THROUGH THE LOOKING GLASS Series

THE END

By Lady Grey

“I am soooo done with this shit.”

Jack sat on the sofa, sipping the last of the whisky, feeling the burn as it trickled down his throat. He set the drained tumbler down firmly on the coffee table and wished there was just a little more in the bottle. But it was empty, and so was he.

He sighed, and lifted his hands to rub his weary face, forgetting for a moment that there was a pistol in his grip. The metal was warmed by his hands and clanked a little hard against his right browbone, but it didn’t hurt much. That sort of pain was insignificant now. The real pain was inside, where no one could see the open wound.

“Daniel,” he whispered, lowering his hands to his lap with a dull slap.

Silence answered.

Daniel Jackson was dead, had been for weeks now. In that time, Jack had shooed off nearly every academic on the SGC staff. He’d been tolerant of the woman they’d saddled SG-1 with lately, but he was on a personal campaign to get Dr. Ann Willoughby to ask for reassignment. Except that Jonas Quinn was waiting in the wings, and Jack knew Hammond would put the Kelownan on the team unless Jack made a choice and stuck with it.

He refused to allow the man whose cowardice had killed his best friend to walk beside Jack O’Neill and watch his back. Just couldn’t do it. Period.

And lately, Jack had been finding it harder to make it through another day without Daniel. It was better off-world, because there was usually something to keep his mind alive – looking out for the welfare of his team was the only thing that worked anymore. He didn’t care about the planet or the human race anymore. None of that mattered without Daniel.

“These people don’t want to die. I don’t want to die. It’s a shame you’re in such a hurry to.”

Those words echoed in his brain, spoken so softly in the Abydonian night.

Jack opened his eyes and looked at the pistol in his hand. There was one bullet in the chamber, waiting. He’d put it there himself every night for the past week, and then taken it out again when the ghosts came to visit. Those gossamer memories were all that got him through the nights anymore.

“No one should have to outlive their own child,” he reminded the ghost. “Or the love of a lifetime.” Closing his eyes, he summoned up a memory of Charlie, comforting now, but devastating shortly after his loss. The cure for his grief had been Daniel Jackson, and now he was gone, too. Horribly. Irrevocably.

Jack O’Neill had died with him, inside. He’d walked out of the infirmary that night and bought a pack of cigarettes on the way home. He didn’t take them off world or smoke on the base, but when he was out in the world he had one constantly lit. It was a death wish and he recognized that, but lung cancer took far too long to accomplish the purpose he’d set for it.

Jack fondled the gun with a sigh. He pressed the muzzle up under his chin and held it there, eyes tightly closed, summoning up every bit of strength he had left in his soul. But Daniel had shown him it didn’t take strength to kill yourself. It took weakness. Cowardice. Selfishness.

Unless you were sacrificing yourself to save an entire world.

With a strangled sob, Jack took his finger off the trigger and laid the pistol in his lap. He pulled the slide back and ejected the bullet one last time, then headed for his office to lock the weapon and ammo up. Stomping upstairs, he felt his heart rip in two and wondered how that could happen every single night. Surely it had to be the size of confetti by now, but every night it seemed huge in his chest, the torture unbearable. Jack just couldn’t take any more of this. One more night, and that would be the end of him. He just couldn’t take any more of that kind of pain.

He flopped fully dressed on his bed, face down on the pillows. Inhaling deeply, he smelled…

“Oh, God,” he sobbed. A flood of tears broke free of him. He clutched the pillow to his face so hard he could barely breathe.

It smelled like Daniel.

“The ruins are just up this way, sir,” Carter called, pointing toward a narrow passageway in the high canyon walls above them.

Jack was staring at the damp reddish dirt on his boots, slogging through it as he followed along, his thoughts centered on memories rather than mission. He could hardly breathe, he was so weary. Just putting one foot in front of the other was the hardest work he could ever remember doing.

”Are you unwell, Col. O’Neill?” Teal’c rumbled quietly, touching his shoulder.

“I’m fuckin’ dyin’, T, but thanks for asking.” He lifted his head and trudged on wearily after the women. Dr. Willoughby was just disappearing with Carter around the bend, and he pushed himself to catch up. “I’m fine, just… fine. Don’t worry about me.”

Once they came out of the canyon onto the plateau where the dead city lay, Jack lifted his head and straightened. Soldier instinct kicked in and he scanned the horizon for potential threats to his team. Aside from a few things that could be called birds on a good day, there was nothing moving anywhere.

Still, they had to investigate. Willoughby started with inscriptions on some pillars framing the city’s entrance, while Carter and Teal’c moved down what was once a main thoroughfare. As they traveled down the street, the major peeled off to check out some ruined machine with a tree growing out of it, and Teal’c ambled along in Jack’s wake, hovering protectively.

The Jaffa seemed to realize how fragile his commander was, though there was nothing he could do about it. O’Neill was beyond help. Jack ignored his companion and tried to get back to business.

The city was perched on the flat top of a wide ledge of land at the base of another cliff riddled with canyons. The colonel walked the length of that main street all the way to the end, following the sun. He hadn’t looked right or left, hadn’t noticed anything of interest until he passed through a circular doorway in the wall at the far end of the lane. Emerging from beneath the vines that had all but overgrown the doorway, he stopped and stared.

A platform jutted off the edge of the cliff. It was round, and there was a vaguely triangular object in the center of it, shaped sort of like a harp, all ugly gray stone except for its brightly polished, reflective center. The thing was surrounded by twelve smaller platforms, each holding a statue of the same woman in a variety of poses, with vastly different facial expressions. One of the figures knelt beside the other object, her hands raised as if in supplication. And she was holding something.

Jack moved up to the platform and took the little machine from the statue’s grasp, his heart hammering in his chest.

“O’Neill,” Teal’c called in warning.

But the colonel barely heard him. His mouth had gone dry. Adrenaline shot through his body, waking him up from what felt like a sleep worthy of Rip Van Winkle. He switched the device on and smiled.

He thought his face was going to crack from the unfamiliar expression.

A large, warm hand settled on his shoulder, pulling him back to the here and now. He turned, looking up into those liquid black eyes that saw so much, and understood everything. “I have to go, Teal’c,” Jack told him breathlessly. His voice sounded funny in his ears, thick and coarse. “I can’t stay here, or I’ll end up putting a bullet in my brain. You know that.”

The Jaffa nodded. “Be careful, O’Neill. Choose well. I will explain to Maj. Carter and Dr. Willoughby.”

Jack hugged the big man fiercely for a moment, then walked up to the quantum mirror.

“O’Neill,” Teal’c called. “Memorize this, and repeat it when you believe you have found the right universe. ‘Tal shek nel mala por tiu ka ek.’ “

“What’s that mean?” Jack asked, stepping closer to the mirror, mumbling the phonetic sounds to himself until he got it right and received a nod from Teal’c.

“Ask Danieljackson. He will know… if he is the right one.” The Jaffa lifted his arm and laid it across his chest, offering a bow of respect to one he honored greatly. “And as Gen. Hammond would say… Godspeed.”

Jack smiled at his old friend and turned toward the mirror. He dialed left one increment, and the cityscape changed slightly. Four men in SGC uniforms stood looking back at him. With a whoop of joy, the colonel touched the cold panel and felt the electric shock pass through him.

And stood face to face with Col. Makepeace, Ferreti, Kawalski… and Daniel Jackson, alive and well.

“Is Jack O’Neill alive in this universe?” Jack demanded, eyes fixed to Daniel’s. He slipped the mirror controls into his trouser pocket.

The man looked at him as if he was a stranger.

“Col. O’Neill blew his brains out after his son died,” volunteered Kawalski. “Who the hell are you?”

But Jack was dancing a jig, cheering to heaven and thanking God for the favor. When he managed to compose himself, he turned back to the group, staring like they were face to face with a lunatic. “I’m Col. Jack O’Neill,” he declared. “From an alternate universe.” He pointed to the device behind him. “That’s a quantum mirror. It allows passage between all possible universes. There’s problems when two of the same people exist in the same universe, but if your O’Neill is dead, I’ll be okay here.”

“What are you running from?” Makepeace demanded suspiciously.

“Not from,” Jack corrected. “To. I assume you’re fighting the Goa’uld here, too?”

“Isn’t everybody?” Ferreti asked.

“In some of the universes, it’s too late. There are a lot of Earths that have been taken over or destroyed outright. But if you want me, I’m here to help.” He spread his hands wide, grinning from ear to ear, his eyes on Daniel’s perplexed face.

“So, who is this guy?” Jackson asked. “You guys know him?”

“I did,” Kawalski volunteered. “But he was an asshole. Military screw-up. Got tossed out of Special Ops on his ass for feeling up a lady captain. His wife wasn’t too thrilled about it, either.”

That brought Jack up short. Daniel didn’t know him because the Jack in this reality died before the first Abydos mission. But that the late O’Neill was a poor soldier and husband… That didn’t bode well.

“Well, in my reality, I’m second in command at the base you guys came from,” Jack told them firmly. “I may still be an asshole, but I’m good at what I do for Uncle Sam. I’ve been on SG-1 for five years and brought my kids home every mission.”

Except the one that mattered. They didn’t need to know about that, just yet. He had several cards he’d hold close to the vest until he got the lay of this new landscape, and the Daniel living in it. And if everything fit, he’d give them the benefit of everything he knew.

“This mirror thing,” Makepeace said with a jerk of his chin toward the platform, “how does it work?”

“I am so not the right person to ask that,” Jack shot back. “Have you got a Sam Carter in this universe? She’s a major and a doctor in mine.”

“Just a doctor here,” Daniel told him. “Head of gate research.”

“Well, let’s get home, kids. You wanna send a team back for this thing?” Jack jerked a thumb over his shoulder at the mirror. “Or leave it here? Either one’s fine with me.”

Makepeace eyed him with obvious suspicion. “I think we’ll leave it here for now. Meanwhile, you come with us, Col. O’Neill. Or whoever you are.”

Jack fished out his dogtags and waved them in the air. “Just like the silver says, Bob.”

“How’d you know my name?” Makepeace demanded.

Jack explained in great detail all he knew about three of the men… all but Daniel. He merely skinned the surface with that one, judging from the expressions when he was right and when the details were divergent. He rattled off a list of events that had occurred, too, looking for similarities between universes.

“Boy,” Daniel observed, shaking his head as they walked, “my wife isn’t gonna believe this one.”

Without breaking stride, Jack felt himself fall over inside. “Sha’re?”

Jackson frowned at him. “No. Who’s Sha’re?”

“Sarah, then. Sarah Gardner.” Jack felt himself slowing down.

“Yes. You know her in your reality, too?”

“Yeah, uh… I forgot something back at the mirror. Mind if I go back and get it?” Jack waited until he got the nod from Makepeace, then hiked back to the device. Retrieving the controller from his pocket, he dialed the next connection and made contact.

That hadn’t been the right place to stop, and he was glad he found out before he’d gone too far.

The city in the next universe was empty. He hiked to the stargate and saw no MALP tracks or human footprints, and dialed Earth. Then he realized that, without a MALP, he had no way of knowing if the Earth gate was still buried, and would flatten him if he stepped through it. He’d have to wait for alternates that showed some sign of SGC activity, and hiked back to the gate.

The next connection showed a city full of people, and some ceremony going on around the mirror. Skipping that one, he dialed several more before seeing another SGC team. This one had a Jack, so he passed that one by, too. Hours and hours he stood there in the dead city, checking every connection until he could barely keep his eyes open, passing up those views showing teams lacking Daniels, or with O’Neills of their own.

He decided to make camp and continue searching in the morning. Jack was tired, bone weary, but he was decidedly better than he’d been the previous night. He had seen Daniel, just for a few moments, and that was enough to buoy his spirits. He’d make it, he thought.

Because now he could hope.

Jack gathered twigs and sticks for a fire, shaved some bark for kindling and lit it up. He ate a cold MRE, too weary to care how it tasted. He wanted to get a little nap, just a few hours worth, and scouted nearby for a protected place where he could hole up and sleep. He stepped into one of the ruined houses and shone his flashlight around the big, empty room.

It never occurred to him to wonder what had happened to the natives who built the civilization.

Until the glow of his torch illuminated a big, hairy ugly thing with beastly paws complete with opposable thumbs, obviously carnivorous and thinking it just spotted dinner. He shot it and backed out of the building, but there were more of them now, dozens of them, pouring out of the structures all around him. They smelled blood, and they were coming.

For him.

Jack pulled the mirror control from his pocket and spun the dial as he ran. Legs pumping, knees aching at his demand for more speed, he crashed into the mirror and nearly sent it off the edge of the mesa, barely righting it as he flipped the dial again. If one of those things came after him, they’d go somewhere else.

But then he realized – if they were native to that planet, they’d be on nearly every version of it that he dialed.

He stood still, listening to the quiet of the night in this new universe, heartbeat thundering in his ears. The sound of voices somewhere nearby pulled him, and he saw the flicker of firelight up ahead. Glancing at every shadow, he saw that none of them were moving. There didn’t seem to be any creatures there that he could see.

Up ahead, he saw a familiar blonde squatting by the campfire, chatting merrily away to her two companions.

Jack smiled as he recognized Carter. There was a man with a Boonie hat hunkered down across from her, his back to Jack, and another man – Kawalski – sitting almost between them.

“This Salisbury steak tastes like chicken,” said the man whose face Jack couldn’t see, and instantly O’Neill knew who it was. “Not even a hint of cow.”

Relief flooded Jack yet again, making his knees wobble.  But he didn’t have time to call a greeting to them, because the creatures were arriving, pulled by the fire or the voices, or the scent of fresh prey. Jack lifted his P-90 and shot two of them before the others could move, before they even saw the menace coming for them.

Instantly, the trio were on their feet, taking aim as more of the creatures appeared. From somewhere in the dark behind them, the bright flash of staff weapon fire reported Teal’c’s presence, standing back from the others on guard. Jack hurried to join them, putting his back into the group and firing out into the onslaught. The battle seemed to last forever, bodies of the beasts piling up around them, but at last the remainder realized they were outmatched by superior weapons, and slunk off into the shadows from whence they had come.

Jack glanced down at his arm where one of the things had grazed him with its sharp fangs. Blood had soaked into his sleeve and dried, sticking it to his skin. He flexed his arm and gingerly tried to pull the cloth away.

“Let me take a look at that,” Carter offered, lowering her weapon and stepping closer. “And thanks for the save. We didn’t see ‘em coming.” She went after his wound with alcohol wipes and he did his best to try to ignore the pain. It wasn’t that bad, not with the view he had.

He raised his eyes to each face in the group, but this time barely glanced at Daniel – Dr. Jackson.

“Jack?”

There was grief in that address. It resonated in O’Neill’s soul. “Yeah, Daniel. Am I dead here, too?”

He heard the audible gulp, and the strain in that velvet voice. “For about a year now. You’re… not…”

“Your Jack? No.” He risked a glance, and was moved by what he saw. “From an alternate universe. There’s a quantum mirror back there. Guess you kids haven’t found it yet.”

Carter’s head snapped up, interest gleaming in her eyes. “Quantum mirror? For real?”

That was like his Carter. He smiled at her. “Yeah. Alternate universe portal. Fun toy. Dangerous weapon. You decide.”

“Carter, stop drooling,” Kawalski ordered with a rakish grin. “You’ll get a look at it in the morning.”

“Meanwhile, I’d advise a change of scenery,” Jack recommended. “These things could be gone to regroup. I recommend heading back to the base till daylight. I’m thinkin’ they only come out at night.”

“Agreed,” said Teal’c. “Perhaps Dr. Wagner should have a look at your wound, as well, Other O’Neill.”

“I’m… I was still a colonel here, right?” He glanced at the insignia on Carter’s uniform. “Capt. Carter, Maj. Kawalski, Dr. Jackson and our lovely Jaffa, Teal’c. Everybody’s here.”

“This is wild!” Carter gushed. “I can’t believe we’re actually talking to Col. O’Neill!”

Daniel lifted his head, looking around in the dark at the carnage visible in the firelight. “I think we’d better move, if we’re going. These things are starting to seriously creep me out.”

The jog back to the Stargate was uneventful, save for the occasional scrabbling sound here and there in the distant dark. Jack watched Daniel dial home, saw Kawalski key in the IDC, and Teal’c stand watch while the rest of them stepped through the event horizon.

The gate room looked just as Jack had left it, but Gen. West’s face peered down at him instead of Hammond’s. And West didn’t look too happy to see him. Jack just hoped this universe’s O’Neill had been up to standards. He didn’t want to have to start over as Airman O’Neill at his age.

The SFs on duty in the gate room escorted him to the infirmary where Dr. Wagner cleaned, medicated and taped his cut, warning him to keep it clean and dry. After that, he went willingly to the briefing room to give West the lowdown… or as much of one as he could give without passing out from exhaustion.

West was generous, however, and due to the late hour, postponed the briefing until morning so the SGC’s enigmatic guest could rest. Escorted back to one of the holding cells, Jack hit the bunk without a second thought, oblivious to the fact that he still had the mirror controller in his trouser pocket. He slept like a rock, but sometime in the wee hours, he roused long enough to remember and secreted the device away in the pillowcase. A moron could find it there, but at least it wouldn’t be on his person if they searched him… which they should have. He could only attribute that oversight to the fact that they were all pretty shaken by seeing him in the flesh, and were showing him the same courtesy they’d have given their own O’Neill, with a little suspicion thrown in for good measure.

Jack went back to sleep, hopeful that this would be a better universe than the last several he’d visited. If it was, if this was the right one, he’d tell them everything and hand over that controller without a second thought. If it wasn’t, he’d have to find a way back to that planet and try again.

The door opened, and Jack saw his visitor step hesitantly inside.

“Am I disturbing you? It’s early yet and I know you’re… or at least, our Jack wasn’t a morning person.” Daniel stood just inside the door, shifting nervously from foot to foot.

“You’re not, either, as I recall,” Jack returned with a grin, sitting up on the bunk. He swung his long legs over the side and leaned on his BDU clad knees. “At least, not until you’ve had a couple cups of joe.”

“I don’t drink coffee.”

Jack felt as if he’d been slapped across the face. “Whoa, wake-up call,” he murmured to himself. Pangs of grief wracked him, and he sighed. “I shouldn’t have come here. I shoulda just stayed in my own universe.” And eaten my gun, he finished inside his head.

“So why did you?” Daniel asked. He ambled over and sat down on the bunk across from Jack’s. His hands gripped the sides of the thin mattress, and there was definite sadness in his eyes.

Jack couldn’t answer that without knowing the lay of the land. “I had my reasons. Our Daniel took a trip through a quantum mirror and brought back important information that deterred a Goa’uld attack on Earth. I was hopin’ I could return the favor.”

Daniel cleared his throat. “Uh, yeah, see… we’re not quite sure what to make of this quantum mirror business you mentioned.” A fleeting, disbelieving smile crossed the man’s face, and the emotion was tucked quietly away. “You wanna tell us more about that?”

“Eventually. Got a question first. How did your O’Neill die?”

Curiosity buckled and slid away, revealing a deep well of grief. Daniel’s eyes aimed at the floor and blinked rapidly to get rid of tears. “Uh… he was killed in a cave-in off world.”

Jack searched his memory for a similar situation where he might’ve bought the farm. His brows furrowed. “On a Tok’ra base, maybe? When they sent you to assassinate the System Lords?”

Shock made Daniel’s eyes go wide and his eyebrows vault up his forehead. “You… you know about that?”

“Yeah. We all got home alive in my reality,” Jack assured him. Pain lanced through him as another memory of that mission surfaced. “Except for Elliot.”

“Elliot?”

“Never mind.” Jack shoved the memory back in its cage. “So, did you have fun trying to explain this to the wife last night?” He tried to be conversational in his delivery, keep the tone light.

Daniel’s expressive brows pinched together and his mouth drew up a little. “I’m not married. Never have been.”

“No? What about Sha’re on Abydos?”

“Oh. That.” Daniel looked distinctly uncomfortable. He tried to smile, but it came out more like a grimace. “I explained things to Kasuf, the elder, before we left to return to Earth. And since I hadn’t touched the girl, her father took her back.”

“What things did you explain?” Jack’s heart was banging in his ribcage. He pinned Daniel with his gaze and refused to let him look away.

“That I couldn’t accept such a gift because it wasn’t the way of my people,” the archaeologist murmured. “And that I had to return home with them. The Abydonians were freed of Ra, so they told us they’d celebrate us as their new gods. I couldn’t handle that.”

Jack’s heart sank. He sighed in defeat. “Yeah. You love to get credit for being brilliant, but that feet of clay thing…” He waved a hand negligently, letting the other man finish the thought for himself.

Daniel grinned. “I’ve missed you, Jack.”

“Yeah? How much?” The mental picture of Daniel jumping on him with a passionate lip lock shot heat right through Jack. He thought for a moment he saw the man lean slightly closer, but then the cell door opened and the SFs came to fetch him for the briefing. Jack stood and started tucking his shirt into his trousers, watching as Daniel also rose. “You comin’?”

“Not yet—“ Daniel glanced up, suddenly guilt-stricken at the slip. “In a minute,” he amended.

Talk about mixed signals… Jack really wanted to get the guy alone for a more personal chat. But there were formalities. Maybe even some wrinkles to iron out. It would take time, but Jack felt sure there was plenty of that now.

Jack let his hands drop, just looking at Daniel. Emotions flickered at light speed across that familiar face. Jack started to step away, but his heart brought him back, toe to toe with Daniel, and swept him up in a fierce hug.

“God, I missed you,” he breathed. “You’re dead in my universe, Daniel. I lost you.” He felt those articulate fingers digging into his back, felt the man’s chest heave silently, heard the ragged breath in his ear. As soon as he could, he pulled back a little, and patted Daniel’s cheek. “Don’t go to Kelowna. Not ever. And don’t let the SGC send a team there, either.”

“Why?”

“Because that’s where you died, and anybody else who goes there takes the same risk you did.” Jack looked into those eyes and saw the suffering, felt it resonating in his own soul. “What we got from them wasn’t worth it.”

“What did we get?” Pain was easing now, curiosity rearing its ugly head.

“I’ll never tell,” Jack murmured. “But trust me, it wasn’t worth what we paid for it.” He patted Daniel’s cheek again, and moved off after the SFs for the briefing.

Jack stood in the corridor, head down, hands in the pockets of his blue jumpsuit. He ignored the approaching footsteps, thinking back over the day and how well it had gone, considering. Questions had been asked and answered on both sides, and Jack volunteered information he thought would be helpful, without compromising security details in his universe. There were places he didn’t want SGC teams going, and made sure to spell out the dangers that awaited. He had trouble remembering the planetary designations for everything, but he knew he could recognize pictures from MALP transmissions and warn them off.

He was fitting in again, and it helped. But they still didn’t know what to do with him. Trust was in the process of being built, and he no longer had a security detail on his ass everywhere he went. But Gen. West still didn’t want him leaving the base.

The sound of footsteps brought his head up, and he saw Daniel and Carter round the corner. Both of them saw him, and he flexed a polite smile in their direction, offering a friendly little wave, but keeping his mouth shut. Carter patted Daniel on the shoulder and continued down the hall, but Daniel wandered over, crossing his arms and taking a stance six feet away.

“So… you seem to be earning your place here,” the younger man observed. “It won’t be long before you’ll be back on the payroll, too, I expect. Though that’s going to drive the government bean counters up the wall, reinstating a dead man. I hope they give you back pay.”

Jack flapped his hands in the pockets of his jumpsuit, fanning the cloth outward while he rocked up on his toes. “Put a little excitement in their lives. I excel at that.”

“Hungry?”

“Starved. Wanna escort me to the commissary?”

“How about dinner at my place? I’m sure you’d like to get out of here for a few hours.”

“Gen. West won’t be happy about that.”

Daniel shrugged. “If I sign you out, you’re my responsibility. Anything happens to you or because of you, I take the heat. So if I read you right and you cared about your Daniel, you’ll do right by me.”

There it was again, that grief tugging at Jack, reminding him that this man was not the one he’d lost. There were differences. Some of them might be pretty big.

“I would never hurt you, Daniel,” Jack promised softly, “out of respect for my Daniel.”

Dr. Jackson turned away just then and didn’t see the anguish Jack swallowed down as he spoke those last two words.

My Daniel. My Daniel.

Gone forever.

And this is not him. He only looks the same.

Jack followed him up to the surface and climbed into the ancient car that looked identical to the one…

He settled himself in the seat, trying to swallow the lump in his throat. “So, Daniel, tell me about yourself.”

“Tell me about your Daniel instead.” Jackson kept his eyes on the road.

“He was the best friend I ever had. Lost the respect of the academic world before we brought him into the SGC and never regretted it. Married once – to Sha’re, the Abydonian girl. Lost her to the Goa’uld. No kids, though.” Jack’s mind was careening through memories at light speed. He forgot to guard what came out of his mouth as they tumbled through his consciousness. “He’d have made a good father. A little clueless at times, but he was a good man. The best. I loved him—“

His throat closed on those words, and he realized he might have said too much. A glance at his driver showed tears in Daniel’s eyes, quickly blinked away.

“I loved my Jack, too,” he said slowly. “Cranky and irascible as he was, he was still the best—“

Silence fell. The ride to Daniel’s apartment – still on Mainland Street – left both men to their private thoughts. Jack followed his host upstairs and into the kitchen, where he pulled open the refrigerator and began to hunt for the beer Daniel always kept for him.

“It’s not there,” the man told him softly. “I threw it out after you… after Jack…”

O’Neill closed the door and turned around. Daniel was two feet away, his face slack with grief. He started to pivot, intent on getting dinner started to take his mind off the pain, but Jack wouldn’t let him. Aching inside, he pulled Daniel into his arms and just held him, one hand carding through his long hair.

“My Daniel cut his hair a few years after we started working together,” Jack whispered. “I’m glad you kept yours long. It… It’s just right for you, you know?”

Daniel’s arms came up around him, squeezing so hard Jack thought his ribs would crack.

“Oh, God, Jack! I never told you… You never knew…” Daniel was sobbing against Jack’s neck, fingers digging into his back, clutching for purchase.

“And I never told you,” Jack whispered. He was shaking, too. Things were happening, too fast to think. He wanted so badly just to kiss Daniel, but if was reading wrong—

“Jack.” Daniel’s hands came up around his face, and then those lips were pressed against his, flavored with tears. Passion flared so hot it staggered O’Neill backward, up against the refrigerator. Jack opened his mouth to speak and found Daniel’s tongue in it, merciless in its tenderness, those hands trembling and sliding back into his hair, demanding more.

Jack couldn’t breathe. He pushed, intending just to get a little air space, but Daniel rocketed back from his embrace, stumbling and putting his back to Jack, head down in shame.

“I’m sorry!” he blurted tearfully. “I just—God! I’m such an idiot.” He buried his face in his hands.

Panting, Jack tried to gather his scrambled wits. Slowly, he realized Daniel thought he’d been rejected. That was so far from the truth it hurt.

“Daniel.” Jack came up behind him, his eyes roving over those broad shoulders, that lovely, long chestnut mane, heart breaking with love. He slipped his arms around the thick, masculine waist and pulled him close. “My Daniel never knew I loved him… not in this way. He trusted me so much he slept in my bed sometimes, especially when he’d been hurt and needed looking after.”

Daniel turned around slowly in that embrace, his eyes huge and startlingly blue.

“But I never had the courage to tell him I wanted to be his lover,” Jack admitted slowly to those eyes, that mouth. “I guess you did that with your Jack, too, huh?”

The eyes said yes. The quivering mouth remained silent.

“We lost something we can never get back. Both of us. But we’ve got a second chance here, too.” Jack let his fingertips brush against that trembling lower lip wet with tears. “Let’s not blow it, okay?”

“But I thought… when you pushed me away…”

Jack smiled. “I’ve still got to breathe, baby. Remember that. All those years of smoking take a toll on the lungs.”

“You smoked?”

“I’m quitting, as of yesterday morning,” Jack assured him. “Now, how about we go about this a little slower so the old man can handle it, hmmmm?”

Daniel let out a pent-up breath and nodded, relief flooding his features. “How are we gonna do this, Jack? If they put you on my team--”

“Love will find a way, Danny-boy. Trust in love. I do.” Jack leaned in and stroked his lips across Daniel’s, oh so slowly. The sensation was electric, shooting straight to his groin.

“I’ve never done this before, Jack,” the younger man breathed against his mouth.

“Neither have I.”

“You… you weren’t married in your universe?”

Jack tasted that lower lip. “Yeah. But I’ve never done it with a guy.”

Daniel shifted back a little in Jack’s grip to make eye contact. “I’ve never done it at all.”

For a moment, Jack couldn’t breathe. Thought processes ground to a halt. Then started up again in a frenzy. “Never? You’re a—“

“Virgin. Yes. Thirty-six years of doing it myself.”

“Oh.” Jack stepped back and put a hand to his forehead. “That’s a biiiiiiig difference between you and my Daniel.” He looked up at the other man and saw that he was hugging himself. He looked awkward. Forlorn. A little hurt. But Jack couldn’t move closer, not yet. “Are you sure, Daniel? You want me? We could wait till we know each other better. I’d be okay with that. I’ll wait as long as you need.”

Daniel’s eyes were aimed at the floor, his face in profile. He shook his head. “No, Jack. Like you said, I don’t think we should let this chance pass by.” He looked up, his expression pensive, thoughtful. “I know what to do, after a fashion, Jack. I’ve studied the sexual practices of many cultures, so I know what to expect. I’ve just never let anybody touch me. I…” He turned away and strolled into the living room.

Jack followed him. Made him turn around and meet his eyes. “You’re scared,” he realized aloud. “Well, so am I, Daniel. This is a big honkin’ step for both of us, on every level there is.”

Delight dawned in Daniel’s eyes, and he smiled. “My Jack used that expression, too. You seem to be a lot alike.”

Stuffing his hands in his pockets, Jack nodded. “That’s good to know. I wouldn’t want to disappoint you.”

“Same here. I’d like to know about your Daniel, if it wouldn’t hurt too much to tell me about him.”

Jack cocked his head and studied the younger man. “To see if you measure up? I’m not sure that’s a good idea. I want to be better than your Jack, not just as good as. I want to deserve your love, because I sure didn’t do anything to earn my Daniel’s. We were friends. Best of. But that was all.”

Daniel nodded. “Okay. So no comparison. But I’ll tell you this, Jack. I’ve already seen a lot of what I loved in my colonel in you. Enough to think this could work.”

“Ditto, Daniel. I’m thinkin’ you might be a tad more… uh… shall we say, conflicted? But I can deal with that. As long as we’re together, hell, I can deal with anything.” Jack had a sudden jolt of memory. “Teal’c – my Teal’c – wanted me to tell you something, and I hope I don’t mess it up. Let’s see… ‘Tal shek nel mala por tiu ka ek.’ That make any sense to you?”

Daniel’s eyes grew round and glistened. “It means, ‘one soul, divided in two, now made whole.’ Your Teal’c seems quite the poet.”

“Yeah,” Jack agreed softly. “Who knew?”

“So how do we get started?” Daniel’s arms unfolded and rested loosely at his sides, his cheeks flaming.

Make it good, O’Neill, he told himself. This was a great honor, being chosen as a first lover. He didn’t want to screw that up, but he was a little uncertain how exactly to go about deflowering a man. He pondered that, looking at the floor.

Daniel was eager but uncertain. He knew, but he didn’t know. Jack wanted it to be easy and sweet, something both of them would look back on fondly.

“First,” Jack began, reaching out to take Daniel’s hands in his, “we make dinner together. We cook. We talk. We eat. We talk some more. Maybe throw a little wine in there to help us both relax, but no drinking till we’re drunk. We both need to keep our… uh… wits about us.”

“Okay.” Daniel’s fingers rubbed over Jack’s. He was looking at their hands, their fingers entwined. And he was smiling, just a little.

“Then,” O’Neill added, “we take a bath. Separately or together, your choice. Whatever you’re comfortable with, but no sex in the shower. That’s for later, when we know what we’re doing.”

Daniel nodded. He raised those incredible eyes, and the pupils widened till the color was almost gone. His tongue darted out, licking his lips in that way he had when he was nervous or emphatic about something. “And then?”

“Then we go to bed, my Daniel. And we make love together.” Jack could picture some of it, imagine some other parts. It would feel strange, touching the hard-muscled planes of a man’s body rather than a woman’s softness, but he knew how he liked to be touched, what turned himself on, and he could try all that on Daniel. Do things to him the way he liked it himself. It was a starting point, anyway. “If I should do something you don’t like or that’s uncomfortable, tell me and I’ll stop. Okay?”

“Okay. Can I kiss you now?”

Jack shook his head. “If we start, there will be no dinner, imp. Take your time. Make it last. There’s only one first time.”

Slipping his arm around Daniel’s waist, he led the archaeologist back to his kitchen and opened the refrigerator again, seeking what might be had in the larder for dinner.

The water had been shut off for a long time, Jack realized. He was starting to drift off a little, and started awake as his head twitched on the pillow. He’d been dreaming about stepping off a curb, and jerking back when he realized there was no street to catch him. That was when he realized Daniel was still in the bathroom.

He glanced at the nightstand and saw the tube of lotion that they’d managed to find, until they could make a trip to the store for proper lubrication. Next to it was a candle, already lit, with a few more scattered on other furniture near the bed. The lights were off, setting a romantic mood, but the nervous virgin had not yet made his appearance.

Jack got up and knocked softly on the bathroom door before pushing it open.

Daniel was pacing the floor, chewing on a fingernail, towel wrapped around his waist.

He looked scared.

“You want to just get some sleep instead?” Jack asked softly, doing his best not to look at that body he’d wanted for so long.

Daniel’s eyes raked him, traveling down to the towel he still wore. “You’re a very intimidating man, you know that, Jack O’Neill?” His voice was a mere whisper. “Quite the alpha male.”

“I’d tone it down for you if I could, but I don’t know how.” Jack let go of the doorknob. “We can wait, Daniel. Come to bed, and let’s get some sleep. Okay? I don’t want you to be afraid of me, and I can see you are.” He backed out of the bathroom doorway, pivoted on his heel and dropped his towel as he strode over to the bureau and opened one of the drawers. A moment later, he had a pair of Daniel’s pajama pants in his grip, and was stuffing his legs into them.

When he turned around to head for the bed, he saw Daniel step into the bedroom, towel in hand, just covering his groin.

For a moment, Jack just stared. He’d never really looked at Daniel much in the base showers, afraid once he realized there was an attraction going that he might give himself away. Before that, he simply didn’t care to look. This Daniel was beautifully made, smooth skin and rippling muscle, with no ugly body hair to mar the view. But there were scars, too. Scars that told in silent eloquence what a painful, tragic life this man had lived.

Jack was mesmerized. He came close and splayed his hand across a burn scar on Daniel’s chest that extended well past the span of his fingertips. The scar looked old. Very old. From long before the Stargate had become part of Daniel’s life.

There were others, smaller ones that looked like old cigarette burns. Jack looked, couldn’t stop looking, his temper rising as rage and hatred blossomed. Someone had done this to Daniel. When he was a child. Jack wanted to kill whoever had tortured him.

“I’ll put the candles out,” the archaeologist offered self-consciously. “My body is ugly.”

Jack’s fingers wrapped around his biceps and he held Daniel in place. “No. This is another difference between you and the other Daniel, but it doesn’t make any difference to me. Hell, I’ve got scars, too. Take a look, if you think you can stomach it.”

Daniel’s eyes roamed over his face. Fingers touched that gap in his left eyebrow and trailed down his cheek to his chest. There were several there, plus the big ones on front and back of his right upper arm. Jack waited, letting the younger man touch and explore, and eventually raise his eyes to regard his face.

“You’re beautiful,” Daniel murmured bashfully.

“No, I’m not,” Jack shot back. “But if that’s what you see, I’m good with it.” He laid his palms on Daniel’s cheeks and just held him, feeling the heat in his face as he blushed. “Are you okay with me thinkin’ the same of you? Because you are, Daniel. Scars and all, you’re the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen. Because of what’s inside, as well as outside.”

Pain shot through Daniel’s eyes and he tried to turn away. “I know what I look like, Jack.”

“You don’t see yourself the same way I do. You never will. Your scars don’t turn me off, baby. Take a look down south if you think you’re not hot.”

Jack let him move this time, and when Daniel’s startled glance shot back up to his face, there was wonder in his eyes.

“You really want me?” he whispered.

O’Neill could only nod in answer, his throat too tight for words. He stroked down Daniel’s arms and took one hand, leading him toward the bed. He started to get back under the covers, but Daniel caught his arm. Jack watched as Daniel dropped his towel and reached for the waistband of Jack’s borrowed PJs. He gave a soft grunt as the garment slid off, freeing his erection with a little bounce.

He stepped out of the pants and waited for Daniel to rise, but the younger man had other things in mind. He reached for Jack’s cock, but Jack caught his hands and held them. “Don’t rush,” he advised huskily, and got under the sheets, scooting over to make room for his new lover.

Daniel’s movements were hesitant and shy as he got into bed. He stretched out on his back and turned his head. “Now what?”

Jack propped his head on his right hand, ignoring the discomfort from his cut, and touched Daniel’s face with his left. As his hand moved down Daniel’s throat, his eyes followed, exploring the surface of that lovely, damaged body with fingertips and sight, feeling his heart quicken as he neared that part that Jack had never touched on another man. Halfway there, it began to stiffen and raise its sleepy head.

“I can’t believe I’m doing this,” Jack whispered. “I must be dreaming. This is gonna be some wet dream, Daniel.”

Jackson laughed softly, tension lifting slightly. Then he gasped as Jack’s fingers wrapped around his swelling shaft, and gripped the bed sheet with both hands. Jack’s hand smoothed up and down, then moved on, stroking over Daniel’s thick thighs as far as he could reach without sitting up, and then began to move upward again, all the way to Daniel’s face.

Then Jack leaned down and kissed him, and Daniel’s arms came up around his neck. He rolled slightly toward him, instinctively wanting to be close, but Jack gently guided him onto to his back again. Daniel whimpered into his mouth, hands carding through Jack’s hair and caressing his back as he demanded more with his lips and tongue.

“Easy,” Jack whispered against his mouth, drawing away just long enough for that one command. He wanted to take his time, to make this last all night. He tasted the wine and fruit they’d had for dessert, layered with minty toothpaste. He felt those soft, full lips flex and relax against his, giving and taking with sexy deliberation. Daniel might not have ever been naked with anyone before, but he damn sure knew how to kiss.

Jack tried to concentrate on his hand, on stroking and teasing, learning the landscape of Daniel’s body, but that mouth was pure sin and stole his focus, drawing his hand back to hold Daniel’s face again and again. He was drowning, intoxicated in the man, in the glorious feeling of rightness flowing between them. This was what they’d been meant to do; he was sure of that now. Jack had been a fool for letting the chance slip by and losing Daniel to the cosmos.

He wouldn’t be so careless with this one. The man in his arms needed him in a way that his Daniel never had, and never would have wanted. Jack wrapped his hand around Daniel’s erection and squeezed, his hand sliding upward along the satin shaft.

Daniel yelped and jerked, and Jack felt his lover’s cock twitch in his fingers.

“Oh, shit,” Daniel gasped, mortified. “Five seconds! I didn’t even make it five seconds, Jack.”

“Wait till you get your second wind,” Jack purred against his neck. “You’ll be going all night.” He looked down into those embarrassed blue eyes, still smiling. “You want to stop now?”

“No. I want to feel you come. I want you inside me.”

Jack nodded, and glanced down at the semen puddles decorating Daniel’s chest and belly. He’d never tasted the stuff, except on a woman’s tongue after giving him head, and he was curious. It was something a lover would do for the one who owned their heart, so he bent down and touched one of the globs with his tongue.

Daniel flinched. “Don’t! You don’t have to do that. I’ll go clean up.” He started to move away, shifting out from underneath Jack.

But O’Neill would not be denied. He slipped an arm around Daniel’s ribs and hauled him closer, returning to his exploration.

“Tastes salty. Kinda oystery, with a little hickory smoked soy sauce.” He smacked his lips and flashed a wicked smile at the younger man.

“Oh, God, I am so sunk,” Daniel pined. “I’m ruined. Forever. You’re a bad man, you know that?”

“Thank you.” Jack’s tongue flicked Daniel’s nipple, and he was instantly rewarded with a gasp that shut the man up. He suckled the hard little nub of flesh, and Daniel started to squirm and sigh. Jack inched his way down that delectable torso, kissing every scar, licking up every puddle, tasting the beads of sweat forming on each ridge of muscle, working his way down to the prize just starting to stir again.

Jack cupped the soft balls in his hand, delighting in the grunt of surprised pleasure he got for that. With great care, he stuffed Daniel’s soft penis into his mouth, covering his teeth with his lips to keep from scraping that sensitive skin. Daniel’s nest of pubic hair tickled his nose and he did his best to ignore it, but he had to stop to give it a scratch.

He sat up just a little, glancing up at that wondering face. Daniel had been watching Jack go down on him, and there was something awe-inspiring glimmering in the blue depths of those eyes.

“I can’t believe you’re loving me like that,” the younger man whispered reverently. “Jack, it’s beautiful. Thank you.”

O’Neill’s heart ached with tenderness. He rushed up to kiss Daniel’s mouth again, passion flaring out of control. Daniel’s hands were all over him, touching, exploring, demanding, trying to pull Jack on top of him.

“Not yet,” Jack wheezed. “You’re not ready yet.”

“That’s a matter of opinion,” Daniel shot back breathlessly. “I want you, Jack. Please… make love to me.”

Every cell in O’Neill’s body wanted desperately to comply, but his brain won out. He shook his head and reached for the lotion. “Not yet, baby. It’ll hurt if you’re not ready.”

“Isn’t it always supposed to hurt the first time?” Long eyelashes batted at Jack innocently.

“For girls, silly. For guys it should be a religious experience.”

“Been there already, remember? Rang the church bell in five seconds flat.” Daniel’s hands were smoothing over Jack’s buttocks, squeezing and massaging.

“Well, there’s more, Daniel,” Jack promised, stealing a quick kiss. “Lots more. Buckle your seatbelt.”

Daniel relaxed against the pillow and watched as Jack squeezed a little lotion into his palm. Long fingers folded into the cream, and he smiled. “Stuff’s cold. I’ll warm it a little first.”

Jack bent his head over Daniel’s belly again, planting a row of lazy little kisses down that smooth abdomen. When the lotion felt body temperature, he moved his hand between Daniel’s legs and probed for the right spot. Daniel jumped a little when he found it, but relaxed and spread himself wider to allow Jack unrestricted access. Jack took Daniel’s cock into his mouth again, feeling it harden quickly as he slipped one finger inside his lover.

He moaned, stunned at how good it felt to be doing that with Daniel. His own cock drew up tight, feeling as if it might explode at any moment, but he held back, pushed the sensation out of mind and concentrated on mouth and fingers… and the gentle hands caressing his head and shoulders. The sounds of Daniel’s bliss sent shivers through Jack, setting him on fire inside. It took every ounce of strength he possessed just to concentrate on Daniel’s needs, Daniel’s pleasure, when his own hungry body protested how desperate it was.

Lifting his head, Jack turned to watch Daniel’s face as he arched upward, taking more and more as Jack spread him wider, thrusting deeper and faster. Daniel moaned and thrashed on the bed, crying out as pleasure threatened to engulf him, screaming his lover’s name as he clawed at the bed covers. He was ready now, Jack knew, begging for him.

Slowly, Jack withdrew his fingers, reached for the lotion while Daniel caught his breath and liberally coated his own erection with the slick stuff. With great care, he moved over the other man, settling his body lightly on top of Daniel’s, his legs nestled between the younger man’s.

Daniel tried to kiss him, but Jack held back.

“I want to see your face,” he whispered.

Daniel nodded. He was shaking. Scared. Excited.

So was Jack. He reached between them and grasped his cock, the slick flesh slipping in his hand as he sought Daniel’s ass, and found what he needed. Those muscles resisted at first, clenching around the head of Jack’s dick.

He swore. Even that contact was almost enough to make him come, but he had to hold on, to give Daniel what he wanted. Jack leaned down and kissed Daniel’s forehead, trying to concentrate, to move slowly.

Jack pushed, feeling the tight, slick channel engulf him, and groaned. His eyes closed. Daniel lifted his legs and tensed his abdomen, rolling upward slightly. Jack couldn’t think, his mind so clouded by pleasure he felt suddenly, inexplicably drunk.

“Oh, Jesus,” he breathed, eyes opening to take in that beautiful, haunted face. “I love you, Daniel.”

Tears brimmed and flooded across Daniel’s temples, and he turned away.

Fully imbedded now, Jack eased back a little, very slowly, pushing forward again to fill his lover once more. He knew what that look meant, could feel Daniel’s pain slicing through his own heart.

Not me, Daniel had been thinking. You love the other Daniel. The one that’s not me.

But Jack wasn’t at all sure that was true any more. The two men were enough alike to be indistinguishable from each other, except for the scars. If Jack O’Neill could love one with such passion, then loving the other would be damn near automatic. They were still Daniel Jackson, both of them. Still wounded and brilliant and irritating and tender, all the things that had captured Jack’s heart in the first place.

Jack took Daniel’s face in his hands, forcing him to look into his eyes. “Feel me, Daniel,” he whispered. “I’m inside you, loving you. Not him… you.”

Daniel nodded, trying to accept, but hopelessness was written all over his face.

Jack stopped moving and lay still. “You don’t get it, do you, genius?”

“We’ve known each other for a few hours, Jack. How can you love me?”

“How can I not?” Jack shot back with a frown. “You’re still who you are, Daniel. Yes, you’re a little different, I’m not denyin’ that. But if you just listen, close your eyes and just feel, you’ll understand what I’m tryin’ to say here. I haven’t thought for a minute that you were using me as a Jack substitute, as freaky as that sounds. You knew from the moment we met that there was something between us. I know, because I felt it, too. Inside, before we ever touched.”

“Jack.” It was a plea. A prayer. A desperate cry of need.

“Close your eyes, Daniel,” Jack repeated tenderly. “Just feel me inside you. Open up to me. Please, God -- don’t shut me out. I’ll die if you can’t let me in.” And he knew that was true. Daniel’s soul was the only place he could live, the only place he could be warm enough to thrive. Jack put his head down, forehead touching forehead, and waited.

He let his mind drift, throwing open the doors, searching for the light he’d lost. Daniel’s breath was warm on his face, his hands gently sliding along Jack’s cheeks and into his hair. Daniel rocked his hips upward slightly, pulling Jack’s softening erection deeper into his body. He began to whisper softly, words in a dozen languages pouring out of his lips.

“Ego te amo. Je’ taime. Kel mel tak.”

And all of them meant the same thing.

“Just say it, Daniel. In English. You don’t have to impress me with your linguistic skills. Especially not now.” Jack thrust himself deeper, arousal returning now with a vengeance.

“I love you, Jack,” Daniel admitted breathlessly. “I have from the moment I first saw you coming out of the darkness. I knew you were the one I’d been waiting for. Not my Jack. You.”

“Yes. That’s what I needed, baby.” Jack took Daniel’s mouth in a starving kiss, hands scrabbling at his face, his chest, his hips. Jack thrust harder, faster, losing himself in the rhythm until he couldn’t tell where he stopped and Daniel started. Slickness, friction and heat were all that existed in the universe – in all of them at once. Daniel was crying, fingers clawing at Jack’s buttocks, trying to pull him deeper still. The earth moved, and with a hoarse shout he felt Daniel’s muscles pulsing, his cock throbbing between their bodies, spewing hot semen that glued them together. The wet sounds of their frenzied motion pushed Jack over the edge, his balls clenching and spasming while his cock pumped ferociously into Daniel’s backside.

And when the last throb had ebbed, Jack lay propped on his elbows, looking down into that face, smiling uncontrollably.

“Oh, Jack,” Daniel panted, his eyes half closed and sparkling with sated lust and love. “You are unbelievable.”

O’Neill chuckled. “Yeah, I know,” he teased lightly. “Part of the Jack O’Neill charm. I’m a devil in bed.”

Daniel frowned and pushed his lover off. “Conceited ass,” he groused.

“Geek,” Jack shot back.

Daniel glared at him, lips pouting.

“You are so sexy when you do that,” Jack murmured, stealing a kiss. “Christ. I said ‘sexy’ and ‘geek’ practically in the same breath. You’ve ruined me, Daniel Jackson.”

“I thought you just did that to me.”

“Well, yeah. But you’re still half a virgin. You get to ruin me next time.” He propped his chin in his hand and looked down at his lover as he stretched out beside him. “Okay? Think you can handle that, Mr. Five Seconds?”

Daniel pulled his pillow over his face and mumbled into it.

Jack batted it off and asked, “What was that again?”

“At least I have the comfort that you won’t be telling anybody about that,” Daniel sighed. He grinned wickedly. “You’d be out of the Air Force so fast your head would fall off from the wind shear.”

Jack cocked a rakishly scarred eyebrow at him. “I wasn’t aware that I was still officially in this Air Force. Gen. West was thinking about that, last I heard.”

“Well, you haven’t heard the latest,” Daniel said with a half-smile. “Gen. West was transferred to the Pentagon a couple of days ago, and has just been waiting for his replacement to arrive. Gen. Hammond is supposed to be a very down-to-earth guy, very fair. I think with my support—“

“George! Gee, it’ll be great to see him again,” Jack crowed. “I never liked West much anyway. Hammond – we go way back. I don’t think we’ll have a problem there, Danny-boy. Especially if I get him to talking about his granddaughters.”

Daniel stared for a moment, then groaned and rolled onto his side, putting his back to the colonel and covering his face with his hands.

“Oh, God. I’m doomed, aren’t I? You absolutely own me now, and you know it. And the whole of Stargate Command will shortly be under your spell, too.”

“What can I say? I’m a real charmer.” He sat up and patted a happy rhythm on Daniel’s buttocks.

Daniel looked up at him, saw the wild grin and the gleam of mischief in those chocolate brown eyes, and moaned.

“Doomed! We’re all doomed.”

“Don’t be such a pessimist,” Jack carped playfully. “I’m here to save the day, Dr. Jackson. Traded universes to do it, too. Know why?”

The archaeologist rolled onto his back and clasped his hands beneath his head. “You’re gonna tell me, aren’t you? I mean, it’s not like I have a choice here.”

“Right!” Jack agreed, took a breath to launch his explanation and then did a double-take. “What?”

“Do I want to know why you left your universe for mine?” Daniel prodded. “You told us already. To help us fight the Goa’uld.”

Jack felt his merriment fade as he recalled that first meeting, when he had looked into this man’s eyes and seen the loss he echoed. He shook his head. “That was just the cover story.” Jack looked down at Daniel’s body, scarred with a hundred ghosts of ancient pain. He settled his hand lightly over Daniel’s chest, feeling the steady thump of life beating against his palm.

Daniel looked right into his eyes, and Jack knew he didn’t have to say it out loud. They connected instantly, from the first. “This wasn’t the first universe I visited, Daniel. There were others, other Daniels that I passed up on my way here.” Jack sighed and laid his head on Daniel’s chest. He closed his eyes and let himself relax, at peace at last, whole for the first time in his life. “This was a shot at the roulette wheel, with no idea where I’d land when I came through. But I was prepared to move on if I didn’t find what I needed. If you weren’t a Daniel who could love me like this.”

Warm, strong hands combed through his hair. One of them settled lovingly on the nape of his neck.

“I came here for you,” said Jack O’Neill. “If I’d stayed where I was, I’d be dead by now. I was dying by degrees every day, till we found that quantum mirror. And I knew I had to go through it. I had to find you, because you were waiting for me, calling me.”

“Yes, I was,” Daniel agreed softly. “But I never thought I’d see you again. Or… meet you, or… whatever. I never expected my bleak little historical footnote to have a happy ending. Guys like me aren’t supposed to come out on top.”

Jack smiled against that smooth chest, drifting quickly off toward sleep. “Oh, this isn’t the end of your life story, my sexy geek.” He sighed, fading faster. “It’s more of a… sort of… you know...”

THE BEGINNING

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