. This was something he’d have to work at, if he were to keep Jack happy.

Daniel knew Jack loved him without reservation; that had not changed. Now it was time for Daniel to be the one to stop holding back, to be strong, because Jack needed that from him. Jack wasn’t far different from the man he’d been just before the first mission to Abydos, and Daniel had to find a way to save him all over again. He lay back against the earth and looked up at the sky, smiling as he daydreamed about how he might do just that.

An hour later he rose, dusted himself off, hobbled back across the yard to the car he’d checked out of the motor pool.

He started the drive to the airport to pick up his partner and bring him home. To their home.

~~**~~

Daniel pulled the car into Jack’s driveway and shut it off. He didn’t say anything as he unbuckled his seat belt, already aware of how silent the man in the passenger seat was.  As he got out, Daniel knew without looking at him that Jack was studying the front garden beds, newly replanted with interestingly shaped junipers.

He closed the car door and turned to watch Jack climbing out.  Without even a glance at his driver, Jack opened the rear door on the sedan and grabbed his suitcase, then went to set it on the front porch.  Daniel followed him, bracing himself on his cane, keeping several paces behind him.  He was pleased when the door didn’t shut in his face as he followed Jack inside the house.

Starting down the hallway after him, though, Daniel was surprised when Jack came to a dead stop and spoke over his shoulder. “Go into the living room and wait for me there, if you don’t mind.”

“Oh, sure thing, Jack,” he responded, and did as requested. Daniel went to stand at the mantel, looking at photos of Charlie and touching the spots where Jack’s medals and commendations had once been. He glanced around when he heard Jack come into the room, wanting to see his face when he got his first look out the windows.

Only Daniel couldn’t read the guarded expression on Jack’s face.

“You put it back,” he said quietly, his eyes widening. “Holy shit, Daniel! You must’ve had an army working here the last few days. What did you do, hijack half the personnel at the base?”

“I hired it done.”

Jack’s head whipped around. “Must’ve cost a fortune, to get it done that fast.”

Daniel just smiled. “I think it was a good investment.”

He saw Jack swallow hard, his gaze shifting to linger on the distant view. “Did you do all this from memory?” Those intense brown eyes moved slowly from outside to Daniel’s face.

Shaking his head, Daniel took a step toward him. “You threw out the plans, remember? I picked them out of your trash and kept them. The landscape contractor was damned impressed, by the way. Said she hoped you’d think about designing professionally. I promised I’d ask.”

“Oh.” Jack wandered into the living room, turning his gaze down to the silk iris still pristine and beautiful in the vase on the coffee table.  He gazed at the thriving potted geranium beside it, dragging his fingertips over the tops of the blooms.  He lifted his fingers to his nose, sniffing the floral fragrance that had rubbed off at his touch.  “I’ll think about it.”  He straightened up, keeping his chin lowered, eyes still on the plants.  “So how much damage did you do to your bank account?” 

“I don’t know if I’ll have enough food money till next payday, but I think I’ll make it,” Daniel returned, smiling slightly. “Think you might be able to share a few meals with your poor, penniless friend, so I don’t starve?”  He tried to keep his tone light, still not sure of Jack’s reaction to what he’d had done.

“Daniel, I—“ Jack raised his head, and Daniel saw the naked pain there, flickering across his eyes, then smoothed over and gone.  Jack cleared his throat, looking over at the mantel and speaking to it.  “Of course I’ll feed you,” he said in a soft voice.  “You know I won’t let you go hungry, but… Uh.  That was.  Uh.”  He licked his lips nervously.  “Not the smartest thing to spend your last dime on, you know?”  He risked another glance, this time his control holding up as he made eye contact. 

“Worth every penny to me,” said Daniel, heading toward the patio door. He undid the lock and stepped out, fetching a small pot from the railing and brought it back inside with him. He handed it to Jack and waited.

General Hammond had just returned from a trip home to Texas and brought that specimen back for Daniel, since it wasn’t late enough in the season for them to be out in Colorado.

Jack looked down at the little potted plant in his hands. At the base, long, raggedly shaped green leaves stuck out from the central stem. About halfway up, the leaves changed in shape, looking like an array of little pale green hearts fastened to the ends of slender, delicate wands fixed to the main stem. Toward the top, clusters of tiny white flowers bloomed in a lacy cap.

“This is Shepherd’s Purse,” Jack observed softly.

“Yes,” said Daniel, aware of the significance of that plant far more than all the others, its message hanging unspoken in the air between them.

I give you my all.

“I didn’t before,” he added, “but I’m ready to now. I love you, Jack. I’ve never stopped, and I never will.  Let’s put the past behind us.  Do you think we can?  I really want us to try.”

Jack shook his head. He set the plant down on the coffee table with the geranium and the silk iris. “I’m not sure I can, Daniel. I need to talk to Doctor Stevenson.”

Daniel nodded. “I’m not talking about jumping back into bed right now, Jack,” he assured his friend. “That would be pretty reckless, because I don’t think either one of us is ready for that. She wants to have individual sessions with us for a while anyway, but she’s also talked about counseling us both as a couple.” He hesitated. “Whenever you’re ready.” 

He watched as Jack bowed his head and stuck his hands into his pockets, meandering slowly toward the open patio door, where he paused a moment.

“A couple?” Jack asked softly. “Were we that, Daniel?”  He raised his eyes for a brief glance, the pain of what they’d lost glimmering in the chocolate brown depths.  “We were good together, weren’t we?”

Daniel nodded. “Yes, Jack. We were.  Maybe we can be again. I’d sure like to try.”

Jack turned away and went outside with Daniel following him, looking down at the freshly laid lawn that replaced the ugly gray paving stones Jack had put down. They wandered down the gentle slope to the stack of stones Jack had built the previous year, listening to the sound of gaily splashing water in the falls as it tumbled over the rocks Jack had placed just so, wanting to get the pitch of the waterfall exactly right.

The yard was beautiful. Most of the plants were in full bloom, large and healthy and mature, though others would be blossoming later in the season or during the autumn. Anna Jennings had done a splendid job, and Daniel was pleased with how everything looked.

“This is beautiful out here,” Jack said, more to himself than to Daniel.  He bent down and pinched off a yellow leaf that was less than healthy and dropped it into the waterfall, watching it be carried away on the current.  He took a deep breath.  “You know I won’t be able to keep you at arm’s length for very long, don’t you.”

That was a statement of fact, not a question.

Daniel smiled a little, hopeful. “Yes, I do know that.  I don’t want you to punish yourself, Jack,” he said quietly, leaning on his cane. It started to sink into the soft earth and he glanced around for a stone to set it on, choosing one on the edge of the falls to give him a place to lean a little. “I don’t want to be punished, either. So, yeah, I’m kinda hoping you’ll give up that whole penance idea. That’s why I did all this. So that maybe we could start to recover what we lost. Maybe even make it better.”

Wandering over to the stone planter at the center of the garden, Jack stared down at the bare earth. “This is still empty.”

“Still looking for just the right thing to plant there.  I’m hoping that whatever is supposed to go in that spot, we’ll find it together, and we’ll know it when we see it.”

Jack looked up at him, his eyes warming, but pain etched into the lines in his face.  “That’s a nice thought.”  His eyes roved over Daniel’s features, hungry for what he was offering but too guilt-ridden and scared to accept it just yet.  “I don’t deserve you, you know.  You shouldn’t forgive me, Daniel. I betrayed you. I betrayed us.” 

With a shake of his head, Daniel took a few steps closer, resting the end of his cane on the yellowish stone base of the hand-made planter. “If you’d done it because you were in love with her, you’d still be with her,” he argued gently. “But you were in love with me, and I think… I hope… you still are. You slept with her because you were afraid. Because you needed something I couldn’t – or wouldn’t -- give you.” His stomach tightened up. “I’m hoping I can change that. I want to try.”

“No.” Jack shook his head, backing a few steps away. “I’ll never be with you in that way, Daniel. Not now that I know. I suspected. That’s why I didn’t push you about it.”

A great wave of anguish rose inside Daniel. His left hand shook as he raised it to pat his own chest. “How do you think that makes me feel, Jack, knowing what you went through, and what I did to you?” He swallowed hard, his voice deep and trembling. “Every time I think about that it tears me up inside, that you lived through that brutal, unspeakable horror, and yet were so willing to let me touch you like that… God!”

Daniel turned away, wiping at his eyes. “What happened to me was nothing compared to what happened to you, and I wouldn’t even let you stand behind me in the shower. My God.  I’m so sorry.”  He shook his head, sniffling, trying to hold back tears.  He twisted around to look into Jack’s face again.  “I trusted you, Jack.  I always have and always will.  I was just…” He shrugged.

“Just scared,” Jack finished for him, laying one hand gently on Daniel’s shoulder. “I know. I understood, Daniel. It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not.” Images of violence scorched Daniel’s mind, and he gasped, shutting them off. “God, Jack. I wish I’d never touched you like that. I did this to you. I made you feel this way, brought all that pain back to you and hurt you…” He was crying in earnest now. 

Jack came to him and turned him so they were face to face, putting his arms around him, holding him close, whispering in his ear.  “Shhh, it’s all right, babe.  Please don’t cry.  You were loving me, and it was beautiful. Every moment. Every touch. Don’t ever be sorry about that, please?”  Jack’s voice was soft and warm against Daniel’s ear.  He placed a little kiss on his sideburn as he rocked him in his arms a little.  “You didn’t know. There’s no way you could have known, and I didn’t plan on telling you, not ever.  I’m sorry all this happened. I never wanted to hurt you, Daniel.  I was just messed up. Really lost. You know?”

Daniel nodded against Jack’s shoulder, hugging him back.  “I love you, Jack.  I want us to be together again. Can’t we try? Please?”

Jack’s arms tightened around him. “Since the day we first met, we’ve never really been apart, Daniel,” he murmured.  “Even when you left us to do your glowy thing with Oma. Even when you were on Abydos with Sha’re, part of you was still with me. I could feel it, even then.”

“That’s true,” Daniel agreed, a smile spreading across his whole face.

“But yeah,” Jack whispered into Daniel’s hair.  “I’d like to try.  I’ve missed you so much.”

At those welcome words, Daniel straightened and pulled back a bit, and then his lips were seeking and finding Jack’s.  He didn’t care that they were outside or that the neighbors might be watching.  He didn’t care that they were drinking his tears as their mouths melded together. Jack was kissing him, his hands gently exploring Daniel’s face, neck and shoulders, burying up in his hair. There was no passion in these kisses, just apologies, forgiveness, welcoming each other home with promises for the future.

Daniel leaned against him, dropping his cane to put both arms around Jack’s ribs. Daniel’s fingers mapped the muscles in Jack’s back through his shirt, moving up to his shoulders and dusting across the short, silver velvet of Jack’s buzz cut.

Daniel pulled back and looked at him, his eyes roving over that short military do.  “I miss your hair and the earring,” he sniffed.  “Silly, huh?”

A broad smile spread slowly over Jack’s face and up into his eyes, warming them to an auburn glow. “Not a bit,” said Jack. “I always liked yours long, too. You have beautiful hair, Daniel.” He ran his fingers through the nearly shoulder-length mane in emphasis, playing in it delightedly.

“So do you, Jack.”

“I’m growin’ mine back out,” he announced, stepping away and lightly catching Daniel’s left hand in his. “Starting now. How long do you want it? Down to my ass?”

Daniel bent down to retrieve his cane, holding onto Jack’s hand for balance, letting go when he had the cane tucked under his right hand again. Then he turned to study his partner, head tilted, imagining tresses of various lengths surrounding his face. “I don’t think you can go much longer than where it was. No ponytails. You’re not a really long hair kind of guy. How about me? How long do you want mine?” He ran his free hand over his chestnut mane, as long now as it had been when he and Jack first met.

“It’s your hair, Daniel,” said Jack cautiously, his eyes greedily following Daniel’s hand.

“I want to please my partner.”

Jack reached out for him and laced his fingers with Daniel’s. “Then let it grow. I’ll tell you when I think you’ve reached your limit.”

“Deal.” Daniel turned and headed toward the house, bringing Jack with him. “So when can I move back in?”

A guilty look flashed over Jack’s face. He got all wary. “Give me a few days, okay? I’ve got a lot of shit to sort through.”

“Things to put back in place,” Daniel agreed, thinking of the missing medals on the mantel.

Looking down at the new grass beneath their feet, Jack sighed. “Yeah. I guess I went a little nuts there for a while.”

That made Daniel wonder what else Jack had done to his house, in the back where Daniel hadn’t yet seen. “What’s good for dinner tonight?” he asked, watching Jack move to the foyer and take up a stance, as if subtly inviting Daniel to leave.

“Not real hungry right now,” Jack admitted, shifting nervously back and forth on his feet. The guilty look intensified.

Intuition jiggled Daniel’s brain. Jack wanted him to go. He didn’t want Daniel to see something. Something in the back of the house.

Pressing his lips together, Daniel tried to prepare himself for whatever he would find and pushed past Jack, heading down the hallway, looking into the rooms as he passed them. He ignored Jack’s protests, intent on finding out what he so obviously didn’t want Daniel to discover. The spare room remained as it had been since he’d retrieved the last of his things, but as he stepped into the doorway of the den, Jack fell silent.

The room was completely vacant. The entertainment center, desk, leather recliner and sofa, and other furniture were all gone. Even the bookshelves had been emptied, leaving nothing but the shutters covering the windows.

Daniel pushed past Jack to move on to the master bedroom, his stomach churning. He froze in the doorway, just staring at the nearly empty room. Their big, king-sized bed was gone, replaced with a small twin-sized iron cot with a thin mattress. It was made up in ugly, rough-looking linens that looked like they’d come from a military surplus store. The alarm clock sat on the floor beside it, and all the pictures were gone from the walls.  There was no other furniture in the room, and Jack’s suitcase sat just inside the door, where he had put it when they first arrived.

The bedroom looked like a prison cell.

Which was probably the exact look Jack had been going for.

Daniel turned to look at him, standing behind him in the hall. “You’re not staying in this room tonight,” he announced harshly, torn between anger and hurt as he looked into Jack’s embarrassed face. “Where’s your stuff?  In a storage unit somewhere, I hope?”

Jack nodded, his face flushed, looking as self-conscious as Daniel had ever seen him. 

“All right, then. Tomorrow, you and I are putting everything back like it was.”  He blinked back tears.  Then he reached for Jack and just held him.  “Tomorrow’s a new day, Jack.  A new start for us.  And everything’s gonna be okay.  I promise.”

Jack held him tightly, squeezing him so hard he could barely breathe.  Daniel couldn’t remember when anything had felt so wonderful.  “Take me out to dinner,” he whispered after a while.  “I’m broke and hungry, and I don’t want you back in this room until it’s fixed.”

They stepped apart, exchanging a long look full of hope and promise.  Jack brought both hands up to hold and pet Daniel. He gave him a small smile, running one thumb over Daniel’s cheekbone.  He nuzzled their noses together and kissed Daniel lightly on the lips.  Leaning their foreheads together, he said, “Okay, Daniel. You win. I’ll do anything you want.  So where do you wanna eat?” 

“I want Italian.” Daniel pulled out of his arms, grabbed his hand, and headed for the door. “We’ll unpack later. C’mon.”

They held hands all the way to the car and all during the ride to Antonio’s. When they arrived, Daniel asked for a smaller table than the one the hostess showed them, because he wanted to be close enough to touch Jack. He barely noticed the other patrons and didn’t bother glancing at the menu because his eyes were too full of the man he loved.

He was falling again, falling hard. He welcomed it and hoped it showed in his face so Jack could see.  When the waiter appeared to take their orders, he listened with a delighted smile as Jack ordered in flawless Italian with a Mid-western American accent.  When Daniel’s turn came, he just doubled the order. He didn’t care what he ate. For tonight, food wasn’t important.

As soon as the waiter left, Daniel reached across the table and took Jack’s hand again, lacing their fingers together. They didn’t talk much, just stared at each other, smiling like fools in love. When the food was delivered and their hands weren’t busy with utensils, Daniel made sure he was touching Jack somewhere, part of his mind aware that people saw them, but not caring that they did. He smiled at Jack and laughed at his jokes, letting his guard down completely, taking in the experience of being with Jack deeply into his soul. The freedom of it was incredible, and Daniel had never felt more alive than at that moment.

It seemed as if the whole universe had narrowed down to that one table and the two of them. The candle between them was the sun, its light gleaming in Jack’s eyes. Moving the candle aside, Daniel leaned closer, half standing as he whispered in Jack’s ear, telling him how much he missed living with him, sleeping with him, waking up with him.

When he sat back down, those brown eyes were ablaze with desire, and Jack quickly looked away.  Apparently, Jack wasn’t ready to feel that way, and Daniel hoped he hadn’t been too forward.

He glanced down at his plate, wondering when he had ordered lasagna. The whole evening seemed to be sort of a blur, and he was far from ready for it to be over. He let go of Jack’s hand and started to reach for his fork.

“The food’s great,” Jack said softly, spearing a slice of steamed carrots from his side dish. “You’ve hardly touched yours, Daniel. Here, try some of this. You need to eat more vegetables.” He reached his fork across the table to Daniel’s mouth.

There was something so warm and caring about Jack feeding him that Daniel obeyed without thinking, his eyes on Jack’s face. He looked a little embarrassed at having done that, so Daniel picked up his garlic bread and tore off a small hunk. He handed it across the table, repeating the gesture, and Jack grinned slightly before he opened his mouth to accept the morsel.

Jack’s lips brushed Daniel’s thumb and that contact sent a shockwave of desire straight to Daniel’s groin. His hand was trembling as he pulled it back to his lap. He missed Jack. He wanted him, and visions of him naked in their bed made it difficult to breathe for a moment.

Daniel had no idea how they made it through the rest of the meal. By the time he’d managed to get himself calmed down, his plate was empty and his stomach was tied up in knots. Jack was staring at him across the table, looking sexy as hell and terrified, both of them uncertain what to do next.

Mustering all the calm he could manage, Daniel suggested to Jack that he pay the check so they could go home. He obeyed dumbly, handing over some cash without a word, not taking his eyes off Daniel.

When the waiter returned with the change, Daniel parceled out an appropriate tip and gave the rest of the money back to Jack, prompting him to put it in his wallet when it didn’t look like he was going to pick it up.

“Oh. Yeah. Wasn’t thinking,” he muttered, reaching for the cash and stuffing it into his pants pocket.

As they rose from the table to leave, Daniel leaned over and gave Jack a soft, warm kiss on the lips and was surprised at how blissfully good that felt. He caught the eye of a man and woman at the next table who were staring at them in obvious shock and gave them a smile and a wink. He didn’t know them and didn’t care to do so, and their apparent disapproval of his show of affection meant absolutely nothing to him. They could go on living in their small-minded world.  He was sure that his was much bigger and happier than theirs, and that was all that mattered to him.  He didn’t know if Jack had seen them or not, but if he had, Daniel was sure Jack didn’t give a rat’s ass how they felt about what they’d just seen.

By the time they returned home, Daniel realized he’d had a great time, one of the best he’d ever had with Jack. Things were starting to register, things he hadn’t been truly aware of since he’d agreed to an intimate relationship with Jack. He’d been holding back because he’d been ashamed of being seen as a gay man, afraid of what other people would think of him. He hadn’t even been able to admit the truth to himself.

Now, however, he realized that he was a gay man; or at least, bisexual. He and Jack were lovers, and there was no finer man, no finer person, on the planet than the one who had fallen for him. Daniel had every reason to be proud of his relationship with Jack, and accepting that, concentrating only on him and his needs, felt incredibly liberating.

He kissed Jack on the doorstep and stepped away. “I’m going back to the base to pick up a few things for overnight, so I’ll be back in an hour or so,” he told his lover. “I’ll be moving back in for good tomorrow, after work. Okay?”

Jack nodded. He looked a little lost. “Maybe you should stay at the base tonight,” he suggested, gaze on the ground.

Daniel shook his head.  “I think you need me tonight, Jack,” he said gently.  “I know I need you.  That double bed in the guest room is kinda small for two guys our size, but it’ll have to do.”  He gave Jack’s hand a squeeze and let go.  “And I want to let you know how proud I am that you chose me to be your lover.  I enjoyed tonight.  It was… romantic.”

Jack cleared his throat, shoving his hands into his pockets.  “It didn’t bother you, being seen with me like that?  Touching me in public?”

“Not anymore,” Daniel assured him, moving another step away.  “I’ll be right back.”

“Why don’t I go with you?  You can drop me in the parking lot, and I can pick up my truck.” Jack hesitated.  He smiled slightly. “And maybe go by the storage place for my TV.”

“Sounds good to me. Go ahead and lock up, and I’ll be waiting in the car.”  He hobbled off the front porch and out to the car, feeling a whole lot better about everything in general. Moments later, they were on their way to the base and by late evening, he was back home. He laid out his clothes for the next day on that tiny, crummy cot, put his shaving kit into the master bathroom and unpacked his toothbrush first, setting it into the holder next to Jack’s, where it belonged. 

When he was finished with unpacking and getting ready for bed, he went to the spare room, led by the sound of the television now sitting on top of the bureau, its bluish light the only illumination in the room. Jack was already in bed, the remote control in his hand as it lay on his belly on top of the covers, his eyes closed in sleep. The covers were tucked under his arm, partially covered by the short sleeve of his T-shirt.

Daniel limped toward the bed, set his cane and glasses aside on the nightstand and started to unbutton his shirt. He dropped it on the floor, then sat down on the small bed and took off his shoes and socks.

“There isn’t really room for two in this thing,” Jack told him flatly with a sleepy sigh.

“I thought you were sleeping.  Anyway, there’s plenty of room for really close friends,” Daniel assured him.

“I’ll go sleep on the sofa,” Jack suggested, and started to rise. “You can have the bed.”

Daniel turned to face his erstwhile lover, grabbing him by the shoulders and pushing him back down. “Uh-uh.  No, you don’t.  If you go to the couch, I’ll just follow you out there and sleep on the floor beside you.  Pick your spot, Jack.”

With another sigh, Jack relaxed under the covers, turned off the TV and put the remote on the nightstand.

Daniel slipped between the sheets, closed his eyes, and remembered touching Jack, kissing him. He remembered the feel of their bodies together as they made love, every caress an act of reverent worship. He remembered how Jack looked with his eyes closed, his back arched off the bed, holding onto Daniel and gasping out his name as he came.

God, Jack was so beautiful! He had suffered so much. Daniel had a hell of a lot to make up for, and he was going to make sure Jack began the healing process tonight.

Daniel looked at the covers over Jack’s groin. There was no response there at all, not even when Daniel cuddled up to him, his arm wrapped around Jack’s waist. He didn’t dare reach lower, because he didn’t think either of them was ready for that.

Jack rolled onto his side, facing Daniel, and scooted back as close to the edge of the mattress as he could get, to make room for Daniel and attempting to put a little extra space between their lower bodies. “Nothing’s gonna happen tonight, Daniel,” he said slowly. “It’s been… It’s been a rough few months.” He rose up on one elbow while Daniel pulled at the covers until they were arranged over both of them to his liking.

“It’s been rough for both of us,” Daniel agreed, turning his head slightly to look up at Jack.

“I think we should take it slow,” Jack returned, his voice still flat, emotionless. “Just let it happen when it happens.”

“What’s that old saying about falling off a horse?”

“You can’t ride a dead horse, Daniel.”

“You’re not dead, Jack.”

“Not all of me, no.” He eased back down to the bed, wedged his arm into the crowded space between them, and settled his head into the pillow. His movements were hesitant as tentatively laid his hand on Daniel’s side, sliding into an embrace as they faced each other, nose to nose. 

Daniel snuggled closer, his knees just touching Jack’s. “God, I’ve missed you so much, Jack,” he murmured.  “I’ve missed this.”  He took a moment to just study that beloved face, so much of it cast in deep shadow, the silver of Jack’s hair glistening in the dim light like a halo around his head.  “Missed us.” 

“This is enough,” Jack whispered into his ear. “It’s all I need.”  He placed a gentle kiss on Daniel’s temple as he pulled back.

“No, it’s not,” Daniel assured him. “I love you.  I don’t think I’ve made that too clear, especially lately. I need for you to know.”

“I do. You’re here. It’s enough.” Jack kissed his forehead and settled back into the pillow, closing his eyes with a weary sigh.

Daniel gazed happily at the man he loved so deeply. “I trust you,” he said simply. “Kiss goodnight?”

Warm, dry lips pressed against his forehead again.

“That’s not good enough,” he returned with a slow smile. “I want tongue.”

“Tomorrow, Daniel.”

“Tonight.”

Jack rose up on one elbow again. “Damn, you’re high maintenance.”  He grinned down into his face.

“Hopefully, I’m worth it.”

Daniel could barely see the smile, but Jack’s voice echoed with love. “Yeah. You are.” He bent down slowly, his mouth barely touching Daniel’s, just breathing there for a moment, sharing Daniel’s breath.

Chastely, Jack pressed his lips to Daniel’s, his teeth stroking in a smooth glide over Daniel’s lower lip. He nibbled on it, sucked it into his mouth, caressed it with the tip of his tongue.  Daniel couldn’t help groaning and opened his mouth for Jack, who was being entirely too shy for Daniel’s taste.

He reached up and clasped the back of Jack’s neck, bringing him down closer, deepening the kiss, invading Jack’s mouth with his tongue. Jack’s fingers worshipped his face, making Daniel whimper with need. He wanted Jack, but this wasn’t the right time, and he quelled the desire heating his belly as Jack pulled away.

“Good night, Daniel,” he whispered.

“Night.”

Jack relaxed against his pillows and in just a few breaths had drifted into sleep.

Daniel lay awake for a long time, thinking and planning, figuring out the best way for him to make peace with his past and move on toward a healthy, well adjusted future with the man he loved.

~~**~~

**1 June**

A Week Later

“I thought that went pretty well,” said Daniel, making an effort to be upbeat, as they strolled off the UC Berkeley campus.  “Doctor Albright ought to work out just fine at the SGC. She’s high in her field, thinks outside the box, and is in good physical condition. Don’t you think she’ll be good?”  He turned to look at the stunning man walking beside him.

Behind the aviator shades he wore, Jack’s eyes were roaming the campus, threat assessing as always.  He’d worn his Class A’s for the meeting, but even without the uniform, his military bearing would have been apparent.  They’d come to UC on Uncle’s Sam’s business, however, and he’d wanted to look the part.  Even though Jack was retired, he could still wear the uniform when he chose, and this interview had been important, even if the person they’d gone to meet was as liberal as they came.  The uniform had made an impression, lending an air of gravity to the meeting that had been taken seriously, just as Jack had intended.

“Doctor Allison Albright dresses like a Salvation Army donation box blew up on her,” Jack returned with an air of irritation.  “She looks like she’s sixteen and can’t talk without popping her gum.  She will not fit in at the SGC, Daniel. Trust me on that.”

“It’s not a matter of fitting in,” Daniel argued patiently, giving him a little nudge with his elbow.  “She’s smart and dynamic.  Once she gets a look at what’s going on under the mountain, I’ll bet you ten bucks she’ll be kicking enemy butt in no time!”

Turning to look at his companion with unabashed joy, Jack had to work to smother the grin on his face.  “You liked her, huh?”

Daniel sniffed a little, his eyebrows rising with an air of academic superiority.  “I think she’ll be fun,” he admitted. “We could use a few fun people at the SGC.”

Eyebrows lifting, Jack teased, “I’m fun.  Don’t you think I’m fun?”

Daniel rolled his eyes as if on cue. “Jack…”  He heaved a heavy sigh.  “Of course you’re fun.  I meant we need more fun people in the academic department.  Everyone’s so damned serious in there.”

Jack looked down at Daniel’s hand, which had just brushed against his own as they strolled across the campus.  For most of the last four days, Daniel had touched him as often as possible, both at home, and everywhere else, except in the mountain.  Anytime they were on the base or in uniform he was all business, except for an occasional look when no one else was watching.  Jack never realized how sly Daniel could be when he wanted, and he also seemed to be happily practicing his sensuality, with an audience of one.

It had been funny at first.  The night Daniel had moved back in, he’d been in the living room, digging through several boxes, sorting through his things while Jack had been in the kitchen making dinner.  He’d asked what Jack thought was sexy about him, apparently just being playful.  But Jack took the question seriously.  A couple of times a very surprised Daniel had poked his head around the door just to stare at Jack as he’d rattled off his seemingly endless list.

Jack had pursed his lips and stared at the ceiling in thought. “Well,” he’d begun, “there’s when you’re licking your lips. When you look up at me through your eyelashes. When you smile. Or laugh.  Or frown at me.  When you’re sleeping. Or awake.  Naked – especially when you’re naked. Or in tight clothes, loose clothes, whatever. When you’re wet. Dry.  Thinking, figuring out stuff.  Reading. Watching TV.  Working. Relaxing.  Eating. Drinking.  When you’re fondling your cane, it just does something to me.  Fondling artifacts. Old artifacts, like me. Fondling a hopeless old retired colonel we both know. You’re just sexy, Daniel.  All sexy, all the time.”

The list had been filled with jokes and teases as well as honest turn-ons, and surprisingly enough, Daniel had paid attention. That first week living together had been both familiar and strange, with moments of self-consciousness mixed with routine so comfortable they hardly noticed each other.  Jack had often looked up to find Daniel studying him, a slow smile moving from his mouth up into his eyes, followed by a long deliberate swipe of his tongue over his full lower lip.

It had taken a moment for Jack to realize Daniel was doing it on purpose; Daniel, who learned a lesson well and never forgot it. The scamp had been teasing him, flirting, tempting him intentionally. Seduction dressed in sweats and a T-shirt. All sexy, all the time.

Jack had sat in his chair in the den, transfixed and feeling a definite stir of desire he wasn’t yet ready to acknowledge.

Then he’d thrown the TV remote he’d been holding at Daniel to start the fun and chased him out into the yard, carefully tackling him down onto the lawn in slow motion and rolling around with him in the twilight heat.  They’d ended up lying in the grass together, Jack’s head on Daniel’s belly, looking up at the stars, and just talking until very late.

They’d been taking their time, careful not to let things escalate between them, both afraid of intimacy experienced too soon.  They’d had regular sessions with Doctor Stevenson and had even had their first counseling with her as a couple.  That had gone well, though they’d each expressed their hesitancy regarding resuming their sex life.  Her advice had been to trust their instincts and each other, and follow their hearts. They would know when the time was right, and if one got there ahead of the other, to be patient and kind until both were ready.

So they’d waited.

They’d slept in the same bed, enthusiastically kissed each other good night and cuddled a little, but neither had been willing to take it farther than that.